BLACK DOG 8

Annie my GC don't think I do magic but last week one of them told DS that he needed advice from me because his macaroni cheese was not as good as mine!

Chrissy such kind words, thank you. Have to pitch the letter carefully so it doesn't sound like boasting about my family who are, of course, the best in the world .

Yes, can't stop my mind doing that at the moment but used to be able to, will need to work out a different strategy. Better last night.

Summerhouse sounds lovely and a very positive thought looking forward, far better than looking backwards.

Doodle good luck with that, a routine is supposed to help with sleep. I gave up praying in bed as my mind kept wandering, now I sit on the edge of the bed to pray before getting ready for bed. Works for me. Seem to be a lot more people to pray for at the moment as well as so many blessings to count.

Feeling a bit better so hope it continues. Funny how it is only in retrospect somethings become clear. I realise that I was having a lot of low blood pressure incidents in the last couple of weeks which are tailing off now. I do wonder if there is any connection.

nonnie a thought - can body and mind be separated, I don’t
think so x

Thanks Annie. I will do that.
I am a great one for bedtime mind whirling so I am trying to make my mind still. x

Hi everyone.
Very grey ,dismal and a bit cold here today .
Having a bit of a wobble today - worn out from yet another AF yesterday and like everyone missing my family so much.
Nonnie- you are loved and needed by so many people including all of us in BDG.
How I wish there was a cure for nighttime mind whirling and the early morning version too. Sometimes I just keep repeating over and over in my head“not thinking!”and sometimes it helps.
Your Xmas letter will sound just like you- kind ,caring ,funny and interested. I,m so glad you are starting to feel more positive again.
Chrissy- so glad you are feeling better. Your Summerhouse sounds delightful it,ll be lovely all snuggled up in there with a throw and maybe a “hottie” having a read. DH can keep you supplied with tea and biscuits!! Good to hear you too sounding positive.
Annie- I don,t think body and mind can be separated. Only personally but if my body feels well my mind is less troubled and vice versa. Have you heard any more about your wheelchair?
Joce- hope your new GS is thriving and the family staying well.
Doodle,Bluesky,Lavender,Rafichagran hope you are all having a good day. Take carexx

Evening everyone
Doodle Exactly, my own little playhouse We finished building it today and started painting on the outside so hoping to finish that tomorrow and then start painting on the inside. I’m going to have a gas heater in there for now and, when the weather starts picking up next year, DH is going to run electricity to it. Sorry you’ve got the wandering mind at bedtime problem as well.
Nonnie It made me smile that one of your GC said that they needed your advice on macaroni cheese It’s not boasting that you think that your family are the best in the world. I’m glad that you got off to sleep easier last night and that you’re feeling slightly better. I think it’s the same for everyone, seeing what the problems were after time has moved on. Do you think that low bp affects how we feel mentally? Can I ask how you know that you had some low bp episodes? I’m interested as I have high bp that is controlled by medication.
Annie Yes I’ve read that apparently our minds and bodies are linked more than we realise and yet GPs never mention that, well mine never have anyway, it’s very interesting. How is your MT Annie? I hope that she’s recovering well.
Scaredycat Sounds like you had the same weather as us, it was much colder today. I’m so sorry to hear that you’ve had a rough day, I hope tomorrow is better for you. Good idea from you for the summerhouse. I’m going to fit one of those wireless doorbells up so that when I want tea and biscuits, I can push my button which will ring in the house and DH will come running
lavender BlueSky Joce rafichagran hope you’re all ok.
Sleep well everyone x just spotted the new Santa smilies

