BLACK DOG 8

Hi all x

And how is everyone coping ?

Doodle try holding this thought when in bed -

‘Be Still and know that I am God’, don’t question just accept the request x I also say ‘The Apostles Creed’, takes my thoughts
of my worries from me.

Chrissy it’s good to hear you sounding a bit more positive.
Your summerhouse sounds lovely. A place to relax and enjoy yourself. Like your own little play house. ?. I hope you enjoy it but you might need some heating! ?
Nonnie I’m glad to hear your son’s funeral was so well attended. I’m sure that was comforting that he was so loved. Annie I seem to remember at the time that many people also attended your daughters funeral and that she had helped others too.
Nice of you to help with someone’s CV Nonnie
I have tried recently to get into bed. Say a prayer and then not to let my mind wander. It’s hard but I’m trying.
I’m sure your DGC think you are magical Annie I think it’s lovely they think of you that way.
lavender hope you are ok.
Hope everyone sleeps well. X

Evening everyone
Doodle Hope you got everything in your click and collect.
Nonnie I’m so glad that it gives you some comfort to know that your DS was loved so much by so many people. How lovely that you met up with your DS and DIL yesterday. Not good news about your DS’s friend, hopefully he will recover from it. How thoughtful of you to do a Christmas letter each year to people you haven’t seen for some time. As Annie has said you have a reason for being Nonnie because you’re you. After talking to you on here for the short time since I joined I can tell that you’re such a lovely, caring person. I’m happy to hear that you will get to spend Christmas with your DS and DIL. Isn’t it awful when your mind goes into overdrive and stops you from sleeping. I don’t get that much anymore since my medication was changed. I’ve had no further problems since yesterday thank goodness and I’m feeling a lot better thank you.
Annie Definitely not every grannie’s grandchildren believe her when she says she can do magic

Do you think I’m the only person who would buy a summerhouse at the start of winter? Well I did and it came today. We put most of it together today so it might be finished tomorrow apart from the painting. I’m going to have it as my little relaxing area with a chair, a little table, a nice rug etc. I can go in there to read or listen to music.
lavender rafichagran Scaredycat BlueSky *Joce I hope you’re all doing ok.
Hope everyone sleeps well x

nonnie kind of you to help someone with their CV but -
you have a reason for ‘being’ because you are you x

You will spend Christmas with your Son and family, so happy
for you.

Not every grannie has a puppy named after them , not every
grannie is compared with a character from Harry Potter ! Suppose not every grannie let’s their grandchildren think she
can ‘ do magic ‘.

Good to hear from Joce.

Annie I understand why you can't go near that bridge. DS lived a long way from us but when I even hear the name of the place he lived it hurts so must be very hard for you. We just hope his death was sudden and that he was not in pain, physically or mentally. We know he tried to call us, so must have been distressed.

I didn't take in much at the funeral but now, when I think back, people had come huge distances, including flying in, just to be there. We had so many wonderful messages about him and, even in the last few weeks, people have got in touch to talk about him. He was loved by so many that we get some comfort from that.

Lovely to hear about the puppy, your family sound fun.

Doodle & BlueSky we only had the two unfeeling people and were inundated with love from everyone else, we still are. It is comforting to know that he was so loved and that the 2 unfeeling people hadn't seen him since he was a child so didn't know him.

Scardycat I feel the same about the support from you all, I can say what I like and no one will judge me.

Chrissy such a missed opportunity by 111, is it any wonder we complain about the NHS up to the point when we actually get to see someone? Hope you continue to feel better and that there is no recurrence. My call to my mobile phone provider yesterday went wrong, could still hear the typing but not the person. I decided I'd had enough of their poor service and berated them on Twitter and Facebook, quickly got another call from a better operator and they resolved the issue which had been going on for months! Not sure it would help to berate the NHS though!

Went for a walk and catch up with DS & DiL yesterday and heard that one of his friends who we have known for 30 years has Covid 19.

This morning I have been working on our Christmas letter which we send to people we haven't had much contact with recently. Also spent a long time on a CV I am helping someone with, not a generic one, very job specific. I feel useful and have a reason for being.

