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BLACK DOG 9

(220 Posts)
Anniebach Sat 26-Dec-20 13:03:39

support, understanding and sharing for all mental health
troubles .

rafichagran Sat 26-Dec-20 15:40:18

Thankyou Annie I am still looking at that Christmas Tree, wondering how you all are and hoping for better things for us all.

Motherofmany Sat 26-Dec-20 17:57:59

Please may I join? Have lurked for sometime, I am in my 70's have four adopted "children " aged 15 -40 living with me and DH, they all have SN three with Down Syndrome. Covid was bad enough but in July our beautiful son died suddenly age 21. I am devastated trying to deal with my grief and helping the other 4 to accept their brother's death.
Just do not know what to do, only GP appointments over the phone. Had an appointment and gave me Zopiclone to stop awful nightmares but make me feel disgusting the following day. Thankyou for listening it has been cathartic. Take care

rafichagran Sat 26-Dec-20 18:33:20

motherofmany I am very sorry to hear about your son, I cannot imagine how you feel. Please post.
I have found this thread invaluable and the posters are understanding and kind.
I do know what you mean when some prescribed medication makes you feel disgusting.

Doodle Sat 26-Dec-20 18:34:51

Annie it doesn’t seem that long ago we started the previous thread.
Thank you all for the kind comments about DH, I am very pleased to have him home. He is very tired still but seems much more with it today.
Oh Motherofmany I am so sorry you lost your son. I can’t imagine how awful that must be. You are welcome to join us here and you will find others who know what you are going through.
Take care BDG. Back to catch up later, x

Anniebach Sat 26-Dec-20 20:48:47

Motherofmany I am deeply sorry you have lost your son and a sudden death brings much shock too.

May I suggest you contact the following -

For support for your sons there is a helpline -

Down’s Syndrome Association. 0333 1212 300.

They will listened and understand.

I had a much loved cousin with Down’s, I remember how difficult it was for his parents trying to explain the death of his
much loved grandmother to him.

We have a friend on this thread whose son died, she has found much support from the following -

The Compassionate Friends telephone 0345 123 2304

Do post here whenever you wish to, several who post here have suffered the death of a much loved child, I am one.

Do you mean the medication made you feel ill ?

Anniebach Sat 26-Dec-20 20:54:28

rafichagran thank you. I felt rather embarrassed posting the last post and starting the first here but I was concerned someone may need support .

Doodle it doesn’t seem long since we started the previous thread, this thread is numbered 9, but it is the 10th , the first
didn’t have a number.

You must be so relieved and so happy to have your husband
home with you

ChrissyR Sat 26-Dec-20 23:23:20

Annie Thanks for starting the new thread. I hope you’re ok
rafichagran same here, been looking at the tree and thinking of everyone.
Motherofmany Of course you are welcome here. I’m so sorry to hear about your son. I can’t begin to imagine how hard it must be for you. Others here have sadly lost children. I hope that posting here will help you in some small way.
Doodle I’m glad that your DH is feeling a bit more together today, sounds like he’s on the road to recovery
I hope that everyone else is doing ok. Sleep well everyone x

Anniebach Sun 27-Dec-20 10:37:20

Hi all x

How is everyone ?

I feel so ashamed of myself , my younger daughter told me last week my grandchildren were making me a Christmas present, they have put together photographs since their births , holidays, parties, school, holidays, many of me with them and their mother.

My younger daughter told me because she was concerned that
I would be upset and I am, anxiety has flared up, it’s such a
loving thing to do but it means seeing my darling daughter happy and healthy and us as a happy family.

I get distressed when I think of those times, but seeing them will bring much grief . My poor stomach has been churning for days .

BlueSky Sun 27-Dec-20 11:58:24

Morning all x A sunny if cold day after yesterday’s storms. Are you still eating leftovers? We are even though we didn’t buy much more than usual. I actually enjoy leftovers better than a fresh meal!
Annie of course you are going to feel upset, even I am when I look at photos of children and grandchildren when they were little and lived in the UK. Cruel life for some people more than for others.
Walk to clear the cobwebs after lunch.
Have a pleasant Sunday x brew

rafichagran Sun 27-Dec-20 12:37:05

Do not be ashamed Annie it's how you feel. What has happened in your life is traumatic and very sad, something that very very few people have had to go through.

Joce345 Sun 27-Dec-20 17:25:19

Hello all, Annie my heart goes out to you, try has hard as it is to think of the happy time with your DD, there certainly is no shame in how you are feeling..
That horrible tummy churning... thinking of you Annie sending you hugs 🤗
Doodle pleased your DH is back home and feeling a little better...
welcome Motherofmany
Hope everyone’s doing ok thinking of you all 🌸

Doodle Sun 27-Dec-20 17:52:35

Annie I would cherish the photos of your DD happy (easy for me to say as I am not in your situation) but what would make me sad is to think that someone I loved never had a days happiness or joy in their lives. I realise your daughter was very sad on many occasions but we now know that where she is there is no more pain and no more sorrow only peace. So why not take joy in the fact that she did have sunshine in her life and she had a mum who loved her and children she loved.
I realise the pictures might upset you but what a gift for your daughter to leave behind. Your daughter left behind children who loved her enough and love you enough to show you the joy and happiness that you and their mother have given them. Not a message of sorrow and loss but a message of joy in someone’s being. Someone special someone who loved and was loved.
I hope I haven’t upset you by my words as you know I would hate that and it’s not my intention x

