Worried about Mum

Pollyanna,not much advice for you but we are in the same situation as you with my mum,she too is getting increasingly frail both physically and mentally.She too has OCD issues and is adamant she will not have carers or go into any kind of assisted living.We have a cleaner and a gardener who go once a week which is a start as we know someone other than us is keeping an eye on her and will contact us if necessary.We have a 100 mile round trip to visit her and try to go every 10 days or so.I find the demands she makes emotionally to be the most draining.I’m sorry I don’t have any real advice for you but thank you for starting this thread.Hopefully other gransnetters with experience of this situation will have practical advice/ideas.

It is helpful to have a morning carer coming in to see that she is OK, up for the day, and has food for lunch and supper. Plus a snack left out. Then you can subscribe to 'Jest Checking' so that you can follow her normal day and night i.e. up out of bed to loo at night etc. and note when the carer opens the front door, and how long they stay. You will need to get a key safe set up.
justchecking.co.uk/how-it-works

Later on once the care system in working you may decide with your mother to get ready meals delivered by a man who put then in the freezer.

www.wiltshirefarmfoods.com/how-to-get-started/our-meals

Its one step at a time and best if you can get help from a Social Worker to assess your mother, assess you as the carer, make sure you have the benefits you are entitled to and then help you mother make decisions about the support she will need if she wishes to stay at home.

you may decide once you have a programme st

If you haven’t already done so the first thing you need to do is to get lasting power-of-attorney. You can get the forms from the government website. This needs to be done whilst your mum still has capacity.
My mother was admitted into home from hospital she was 89 and had been admitted with severe urine infection,she went from being forgetful but living independently to having very little capacity in the space of two weeks.
I would start doing some research into nursing homes as for me it was very knee-jerk my mother was in hospital over Christmas and was being discharged the day after Boxing Day, I didn’t have enough time to do my research and may have decided on a different home had I not been so panicked.
Good Luck

Would she come and live with you?

An added complication is that mum has OCD issues - with strict routines and concerns about hygiene contamination...

Thanks for your comments. She doesn't have carers going in, but the community nurse goes in every few weeks and knows my concerns. The nurse has offered various suggestions of help to mum, but mum would rather struggle on than accept the extra help. (OT/ physio/ cleaner etc).

If residential home does become the only way forward then just look at the homes that would suit your mum the best...maybe a place where she can still have her own space to cook etc but on hand care..something lije Churchill/McCarthy Stone etc

Does she have Carers coming in at present?
To know there is somebody who sees her regularly might be the next step. Who knows what the future holds at 92 and as the others have said, when/if it comes to it, she may be able to accept a move.
At present though you do not want any emergency admissions to A&E with a fall or something like a UTI.

Yes luckygirl is right on that.
Although I have known some particularly adamant old people who refuse to move to what we might consider more safe and appropriate accomodation.
(The family lived in Scotland. )She lived in Cheshire

The woman concerned eventually was watched by
neighbours to see if the curtains were open.
And took her non appearance as a warning .

The GP had to try and get a wound dressing pushed through the letter box.

This woman was just not prepared to move out but would have been really distressed to be moved out. One morning she did not she did not come out after was taken to hospital.

It is a difficult to make people move out of what we might consider unsuitable.

Guess things are at the 'in between' stage - when mum's only just managing at home, with things ok for a while, but increasingly I'm aware of how wobbly she's getting - mentally as well as physically. Guess I'm struggling with the unpredictability of her situation - trying to guard against an emergency situation ... Then - hey! She seems absolutely fine again for a while.

Yes, I've heard of people who found that they enjoyed residential care after all.

We managed to get my FiL, who'd been doing everything for himself for years, to accept carers going in because he kept forgetting to take his tablets. We told him that they were just there for 15 mins to make sure that he had his medication and he reluctantly agreed - SS were pushing for it anyway as he'd just come out of hospital. Then we were able to increase the time and what the carers did once he was used to them going in.

I was a SW in another life and met many elderly folk in just this situation. I just wanted to chip in that many people seem adamant about not going into residential care but reach a crisis point when it becomes inevitable - and then go on to love it and wish they had done it earlier!