BLACK DOG 9

Hi all x

Sorry not been here for few days, had / have problems !

The wheelchair was delivered Thursday, I don’t like it, didn’t even sit on it until this morning ! Had a chat with a lovely enabler this morning, talked it through whilst sitting on the chair. It’s a very solid chair so no thoughts of it not being safe but after sitting on it for just few minutes anxiety soared.

Felt so vulnerable and realised why, nothing in front of me, I loved Fred, but when I sat on Fred I sat behind a solid section of metal with a sort of steering wheel in front of me.

I sit on my sofa and coffee table between me and the room,
when I walk I use a trolley so again something in front of me.

Can anyone understand why I feel so vulnerable in the chair ?

Seems we are all waiting with baited breath Annie

2 walks yesterday! One planned for today.

Annie hope you are alright, how’s the chair...
Hope everyone’s had a good day.
Night all sleep well ?

Glad you’re feeling a bit better Nonnie
Yes I am wondering how Annie is getting on too.
Hope all the gang are ok.

scardycat that was brave, I haven't been further than the local pharmacist.

*Thanks Doodle, yes, the Dog is not quite so close. I know I have to live with it, nothing more I can do but it still comes back and bites me at times.

We went out in the car after difficulty starting it, same thing, battery needed use.

Butterfly welcome, you won't have any such issues here.

Annie has it come?

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Nonnie I wonder if you are feeling any better today. Unresolved conflict can weigh on your mind.
Hope you are ok.
Annie it’s funny how anything out of the ordinary these days causes heightening of feelings and anxiety. Hope you have the chair now and are pleased with it,
Scaredycat wish I’d have knows you were going to M&S, I would have put my order in ?. I am pleased you plucked up courage to do it. The more we try the easier it should get.
Our walk was much colder and wetter today but it didn’t rain as much as we’d feared. Tomorrow we are going for a drive up and down the motorway to charge the car battery. How exciting ?. Wish it was a trip to the coast.
Take care all.x

Hope everyone is ok today.
Annie- been thinking of you today. Hope your chair has arrived.
Nanny- Congratulations on the birth of your new Grandaughter and glad you have been able to spend time with her. They are special days.
Nonnie- hope you are feeling better today
Doodle- very wet walk today but still good to be out. I plucked up my courage this morning and we went to our local M and S to get a few bits. Being among any people makes me nervous but I was pleased we went and it’s given me a bit of confidence for the future. Hope you,ve had a good day.
Have a good evening all in BDG x

Hi all x

Be back later, chair being delivered today, stomach churning !

Thanks annie. I wish there was a way to deal with it.

Has the chair come?

Scardycat like you the sudden loss of a son is something we will never overcome, just learn to live with it. That is not what is affecting me at the moment, this is something which went on for a long time and I was unable to resolve because the person concerned didn't want a resolution and there was no help available.

nanny how lovely to be in that bubble and I assume get lots of cuddles.

Doodle it doesn't matter what the trigger is, when it comes there is nothing we can do about it. Dreams, events, TV programmes, pretty much anything can do it.

Rain here all day too Joce. No walk today which is probably just as well as my eyes are really sore from the pollen.
Staying in should help.
Annie you must have been very good at knitting to design and make your own things. What a sad blow that your hands aren’t able to do such things now.
Hope your chair arrives safely tomorrow. Take your time to get used to it. Hope you are pleased.
Nonnie I love Aran patterns and the cables. I used to knit some but kept getting my twists going in the wrong direction ?
Sorry you had a bad day yesterday. Yes we do understand. Perhaps not for the same reasons. I have dreams sometimes that remind me of past happenings or troubles. Even though it was only a dream it often overshadows my day.
Scaredycat I might let you know when I’m cleaning the bath so if I fall in you can come and pull on my legs to get me out ? Did you have rain too today or did you get out on a walk?
Nanny how lovely to be able to visit your new granddaughter . Sounds as though her big sister is quite taken with her.
Glad your DHs foot is getting better. It sounds as though it will take a while to heal properly. I think Doodle is a great name for your rooster ?

hello dear friends. annie I just read about your power chair thats wonderful news ! My beautiful 2nd granddaughter was born 12.02.21. and as I am my daughters bubble i got to see her for a few days (after all taking covid tests) she is so beautiful. I took her for a walk when taking sassy back to school and sassy was worried I was taking her sister home with me ha ha ha I was given strict instructions to take her home before I left.

