BLACK DOG 8

Hi all x

How is everyone today ?

I am concerned that all the talk of Christmas is adding to
anxiety and depression for us , I had a blip yesterday evening,
I have always listened to jazz and country and western . Had
recorded a Johnny Cash concert so put it on , he and his wife sang ‘Help Me Make It Through The Night’, have listened to this so many times by different singers, yet this time it upset
me.

Scaredycat that’s an interesting comment from your doctor. I didn’t know that. I feel better outside sometimes and I love the trees even in winter.
lavender when are you moving? Hope you are ok.
Chrissy I’m so sorry you’re going through a rough patch. Never feel pressured to say more than you want to. We must remember this is an open forum. Also, although we may not be aware of the cause we all know the feelings that can be brought about by our anxiety and worry. Hope tomorrow is better for you.
Annie have you started on your samplers yet. Do you only work on them during daylight hours or can you do some in the evening too?
Sleep well all. Keep on plodding x

Evening everyone
Doodle had a bad couple of days, not really up to talking about it yet. Yes appointment with GP on Thursday morning.
Annie You’re right, very trying time for everyone, hopefully will improve soon. I wish that your situation could be changed, you try so hard to help yourself.
Nonnie Glad you got to go out for a walk with the mum and her baby. Hang in there Nonnie, things will get better.
BlueSky Sorry you’re feeling so meh, I often wondered exactly what it meant. Yes some positive news about the vaccine.
Thanks Scaredycat how nice that you got to FaceTime with your sister and your DD. I hope your sister stays well.
lavender sounds like you’re really busy. Do you have a moving date yet?
Hi to everyone else, hope you’re all ok.
Hope everyone sleeps well x

Hello everyone. I am up to my eyes in boxes and packing but just to let you know you are all in my thoughts and prayers.
Take care, have a peaceful evening and a good nights sleep. Love to all xx

Afternoon all.
Joce- glad that Mum andBaby are doing well.Your SiL must be happy that his family will be in such good hands. Bet you can,t wait for your first cuddle. I do like the name Zach too.
Chrissy- You,ll be fine - you are doing so well and now the appt is nearly here.
Doodle- glad you enjoyed your walk on Sunday it was a lovely day wasn,t it. I had a nice day thank you. Face Timeswith my sister and DD and a walk on Woodland Trust. I have missed seeing my sister so much as she has gone through her treatment and now remission. Sadly she is too faraway to pop round and wave through the window!!
Bluesky- sorry you are feeling “Meh” at the moment I know exactly what you mean . This virus is trying to suck the joy out of everything and some days it’s hard to fight it off.
Nonnie - I do hope writing your feelings down will help you. In my dark times it has really been something that helps me.
I,m glad you went walking with your young friend and her smiley baby. She will have enjoyed your company and I do hope it made you feel a bit brighter if only for a little while.
Annie- hopefully when the vaccine is released and things start to improve the physios and charities can start up again with home visits. You have done so much to get help to help yourself .
Glad MT is getting better . It will take her a little while to get strong again as even “ordinary” flu takes it out of you doesn,t it. But she is young so she will bounce back .
You must miss your mountains very much - can you see them from your bungalow? Walking has been a saviour for me especially when the physical symptoms of anxiety take hold. I always feel so much better walking- my Doc said it’s because it burns up excess adrenaline that floods your body at those times. So I guess for those of us who are lucky enough to be able to go walking it’s a form of medicine as well as enjoyable.
Wishing everyone a pleasant evening and good sleepx

Nonnie you do sound upset. The putting on the brave face bit is not your usual self. Something is obviously troubling you. I wish we could help.
Annie it really is a problem. Things were bad enough before but this virus seems to have shut down all the services that should be available to you. I hope this vaccine comes along soon and things will improve.
Bluesky it’s not a nice way to feel is it.
I agree going out for a walk is a good idea I wish we could take Annie with us.
Chrissy hope you are coping today and keeping your mind busy.
Have a good day all x

