confidence

Two week ago I had to take my old car to the Dealers as it had had a recall (something to do with the airbag)

So booked it in (no cost to me) left it there for few hours whilst I pottered round the shop.

They rang to say car was ready and could they have little chat

The little chat was>>>>> as the car was in at the dealers they do a "Free Health Check"
They found

My oil was a bit too high and could cause damage (my oil was changed two years ago by qualified mech)

My front tyre was wearing down and will need replacing .
soon.

My back number plate bulbs were not working ( they could do it now for £14.99)!!

My headlights had deteriated and needed re doing(the plastic deteriates and makes the lense cloud over) cost £145.00!!

Also they could offer me a service and free M.O.T £135!!

"Would you like us to sort these things out for you now whilst you wait"???

No thank you I replied. as I did the headlights myself last year at a cost of £3-00 and a bit of free time.

The number plate bulbs I can buy for £1.99 each and replace them myself

My tyre has 3.7 ml on yet and the car has not long had M.O.T

The oil (if! it was too high, I can go find my basting pippette and draw off some of the oil)

Was it because they saw a 64 yr old woman coming in to collect her 15 yr old car?? I don't know!! did I have MUG written on my forehead! Noooo not that day lol. I surprised myself actualy.

But going back to confidence, yes we do loose it unless we use it.
I think various things can cause lack of confidence.
For me it was/is grief.

This year I will try and boost up my confidence throughout the year.

sallysmum oh no that's dreadful. I hope you are getting over it don't let the **** beat you. Stay strong. xx

No wonder your confidence is shattered sallysmum .
I was robbed once by a young man on a motor bike and ever since only carry cash in a waist purse, under my jacket.

My grandaughter was getting married an we were staýing a hotel so I went to the bank drew out £600 pounds, put it in my purse put the purse in my handbag and the handbag in a fourwheeled shopping trolley with the top cover down.
I then went into Bon marche and suddenly my face was covered with a cloth and I stumbled. My bag was taken from my trolley and of course the money with it. This has tottaly shattered my confidence. I am normallly a self confident out going lady but this experience has really shattered me.

I am so thankful to everyone who replied. I have taken on board your suggestions. I will not be beaten by some jumped up little boy manager with a Mohican hair style. Blinking jobsworth, they seem to be controlled by the computer system and they have no room to deviate.
I agree Eldon Square is not the nicest of centres, much prefer the Metro Centre but even now I prefer smaller shops and centres. Perhaps being less than 5ft doesn't help. RANT OVER.

Thank you everyone who responded, and I have seen one of those bags you talk about which goes inside your coat. Much more secure. The straw that broke the camels back, that could be anything, we all have a lot going on to deal with.

And the Samsung and O2 stores you need to book an appointment for repairs, but not for buying a phone. Who would have thought.

I managed to get the bus home, Hubby and doggy met me at the bus stop and had a lovely glass of wine waiting for me at home. Felt a bit of a plonker, but over it now.

I feel so sorry to read this,and other posts with similar experiences.
The only advise I can offer when given the run around as you have, is to take a deep breath and think to yourself.. I am going to assert myself without becoming emotional or losing control, I will not gabble (which I tend to do when stressed) and you will give me a reasonable and polite explanation to my query. I will not accept anything less.
I know this may sound easier said than done, but in my experience some people really do believe that ladies of a certain age are invisible and a bit of a push over. Please don't accept it. It absolutely boils my blood. Also if you think that you have been fobbed off or as in your case given the hard sell, if possible follow it up with an e.mail to a higher authority with details of what happened. I have in the past got my daughter to tweet a company or organisation. They soon respond to bad publicity. As for tech, I'm fortunate to have a very savvy SiL who takes care of that.
Please don't let this knock your confidence, just try to treat it as a one off.

Ugh - tech drives me insane, as do the 'kids' in the likes of Vodafone shops etc! Recently I was due a phone upgrade - now I have always had an Android phone but the latest one I struggled with really and because the kids have iphones they were unable to help me and kept trying to persuade me to change. Anyway I spoke with Vodafone on ;live chat' said I was disabled (need a large phone and keyboard) and not at all techy, and I wanted something simple that I could make and receive calls, look at emails, basic stuff really - so they sent me another Samsung .... Well, we couldn't even manage to get the sim card into it, it was so small and fiddly so I had a meltdown! Called them up again, told them again I had wanted something easy and they tried to tell me how to set it up, and I still couldn't, and neither could my friend nor daughter - so had a huge meltdown over the phone and told them to send me an iphone at the same price, which actually they did, which has been set up by my daughters, thank goodness! Has taken a while to totally 'get it' but now have found a nice few functions on there which are pretty useful!

Generally though I steer clear of shops because of my health and do a lot online as I have been losing my confidence gradually as my health worsened, and now my teeth have been attacked too I don't go far at all, just too embarrassed sadly .....

I have to step away from the sewing machine when I make a mistake ..

