Black Dog 10

Hi all x

Council occupational therapist and chap from council Care and Repair are coming to see me next Tuesday, didn’t expect
a visit so soon. So I will shut up about my doors until after their
visit. Oh and it’s raining in Mid Wales.

How is everyone?

BlueSky how are you coping now ? hope you got the medication sorted x

EllieAnne I have been giving more thought to your lack of
confidence and low self esteem. Are local activities opening up
in your area ?

Doodle when you were in Snowdonia you we’re visiting a
World Heritage Site ?. x

Nonnie it’s a shame people have to fight for help but that’s the way it is it seems. Glad you managed to get the grant needed for your son.
It’s surprising isn’t it the conversions you can have with complete strangers. I met a chap on holiday who just wanted to talk I think so we sat for a while and he told me all about his niece. He didn’t have children of his own (had never been married) but was very proud of his niece so I heard her story from birth to her current 50 +. Didn’t get to read my book but it was a good chat. ?. You’ve been busy sorting magazines.
Ellie Anne been wondering how you are today?
Annie well done to your brother. I hope he keeps badgering them till something is done.
Hope you are ok.
Scaredycat I am almost back to normal now. Now I am well into the washing and ironing things seem ok. Also seen one son and had a long chat with the other so I know what they’re up to. ?
Hope all the gang ok. Take care all.

Hello all
Ellie Anne- please don’t blame yourself for problems your family have. They are lucky to have such a caring Mum and I,m sure they love you for it. You are there for them and sometimes that is all you can do. Now that things are opening up again will you be able to do some of the things you enjoyed before? You so deserve to be happy too.
GSM- hello glad to meet you and I,m glad that you are doing well at the moment.
Nonnie- you must be so excited to be seeing your family soon. Sounds like you have enough food to feed an army. Have you made the birthday cakes yet? You are right about random conversations with people you chance upon- they really lift your spirits don’t they and sometimes you hear the most unexpected stories like your iPad lady.
Doodle- maybe it was Nonnie who helped to empty your shelves!!! Hope you are feeling more settled now that you,ve been home a little while.
Annie- I,m glad you have somebody up your sleeve who could possibly help you. It is beyond belief the time it is taking to do something that sounds so simple but is so necessary for your well-being. Hope you are ok today.
Blue Sky ,Joce,Nanny and all hope you enjoy your eveningx

Hi all x

nonnie thank you x

Latest on doors of bungalow. My brother has telephoned them every day and told they will call back, they didn’t. Today he telephoned and as usual - mr x will call you today. Brother said
no, I want to discuss it now, if not I will come up to your HQ
tomorrow morning and 8.00am and wait to speak to mr x.

They discussed it, I am not on the list for works to be carried out, I was removed after the ramps were fitted. I had complained about the ramps when they were done.

Brother blew a fuse, I am back on the waiting list and next week
the council’s occupational therapist will contact me to make
appointment for a home visit .

How is everyone ?

No annie I haven't but DH has but a very long time ago. My experience was about an education grant which was withdrawn because my son changed to a better course. I was told he didn't qualify and that the decision couldn't be changed. I wrote to every councillor on that committee, spoke to my MP and then phoned each councillor before their meeting. We not only got the grant back but it was extended for an additional year. It was always only tuition but made a huge difference to us. What I am suggesting is that you have nothing to lose by contacting them and explaining how dire your situation is. It certainly made me feel better taking them on despite being told it would make no difference. Winning our case was a huge bonus. Ask them how they would feel if it were their mother in this position. Wish I was there to go and berate them for you!!!!!

I really don't think there would be many requests similar to yours, I don't think it would create a precedent.

Germanshepherdsmum Welcome. We don't compare here so feel free to say as much, or as little, as you like. Your story might help others. I am doing so much better now but stay on and try to give positives when I can.

I think we all understand that depression can be irrational, I also wonder if some of us don't really know why we are depressed so look for reasons to justify it to ourselves. Those reasons may or may not be the cause, it is just a way of coping with something we don't understand.