Good afternoon all x
“Meh', defined as “expressing a lack of interest or enthusiasm”, describes perfectly the state of limbo between not being sad but not being happy either. It represents a
state of lethargy or emptiness that's difficult to shake, but isn't so bad that it renders you unable to get out of bed in the same way depression can.”
I found this description of the new expression ‘Meh’ and that’s just the way I feel at the moment.
Anyway a positive for today is the good news about the Oxford vaccine, hopefully some light at the end of the tunnel.
Annie as I said before you highlight the problem of who’s there to help when you need it. Makes you very sceptical.
Nonnie good you went for walk with your young neighbour, even if you had to push yourself. I’m a great believer in the power of walking that’s why I feel for those people who were told never to leave the house. Provided you have access to quiet areas you should meet hardly anybody. I would take it badly if indeed had to.
Have a pleasant rest of the day x

nonnie. Done the pathetic little old lady bit, gets me sympathy but no help.

My list is now scrapped, cannot walk down garden path to
start getting over the agoraphobia because the arthritis in hip and knee is so very painful, knee size of a rugby ball, bones are
twisted, trying to walk facing north for example, right foot
directed north, left foot west , straighten left foot to the north
knee twisted east .

Physiotherapists will not do home visits because of the virus, that’s it . Buy electric wheelchair ? local charity for the disabled
who would give advice on wheelchair and give support when
I first try going out on it? closed because of virus.

You went out for a walk, met a young Mum , put on a brave face ? nonnie you went for a walk , met someone, this is so
important my love, do keep going for walks, i stopped going for walks 4 years come January and became an agoraphobic, me who loved climbing mountains and loved walking holidays.

Hugs nonnie and a ? x

Annie how is your 'brick wall' standing up to you headbanging it? Do you ask each one what they suggest when they tell you they can't help? Pathetic little old lady might get them thinking.

Thanks Chrissy don't feel very strong about it.

Made myself go out and meet young mum and baby for a long walk, she is really nice and it was good to meet the baby after 4 months, even got a few smiles. For an hour and a half I put on my brave face.

Hi all x

How is everyone ? Your lockdown will end next week, yes still
a week to wait but we got through the lockdown which we had
last March , April , May.

It is a difficult time, lockdown, winter, the virus and anxiety,
depression etc.

Evening all.
Nonnie you have been doing well for such a long time. That’s an important thing to remember. You have been fine you are just having a wobble. I have never felt low without knowing the reason so I can’t imagine what is causing you such a problem at the moment. I hope it resolves soon and you feel better.
Annie sorry you’ve hit a brick wall again. Could you try another physio? I’m so sorry you don’t seem to be getting much help. For people who can’t go out, things are so difficult. Is there an agoraphobia association or group that might be able to help?
Glad MT is feeling better. That’s really good news.
Chrissy how have you been doing today? Is it this week you have your appointment with the GP?
lavender hope you are ok too.
Sleep well all and hope you have a peaceful night. x

Evening everyone
Doodle Sounds like you had a lovely walk yesterday.
Nonnie I know what you mean about putting a brave face on. I call it wearing the mask. I’m really glad that others have offered help. You’re most definitely not feeble, it takes huge amounts of strength to carry on when you’re falling to pieces inside. Knowing that you have been worse in the past proves that you can get better and you will given time.
Annie I’m so sorry to hear that the physiotherapist doesn’t do home visits. You’re working so hard at trying to help yourself, I really hope that things turn around for the better soon. I’m glad to hear that your MT is slowly getting better.
Hi Scaredycat lavenderzen Joce BlueSky rafichagran hope you’re all well.
Enjoy the rest of your evening and sleep well everyone x

Hi all x

Phoned physiotherapist about private treatment, she doesn’t do home visits. That’s it, tried everything to get help to help me help myself.