Evening all.
Had an at home today doing chores and looking for presents online for niece and nephew. They are quite young and I enjoy looking for things for them that I used to play with my DGC when they were younger.
Nonnie apparently my son cannot find any apples anywhere that are as good as mine (even if they are the same brand from the same shop ?)
Glad you are feeling a bit better. Keep going ?
Scaredycat not surprising that A fib brings you down. I’ve only had it mildly in the form of heart palpitations but it makes me feel discombobulated and weird for want of a better description.
I think if someone invented a gadget that would turn our thoughts off for a while they would make a fortune. I know it sounds daft but have you ever taken a stuffed toy to bed with you? One with ears and legs and tail or something like that and use it as a fiddle toy just stroking the ears and tail etc to take your mind off things. Stroking a real pet is supposed to be really good for you but a stuffed toy can help too.
Chrissy your playhouse sounds fun especially if you have some heating in there. If it were mine I’d want a big rocking chair and cosy blanket and just snuggle and rock. ?
Annie and all the BDG Hope you have a peaceful night x

Chrissy enjoy your summerhouse x

Scaredycat I do hope you have a restful night and a better day tomorrow.

My mini tornado is coming home for two weeks over Christmas and New Year, she will have a test before she comes,
I pray it’s negative. Longing to see her.

Oh Annie fingers crossed. That will be lovely. ?"

Thanks Annie, I wish we knew more about that connection.

Scardycat so sorry to read you have had another episode of aFib, is there nothing that can be done to stop it? Do you just have to accept it? Thanks for those nice things, hope they are true.

Chrissy your summerhouse sounds not only delightful but a lovely project. I've had a dolls house for sometime now which needs renovating so as soon as I feel able to go to the shops I will get the necessary things and hope that spurs me on. I'm sure my 6 year old GS would love to organise it all for me when he eventually comes.

I think low BP has obvious symptoms whereas high BP doesn't. I feel like I am about to pass out and have to sit down very quickly or I will, I've had it for years, sometimes more than others. No idea if it affects me mentally, just wondering if it was a coincidence or entirely separate.

I have read that some physical issues can cause depression, think hypothyroidism is the most well known.

We have one of those doorbells, didn't realise it worked like that but don't think it would bring DH running {grin}

Doodle I don't enjoy shopping online for presents as much as wandering around and accidentally finding something perfect for the individual. One DS is brilliant at finding unusual presents which really hit the spot.

I would pay a fortune for your gadget.

Another better night with only a little mind wandering. Lovely day again so DH and I are going for a walk later. He had a wobble yesterday which is very unusual but I think it was good for him to let it all out. He hadn't wanted to add to my worries bless him. He is a bit better this morning now we are doing something about it together.

Still have all the feelings of missing my family but coping better with them at the moment.

Hi all x

Woke early , failed to do my ‘Scarlet O’Hara’ , - I’ll think about that tomorrow.

My mini tornado graduates next summer, she will start work
and very likely will have to move away , she has spoken of this
to me.

My younger daughter lives a 5 hour drive away and visits twice
a year. My elder granddaughter has become very close to her
partners mother which I am truly thankful for. My grandson
has become detached from me since the death of his mother.
I understand why.

Being the eldest of five and always had youngsters in my life ,
11 nieces and nephews, I will have to accept no family in my life apart from telephone chats.

I am getting more disabled , will not have knee replacement surgery , can’t have another dog, can no longer do gardening, What is there ?

Morning all x Bright if cold day, which is a great improvement from the dismal weather we’ve had recently.
Annie so sorry to hear about your worries concerning your family not being near you and your DGD possibly moving away once graduated, adding to this your increasing disability that limits what you can do. Wish I could suggest something useful, what help is there when you are on your own? This thought has crossed my mind as apart from DH, I would have no family nearby.
Nonnie I’ve had life long high BP (thankfully controlled by medication) but occasionally it has dropped dramatically and I’ve been near passing out or actually became ‘absent’ for a minute or two. As you say I’ve never had any symptoms with high BP not even a headache, but you do know when it’s too low! My DH has occasional wobbles relating to the restrictions due to the pandemic. As I’ve said before is a very sociable soul and all this has affected him a lot more than me, I’m quite happy in my own company always have been.
Will vary our walk today going ‘further afield’ to keep him happy!
Hope you’ll all have a pleasant day x

Annie my neighbour said the same thing to me a few weeks ago. She lost her DH a couple of years ago and although she has children who live near who visit, she doesn’t see them that much. She said to me I don’t really know what the point is.