I hope you are all doing ok. DH foot still being dressed still a huge crater but at least its not infected. doodle we have a really handsome rooster he is also called doodle...

thinking of you all xxx

Nonnie- Ah sorry you are having some difficult days. I can understand what you are feeling as whenever I hear the news of a terrible crash I go straight back to that awful day. There are some things it is impossible to erase or get over we just have to learn to live with them don,t we. Sending a hug
Doodle - Well done with the bath cleaning. I imagined you falling in head first with just your little legs sticking out!!!!
Joce- I,m ok thanks. Just been for a very chilly,wet and windy walk it feels so good to get back in the warm. Hope you are ok too.
Annie- you must miss your lovely daughter so much- I know even after so many years I miss my son every day. It is so sad you have no contact with your sisters. Would it be possible for you to write to one or all of them and tell them how you are feeling. You have nothing to lose and much to gain. The longest journey starts with a single step.
Perhaps if you think of your new chair as something new to learn - it may take a while but the freedom you gain will be so worth it. Wish I could come and help you. XX
Take care all dear BDG

nonnie I so understand PTSD, a heavy fall of snow and I see
mothers digging in black sludge trying to find their child, I am
there , I hear the cries, it’s so distressing and I feel the guilt because I was relieved my family home and my family were safe. Sending you hugs x

3 Ply? If I run out of knitting again I will post on here to see if anyone wants me to do something for them. Currently finishing something small off and awaiting a pattern and yarn for an Aran sweater for someone I have never met.

Really bad day yesterday and not much better today. I suspect it is a form of PTSD because I get flashbacks and when something which brings it all back strongly the black dog hits me and takes a while to go away. It can be something I hear about which appears to be nowhere near as awful as happened to me but it pulls the trigger. Sorry to be all about me but maybe you understand even if you haven't had the same situation

Hi all x

How is everyone ?

Joyce 3ply ? For some years I took in knitting but no way 3ply, when I designed and sold knitwear in craft markets again
no 3ply, I applaud you and nonnie.

nonnie happenings from our past do suddenly come to mind, since I have been having support from the enablement team I have been grieving,longing for my darling daughter and after 4 years of silence I long to hear from my sisters.

All we have to cope with due to the virus is affecting so many
physically and mentally.

Tomorrow my power chair will be delivered, I am unnerved,
I may have too much hope for what i want from it.

Morning all,
Annie how are you doing,? I really do hope you are feeling better today...
Doodle the sound of summer is soooo good.
Nonnie I did do shawls in 3ply yes they are beautiful. Wish I could do them now ?. my friend would have loved one I had to say no to her...
scaredycat how are to this morning.
We have rain today...
think we all need soom ?
Have a good day all ?

Joce hang on in there. Summer is on the way and things are looking brighter. It is hard to be enthusiastic about much at the moment but try and get a little pleasure out of each day.
I watched the Dean at Canterbury today and the opening video had a little Robin sitting in a tree chirping away. You could see the wind ruffling his feathers. It brightened my day.
polomint glad it helped to write things down here. Have you thought of writing to your GP if you can’t get an appointment. DH does that sometimes.
Annie I am so sorry your DGD was upset. I hope she is ok. We worry enough about them as it is. I hate it when mine are hurt.
Wow. Thursday will be a red letter day. How exciting.
Scaredycat I had more oomph today so got a few jobs done. Meant to try and do some painting but had a chat to ‘other grandma’ instead which was more important. One job I dislike is cleaning our bath. We don’t use it much preferring showers but I clean it every week. It is a massive bath (smaller than the one they wanted to put in) and difficult to clean without falling in. I am always exhausted after washing it. I did it today hurrah ?
Nonnie you made me laugh when you mentioned how things are wrapped up. I bought antihistamine eyedrops from the chemist as my eyes were bad. Couldn’t wait to put the drops in when I got home. Do you think I could open the tiny bottle! In the end DH took a pair of pliers and a wrench to it. ?. I am sorry something has reminded you of a very painful time. Try and think that you have come through it. It is hard not to dwell on these kind of sadnesses but I hope you can move on and have a better night tonight.
Take care dear BDG and hope you all have a peaceful night x

Annie sorry I didn't make it clear, that was what I was looking at and thought it could apply to your walking too.

I hope the power chair comes fully assembled and that it is not wrapped as some of my purchases are. Nothing wrong with my hands but sometimes things are very difficult to open! Please let us know when you plan to try it out and those of us who do can pray.