Doodle Sun 27-Dec-20 17:55:03

Thanks all for your kind wishes. I am exhausted tonight, It’s all go being nurse and head cook and maid and carer.
Hope everyone had an enjoyable Christmas and Boxing Day .
Take care. x

ChrissyR Sun 27-Dec-20 19:32:12

Evening everyone
Annie I’m sorry to hear that the idea of looking at the photos is upsetting you. You should definitely not feel ashamed about feeling that way. Your younger daughter obviously understands how you feel about it. I wish I knew what to say.
BlueSky Yep still eating leftovers grin
Joce Hope you’re doing ok.
Doodle It must be exhausting taking on all those roles smile Hope your DH is doing ok.
Hope everyone else is ok x

Joce345 Sun 27-Dec-20 20:14:10

I’m doing a bit better thank you Chrissy hope it last...
think it’s the strange world we are all living in at the moment.
Hope everyone’s having a peaceful day..

Anniebach Mon 28-Dec-20 10:26:46

Hi all x

Thank you for your replies to my post yesterday , isolation
gives much time to dwell on things doesn’t it.

I have spoken often of acceptance and looking through my
cross stitch work this morning I realised it was the teachings of
the Serenity Prayer .

Pity those who break the lockdown rules didn’t have that wisdom

Scaredycat Mon 28-Dec-20 13:52:50

Good afternoon all.
I didn’t post yesterday as I was in AFib for nearly 9 hours and felt really grotty. It made me feel very anxious when it lasted so long. I think the emotions over Xmas didn,t help. Seeing family but not seeing them and putting on a brave face wore me out I think. Still feel very anxious but better today - going to have a walk this afternoon whatever the weather!!!

Annie- please don’t feel ashamed by how you feel- different things upset different people. My first thought when I read your post was what a lovely thing your grandchildren were making- theirs and your times together with their Mum which were joyful and full of fun. How wonderful to have those memories. They obviously love you very much. I hope there will come a time when you can look at the photos and be glad.
It did take a long time before I had a photo of my son on show though. But now I love to see him there and have little chats sometimes. It is so sad that he never had the chance to fall in love,marry or have his own family but he squeezed every drop of enjoyment out of his days.
Sending you big hugs
Blue Sky- leftovers are the order of the day. Favourite is cold Turkey and chips!!
Joce- glad you are doing better
Doodle- you are certainly multitasking at the moment. Don’t overdo it take some time out to rest and eat chocolate!! I do hope your DH is feeling better now he is home.
Motherofmany- Welcome - hope today will be a better one

Chrissy,Rafichagran,Nonnie,Lavender and all in BDG hope you have a. Nice afternoon and evening. Take carex

Joce345 Mon 28-Dec-20 15:35:19

Annie it is a pity they have no wisdom..
Hope you are feeling better today.x

Scaredycat sorry you had a bad time yesterday, glad you are feeling better hope your walk helps.

Doodle hope you have had time to have some rest today...

Doodle Mon 28-Dec-20 16:27:59

Hello all.
Chrissy thanks he is getting better slowly.
joce good to hear you are doing better.
Annie I hope I didn’t upset you with my reply but I can’t help feeling your DD was so loved by you and had such love for you and that love you shared has spread across your grandchildren. They obviously want to share special memories with you and hope it will be a gift you will treasure. I’m sure they wouldn’t want to upset you.
Oh scaredycat that was a long time. No wonder you got anxious. I’m glad you are feeling a bit better today. That walk will do you good.
I’m glad you have memories of your son being happy and enjoying life. Keep those precious times in your mind.
Take care all and please keep safe x

nanny2507 Mon 28-Dec-20 17:26:31

awww my lovely annie I am sorry you feel this way. I only hope that it passes quickly and you can start to look at the pics with joy. Hello everyone hope today finds you well.
motherofmany hello and welcome to the loveliest bunch of people ever xxx

Anniebach Mon 28-Dec-20 17:59:00

Scaredycat so sorry you had a day of anxiety yesterday, you certainly had reason to feel anxious. Thank you for your kind
words x

Joyce it’s so good you are back with us, you were missed x

nanny thank you, how are you know Christmas has passed ?

Doodle you didn’t upset me, you were right. As we are in
lockdown they can’t bring their gift yet which gives me time.
What will be so difficult is telling them about some of the
photographs which will bring laughter , silly things such as
Mini Tornado age 4 blowing bubbles and her mother saying
‘Let me blow some and granny will chase them ‘ , me in hot pursuit down the road after damn bubbles whilst my darling
daughter took photographs yelling ‘go granny go’.

Doodle Mon 28-Dec-20 18:21:55

Annie that is a lovely precious memory. I am sorry it may be painful for you but in talking about photographs and memories you may bring comfort to your DGC and remind them of the good times too.
nanny hope you are ok. How is Binks doing?

Anniebach Mon 28-Dec-20 18:35:09

Yes Doodle my elder granddaughter told me a few years ago
she heard her brother say to his friend ‘I can remember her when she was fun ‘, then she said to me ‘ I can’t’ .

I am grateful to all for the help on this , feel less anxious now x

Just hope they haven’t found the photograph of me with my
dress tucked in my knickers climbing a tree, if they do I hope
my grandson remembers I was showing him how to climb a tree !

Joce345 Mon 28-Dec-20 18:51:19

Annie i hope they do find the photo, now that would be something to make you laugh 😂 I’m smiling thinking about it..
Happy you are a bit less anxious.. x