Being fat and out of control - fat shaming

I feel for you, it must be terrible to be overweight and unhappy with it. You can never escape from your body so it’s a constant reminder.
Rather than trying another fruitless diet. Maybe have some hypnosis and therapy to help you control your cravings
Take one meal at a time if necessary and really think ‘is eating his going to make me feel good or bad afterwards’
Before you eat something, maybe drink some water or clean your teeth and out some lipstick on. Food always tastes weird after you’ve cleaned your teeth
Go for a walk and have a chat to yourself about why you want to eat that particular food.
Hope some of this helps

Seacliff, thank you for opening up on here, hopefully by talking together you will find some help, comfort from others who understand.

seacliffe you have my sympathy. Shaming anyone for how they look is disgraceful and doesn't help anyone.I agree its not easy. I have steadily put weight on since the menopause and find it impossible to shift. I too comfort eat. It really is not as simple as eating less.
Good luck and the 'fat shamers' are the ones who should be ashamed not you.

Try and read the Gabriel Method. It really is interesting.
His story is amazing.
Good luck.

I am sorry seacliff that you are so unhappy. Food is lovely, isn't it? It nourishes us and represents love which is why we can't always think straight where it is concerned.

I'm almost back to normal after being a bit overweight for years but it wouldn't take much for me to slip back into old ways. It's boredom, sadness etc which makes us turn to food as a comfort. Unless that underlying problem is sorted the over-eating won't get better either. I hope you manage to get through this. We all have our unhappinesses and I send you my best wishes.

Seacliff, you could be describing me! I am fully aware of what I should and should not eat but I just can't seem to help eating the wrong things and then feel awful afterwards. I can stop for a few weeks, lose some weight but then I seem to give up and start buying high calorie sweet and savoury snacks again. It's such a viscous circle that I just don't seem able to break.

I have dreamed of becoming ill or involved in an accident so that I am in hospital for months and be forced to lose weight! How awful is that when there are so many very sick people?

My ex husband hated me being overweight and it eventually led to our divorce with him blaming my weight for driving him to seek comfort elsewhere. That is very upsetting to me but still did not stop me over eating, in fact I ate even more to comfort myself when I was lonely.

I am now suffering from severe arthritis in my knees and struggle to walk - so exercise is impossible. I need replacement knees but am too embarrassed to go to see a consultant again having been told a few years ago that I was too fat for him to agree to the operation. I'm not morbidly obese ( or I don't think so after watching tv programmes about such issues) but maybe I'm just kidding myself.

I guess food for me is like an addiction but I really think I can break the cycle, I just need to work out how.

You’re not alone in this, I know how you feel. Since my husband died I’ve really dealt with my emotions and have also done it for most of my life. I’m now very heavy and have to get a new winter coat, nothing in my wardrobe from a couple of years ago fits now. The loneliness is awful, you feel so bad about yourself and how you look. You feel so worthless and I used to wonder whether it marketed if I was alive or dead. After my first husband died many years ago I had tiny children but I put on 3 stone and a friend wanted to go to Weightwatchers and asked me to go with her. I lost all the weight and more but still felt fat. I stayed slim till my 50s. I’ve tried WW again but my head was still in turmoil. I’ve managed to get back to it now simply by being honest and writing down exactly what I eat and trying to think ahead so that what I have in the fridge is “healthy”. I will go back. I

Could your doctor help and find a counsellor to help you sort through what’s underlying this? Does he/she do longer appointments so that you can tell them how you feel? To be honest I think they would be relieved that you want to lose the weight and have a healthier life. You need help and support and you deserve it.

Please keep in touch.

@ seacliff - I don't have any advice, words of wisdom or helpful suggestions but I didn't want to read your post and run, as such - you deserve more than that. I just wanted to add my support and hope that you can find a way to get any help you want/need and find some happiness somewhere.

People can be bloody cruel and very judgemental, whether it is about size, appearance, habits, wardrobe choices, careers or lack of them, life choices, partner choices, your behaviour or that of your kids/pets, condition of your home etc - and that's all before they move on to, for example, sexist, racist, ageist, homophobic views! Some people just don't seem to be able to help themselves from finding ways to put others down, to make themselves feel better by making somebody else feel worse. The only time you should ever be looking down on somebody is when you are reaching out to give them a hand up (can't recall exact quote). I hope you can also gain some benefit from support offered her on Gransnet - there are some lovely people here (and you can choose to ignore anyone who is rude or unhelpful). I wish you all the best

I can look at this post from both angles.
It is unforgivable to fat shame people and this post has really touched me. I too have gained weight since being on lifelong chemo, and it does sap the confidence. However, there are many young people now that are obese, and I have heard people say that big is beautiful and it’s nothing to worry about. I recently watched the late Joan Rivers being interviewed by Pamela Stevenson/Connolly, and Joan mentioned that she has struggled with her weight all her life. She also mentioned that she turned to her mother for help, and her mother told her not to worry you have other superb qualities. And the psychologist replied, “so you were betrayed?” So maybe the answer is admitting the addiction as alcoholics have to and putting a plan in place.
I feel I must also add, I used to work with a young mother of five children, she was painfully thin, a smoker and lived on her nerves, but very healthy. She was constantly being told, jokingly, to get some meat on her bones, fatten up. My coworkers would say that they felt she was making herself sick after eating. Not correct.
It just shows us that people are judgmental, and quickly jump the gun.
My friend successfully accessed and implemented the advice given by her hypnotherapist, and I was also had hypnotherapy for my Facebook addiction, yes I am not kidding!
I wish you all the best.x

You are me. You won't win the fight. My God I fought. I wish I could say otherwise. Three years of waffling and I am six days post op from a gastric bypass. The hell of food obsession has already lifted. Just do it. You deserve it.