We have been invited to DS & DiL for Christmas if we like or they will come to us, feel wanted.

Was still awake at 2 am, couldn't stop my mind from whirling. Not feeling as bad as I might so hoping that I am getting more constructive again.

Morning all. Very bleak and grey here today. My upstairs neighbour is hoovering, it sounds like a dentists drill down here ?
We’re off to pick up a Sainsbury’s click and collect in a minute. Hope they’ve got it all, it’s tonight’s dinner ?
Have a good day all. x

Morning everyone
Scaredycat Glad you had a nice walk yesterday. I’m so sorry that you lost your mum in that way especially after losing your husband and son. I can’t believe how many of you have had to deal with these unthinkable events, my heart goes out to you.
BlueSky Of course you’re worried about your DHs op, that’s only natural. I think that he is right in saying that they list every possible thing that could happen no matter how unlikely it is.
Annie How lovely that your DGD named her puppy after you
Doodle Yes it’s definitely me I probably sound braver than I actually am but I’m determined not to let it get the better of me.
Thank you Annie
Hi to everyone else. Have a good day all x

Hi all x

How is everyone today ?

Hope you have better weather for walking than here in Mid Wales , yep raining

Bravo Chrissy

Chrissy is that really you. That person who sounds in control? You’ve had an unpleasant experience this morning, had a long wait for an unhelpful doctor and after all that you say Anyway it’s done now I’ll try and out it out of my mind, Well done you. You are not Googling or panicking, you are in control.
I think we have all at some time had a similar experience to you this morning. Sometimes our bodies react violently to something. The fact that you fell better probably means you are over it now, just eat carefully for a few days.
Scaredycat glad you got over the Afib and had a nice walk today. There were lots of people out weren’t there. I think it’s because it was sunny but it was cold. Hope you have a peaceful night tonight.
Bluesky a smile is all it needs. You don’t know how many you may cheer up by that simple gesture. Oh I remember Saturday Night Fever and John Travolta. All that dancing and swaggering ? Hope you have a good day.
Annie how lovely that your DGD named her dog after you. Not only that but to remember something from childhood that obviously meant a lot to her, that is so nice ?
Sleep well all. Lavender hope the packing is going well. x

At 2pm I got a call from the 111 service apologising for me still waiting for a doctor to call. Nothing all afternoon then half an hour ago a doctor called. She then proceeded to moan about the fact that I hadn’t answered the phone at 4.50 this afternoon. I told her that my phone had either been in my hand or my pocket all day and there had been no calls. She insisted that I hadn’t answered a call. Then she asked me to confirm the name of my GP surgery which I did. She then asked for the name of the GP I usually see and I told her. She said there was no doctor by that name there. I said that I had seen her 2 days ago but she said again that there was nobody by that name there. We finally got on to talking about what had happened. I said that I was feeling a lot better, just no energy. She said contact your GP if anything else happens and she was gone, the line went dead. I understand that they’re really busy especially with COVID but was there really any need for her attitude. Anyway it’s done now so I’ll try to put it out of my mind.

Scaredycat bi polar is hell for the sufferer and those who love them isn’t it ?, your Mother my daughter , you and my
three grandchildren x

So is someone’s glass is half empty ,their partners glass is half
full ? = a full glass ?

Think I received a compliment today, I did speak of finding a
Labrador puppy for elder granddaughter and she named the
.puppy Luna. Talking to her this morning she told me they
named Luna after me !
I have three christian names and Luna isn’t one of them. I
thought ‘ lunar , moon, full moon ,lunatic ?

When they were small and mad about Harry Potter they gave names of some characters to themselves and their parents and
me , they didn’t tell me I was Luna Lovegood . I swear I never
wore strawberry earrings , as for the rest ? no comment

Nonnie and Annie just unbelievable how cruel people can be. They want to hope and pray that it’ll never happen to their loved ones!
Chrissy no no op date for DH yet and I’ve started to panic after reading the pre op leaflet. They list all sorts of possible complications, if it was me I would call the op off! DH takes it in his stride, he says it’s like the medication leaflets, if you let them worry you, you wouldn’t take anything and he’s right of course. Hope you have recovered and are not suffering from a stomach bug.
Doodle I too smile at people while out walking but that’s as far as I’ll go, I let DH do all the talking!
Have a nice evening all, hope nobody’s got Saturday night fever!