You sound sad today. Is it pondering the future? We have to hope there is reason to continue.

I hope something can be done to get you out and about a bit. Something to bring more interest to your life.

You have something very valuable to offer here. Your kind words and advice have brought comfort and hope to so many. What you have done on this thread is a wonderful thing and means a great deal to many. Don't dismiss it lightly.

I hope you feel more positive soon.
A gentle cwtch from me x

Evening all.
Chrissy- I just love your summerhouse project.What colours are you painting it. It’s nice to have something to do together isn,t it. I got myself a little pod chair this Summer and really enjoyed being in it and reading.
Pleased to hear you sounding so positive.
Doodle- I hadn,t thought of taking a stuffed toy to bed although I do have a hot water bottle in a furry cover!! I could try it as I still have my old teddy but he,s not very cuddly as his fur is all worn away and he only has one eye!! We have a big old fat cat who might do but his snoring is worse than my DH!
Nonnie- I had a procedure 3years ago when first diagnosed with AF and that combined with meds has been very good. It does get worse as you get older though and this year it is happening more frequently. I have accepted it but it still scares me every time . Still do everything though!!
I,ve really enjoyed on line Xmas shopping - there are so many people with small businesses making really nice things.
Glad yourDH was able to to express his feelings and hope you enjoyed your walk together.
Bluesky- hope you and your DH had a nice walk too. My DH plays golf when it’s allowed and that enables him to see his friends safely.
Annie- So glad you will be able to have a visit fromMT over the holidays test permitting. I too pray it will be negative.
I hope she won,t have to move far away when she starts work - wherever she is she will be there for you though.
I feel so sad to think of you being alone with such a big family - glad that your elder daughter can visit twice a year.
Are you able to talk to your Grandson on the phone?
Is it your agoraphobia stopping you having the knee surgery?
I do echo Doodles words- you have done so much to help and encourage so many. You mean a great deal to us you are “our friend Annie” .
Love to allx

This article might interest some of you.

I hope it links.
www.scientificamerican.com/article/gut-second-brain/

Evening everyone
Doodle Hope the online shopping went well yesterday. I would pay anything for a gadget to turn my mind off. Taking something comforting to bed with you isn’t daft at all. When I’ve been very ill in the past I’ve taken an old teddy to bed with me. My playhouse isn’t very big. I have a rocking chair but it would take up too much room. I’m going to look in the charity shops when they reopen.
Annie Absolutely brilliant news that your MT is coming home for 2 weeks. I will keep everything crossed that she tests negative. Dare I ask what your ‘Scarlet Ohara’ is? I hope that your MT doesn’t move too far away when she graduates. Such a shame that your family live so far away. Hopefully you will have an electric wheelchair soon so that you can at least get outside the house. I wish that there was more that could be done for you. I totally agree with what Doodle and Scaredycat said, you offer so much here to so many people
Nonnie I love dolls houses, that will be a really good project. I get occasional periods where I feel very shaky but I think that’s probably linked to low blood sugar. I very much doubt that the bell would bring my DH running either but worth a try Glad that you had another better night last night. Hope you enjoyed your walk, sorry to hear that your DH had a wobble, hope he is feeling better now.
BlueSky Hope you enjoyed your walk today. That’s interesting what you said about having high bp but occasionally it drops and you almost pass out. I’d always assumed that when I had the shakes it was low blood sugar but I suppose it could be my bp dropping. I’ve got a bp machine at home so I’ll check it next time.
Scaredycat Thank you. The outside is being painted in a pale grey which is the same colour as our bungalow. The inside is a pale green. I’ve never heard of a pod chair, I’ll be looking it up after I’ve finished this message. I’m sorry that dealing with the AF is hard and gets worse with age.
Hi petra Thank you for the link, sounds interesting, I will have a read.
Hope everyone else is ok.
Sleep well everyone x

