First Christmas Alone

Christmas is always hard after a death in the family, and I am so sorry Msida to hear you have recently lost your husband.

After each of my parents' deaths and again after my sister died, we found it helpful to do something a little different than we normally would on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day.

That worked for us. I hope you find something that works for you.

the first Christmas after my first husband died (at the end of October) I still had a teenage daughter at home, so we tried to be jolly and make the best of it, visiting friends and having some sort of Christmas dinner

5 years later , the christmas after my father died, I decided not to put a brave face on . My mother went to stay with her cousin where she could "keep busy and enjoy Christmas". I chatted to family on the phone, enjoyed the peace n quiet, ate dinner when i wanted to, had a few glasses of wine, cried when I wanted to, watched TV and just relaxed

My advice would be to just do whatever suits you on the day. Thinking of you xxxx

MsidaI can relate as to how you feel.
Last Christmas I lost my beloved husband right on top of Christmas and that time just passed me by in a blur of grief then the first lockdown was brought in and things just got worse.
Christmas will never be the same again for me but this year I am going to spend the day with my DDs family hopefully we will spend the day remembering my husband and his love for Christmas and his family.
Msida Treat yourself to some nice food and a glass of something special and raise a glass to your husband,spend the day with a good film and talk to us here on GN so looking forward to us talking on the big day xx glamma xx

I'm so sorry for your loss. My unwanted and unexpected divorce left me feeling as if I was mourning. The first Christmas Day I spent at a hotel with some friends. In retrospect I wouldn't do that again because it felt like I was just trying to fill a gap. The second one I spent at the Salvation Army and had a wonderful time because I was with others who were on their own. We had a lot of fun. What a lovely suggestion, to come on to Gransnet on The Day. I'll do that too. See you here!

buddyLove am I right you’re new to GN that’s not the best entrance when someone has written a post about grief

buddylove I’m assuming (hoping) you posted on the wrong thread ?

BuddyLove

May all of you have a Merry, Merry Christmas. Ho Ho Ho.

This may be well-intentioned BuddyLove , but strikes me as insensitive under the circumstances.

Message deleted by Gransnet. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Christmas can be a lonely time, once the family leave.
If they are going before lunch, is it possible that there might be a group of folk in the same position as yourself?
Some churches run a Christmas lunch, or maybe the local U3A may do, so that you are with similar folk, and not alone for the rest of the day.
The Salvation Army have a Christmas lunch in some towns, for just this reason.
Could you get together with some friends, who are also on their own on the day?
I hope that you can find some company to keep up your spirits.

I so I know what you mean about being a spare at someone else's Christmas Dinner would hate that myself

Dear Msida, please don't be sad for me. I meant my post to show that spending the day alone is not so dreadful and it can pass in quite a pleasant manner and we will come through it ok.
Christmas no longer has much meaning for me but I do enjoy some of it's traditions.Each year I organise a Pantomime trip for a group of friends on the afternoon of New Year's Eve.I go to pre Christmas meals but am happier being alone on Christmas Day rather than feel like a spare part at someone else's family Christmas.
Unfortunately I think even those things may be cancelled this year but that will be the same for lots of people.
Thank you for your kind thoughts and I'll see you here on Christmas Day!

Thank you BlueBelle

Avitorl that brought tears to my eyes.. Do you have children, have you lost your family.

It just doesn't feel right for someo e to be alone at Christmas although PetitFromage did make it sound like quite a wonderful day could be had

Thank you petitFromage that does sound like a nice day it's been so so helpful speaking to you all about it, it has eased the pain.

I hope you are not in my position by Christmas, is your husband unwell

I didn't even think of coming on Gransnet Grief frazzle your brain that's a comforting thought thank you?

Yes do come on GN I bet lots of us will be here and I should have said before I m so sorry you lost your husband recently ?

My best friend chose to spend last Christmas alone instead of travelling to family they all understood and rang her of course, but she said she loved it cooked herself a lovely dinner and did just what she wanted instead of having to fit in with others plans and making tiring journeys

I spent last Christmas Day completely alone and expect it will be the same this year.
I started the day listening to Festive Music on the radio and danced like no one was looking,because they weren't!
I had lunch late afternoon cooking and eating just what I like.
Watched Tv in the evening and the day passed without it being traumatic.
Highlight of my day was giving my Rescue Cat her Christmas Sock full of Dreamies!

I am so sorry for your loss.

I suggest that you have a special breakfast with smoked salmon, scrambled eggs, champagne, bacon, muffins or whatever takes your fancy. Toast your husband and all of the happy times you spent together.

Enjoy your family and then spoil yourself for the rest of the day; a relaxing hot bath with soothing oils, delicious food and drink, cheese, chocolates, music, tv/films. Be completely at peace with yourself and have time to think of your beloved husband and cry and reminisce. It will be melancholy but not necessarily sad in a negative way. You will probably benefit from some time alone, in order to begin the process of healing.

At least that is what I would want for myself and I may also be in your position by Christmas, but we are all different.

Oh, and come onto Gransnet Msida.

I think there'll be a lot of us here ?

Thank you lots of suggestions appreciate that

Yes some good thoughts Thank you so much

Thank you

That was amazingly helpful it made so much sense and its something I feel would work for me

Thank you so much for sharing that thank you

Me, I'd have a plan. It would go something like this.

Breakfast with family. Let's say they go between 11 and midday.

Coffee and book. I'd start the book on Christmas Eve so that I was into it (and probably desperate for family to go so that I could carry on)

Out for walk. A long one that I'd drive too. Something like Rutland Water. Take flask and snack.

Home and cook something complicated that demands time and attention.

Eat in front of television.

Quick walk round the estate to see Christmas lights.

Something good to watch or maybe the book. Some nice nibbles and wine.

Bed

Having said that, this will be a hard day, but maybe not as bad as you think.

I'm one of those keep busy types I'm afraid. Not the remembrance which would only make me miserable not comforted?