Hello all.
Nonnie- today is better thank you. The sun is shining and we have just had a nice walk. AF leaves me with jelly legs so it was good to get them going again. It just really scares me every time as it comes without warning and you never know how long it will last. Not a good combo with health anxiety.
You sound more positive today Nonnie - so good to hear. I can almost smell the mince pies!!
Bluesky- I have daily meds but just wait for it to pass. Glad you don’t have the nightly problem any more. You are very good to keep quiet about your feelings - I do try but it gets the better of me although I know how wearing it must be.
Chrissy- you are certainly not the only person whose family don’t understand anxiety and it is so difficult to explain . I can talk to one of my DGC as she too suffered badly when she was young - she deals with it very well even though things are not easy for her.
What a fright you had this morning. Glad you are feeling better now and hope you have had your phone call by now.
Doodle- AFib went after about 5 hours so rested yesterday. Had a walk today but so many people out. Can,t blame them the sun was lovely .
Annie- so glad you are going to get the help you need - not before time though eh. My Mum too had bi polar although when she was ill they called it manic depression. 11 years after I lost my husband and son she took her life . I don,t know how you coped without the support of your family when your beloved daughter died.
I hope Joces daughter and family stay well .

I just need to say how much I appreciate being part of BDG it is so good to know that you are all there and share a lot of the feelings I have.
Joce,Lavender,Rafichagran and anyone else I,ve missed enjoy the rest of your day and sleep wellx

Morning everyone
Annie It’s fine, I knew you weren’t criticising me. It’s funny that you mentioned the broken leg. Every time I’ve tried to explain how I feel to my DH, his reply has always been ‘If you had a broken leg or something else I could see then I would understand but, as far as your depression or anxiety goes, I can’t see anything so I don’t understand’. I totally agree about how people used to view Psychiatric units as not being something they wanted to talk about. I’m so sorry about what happened to your DD, 3 years isn’t that long ago, it must still be so hard for you
rafichagran Thanks for your reply. I was very hurt at the time but, after getting replies here, I’m feeling better about it.
Nonnie I’m so sorry about what that person said about your DS, that must have made you angry. Isn’t it terrible that people with mental health conditions still don’t feel comfortable enough to talk about it. I will really try to smile at people when I’m out, hopefully it will get easier for me. As you say, what’s the worst that could happen. How lovely that you messaged your neighbour and she popped round and now you’re planning a walk together. Sorry to hear that your DH’s glass is half empty, sometimes you can’t beat a good moan
Annie Thank you for letting us know Joyce’s news. What a shame that her daughter might have been in contact with someone who had COVID. I hope that she hasn’t picked it up. What a worry for Joyce especially as her other GCs could be affected as well. I’ve just read your last post. How cruel some people can be. Shouting out ‘Where was her family’ in the cathedral was absolutely disgusting’. Why would anyone do that.
What some of you here have been through is just terrible and yet here you are offering support to others. Being part of the BDG means such a lot to me, thank you
Doodle I see your point, it would be harder if my DH felt the same as me. Yes, trying to smile at people will be my goal. Hope everyone else is ok. Enjoy your day all x

Morning everyone WARNING, POSSIBLY TOO MUCH INFORMATION
I had such a fright this morning. I woke up around 7 and realised that everything felt wet. About 40 years ago I had a miscarriage and, because of a negligent doctor, 2 weeks after the miscarriage I haemorrhaged in the middle of the night. The amount of blood was terrifying. That was the first thought I had this morning, I don’t know why. Anyway, today when I looked, the bed was covered in diarrhoea. When I stood up I had bad pain in my lower back and the tops of my legs at the back. I managed to get to the toilet and then thought that maybe I should get some medical advice so I phoned 111 and, after answering loads of questions, they said I needed to talk to a doctor and they would phone within 2 hours. That was 4 hours ago. I am feeling a lot better now thank goodness. I suppose I just have to wait for the call.

