Gransnet forums


Disability in your children.

(37 Posts)
annsixty Tue 28-Jan-20 16:24:40

If you were told before embarking on a pregnancy that there was a 50/50 chance your child would inherit a disabling condition would you take that chance?
If you went ahead and had a child who did indeed have that condition would you then go ahead and have another child?
I wouldn't personally but I am interested to hear what others think.
Is life of any kind worth the downside of a different life to what we consider"normal"?

Doodle Tue 28-Jan-20 16:32:01

Difficult to say really isn’t it ann. There are so many variables. Some disabilities allow people to have a full and enjoyable life and others cause hardship and suffering to all involved.
To be honest there are so many types of disability that are not known before birth or even at birth and do not become apparent until later. Then there are those who have no disability at all but lead miserable and unhappy lives.
Is there such a thing as a normal life or do we all view others as having a good time while in fact there are many who seem to have it all but in reality don’t.
I’m not sure I would have a second child if the first had a disability that would cause them suffering and th second would be likely to be as afflicted.

M0nica Tue 28-Jan-20 16:33:12

It would entirely depend on the nature of the disability. Many people with disabilities at all levels have fulfilling and happy lives. Many disabilities are minor and do not stop the person leading a perfectly normal life. Others with no disabilities have miserable and unhappy lives.

Jane10 Tue 28-Jan-20 16:33:26

Good respond Doodle.

Jane10 Tue 28-Jan-20 16:33:40


M0nica Tue 28-Jan-20 16:34:34

Doodle and I both posted almost simultaneously.

Doodle Tue 28-Jan-20 16:36:25

Great minds monica 😀

lemongrove Tue 28-Jan-20 16:42:09

So hard to know isn’t it?
Good responses Doodle and Monica.
Having AC with disabilities and DGC also with disabilities ( not the same ones) I can’t imagine them not being here.

annsixty Tue 28-Jan-20 16:43:09

The story I have just read which.prompted this is a case of a family who don't shy from publicity as they have their own series on American television.
They have dwarfism,both parents, but not all the children.
One son who does have it married a girl not affected and she has just given birth to their second child.both of whom are affected.

lemongrove Tue 28-Jan-20 16:46:01

In that case Ann I can say that I wouldn’t have gone ahead with pregnancy knowing dwarfism could be the end result.

annsixty Tue 28-Jan-20 16:51:12

Neither would I but I wanted to hear other views in case I was wrong in others opinion.

trisher Tue 28-Jan-20 16:51:36

I've posted about disability before and dwarfism is regarded by many as simply the inability of society to adapt to their requirements. I don't think I could abort a child because of it after all he/she could be the next Warwick Davis.

tanith Tue 28-Jan-20 16:52:23

My niece has a syndrome as has one of her brothers in whom the symptoms are quite severe hers are less so.She decided that she wouldn’t wish to pass the gene on so has no children it’s quite sad for her. Her parents had no idea they both carried this particular gene no testing back then.

wildswan16 Tue 28-Jan-20 17:15:18

I certainly wouldn't consider dwarfism to be a "disability" to be concerned about. Full and active lives are led.

It is a "difference", but aren't we all different?

Ngaio1 Tue 28-Jan-20 17:20:43

I have a child with a genetic disorder. I was later in life when she was born so had an amnio. Her particular problem doesn't show on an ordinary amnio. He condition is TS. She is very able but does have a lot of problems with adult living. My biggest fear is for when I am not longer here. Am doing all in my power to make sure she is responsibly cared for then. Knowing now, what I do about TS and just how bad it can be I would never willingly bring a child into this world if TS were diagnosed during pregnancy. Just could not risk it.

Cabbie21 Tue 28-Jan-20 17:21:13

Agreed, wildswan16.

Bridgeit Tue 28-Jan-20 17:23:06

It would depend on the severity & how much pain, discomfort difficulties that the child may or may not suffer.
I think potential parents would have to know this & be guided by experts.

annsixty Tue 28-Jan-20 17:25:24

I agree that dwarfism is a difference as opposed to a disability although it is disabling but try telling that to children feeling marginalised and bullied at school.
My GD was born with a very severe cleft I cannot start to tell you how she and we suffered and agonised over her school years, it was horrendous.

LullyDully Tue 28-Jan-20 17:29:23

I don't think I could decide against a child with Downs Syndrome, as I taught many great children with Downs.
However some matched the stereotype of delightful and friendly whilst some didn't and were very hard to handle.
But a disability which gave a child pain and a miserable life would be another consideration. Such a difficult decision.

Hetty58 Tue 28-Jan-20 17:36:37

annsixty, are you saying that only 'normal' people with no imperfections should be allowed to live? That discounts most of us I think!

We all take the small risk of having a child with some disabilities - or choose to not have a child.

My neighbours have a happy baby boy with Down's. He's unfortunately needed several operations already. When asked if they wanted to terminate the pregnancy, they instinctively felt that they had no right to, especially half way through. He deserved to have his life, although a different one.

annsixty Tue 28-Jan-20 17:45:30

No Hetty I am not saying that at all, I think you are being the Devil’s Advocate there.
I am saying if you knew almost certainly you would give birth to a child with problems which may affect their life and happiness ,would you?

Hetty58 Tue 28-Jan-20 17:57:05

That's very difficult to answer annsixty. Sometimes, I think that life is quite hard enough without coping with extra difficulties.

But then, I believe all life is very precious.

I would have to consider the type of society a child would live in - especially if they outlive their parents and family.

Here in the UK, despite being one of the world's richest countries, provision and living conditions for those with disabilities are lacking.

annsixty Tue 28-Jan-20 18:17:48

I have neighbours who have a Down’s son.
He is the middle of their three children and is getting on for 40.
The parents worry so much as to what will happen to him when they can no longer care for him or aren’t here.
They do not expect their other 2 to be responsible for him as they have their own lives,
It is such a sad situation and colours their life, there are thousands of families going through similar worries.

Jane10 Tue 28-Jan-20 18:23:05

Ngaio1 that must have painful to post. Life is hard for parents worrying about their child's care when they are gone. 💐

GrannyLaine Tue 28-Jan-20 18:24:57

We had our children relatively young and didn't have screening for abnormality with any of them. I was very clear that I wouldn't have wanted to terminate a pregnancy. My own children have chosen differently but thankfully all has been well. With the perspective of life experience would I have chosen differently? Maybe. The best we can do is go with what we feel in our heart is right. And that will be different for us all.