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Just had bad news

(137 Posts)
Craftycat Fri 10-Jan-20 12:29:43

I know no-one can help or know what to say but I have just had a really sad phone call with DS2 & it is easier to get this down than talk to people who know us.
. His wonderful wife was diagnosed with Cervical cancer a few months ago & had all her reproductive organs removed. She recovered well but had to go back for a follow up yesterday where she was told that the type of cancer she has will spread all over her body in time. Her mother died of cancer 3 years ago.
They have 3 children in primary school & she is 41.
There is nothing anyone can say but is is just so unfair- they are such a happy couple & wonderful parents.
He is devastated & he is my youngest son. I love my DiL too- she is a wonderful caring mother.
I know life isn't fair but today I just feel everything is just hopeless.
Luckily we live only about 20 mins away so we can be there when needed easily- her father is further away as is her sister.
The children have no idea what Mummy has & we want to keep it that was as long as possible. We have no idea if she will develop other cancers soon or in years to come- the doctors cannot tell her that.
I just feel so very helpless. I know a lot of you will have been through something similar so I know I am not alone in feeling useless.
I am a strong person usually but just for today I want to let go & just weep.

Mommawolf Sat 11-Jan-20 13:58:38

So sorry to read your post. such news is devastating. Please don't give up hope, my youngest sister was told her breast cancer even after radical surgery would likely return within the year, she is still with us 15yrs later still clear, no return at all during this time. Let the emotion out and cry when you need too. My thoughts are with you.

grannybuy Sat 11-Jan-20 13:55:56

Such sad news for you. I'm so glad that you live so near to them, for all your sakes. Being able to help them will give all of you some comfort. Thinking of you.

Deedi Sat 11-Jan-20 13:39:44

So sorry to read your sad news.

grandmaz Sat 11-Jan-20 13:30:35

Craftycat I am so truly sorry that you and your family are having to cope with this bleak prognosis. Others have said wise words and I can only agree and send you a big hug and say of course... weep... it is necessary and you should allow yourself to let the sorrow and worry find an outlet, as often and for as long as you need to. flowers xx

Phloembundle Sat 11-Jan-20 13:24:13

Weep buckets when you are alone, then gather your strength and be there in any way you can for them.

ALANaV Sat 11-Jan-20 13:02:56

So very sorry ….this is devastating news for you and your family. Whilst I hope she will have more time, for you and your son and the GC's it is not going to be easy. All I could suggest is, and I am sure everyone will, make sure the time she has left is a good and positive as it can be and you can do thing together as a family to make some lovely lasting memoried. To this end, I would imagine you are all doing the suggested things ...keeping a 'memory box' for each child, from their parents childhood, their own growing up, the marriage, each birth and milestones, with whatever items you may have (hair, a particular painting, etc of things the children have done or made over the years...and please do get in touch with a child bereavement counsellor (for yourself, so you know how to deal with each stage ...there is no need for your DIL or your son to know if you would prefer to do this alone for yourself for the moment. So hard for you and my thoughts are with you all flowers

sodapop Sat 11-Jan-20 12:51:21

So sorry for you and your family craftycat let's hope purplepatch is right.
It must be a comfort and support to them to know you are there to help. Do take care of yourself as well though. thanks

vintageclassics Sat 11-Jan-20 12:49:08

No words Craftycat - life is so bl**dy unfair. I only hope your DIL has many many years to come - help them make the most of every minute and do talk to someone qualified - they will help you to help your family - thinking of you x

purplepatch Sat 11-Jan-20 12:31:06

So sorry Craftycat. Many people do defy the odds though.
Let's pray your DIL is one of them flowers

Merryweather Sat 11-Jan-20 12:14:21

I'm so sorry for you and your family.
Yes, weep. It's just what you need to help you process the sadness of it and the injustice.
Don't bottle up your feelings. You won't be the only one to feel this way.
I hope she stays well for as long as possible and hope for a new treat to help her and you all. Cancer, unfortunately, affects the whole family unit. I'm glad your gc’s have a loving family unit for support.
I wish you all well. X