So much sadness for you Annie and Nonnie to lose a child.
How can others be so unfeeling.

Thanks for letting us know about Joce hope her family keep safe.
Chrissy think of your DH as being a blessing. It might be difficult for you when you are feeling down but to be with someone who has a more positive attitude is better than to live with someone who joins you in woe. That won’t help you feel better. If you care for someone, it is hard to see them suffering with anxiety so I can understand the partners who find this difficult.
Back to the smiling. Make it your next step Chrissy
All you do is look and smile. On my walks I smile at everyone who makes eye contact no matter how surly or gruff they look.
I have had some smiles back from the most unlikely characters. Many will ignore you, it’s not you, it’s them. But then one will smile back and it will make the effort worth it. Give it a go. ?
Bluesky rafichagran how are you both doing?
Nonnie good your neighbours are not moving. It’s nice to contact people and have a chat. Your neighbour was obviously happy to meet up for a walk. Nice to keep in touch.
scaredycat how’s the Afib? Hope you had a better night.
Have a good day all. x

nonnie. Nothing I can say to ease your grief, but please believe me , when a beloved child does take their life it leaves
you in such a dark place, this is why I will never go near that
bridge, my darling daughter’s death was reported in the local
newspaper, I know she was alone on that bridge at five in the
morning and I have the thought - she was alone, I should have
been with her.

Her funeral was held in the cathedral, a large building packed
with people, someone called out ‘where was her family?’

All I know is she wrote messages on her living room wall before she went to the bridge, she said she was too tired to
fight the illness anymore, and one message said
‘Mum I love you so much ‘.

She chose cremation, I will not allow her to be interred, her
husband agrees with me, she will be interred with me , she
won’t be alone again.

But I thank God she was my daughter and I was so blessed .

Please try to think the same of your son , he was your son, your joy

Hugs x

Hi all x

How is everyone ? are you all affected by the tier3 ?

Received a PM from Joyce, her daughter who has had the baby - two days after leaving hospital received a message, someone
had been in the hospital ward who was positive so she has to
isolate for two weeks. Joyce’s other daughter has little ones in
school and they are troubled by the in school, not in school because of burst bubbles in the school,

Joyce asked me to pass on her love to all, she is thinking of us

Scardycat hope you are having a better day today. A Fib sounds horrible.

Doodle for me it has been a relief to remove him from my life, also the one person who said it was suicide and didn't apologise when I said it was not. They said 'he chose' this way which would have been fine to say if he had but he didn't. Like you I don't understand why a kind word is beyond some people but I am lucky to have so many lovely supportive people and I focus on them.

DH's glass is definitely half empty but he is not depressed, I just think he enjoys a moan every now and again

Annie I don't know what you did to get that support but well done you! I will pray it all comes to pass. Long, long overdue.

You said "My darling daughter who took her life 3 years ago was bi polar, my sisters were embarrassed !" I think that is part of the reason many of us don't like to speak out, we are unsure of the reaction of others. My stalker used to taunt DS that he was 'mentally ill like his mother' but is now on antidepressants themselves! I hope that has lead to some compassion for others, I feel compassion for them and hope the medication helps.

Chrissy Maybe next time you pass someone on your walk you could simply make eye contact and smile, nothing more. When you've managed that, a 'good morning' to the next one and work up to something about the weather. What's the worst that can happen? You could be snubbed by someone you will never meet again, that's it, or you could make a lonely person's day and that would make you feel good as well. I think we have to make the first approach because so many others are scared to. It costs nothing and may make a big difference to you and them.

So glad the BDG has made you feel better, it is good that we can all offer suggestions which help and, remember, it helps us too to feel we are useful.