Doodle my mini tornado is better but still tired, so don’t
know when she will come here.

It’s good you are all going for walks , way back in 1977 when
I was in a psychiatric unit after the death of my husband a lovely psychiatrist held strong views on walking .

Thanks Annie, I'm not good on the phone since the bullying thing and what could I say? I don't know why I feel like this so how can I explain it to others?

Lockdown may not end here, have to wait and see what tier we are in.

BlueSky I've been putting a brave face on most of my life, it is what I do. No family in NZ but some close family in three other EU countries. Fortunately they all have good support where they live. I worry that on Christmas Day all the video channels will be too busy for us to get through or only get a poor connection.

Hope DH hears good news soon.

Scardycat thanks, I think I will try writing it down, perhaps that will help me see what has caused this backsliding.

Oh Joce I am so pleased all is well and that you will soon get cuddles with Zach.

Thanks Chrissy you understand about not bothering family, I would if I thought there was anything they could do but can't see the point of making them feel helpless. I am getting lots of offers of help from the ones who live nearest, offering to buy a Christmas tree, helping Father Christmas to find stocking fillers etc.

Doodle your walk sounds lovely. I go out more often if I have planned to meet or share the walk, harder to motivate myself to go on my own. Have 3 planned this week.

If I knew what has caused this it might help but it might not, might make me feel inadequate for being so feeble. Keep telling myself I have been worse but not for a long time.

Thanks everyone for the support, I really do try to be positive all the time but have let myself down at the moment.

Evening all.
Went for a lovely walk today. The sun was shining. It was a bit chilly but fresh and we really enjoyed it.
Chrissy sounds like you had a nice walk with your cousin. Nice you live close enough to meet up. Keeping busy is good. We are here too.
Nonnie I always know what is bringing me down. What that thought is that causes me to worry. Sometimes it’s not one thing but a series of small things. Each on its own not that big but added together produces the snowball that knocks us off our feet. Whatever it is that’s causing you to be down, I hope is lifted soon. In the mean time you can talk to us. We are here. Our little BDG. We understand. ?
Bluesky it must be hard having family far away. Sometimes we need to see them to make sure they’re ok.
Scaredycat hope you had a good day.
Joce so the little ones name is Zach. That’s nice. No need to shorten or lengthen. Bet you can’t wait to give him a cuddle.
annie hope you are ok. How is your MT doing?
Lavender hope you are ok too.
Sleep well all x

Evening everyone
Nonnie Thoughts whether good or bad are virtually impossible to let go, we can only try our best and try to distract as much as possible. This time of year can be hard to deal with, I struggle every year. I think a lot of it is to do with expectations, Christmas is supposed to be a happy time and, if we’re not happy, we feel like we have failed. Add to that having to deal with COVID and it’s not surprising that people are struggling. Of course you have other memories to deal with, please keep trying to be kind to yourself. I totally understand what you said about not talking to family as we don’t want them worrying.
BlueSky I hope that your DH hears when he’s going into hospital soon.
Thanks Scaredycat I’ve tried to keep as busy as I can but I’m having trouble keeping the what-ifs away.
Joce You must be so excited about seeing your new GS and you’ll be able to see them as part of your bubble, fantastic.
Hope everyone else is ok. Have a nice evening and sleep well all x

Evening all.. thank you all..
Daughter is still in hospital so not met the little man yet..
They are both doing well, seen some lovely photos.
Weight 7lb 5oz little Zach.
It certainly lifted my heart. Need to get her home so we can look after them till she gets her strength back..
I will be able to see them has her partner works away so we have our little bubble..
hope everyone has a good evening x