Petra thank you. An interesting link.
Scaredycat it’s not so much the softness of the toy it’s more the arms, legs and tail. Pretty much like the fidget toys that autistic children and those with Alzheimer’s have. You fiddle with the various bits and it takes your mind off other thoughts. The softness just makes it more comfortable if you roll on it during the night rather than a wooden block fidget toy ?
I think the fat cat might object to having her legs and tail pulled ?
Chrissy I wish I had a rocking chair. What I’d really like is one of those garden swings. The old fashioned kind that you see on people’s verandas in The Waltons. ?
Your playhouse colours sound nice and soothing. It doesn’t have to be big just somewhere that’s yours.
Annie I hope you’re ok and realise how much you mean to all of us on this thread. Not the same as family I know but we do care. x
Sleep well all.
Lavender are you moving yet? (Sorry it sounds as though I’m asking after your bowels )

annie you are a truly wise and wonderful person ❤ I am sorry you feeling sad at the moment I wish I could take all your troubles, screw them into a ball and throw them far far away xx

Hello all x how are all my virtual friends x my gorgeous binks is now actually coming for strokes. ( a fereal i have been feeding for 14months) he will now bump his head into my hands and rub himself around my legs he meows for food, responds to his name and purrs! We can scratch under his chin but we cannot touch the tip of his tail or his belly. He along with all my animals is stopping me from sinking into a black hole of destruction. My heart is aching for tank daily ? you would think I would be over him now. I am also still struggling from the death of my best friend (he died in April from a brain tumour)

Annie what is there? There is you, you give comfort and support to others. You will get the vaccine and more support when things get back to normal. You have us and our encouragement to overcome the agoraphobia and the strong will to do so. Just hang in there each day and don't think of the future. You can do it.

Thanks Petra. DH gave me Cornish Pasty and chips last night so we could reminisce about our family holiday. We normally don't eat pastry, have very little meat and lots of veg so my 'second brain' must be going demented .

Nanny good to see you. You are doing a great job with Binks and I'm sure he is doing you good too. Of course you still miss Tank, you always will. Sorry about your best friend too.

Today I am counting my blessings. Yesterday's very cold walk around the lake was good, we saw egrets, herons and smaller black birds which might well be herons. Dog walkers all spoke as we passed and just the peace and quiet of the lake.

Went back to sleep this morning and was woken by a video call from DS. DiL has suggested that, if on the 16th the rules change and they are allowed to come into our house, DS and GS can book a flight to come over straight after school on 18th for the weekend. I have the best DiLs ever! They always come to us for Christmas so it will be hard this year and we will go to other DS & Dil so won't be alone. Also had a message from one of the extended family who will be Grannie for the first time by the end of the month and shares all her excitement with me. They live on another continent so I won't see the baby when he/she arrives but can still share their joy.

In addition my daily reading included verses from y Grandad's favourite carol and, instead of it making me sad as it always had, it made me think of the Grandad who was always there throughout my childhood.

All in all feeling very emotional but in a good way. I do hope you all have something to feel blessed about today too.

Hi all x

Thank you for your kindness and friendship, what ever I give
on this thread I also receive from you all.

My reference to Scarlet O’Hara ? a family joke, I have and still
do say ‘I will think about it tomorrow’ , a line from the film, my family would say I was ‘doing a Scarlet O’Hara’ .

My post about my grandchildren etc , my life has always been
very involved with youngsters , Scouts, Sunday School, Church Youth Club etc. I love my mini tornado’s visits, yes she
helps so much with jobs around the house but above this is
she brings laughter.

I don’t think these Cul de sacs such as where I live are right for
older people, tucked away on the edge of town, no through traffic, no one walks through, no children going to school, playing, all I see are carers visiting neighbours, no mothers
pushing buggies, no one coming home with shopping.

My elder granddaughter posted photographs of her and mini tornado when they were small, my darling daughter was always taking photographs of them, so this brought back memories of much happiness . The root of my gloom is
I miss her so much, her laughter, her love, I miss her phone calls every night to say ‘good night, love you’. I miss her bombing in every day for coffee, chatter and laughter .

