Gransnet forums


First Christmas Alone

(21 Posts)
Msida Sun 11-Oct-20 11:46:25

Hi I will be spending my first Christmas alone.. I lost my husband recently..

I will have one visit, which is for Christmas breakfast from family, but they will then go off for the day to spend it with another part of the family and I will be alone for the rest of the day..

Thing is I don't want it to be a sad day

Nannarose Sun 11-Oct-20 11:55:06

I feel for you. It is never easy to know what might be helpful, but I will share my dad's experience, and if it doesn't help you, then forget it!
He actually asked to be alone that first Xmas. He had an invitation from a close friend for Xmas Eve, and he asked us not to phone. He spent the day in a mix of things he had loved to do with my mum, like a big fried breakfast, and things she wouldn't have done, like watching old films. He wrote down some Xmas memories, as the fancy took him, and went out for a Xmas walk.
He wanted to remember her in his own time, to cry when he wanted to, not be working to our timetable.
He then joined us for our regular Boxing Day outing.

It was the right thing to do, for him. I hope you can make your first lone Xmas one that helps you heal.

BlueSky Sun 11-Oct-20 11:59:37

Msida I feel for you. Sadly this will happen to all of us or our partners. There are many on here who have been through this so I’m sure they’ll have some practical suggestions for you. Big hug x flowers

PECS Sun 11-Oct-20 12:31:41

How lovely to see your family on Christmas Day morning but can see how the rest of the day, on your own, will highlight the loss of your DH.
Unless there is a friend who is also alone to spend time with you all I can suggest is that you invest in the things you really enjoy: food, music, TV shows, films, book etc. and spend the rest of the day doing all your favourite things. It won't stop you being alone but it might make the day pass more pleasurably.

Illte Sun 11-Oct-20 13:16:04

Me, I'd have a plan. It would go something like this.

Breakfast with family. Let's say they go between 11 and midday.

Coffee and book. I'd start the book on Christmas Eve so that I was into it (and probably desperate for family to go so that I could carry on)

Out for walk. A long one that I'd drive too. Something like Rutland Water. Take flask and snack.

Home and cook something complicated that demands time and attention.

Eat in front of television.

Quick walk round the estate to see Christmas lights.

Something good to watch or maybe the book. Some nice nibbles and wine.


Having said that, this will be a hard day, but maybe not as bad as you think.

I'm one of those keep busy types I'm afraid. Not the remembrance which would only make me miserable not comforted😬

Msida Sun 11-Oct-20 13:26:46

That was amazingly helpful it made so much sense and its something I feel would work for me

Thank you so much for sharing that thank you

Msida Sun 11-Oct-20 13:27:50

Thank you

Msida Sun 11-Oct-20 13:29:11

Yes some good thoughts Thank you so much

Msida Sun 11-Oct-20 13:31:11

Thank you lots of suggestions appreciate that

Illte Sun 11-Oct-20 13:52:31

Oh, and come onto Gransnet Msida.

I think there'll be a lot of us here 🙂

PetitFromage Sun 11-Oct-20 14:13:05

I am so sorry for your loss.

I suggest that you have a special breakfast with smoked salmon, scrambled eggs, champagne, bacon, muffins or whatever takes your fancy. Toast your husband and all of the happy times you spent together.

Enjoy your family and then spoil yourself for the rest of the day; a relaxing hot bath with soothing oils, delicious food and drink, cheese, chocolates, music, tv/films. Be completely at peace with yourself and have time to think of your beloved husband and cry and reminisce. It will be melancholy but not necessarily sad in a negative way. You will probably benefit from some time alone, in order to begin the process of healing.

At least that is what I would want for myself and I may also be in your position by Christmas, but we are all different.

avitorl Sun 11-Oct-20 18:33:07

I spent last Christmas Day completely alone and expect it will be the same this year.
I started the day listening to Festive Music on the radio and danced like no one was looking,because they weren't!
I had lunch late afternoon cooking and eating just what I like.
Watched Tv in the evening and the day passed without it being traumatic.
Highlight of my day was giving my Rescue Cat her Christmas Sock full of Dreamies!

BlueBelle Sun 11-Oct-20 18:49:25

My best friend chose to spend last Christmas alone instead of travelling to family they all understood and rang her of course, but she said she loved it cooked herself a lovely dinner and did just what she wanted instead of having to fit in with others plans and making tiring journeys

BlueBelle Sun 11-Oct-20 18:52:02

Yes do come on GN I bet lots of us will be here and I should have said before I m so sorry you lost your husband recently 💐

Msida Sun 11-Oct-20 22:05:29

I didn't even think of coming on Gransnet Grief frazzle your brain that's a comforting thought thank you🧡

Msida Sun 11-Oct-20 22:08:47

Thank you petitFromage that does sound like a nice day it's been so so helpful speaking to you all about it, it has eased the pain.

I hope you are not in my position by Christmas, is your husband unwell

Msida Sun 11-Oct-20 22:12:37

Avitorl that brought tears to my eyes.. Do you have children, have you lost your family.

It just doesn't feel right for someo e to be alone at Christmas although PetitFromage did make it sound like quite a wonderful day could be had

Msida Sun 11-Oct-20 22:14:13

Thank you BlueBelle

avitorl Sun 11-Oct-20 22:38:11

Dear Msida, please don't be sad for me. I meant my post to show that spending the day alone is not so dreadful and it can pass in quite a pleasant manner and we will come through it ok.
Christmas no longer has much meaning for me but I do enjoy some of it's traditions.Each year I organise a Pantomime trip for a group of friends on the afternoon of New Year's Eve.I go to pre Christmas meals but am happier being alone on Christmas Day rather than feel like a spare part at someone else's family Christmas.
Unfortunately I think even those things may be cancelled this year but that will be the same for lots of people.
Thank you for your kind thoughts and I'll see you here on Christmas Day!

Msida Sun 11-Oct-20 22:49:23

I so I know what you mean about being a spare at someone else's Christmas Dinner would hate that myself smile

Puzzled Mon 12-Oct-20 16:26:17

Christmas can be a lonely time, once the family leave.
If they are going before lunch, is it possible that there might be a group of folk in the same position as yourself?
Some churches run a Christmas lunch, or maybe the local U3A may do, so that you are with similar folk, and not alone for the rest of the day.
The Salvation Army have a Christmas lunch in some towns, for just this reason.
Could you get together with some friends, who are also on their own on the day?
I hope that you can find some company to keep up your spirits.