I am addicted to food in fact I love food. I'm neither obese or slim I'm just me.
But what I have learnt over the years is certain foods once you start eating them they are more addictive then others.
But the biggest way for a healthier change is your mind set.
Changing when you eat. When you comfort eat what emotions are you feeling? Ask yourself are you really hungry?
Exercise even if it's walking round the block before breakfast.
If you never change your routine nothing is ever going to change. It's easy to say this is me but when you are not fully happy it becomes a circle of eating too much feeling guilty, then thinking so be it and starting again.
It's breaking the circle with activities or hobbies evening class, sewing, crossword, walking etc that make you forget rather than being too comfy which is associated to food.
Good luck

Seacliff you say 'should have' - enough of that. It's a part of having a go at yourself. You're worth more than that. You can't re-write history but nothing in the future is set in stone and you can change things, with help. Food is an addiction. I too am struggling with weight problems, trying to exercise more, trying to eat less and eat better.

Maybe think about having some healthy snacks for easy pickings when you want to eat, if that works for you? It's about making tiny changes you can get used to, gradually. Remember every tiny change is still a change. That thought, that mindset has helped me make a start.

I do understand this. And wish there was more understanding of the way food processing businesses DO deliberately formulate their 'quasi foods' using fats/salt/sugar in the exact combinations they have found make it addictive.
The other problem is that - as you know - its called comfort eating when in fact it is DIS comfort eating.
Please stop the beating up, You are Not the one to blame here. The only practical suggestion I have is to try to live as satisfying and happy a life as you can - you'll be happier and maybe less occupied with foods. (Always avoid any cookery related reading matter - its mainly to sell stuff anyway). Wishing you well.

I’m just the same as you, you are not alone! When I worry I ear even though I know I’m being stupid. My husband has advanced cancer and we spend a lot of time in front of the TV because that is what he can do. He wants my company and I wouldn’t feel right going out and about with him staying indoors. Just taking one day at a time is best and I find that writing a daily diary really helps. Sending a hug

Griciangirl “Have you considered a gastric band”! Seriously? You are completely missing the point of this discussion. Do you no how life threatening that surgery is?

Yep! And those of us who are fat have already tried every diet going. Each diet has led to gaining more weight later. That’s the way in which the body responds to being deprived of the calories it needs to sustain itself. James Cordon is absolutely correct. Fat shaming is actually just bullying. People’s size is the last ‘legitimate’ predudice!

Thanks for sharing the James Corden link, he made a lot of sense. I'm not overweight but I'm also not the size 10 I used to be and it's a lot harder to lose weight as you get older. My problem is not with food but with exercise. I know I should do more. Others have made some good suggestions on here for tackling weight, I hope they help and I wish you well.

I go to a Pilates class and I'm the only overweight person there. I'm constantly worrying about my weight. In the past I've done very well at slimming clubs. Can I suggest joining one? Everyone is supportive and there is a chance of making new friends.

Well done to James Cordon. Do you know what really gets me? For all this fat shaming, treatment/therapy for help to overcome this problem is virtually unobtainable. As a diabetic who struggles enormously with food and blood sugars, I have repeatedly explained to the Diabetic Nurse that my biggest problem is the cycle of bingeing and starving because I can't get a handle on my eating. Everything I put in my mouth worries me because of the damage I will be doing my body but seem unable to stop. They suggested I went to Time to Talk but they won't deal with eating problems. I told the Diabetic Nurse who offered me an appointment with the dietician; all they did was tell me how to eat which I already knew. I need help for the addiction which it undoubtedly is.

Have you considered a gastric band, or is that something you wouldn’t want to do.

Your gp could advise you about this.

seacliff
Your self-esteem seems low and you must start to like yourself.

Slim people aren't always lucky - in fact some could be quite miserable too!

I agree that hypnotherapy could help you.
Food can be an addiction.

How difficult this must be for you seacliff and how brave for opening up here and expressing what many who are overweight may be feeling. It is simplistic to be judgemental and say eat less, exercise more, when the problem is complex and often, as you have said, starts way back in childhood. Dieting doesn't work in the long term and as others have said you do need help and support with this. It is much too difficult to address alone. You have tried different support and may know how you feel about different therapies. My first port of call would be to a sympathetic GP who is able to advise and refer you.

Seacliff

Whereabouts in the UK are you? I know of a hypnotherapist who may be able to help?

seacliff you have said what I wanted to scream out after seeing that post. (GNHQ this is the perfect example of why we need to be able to change name quickly) I could write so much more but cannot risk outing myself. seacliff you are not alone is all I can say. Thank you for starting this post.

Have you discussed this with your GP seacliff?

People with a tobacco, or alcohol or drug addiction can get help. How beneficial it is I don’t know, but perhaps it’s worth a try?