52bright most technology baffles me, too. My family bought me an iPad to use when I’m away. With it was the ‘iPad for Dummies’ book. I’m perfectly fine with the basics, but keep thinking that I must read the book and learn how to do xxx. The trouble is that I can always find something much more interesting to do, so I never learn.
As for losing confidence - I can no longer cope with strange and complicated road junctions, and always feel slightly nervous if driving to a strange place. I therefore stick mainly to driving to places that I know well. I’m 80, and think it’s wise to know my limitations. In other respects I can cope very well, and regularly travel to Australia alone. I remember my mother beginning to have panic attacks in large stores when she was in her 70s, though, and refusing to go into them.

It's common to lose confidence in unfamiliar situations.

I was pretty scared when starting work (but fine as a student), worried as a new mum, then scared all over again starting study as a mature student.

When I started teaching, I was almost shaking with fear. In all those situations, though, I felt settled after a week or so. I've been super-confident at the really busy times, juggling work, kids and caring.

It's as if being run off your feet is calming to the nerves somehow. (Maybe, it's less time to think?)

Trying new things and meeting new people just puts a spring in my step these days!

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

I'm post menopausal and also work for a menopause clinic. Menopause has been proven to affect your confidence. I'm coming back as a man!
www.menopausedoctor.co.uk/menopause/menopause-work-new-guidelines

There are several small independent mobile 'menders' around Newcastle and Gateshead ….have passed a number in Wallsend, North Shields, ...have a look online for the are you live in ...not so intimidating as the bigger shops ….hope you find someone !

After my daughter saw my next door neighbours grandchild throwing stones at my car, I tried to phone and report it to the local council housing house officer. ( this was after many months of trouble ). I spent almost an hour on the phone being given different numbers , being put on hold, several times and eventually getting an answering machine message to say no one was available. I ended up speaking to my daughter in floods of tears. She dealt with it and eventually someone got back to me and the problem is now gone. Its very unusual for me to get so upset with anything.

I am now in my mid seventies and find I have very limited patience with everyone and everything when out shopping.

I can’t shop for more than an hour anyway as my back gives out. It seems the older we get, the less some of us are able to cope in stressful situations.

I understand completely about being given the runaround by techie types.
My iPhone is pretty old and had got to the point where the battery wouldn't hold the charge.
I went online to find phone repair shops and firstly phoned the authorised Apple shop. Oh no, they said, we don't carry spares for a phone that old, you need an upgrade.
Not to be put off I rang another, independant shop. No problem,bring it in, it'll cost £30
Off I went and got my battery replaced and also bought a charger for the car. My phone's charge now lasts for two or three days instead of a couple of hours and I didn't spend hundreds on a new phone.
Always worth ringing round first.

After a bout of depression combined with the lovely menopause I became much more susceptible to anxiety and tearfulness, especially when frustrated by life as mentioned above. I have to be more prepared these days . As mentioned by others I have a cross over bag and keep it simple. I write a list of questions to ask and things to find out when I go to the GP and do research before I go to a techy shop- preferably I get advice from family first about phones and such as the options are too many ! Women can not only become invisible as they get older but can also be easily dismissed. That's another reason to be prepared to ask for a repeat of information, for them to write it down and not to make quick on the spot in store decisions especially about phones.

I don’t think it’s anything to do with confidence to be honest, so don’t worry on that score, more likely pure frustration that you expected to get your mobile mended in Samsung and then sent to O2 and the assistant wanting to sell you a new phone, this is what they try to do sadly always trying to sell the latest phone,

I came over all weird in my local Wilkinsons--thought I was about to faint. I was so scared as I do have cardiac issues. The staff were amazing and called a first aider. A young man who was very reassuring and sat with me and when he had made sure I didn't need an ambulance walked me to a nearby taxi rank carrying my shopping and saw me into a cab. A brilliant store for customer service. I was so grateful.

Someone upthread suggested Tesco for mobiles. I’ve just spent a very productive half hour there upgrading my mobile.

No you are not alone although I have yet to burst into tears.
I am sure I would be certified however were anyone in hearing distance as my language when subjected to certain situations is not what most would expect of a person my age, Such as recently when finding an empty section of a major SM car park but realised some one had decided there was no need for a trolley bay.

I have had less confidence since menopause and then worse since hubby retired. He is always around, if we go anywhere he usually drives, I don't mind but know I do not feel as confident on my own now. Have got to work at getting my independence back.

No, it's not 'normal' to have a public meltdown. You must have been feeling very low anyway and the phone trouble was the last straw. Work out what the real cause is or was and plan steps to a solution.

So sorry to hear you felt like that desjumeaux17. I understand that feeling very well, I'm permanently close to tears at the moment. I'm sure you're not losing your confidence, you were served by people who should have been more helpful.
When I find myself feeling tearful, I take some deep breaths and have a sit down in the closest coffee shop. I treat myself to a nice cup of tea and read the motivational quotes I've written in my notebook. It helps me enormously. I'm then ready to face the world again. It's easy to get overwhelmed sometimes. I wish you well.