This is not depression so unrelated to this thread, just wanted to explain my gloomy post .

Annie I feel for you.

Just another suggestion which you may not have heard before. We have friends who are heavily involved with the BP guild www.bp-guild.org.uk/. You may not have heard of them but it appears to be older people who have previously been involved in scouting. I could find out if there is anyone local to you if you like? They have been holding Zoom meetings recently.

Hello all I’ve not been around it my thoughts have been with you all, Annie my heart goes out to you, if it help you to talk to us, I for one don’t mind what you talk about
There’s plenty hear for you our dear friend..

I have been so worried. My daughter (new mum) and her partner have both tested positive. Just did not know which way to turn.. I can’t go to her (she won’t let me) and she was so so worried about her baby.. how is a mum supposed to that when all you want to do is go to her? What would friends on hear do if you were in that position...

Hi everyone.
Nonnie- what lovely colours you have chosen for your little house- very restful. My sister has one in her garden with those sort of colours.
Ooh Cornish pasties my DH loves those especially with chips.
What lovely morning calls you had today - so glad you have kind DiLs.
Grandads hold special places in our hearts don’t they.
So good to hear the positivity and hope surfacing in your words Nonnie.
Nanny- Binks sounds like he is becoming a very happy confident cat . He was lucky to find you to show him how to trust again . I am sorry you lost your best friend you must miss him very much.
Annie- I can see what you mean about Cul - de - sacs . Sometimes it’s better to be a bit noisy but be able to see life going on. I,ve always lived in quiet roads until now- we now live in the Main Street through the village and love the variety of both houses and people.
Your MT is such a source of joy for you- hope you enjoy lots of laughter with her soon. Your DD must have been such a lovely person - she has left you with so many happy memories.

Been to hygienist and dentist today not the most fun time but at least all is ok. I,ve had a lifelong fear of the dentist as I think lots of older people do due to the horrors of the dentists of our childhood. But I,m more scared of problems so go faithfully.
Doodle,Bluesky Lavender, Joce and anyone I,ve missed hope you have nice evening and peaceful sleepx

nonnie thank you, all I knew when in Scouting are dead .

Petra hello and thank you, a very interesting read.

Joyce not sure what you mean my love, you mustn’t go to
your daughter if she has tested positive, you want to care for her and she wants to protect you.

nannie lovely to hear from you, I have been thinking of you,
you will always miss Tank but it’s wonderful that you have connected with Bink, unusual with a ferrel , sorry about your
friend.

Scaredycat yes this Cul de sac is so isolating , and can’t even
have a chat and joke with the Tesco delivery man, think I
have an addiction to laughter .

I was widowed at 34 so have always been able to ‘do my own thing’ without having to consider what a partner wanted to do.

I need to come to terms with acceptance again , but don’t one
of you expect me to accept snow , grrrrrrrr,

My mini tornado has told me I am not to be trusted to shop on line , few months ago I ordered 2 boxes of knicker liners,
ordered 20 in error. Then ordered 12 bottles of honey, wrong
size bottles, too big, can’t hold them . yesterday thought I ordered 4 glass tumblers from John Lewis , big mistake again
ordered 4 boxes of 6. Need new spectacles- my excuse for being stupid ?

Annie I know I shouldn’t go but it’s the mum in me I just want to look after her, that’s said she is doing ok. Not had many symptoms thank goodness.
Baby put weight on lovey.. she does keep face timing me.
Track and trace phone to see if they are ok and if they need anything, it’s very good of them I didn’t know they did that...

I think your mini tornado is right, don’t shop on line..
Thank you for making me laugh Annie I’m not on my own I’m just the same I’ve not got a clue so I don’t do it any more..
I thought I had order some feet to move heavy things round on, I got a packet of some kind of veg seeds I never heard of ??.
Hope everyone has a peaceful night ?