Yesterday I messaged a neighbour to ask how things were going and the next thing I knew was she was at the door for a catch up and we are planning a walk one day. She probably just needed me to make the first move. The neighbours on the other side are no longer moving so that is great news too. I have so much to be grateful for and am gradually getting myself back together. Baby steps included printing Christmas card labels and DS getting us a frozen turkey. Will work up to writing the cards then make mince pies.

Chrissy I am going out in a minute, but had to reply to your post.
I am so sorry about what your husband and daughter said, first reaction was to be annoyed with them, but I feel your husband after 22 years in the army is regimented, he see's what you are going through as weakness, he does not understand mental health. It's clear from the statement he made about mollycoddling. You must be hurt, but it is their lack of understanding.
Glad for the good news from the GP. X

Chrissy I assure you I wasn’t criticising you, what you said at
the door was correct I said it to someone this week, , just unfortunately the wrong moment, everyone does it , you turned it on yourself , when their reaction was so grumpy .

Try to accept many don’t understand anxiety but they accept
a broken leg. It’s so wrong but think of past times, we now speak of psychiatry units, when I went into one in 1977 two of
my sisters visited me, because my father insisted everyone did, when my sisters did visit they called it ‘in this place’ ! They were embarrassed having to visit.

It isn’t like that now but mental health problems are often at
the back of the queue for understanding

My darling daughter who took her life 3 years ago was bi polar, my sisters were embarrassed !

Don’t give up trying to overcome your phobia, we can do it
together, your health phobia my agoraphobia, think on this -
being fearful of an illness makes more sense than being fearful
of walking out the front door.

Chin up my love, there will be support here x

Evening everyone
Nonnie I’m sorry to hear that you’re going to be in tier 3, I hope that it isn’t too long before that changes. I’m glad that you have some family nearby. Yes I’m sure you’re right that my DH doesn’t know how to respond and I need to take that onboard and accept it. I did my self referral online for the physiotherapists and got a message back saying that someone should be in contact soon but, apart from some more complex cases, the physio would be done by phone. Not good is it. How kind of you to stop and speak to people, I wish I could pluck up the courage to do it. Cadbury advent calendars, yum! I hope you get to meet up with your DS and DIL tomorrow. We don’t always know the reason for why we feel so low. I read something ages ago which said ‘you don’t have to be alone to feel lonely’, I think that’s very true. I really hope that things start to get better soon.
Scaredycat Excellent news that you had the best night’s sleep but what a shame that got spoilt by going into A fib, it must be so frustrating for you. My DH’s glass isn’t just up to the rim, it’s overflowing. He seems to be able to stay positive no matter what.
Annie Sounds like things are looking up for you, I really hope that you get the electric wheelchair, what a difference it would make to you.
Doodle I totally get what you’re saying. Unless someone has felt the same way as you it must be almost impossible to understand how you’re feeling. I’m going to try and be more upbeat.
Annie I do understand what you’re saying about me putting a dampener on things.
BlueSky I suppose I thought that other people’s families were more understanding but apparently that isn’t always the case. Has your DH had a date for his op yet?

I’m so grateful for all the comments on me being upset by what DH and DD said. Believe it or not you have made me feel a lot better about things. For some reason I presumed that other people’s families would understand how people with depression and anxiety felt and for some reason my family didn’t but you’ve made me see that isn’t necessarily the case. I was definitely feeling sorry for myself and that was making me feel even worse.
Joce lavender rafichagran and anyone else I missed, I hope you’re all ok.
Thank you everyone in the BDG x

Evening all x Goodness a lot of us on here with the glass half empty! Like many of you my DH doesn’t seem to be able to cope with anxiety and low moods so I don’t say anything.
Chrissy glad the GP was able to reassure you.
Annie great news but you should have had all this before, would have saved you stress and pain.
Scaredycat feel for you and the AFib. A few years ago I had a couple of episodes of fast heart beating that lasted all night and wasn’t very pleasant at all. Is anything you can do or just wait for it to pass?
Doodle and Lavender hope you are OK.
Enjoy the rest of the evening x

Annie that is such positive news. I do hope it all works out for you.