Hi all.
Joce- lovely news about your new grandson.. Babies bring such happiness . I hope Mum and baby are doing well and that you,ll be able to meet him soon.
Chrissy- it’s so good for you to be able to see your cousin and enjoy walks by the sea. Doing nice things is a good way to keep busy while you are waiting for your appointment.
Nonnie- you are worn out with emotions and worries. I know how hard it is to talk to your family but it could be that they already can sense you are troubled.They love you and perhaps would be glad to listen and help you feel less alone. As Annie says it’s only 10 days to end of lockdown then you may be able to see your friends again. In the meantime I,m sure they would be only too glad to listen as I,m sure you have listened to them in the past. Have you tried writing down how you feel- it really helps. Take carex
Doodle,Annie,Lavender,Bluesky,Rafiechagran and anyone I,ve missed enjoy this Sunday evening and hope you all have restful sleepxxx

Afternoon all x Nonnie sorry you are feeling so low but you have reasons to be. Maybe is the Christmas season coming round again, at this time of year I wish my far away family were near or at least nearer. We can FaceTime and will have to but I can’t tell them how I really feel. Have and have had to put a brave face on. Did you say you have some family in NZ?
Chrissy no details of the op yet he should be in hospital 1-3 days depending whether they'll do open or key hole surgery. He’ll know more once he has seen the consultant again.
Annie can’t believe every attempt you make has a problem and you do try. Where’s all the help we are suppose to be able to get from various agencies?
Have a pleasant Sunday afternoon everybody. x

nonnie. Can you not speak to those friends on the telephone or FaceTime?

If I may ask , why does it have to be face to face ? Because you
want physical contact ?

Lockdown will end in 10 days, it seems an age now but it isn’t

Thanks Annie GP wouldn't be interested, gave up on a genuine, lots of symptoms, physical issue.

I have so many good friends I could open up to if I could meet them, they would know what to do and each one would be different. Family would hug me and listen but it needs to be face to face and what could I say? I don't know what has brought me so low. I am in a very lonely place.

Hi all x

nonnie perhaps speak to your GP, possibly depression ?

Try concentrating on what you can do not what you can’t do, and you can say how you feel here. Who would you share with
if it wasn’t for the lockdown ?

No Annie, I don't know why, I have so much to be grateful for and work hard at positivity but for some time now it has been a struggle, finally got too much.

Yes, Chrissy that is it 'over the edge'

Joce that is wonderful news, hope they are all well. Will you be able to see him?

Thanks Scardycat I find it hard to think of ways to be kind to myself, I struggle against this, I hear people say not to think of the thoughts I have but how do I stop them?

All the talk of housework, I just do it but have Dils who really enjoy it. I seem to spend less time on it than before but there are only two of us so how much mess can we make?

Doodle I wish I knew what that bad thought was.

I took a chunk out of DH's hair a couple of cuts back but it has grown out now. Not sure he will ever go back to a hairdresser.

I feel very isolated at the moment, no one to talk to face to face apart from DH, not able to discuss how I feel with family because there is nothing they can do and I don't want them worrying about me.

Evening everyone
Joce what wonderful news, a new GS. Congratulations
Scaredycat My hairdresser is mobile so comes to the house but obviously can’t at the moment. Before all this I had short hair, now I have a bob. Goodness knows how long it will get before it’s cut again. I look terrible in hats, they just don’t suit me. I’ve tried lots of different ones but I look ridiculous in them.
BlueSky I have a wall plaque in the kitchen that says ‘The only reason I have a kitchen is because it came with the house’. Seeing as I don’t cook it’s very apt. I hope your DH gets the date for his op soon so that he can get it over and done with and be back at home with you. Do you know how long he will be in hospital?
Annie Good answer to your Mum that youcouldnt clean like our sisters because you were left handed Thank you for your kind words about my appointment.
Doodle I can’t imagine using the clippers on my hair I laughed at you cutting a large chunk of hair out of the back of your DH’s hair. There’s an advert on tv at the moment with exactly that scenario in it
I’ve tried to keep busy today. Met my cousin and we went for a long walk along the seafront.
Hope everyone else is ok. Sleep well all x

Congratulations Joce on your beautiful healthy Grandson.