Black dog gang 2..

Anniebach...So sorry about the tragic death of your daughter. It's not long ago.

It's different, but when I was 16 (1975), I was with my 21-year-old brother (we were close, worked together, shared the same friends, etc) on an evening out, we got very drunk, his girlfriend dumped him that evening, and we decided to flag down a taxi. To cut a long story short, my brother was so drunk, he fell into the road, and a speeding car ran over him, dragged him up the road for 50 yards or so. I witnessed it all. Needless to say, he died. It was the day after our dad's birthday, and 3 weeks before Christmas. For many years, I had to travel on the bus, right past the spot where it had happened. There was no other route I could have taken, to get to work/shops/town, etc. It was awful, but I had to do it (I had to go back to work a week after the accident - my mum had just been made redundant, so my dad and I were the only ones earning).

It must be terrible, to see that bridge -but surely, the longer you put it off, the harder it will be to overcome going across, don't you think? Is there anyone who could go with you?

Oh annie I'm so sorry x

Aww my goodness Annie god bless you, I didn’t no that about the bridge.. why will they not let you move that is horrendous. Can you not get one of your councillors to call and see you about this? Annie my heart bleeds for you my dear friend.. xx??

Hi nanny yes you can ask x

I lived the other side of the river from 1971 until 2017, my darling daughter rented a house other side of the river, didn’t like it, her health was deteriorating, I moved over the river to be near her.

Nov 2017, 5.00 in the morning she was seen on the bridge, a man driving across tried to talk to her, but she jumped into the river. I don’t think about the bridge but at times it crops up, I see her in the dark and alone. I never want to see it .

Red nails with a flash of cats eye, wow , go girl ? x

oh man i love a chip shop. Annie can i ask why you dont like the bridge? i chose a nice red with a flash of cats eye through it xx

nanny let us know which colour nail varnish you choose

Joce hello,

nonnie I live in a town which has three rivers and a Canal slam in the middle, the town is split into 3 parishes divided by the rivers, the part I live has one chip shop , two pubs a church and a petrol station, over the bridge is the centre of town, shops, tea rooms, library etc, to join any groups means crossing the bridge. So this makes my list of ‘I want to go there’ very limited, acceptance it must be. But the chip shop is definitely not on my list ?

Council will not let me move .

Annie just a thought, would you be able to just accept that you will never go near the bridge? Is there another way out of your village? You may of course have already done this but if not maybe acceptance is the way.

Will try to come back with some positives later

Morning all, hope you are all having a better day ..
Morning Annie..

Good morning annie. a friend of mine used to say "strangers are just friends you havent met yet" i think thats quite a good saying. Mind you she also told me someone we met was called mario and i called him this for years only to be told one day his name was Rod!! I hope today is better for you. Im off to have my nails done today and i can never decide what colour to have, right now i have bright pink xx

Thank you Doodle sorry, I was very down last night,

Good morning friends x

It was easier for me annie. I had a lot of support from DH who never pushed me but supported me. I wish we could all be there to support you. I can’t imagine how hard life has been for you and you have shown great courage to come this far. You are thinking about trying to get out annie. That’s your first step.

Thank you so much Doodle , I will take very small steps.

What makes it harder is I face I life out there I don’t know,
my darling daughter dead, my grandchildren moved away, no sisters, it’s an unknown world and I have to accept this .

Not forgetting the bridge, I really don’t want to go near it. It
haunts me

annie when I overcame my claustrophobia I attended CBT classes because I thought they would give me a magic cure. They would say or do something that would instantly help me to overcome my problem. What I realised was that there was no magic cure, it was up to me to do it. The way I managed it was to find some very small thing that gave me the courage to start. Because I feared suffocation in lifts (I know it’s not rational, but that what phobias are) I found a lift with a small gap where the doors met. It was a really tiny gap so small that you could hardly see it. But through that gap I could visualise air coming into the lift. I stared at that tiny gap the whole time I was in the lift. That one tiny hole was the start. It led to me not just being able to get into a lift but to (eventually) be able to get into a lift and not even think about it. To do it over and over again without being in the least bit nervous or worried. A complete and absolute change of feeling which all started with a tiny gap you couldn’t even poke your finger in.
I pray you find your tiny start soon annie and believe in yourself and that not only can you overcome your agoraphobia but can live life without thinking about it. x

Hi x

nonnie, no choice but to have garden pots, planting anything in the front of the bungalow is not allowed. Keep posting your positives x

Sparkle the pots can’t be placed out the front untill the gardener comes on Saturday. Sorry your down today . I see wot has reassured you about the heart echo, my thoughts will be with you x

wot hugs x

Kandinsky hello x

nanny we will be here Friday for you x

I have spent most of the day in Anglesey,N.Wales and Liverpool, been looking for g g g Uncle William for fifteen years (not every day) , as he was born in 1834 I doubt he is still alive !

Hello all x I've realized that I'm ok the whole time I'm busy..at work or at home the instant and I mean instant I stop i think of babycakes and cry... annie i havent seen mouse for days Friday is going to be horrendous

Finally thought of a positive for today. Been crying all day, there was a time when I was so ill I couldn't cry so that must be a positive. Will try to do better tomorrow.

Hi sparkley,
I have had an echo gram. It doesn't hurt at all. You will be fine!

SparklyGrandma
Thank you so much for the link - will try & get hack on later < at work >

& Hello to everyone!

Hello Annie glad to hear that the gardener sorted your garden out, is it looking nice?

Today it’s a day resting watching day time tv. A bit slumped and down....

I have a heart echo on Friday, anyone else had one?

Annie I think you had them in pots because deep down you knew you would have to go out and water them. Of course you may have known it outright but whatever the reason, good for you. Its good to have something to nurture.

I thought I would clean a car and started to get things ready in an effort to overcome things today. Then DH said it was raining and I gave up. Now about an hour later I still can't see any rain but have lost what little impetus I had this morning. Will try to do my small pile of filing instead and hope to do the car tomorrow.

nonnie I can see it from the bedroom window and the front door, I will have to get out there to water the plants and shrubs, ‘gulp’ . It is very small but still have to get out there, I am fearful but am remembering what Doodle said
about overcoming her claustrophobia,

Sorry you are having a bad day. X

Kandinsky I think it is probably not something you can overcome on your own but maybe someone can surprise me. Once depression sets in it is very easy to isolate yourself and not talk about it, not want to bother those closest to you. Pretend you are OK but inside just not coping. This thread helps people to talk openly if they want to, others don't feel able to say too much but we all have a choice.

Annie lovely that you garden is coming along. Do you have a window at the front so you can see it? You will get out there even if just to look at it and come back in. You can work up to sitting out there over time.

Bad day for me today.

Good morning friends x

How are you Joce ? I had a good day yesterday, tired today, damn dislocated knee, long for the x ray but still not
able to go for it.

Sparkle hello, how are you ?

The website address is;

Www.psychotherapy.org.uk

Kandinsky I found psychotherapy helped lower the depression pain scale from past painful events. I was lucky and lived in London then where psychotherapy was available quite widely on a sliding scale so I could afford it.

Look on here for your area;

UKCP. (United Kingdom Register of Counsellers and Psychotherapy)

Happy to do about it too.