Thanks Doodle perhaps I think other people's skills must be better than mine? I don't like the sewing up but think I do OK.

I hope I can work towards not feeling guilty about doing nothing, trying but not there yet.

Joce I used to love making shawls, 3ply baby ones were best. My patterns cost 1/- and the other 9d!

Polomint hope you feel better today. I too think writing it down can help sometimes.

On our walk yesterday we passed someone who, on another occasion hadn't responded to our greeting, yesterday he did. Same happened in a park last week, young woman didn't respond first time but on the way back did. I do wear quite distinctive coat! I like to think we made a small contribution to their lives.

Something happened yesterday to bring to the front of my mind a very bad time in life, a time of mental abuse which made me very ill. Struggling today.

Morning all.
Doodle - I,m going to try and take a leaf out of your book and enjoy the doing nothing time !!!! Have a good day.
Annie- that is just not good enough. I,m sure if you had had the same people regularly for their correct amount of time it would have helped you so much. Still you could always use WD40!!!! You couldn,t make that up that person was not fit for purpose. I hope your daughter and husband can find you the help you deserve. As Joce says it makes me feel angry for you too?
Polomint - you put into words how I feel at the moment it’s the vulnerability that is so unnerving. Have a good day.
Annie - wow your Chair is on its way - so happy for you.
Yes the way we have to jump through hoops to speak to anyone at the moment is so frustrating and wearying . Sometimes it is next to impossible to get a real live person!!!
Sorry your GD felt upset yesterday I expect it did her good having a chat with you. XX
Nonnie,Joce,Bluesky,Nanny and all in BDG I hope the sun is shining on you today

Morning Annie hope you are feeling better today less stress for you, you really don’t need it... yes you are a fighter, strong we all in the BDG love you for it..
Excited for you, your chair hopefully a bit of freedom to get about if only round you home and garden...x

Hi all x

polomint sorry yesterday was a bad day, glad it helped you to write it down, it’s what Black Dog Thread was started for .

Yes many are feeling vulnerable, I am and I have quite a record of fighting back and not giving in.

Yesterday I had to phone my local pharmacy for advise on medication for the arthritis, the thought of telephoning the
surgery, explaining why I needed to speak to a doctor then being transferred to someone who would decide if I did need to speak to a doctor, I was too tired to go through all that.

We are all coping with ‘the unknown’ and lockdown stops us from meeting people so we are stuck at home talking to the wall.

I was talking to my elder granddaughter yesterday, she is an eternal optomist, a ray of sunshine, A Pollyanna, always has been, yesterday she was in tears.

One positive yesterday, my power chair is being delivered Thursday, yippee

Dear annie doodle nonnie and anyone else on this thread who has health issues that they are struggling with. Sometimes it can feel overwhelming and no one to turn to especially now with this lockdown. It's hard to get support. It's difficult to get hold of a doctor as receptionist at our surgery tries to fob you off and what good is a phone consultation when you need the doctor to see your condition, whatever it is. I find it so frustrating and really anxious about being so vulnerable. Just a bit of a bad day today but glad just to write it down. We must try to look forward to an end to this lockdown, we will still have health worries but I dont think it will feel so bad when we can see people . Good night, sweet dreams

Doodle I have been doing a bit of knitting. I was asked if I could do a shawl, I would love to do one but sadly my arms won’t let me.. I have cut a pair of shorts out for one of my granddaughters.. but not feeling very motivated at the minute...
hope everyone has a peaceful night ?

Annie we were so pleased when you first mentioned these people coming to help. It sounds totally disjointed. Not continuity at all.
Like Joce I would contact whoever put all this in place. Nice of your daughter and SIL to pay for someone to come in and help. Hopefully with the same person coming every day you can have a proper routine and regular help.
I would have thought the professionals (Physio, OT and GP) would have checked how things are going by now.
Joce are you making anything at the moment?
Nonnie, there is no such thing as a simple knitter. I can knit (technically) but nothing I knit seems to fit and the sewing together is very botched. I find quilting easier for me but as long as we have a hobby we enjoy, that’s the important thing.
Scaredycat I have days when I do nothing. Sometimes I feel lethargic or just don’t feel like it. I don’t worry about it. I feel that I have worked reasonably hard all my life, getting up early to go to work and looking after the house and family. Now I am retired, if I feel like having a do nothing day I don’t feel guilty about it,
Hope everyone is ok and has a peaceful night . X