Caring for ones self

I’ve always been encouraged to look after other people.
Emotional physical or financial if it comes to that.

I’ve also been the vessel for my mothers problems.

Now I can’t seem to find any reserves to look after myself.

I’ve tried to find a counsellor who gets my childhood or the difficulties I have in the recent past, but they all seemed more interested in getting paid, and almost slept walked through our sessions.
With the exception of one who was so cruel no one wiuld believe me if I explained her behaviour (called me derogatory names and my family ridiculous).
I’ve had one gp who actually talked TO me and not through me.
He poor man lost his daughter to suicide and she was around my age at the time and he was so thoughtful towards me.

Long dead now though.

But I need to take care of myself now and I just can’t.

I occasionally distract myself with so called hobbies etc. But this doesn’t last because of illness that gets in the way, or bouts of depression.

I’m probably a bit maudlin at the moment, not well and a bad time of year for me.
Which has left me thinking too much!

Anyway I think your(my) upbringing sets you on a path and it’s hard to change.

Not sure any advice will help because it’s down to me to do the work to change and I’m getting a bit long in the tooth to find the energy now!

Thanks for reading