Doodle my cupboards are overflowing, the pantry is full and I can't get any more in the freezer! DH is doing another big list to be delivered on Sunday too. They have changed their plans and are coming on Monday instead of Sunday so they won't have to isolate. Don't know how long they will stay, could be very short, all depends on whether their country lifts the quarantine rules for those returning from the UK. DS can work from home but DiL is a teacher so has to isolate if the rules say she should.

Ellie Anne I agree with Doodle, you are worthwhile, you will find your place again now that things are opening up. Make the first move and chat to anyone you meet. I was waiting to pay in a shop a couple of days ago (couldn't resist the sale!) and chatted to another customer who was buying a gift for her sister's baby. She told me about her MiL who is 80 and stuck at home all the time because they couldn't visit. They bought her an iPad and posted it to her then practiced how to teach on each other. They taught her everything by phone and now she is FaceTime mad. She is loving it.

It was such a positive story, she enjoyed telling it and I enjoyed hearing it. There was other stuff too in the conversation which I think did us both good. In the same shop I tried something on and wasn't sure if I was too old for it so went up to another customer and asked for her honest opinion. She was 60. It was another good conversation which boosted me no end as she said I had good legs!! I know these are small things in our lives but each one gave me something to think about other than the issues which get me down.

I know I've said it before but I control the things I can, it pushes the ones I can't a little further back in my mind. I've finally sorted out the collection of specialist magazines dating back to the 1980s. They have a value on Ebay if the family don't want them when I'm gone!!

Ellie Anne you deserve to be happy for yourself. Your family wouldn’t be happier without you, that’s just your depression talking. Go out and do things for yourself and maybe let your DH sit in front of the tv if that’s all he wants to do. It doesn’t sound as though you have much of a home life but you are obviously very low in yourself. I wish I could think of a way to help you. Please don’t think so badly of yourself. Every life is worthwhile. x

Annie you are right I do blame myself for the family’s problems . I think sometimes they would all be happier without me. Certainly my husband would. He could sit in front of a screen and do nothing without me getting in the way.it’s what he does now anyway. That’s why I have to go out all the time.
I honestly don’t think pills would help. But thank you everyone for your kindness.

Thanks Doodle!

Nonnie good you are looking forward to a family visit. Many people are still uncertain about going out and mixing in Shops etc so not surprised your DH is a bit unsettled. Hope you got all your shopping done. Shops around here are a bit bare on the shelves. I might have to come and raid your cupboards ?
Bluesky how are you getting on? I too get frustrated for Annie I can’t understand why nothing has been done for such a long time.
GSM you are always welcome on this thread. We don’t rate one problem against another so anytime you feel like popping in do so. I’m glad to hear your dog is under control with GP care. I echo all that Annie said. All our welcome here.
Annie I do hope your councillor friend can help if needed but I would like to think it wouldn’t get to that point. I am pleased to hear your arm is better.
Take care all x

Doodle my arm is ok now thanks x

BlueSky a little secret ? , we have a great county councillor,
for years I was chairperson for a local political party, he was young and had a chat with me about joining the party, he joined, some years later he stood for the town council, I managed the canvassing, he won, some years later we again had a little chat , he wanted to stand for county councillor, yes I
managed the canvassing again, he is very much respected and
admired. He is on my list should the council refuse x

Like ko ko in The Mikado - I have a little list x

Germanshepardmum there doesn’t have to be a logical reason for depression, it can strike anyone , post here whenever
you wish x

Thank you so much Annie, you are very kind and generous. I suffered from severe post natal depression when my lovely son, my only child, was born 36 years ago, as I know you did. Fortunately my dear Mum could see how things were and got me help from my GP, or I and my lovely son probably wouldn’t be here today as I had thought through a plan….. The depression is managed with medication, but as you know it’s something that’s always there, in my case totally irrational and I thank God that I don’t have the reasons for depression that you and others do. It’s very comforting to know there is a safe place to connect with others who understand and don’t judge or remind you that you’re so lucky and they don’t understand what you have to be ‘miserable’ about. Also, witnessing the kindness of folk to one another can be very comforting in itself. I missed Doodle when she was away! So you may not see me but I’ll be there!
I do hope to read soon that your battle has been won! X

Germanshepardsmum how kind, I will get outside, yes it means another battle but i am determined to do it.