Theoddbird Sat 11-Jan-20 12:09:12

There are no words that can help. You just have to be there for each other and support her through treatments that are to come. Hopefully they will prolong her life. Sending love and peace x

Americanpie Sat 11-Jan-20 12:02:38

How awful for you. My sister had cancer too and was given a similar diagnosis but she lived with cancer for almost another 10 years and lived well. There are new drugs and treatments being discovered every month so please be optimistic. Her 10 years were difficult at times but mostly really good and she holidayed and enjoyed herself to the full.

Chrissielou Sat 11-Jan-20 11:59:20

There are simply no adequate words to console you, but you and your family are in my thoughts. My only advice; really live each moment you have together, don't look ahead and treasure the memories you will be making together for your grandchildren.

Beanie654321 Sat 11-Jan-20 11:51:08

I am so very sorry from the bottom of my heart. You must take each day as they come and count them as a blessing to be enjoyed. My sister has an aggressive form of Motor Neurons Disease and we were told that she would not see christmas this year, she has and New Year. We take each day as it comes and we all enjoy life to the full including her, she has good days and bad. Dont tell the children yet and the Cancer Care team will always help when the time comes to tell them. Enjoy life and take each day as a blessing. Xxx

Mary59nana Sat 11-Jan-20 11:49:57

So very sad and my thoughts and prayers are for you and your family.
Try and keep strong I know it's hard
Sending you comforting hugs x

nanaK54 Sat 11-Jan-20 11:43:24

Sending kindest thoughts to you and your family flowers

Athenia Sat 11-Jan-20 11:37:23

Cancer does not necessarily have to be terminel. There are many cures for it, in three areas of the worlsd no-one has it because of a particular mineral in the soil. There are many approaches, look at The Gerson Institute, for example, look at the more sensible complimentary approaches. Diet can eliminate cancer andprevent it entirely. Cancer cells cannot survive in a health body, that is what our immune system is designed for. Please do some research, and my hopes go with you.

gillybob Sat 11-Jan-20 11:21:15

I am so sorry to hear your devastating news Craftycat . Sadly I don’t have anything to say that will make you feel any better but I do echo what others have said . In recent times of sorrow and darkness I have gained great strength from being able to share and offload onto my virtual friends on Gransnet and whilst there is nothing practical we can do we are always here to listen .

I hope and pray the doctors are able to stabilise your DDIL for as long as possible . Wishing you and your family much strength and love in the days ahead xx

Rosina Sat 11-Jan-20 11:17:04

I am so sorry that you have had this devstating news. I know it often doesn't help to hear about others but two people in our family have hit rock bottom - one described as being as ill as he could be without dying - and both have come back from this to lead reasonable lives. A colleague has had gene therapy and is now unrecognisible as the skeletal creature he was a few months ago. What I am trying to say is that research goes on constantly, and perhaps in a year or so there may be something new that can help her. I do hope so. Take heart . xx

Twopence Sat 11-Jan-20 11:05:56

So sad to hear your news, but glad you are feeling more positive today. You and all your family are in my thoughts and prayers at this difficult time. Sending love.

MadeInYorkshire Sat 11-Jan-20 10:51:21

What devastating news for you all, Sending love and hugs to your family at this time xx

Minerva Sat 11-Jan-20 10:49:57

I am happy that you are feeling more positive today Craftycat. Life is such a lottery. Sending you every best wish possible.

deaneke Sat 11-Jan-20 10:27:43

Just sending you a big hug... I’m so sorry... I just don’t know what to say. You and your family will be in my thoughts.

Aepgirl Sat 11-Jan-20 10:23:52

It’s impossible to know what to do or say, but I think that it is important that they all know that you are always there, and will listen whenever they want to talk.

Ellianne Sat 11-Jan-20 10:19:59

So sorry, Craftycat. Lots of kind words on here.