OH has fractured femur - not a good situation

Hospice rang at 9.15 this morning offering him a respite stay there as from this morning! He wasn't even dressed!

I have been scudding round getting everything ready and he has just gone off in the ambulance. I will pack his clothes and follow on with them.

I feel completely drunk! - it was a real shock as I assumed he would have to wait weeks for a bed. Do not know how long he will be there.

I just need to draw breath now and go on up with his things.

Glad you had such a delightful evening Luckygirl - hope the hospice works out for respite so that you can sort the carer situation.

Your evening out sounded lovely Lucky. I am glad you had a break and the chance to switch off, even if it was only for a short time. I am keeping my fingers crossed that the hospice bed is found, and soon, so that you can have that restorative break you so deserve. ( You described so well your reservations about 24/7 in-house care for OH. I am with you! I imagine that would not be at all restful or comfortable for you.)

Sending all good wishes your way

That evening sounds restorative luckygirl, I’m so pleased for you and knowing the hospice management has reacted positively. There will be a way through.

So pleased you had a lovely evening. I too appreciate these moments of calm amongst the chaos.

OK fair enough. There really shouldn't be a smell at all! A bad sign. I hope a hospice place becomes available soon. Glad to hear of your lovely evening.

It is such a shame that we have to rely on charity (hospices) and private for profit companies, to care for our sick and elderly. I know the population is generally aging but surely there is a better way in a rich country such as ours if only the government would grasp the nettle. Some hospices are struggling and one children's hospice is closing near here. I do hope the hospice bed works out for your OH Lucky.

It wasn't just the look jane - there was the smell, and a couple of rather grumpy staff too.

The hospice is in a beautiful place; light and airy with views over apple orchards and the river. There is a lovely summer house; and also access to music therapy (with a beautiful tambura), mindfulness, massage etc. - and a general sense of being pampered and cared for. I am hoping that 24 hour nursing and medical oversight might be a chance to look into some of his problems, like the incontinence, his drug regime, his sore pressure areas etc. and generally take stock after the chaos of the hospital.

I am hoping that a bed will come up for him soon.

I have had a wonderful evening as my DD treated me to a trip to the cathedral for singing from Ex Cathedra by candlelight. Sublime - and a chance to forget conveens and pads etc. Just lovely - I sat with my eyes closed all evening - it was sung through with no applause and the music just wafted over us. A real oasis of joy in the midst of this difficult time.

The hospice sounds like a great solution. You would not enjoy your break if you felt your DH was in a gloomy place and he would be determined not to go back.

We were horrified at the ward MiL was transferred to for palliative care. It was gloomy and depressing looking. However, the staff were absolutely wonderful and the atmosphere and care was first class. Maybe you shouldn't be put off by the look of the place Luckygirl?

Sorry it's such a struggle for you Luckygirl. I checked out some homes with a friend, just to prove to myself that I wasn't being picky.I wasn't, they weren't good. Some have good CQC ratings too. I think it must be a paper exercise. I suppose the nicest places always have long waiting lists. I do hope the hospice works out. At least you can be confident about good care there.

Sounds hopeful, lucky. I do hope it happens.

Hospice have replied very positively and are talking about the possibility of a bed at the end of next week. It is the one place that I feel I could rest easy with him being there. So fingers are well and truly crossed!

I could then use that time to get live-in care sorted.

Hope that the hospice comes through for you
Sending kindest thoughts to you and your DH

It was grim - in all conscience I could not let him go there. My friend endorsed this view, and she knows OH well. I would not have benefited from the rest, knowing he was somewhere he would hate.

I am currently in contact with the hospice as the consultant there said that if we got desperate she would do all she could to make out a case for finding a temporary bed; even though the hospice has stopped its usual respite system. I have to hope that they come up with something.

I will continue to pursue the live-in carer option as well. There has to be a way through this.

It's not for ever lucky, just to give you a break.

Let us know how it goes.

Thinking about you Luckygirl.

Lucky you must do what you feel is right for you, and I think you're wise to be going with a friend rather than your daughters. For anything else I know you would value their input, but this situation is different, and you must think of yourself, as you so desperately need some respite to get your physical health back on an even keel.

Good luck, I will be thinking of you

If you feel it’s right then it is lucky, be brave. As ann says if it’s suitable then do not waver.

Lucky All I can send is my best wishes and hope that on Monday your DH is settled in the nursing home.
You can then draw breath and hopefully look into getting yout knee sorted.

Dear Lucky girl, please go for it unless it's totally unsuitable. You are the one who shoulders all the care and
its too much. You need to be a bit tough about this.
And don't tell your DH until Sunday night or even Monday am. So he has less time to worry about it.

I hope the Nursing Home turns out to be suitable , you need the relief to be able to carry on , I am sure your DDs will be understanding when they see how much it helps you

This must be your decision and no-one else’s.
You are the one who needs the break.
If it is suitable do not waver.
It will be much easier after the first time.
Your D’s must be behind your decision 100%.

I am going this afternoon to visit the nursing home that has a relief bed available on Monday. A friend is coming with me for support and an objective eye. I did not want the DDs coming as they are so closely involved and I would feel emotionally pulled around.

I do feel it is the right thing for me at the moment, but I know he does not feel it is right for him. It is very hard.

Could you have intermittent live in care so say you had 24 hours'off duty" once or twice a week?
Sending you love and best wishes during this very difficult time.