Just had bad news

So very sorry to hear this, it’s such an awful thing to happen to any family. I was a Marie Curie nurse so spent a lot of years caring for people with cancer. The medics are giving you all the information they can on your daughter in laws type of cancer. That doesn’t mean this won’t pan out quite differently. I have a friend whose niece had stage 3 breast cancer, practically all her lymph nodes involved, double mastectomy....that was 12 years ago. She is fine and cancer free...that wasn’t what her consultant expected. I also have a friend with a brain tumour....was benign now malignant. The kind of tumour would suggest less than a year...she is three years on and in remission...very, very unusual. The thing is, people sometimes concentrate on the fact they are dying....but they should concentrate on the fact they are living. There are many support organisations out there, lots for your daughter in law...with other people in the same boat. Ditto for your husband and grandchildren who can over time be gently prepared. Being a supportive family is fabulous for them. Try and keep positive, try to smile, no breaking down in front of any of them. It’s important to keep them buoyant, dealing with teary relatives would be impossible. Good luck, please look at the support out there...ask your own GP practice.

Cyber hugs from me...
so many words of wisdom and comfort here, I wish you well too.

I am overwhelmed by all your messages of love & support.
Thank you everyone so much.
Having slept on it I am feeling more positive today- yes they are making huge strides in cancer treatment & she is a very positive person- she was also just bowled over by the news as was my son.
He has just booked a week's holiday for them all- they have never taken the children out of school before- not even for a day- so school were very supportive. They know the situation & have been wonderful keeping an eye on the children to make sure they are OK. They had to cancel their holiday last year because of her treatment.
We will get through this as we are a strong, close family & we all love her very much.
She could have years still & by that time the treatments will have improved too.
It's time for some positive thinking to support her as much as we can.
My sincere thanks to you all.

Life can be so cruel at times. My heart goes out to all of you who are struggling with this devastating illness which has such a ripple effect within families. My own husband died of cancer at 36, just after my daughter was born, and I remember how helpless everyone felt (including me!), and how hard it was for my parents and family trying to support me and the baby whilst dealing with their own grief. I was so grateful for practical help - I didn’t have to ask, meals were brought, baby was looked after, and it’s this sort of thing which will keep you going too as you will just want to feel useful. You will get through this - we have no choice other than to deal with what life throws at us - but allow yourself time to wallow in the sadness when you need to, it will give you strength to face what’s ahead. As someone else said, make lovely memories, that’s important. I work in a hospice and our staff help patients to make memory boxes for their children - that might be something for the future. Stay hopeful. Big hugs.

That is so sad . I'm so sorry to hear this.
I'm told that Macmillan nurses are very helpful, and supportive, on how to break the news to the children.

This is very sad but do hang on in there. A great deal of research is ongoing and much progress has been made. All is NOT lost and cancers have already been treated and even cured.

Try to contact a local cancer group, like Cancer Research UK, talk to people who know about the cancer type your DiL has and check on progress.

How awful for all of you - wishing you the very best support and love to get you through xx

So sorry Craftycat. Very big hugs to you and your family.

I agree readymeals.

So terribly sad, Craftycat. I can’t find words that won’t sound trite, but sending so much sympathy and wishing you all strength. Life can be so very cruel and unfair. xx

I can only cry with you, hug you, and pray

Heart-breaking ?
Life is so fragile.
Let it out cc, big virtual hugxx

And I should have added obviously there is hope, and time to find new treatments, and they may get lucky. I hope they do x

So sorry to hear the awful news. Nothing I can say more than many have already said but sending you ?x

I do hate this new rule doctors have about being required to tell you if you're going to die. Your son and dil could have lived another few happy years before it became obvious, now the few years they still have will be spent on death row with it always in the back of their minds.

Sorry to hear your news. My friend has similar situation as yours, illness, ages, children etc.Once you have absorbed the news the best way forward is to help them make memories ie days out holidays babysit so they can go away for the night. Walks in the park etc. It maybe years so you don’t have to cram everything in just make some lists and gently work through them. It’s helping my friend look forward to happy times out.

I am so sorry to hear that - life isn't fair and sometimes a good cry can be beneficial. It won't change the situation but may release some of the angst you must be experiencing.
I can understand your wanting to protect the children but may I suggest it might be useful to seek professional advice / guidance on how best to manage this so that when / if the time comes you are prepared...........

Sending you love and prayers

So sorry Craftycat, this is awful news.

There are many wise and caring thoughts from everyone on this thread. I think you are so right to find a place to put feelings into words, ‘let go’, weep and rant.

There’s an army of lovely women here for you, to listen and offer support.
Try to remember to look after yourself whilst being strong and supporting the rest of your family. ?

Such wisdom in your husband's words morethan. Sending love to you as well - your family are also constantly in my prayers x

Sending love and prayers craftycat x

Sending you and your family love and hope Craftycat
Best Wishes and thoughts to everyone else also.

and to you, too, Morethantwo

So very sorry, Craftycat. I empathize. It really doesn't seem fair at all for anyone to deal with this stuff, especially someone so young. My son was in his thirties when he was diagnosed with cancer and "statistically" he only had a 5% chance of making it through 2 years. After surgery, chemo and radiation, the cancer was in remission 7 years later!

We were so happy and then, this last August, he was diagnosed with a separate cancer, also said to be terminal. He's been receiving chemo and immunotherapy since then and his last scan showed the tumor growth slowing so we have hope. The numbers are just numbers and sometimes being young and strong enough can make a big difference. More new treatments and trials are being made available all the time.

Sending love and hugs to you and your family.

Craftycat Morethantwo So sorry to hear what you are going through. Cancer is so cruel. There is support on here and I hope in real life for both of you. Prayers for you both your dils and families before I sleep tonight.