Your depression is of the same concern and understand as all
on this thread , it’s good you have a GP who supports you, but
please be assured we are here for you and each other x

Annie, forgive me for intruding as though I read the posts here and my black dog has been a pretty constant companion for many years, I don’t post because compared with you and others here I have nothing to complain about and my old dog is (most of the time) pretty well controlled by my GP. But I so feel for you not only with the sorrows you bear but with being unable to get outside which for me is my salvation. Could not only your local councillor but also the Police help you bearing in mind your dear husband’s service? Is there a benevolent department which could put pressure on the council or even pay for the doors to be changed if the council would permit?

Hi all x Annie I’ve worked for the Local Authority and when a councillor phoned we jumped to it. Could you contact your local councillor? That’s what they are there for. Send him/her a letter/email mentioning all the comedy of errors you have experienced and what your situation/requests are. I get frustrated reading your getting nowhere posts! x

nonnie an MP is not going to make the council change doors
on council houses, my doors are not unsafe , they pass health and safety laws . The most an MP could do is support a request to move, they would have no say on where on the list I could be placed. If an MP supported a request to move they would be
swamped with others requesting the same.

Have you ever lived in council accommodation ?

Scardycat I manage OK with the new rules but DH really doesn't want to go anywhere public. We went to a supermarket yesterday for the first time to stock up for the family visit and he hated it, usually enjoys it. Where we live people are still wearing masks but not so good in the motorway services we stopped at a few days ago.

Ellie Anne I think sometimes adult children and husbands treat mothers and wives differently to how they treat others. It is as if they think we don't have any feelings. Not my problem but have seen it with others. Just hang in there and vent at us, we understand.

Annie my own experience is that my MP got the council to change their mind about a decision. You have nothing to lose by trying, why not give it a go and see?

Had to rearrange the freezer this morning for all the things I am making for the family when they arrive. Yes, they will have to isolate but they won't go hungry . DS making me feel useful again today, makes a big difference to me.

Annie as usual you see things so clearly and your comments to Ellie Anne are spot on.
I am a little concerned about your arm. Do you think someone should look at it for you. Hope it heals soon.
We have magpies here too. I will think of you when I see them.
How I wish there was someone with common sense in the council who would just sort out your door problem. They can build rockets to the moon quicker than they can fix a ramp problem ?
We enjoyed our holiday thank you. I feel a bit on edge since coming home. Might be anti climax wind down.
Hope all the gang are ok.

Hi all x

Doodle nonnie hope you both feel refreshed after your holidays x

Scaredycat Wales hasn’t had new rules yet, suppose to be 4th
August and I find I am hoping they will not be as relaxed as
England. It’s natural to hope a wound doesn’t become infected,
one of my dogs scratched my arm recently, we were playing, I
did the usual of washing and dressing it but did feel some concern when I changed the dressing.

Ellie Anne you turn everything in your family problems into
your fault, your mothering has nothing to do with where your son lives, your daughter was criticising on her visit to you, didn’t you recently spend time with her ? You enjoyed that, she
must be stressed working in the nhs at this time, this has nothing to do with your mothering . Your self confidence seems to be at rock bottom my love and you need help to raised it, perhaps counselling ? Do talk to your GP . x

nonnie i assure you no MP can tell the council what to do when it comes to housing, to shake or slap council officials one
would need to meet them face to face !

To be able to get out of the bungalow in the wheelchair means
new doors, or apply for carers who would push me in a manual wheelchair , this would be at a time in the day which they will decide. So the fight goes on .

Had very little rain, but now it’s cooler the magpies are back in
the tree I can see from my living room window, I have missed them.

Ellie Anne We can’t go back in time are re do things, I certainly regret many things I have done in my lifetime. We make decisions based on who we are and what we think at the time. It is easy in retrospect to see that we might have taken a different path. I think you are just very low at the moment and feel bad about yourself. I know you have mentioned the GP before but I do think perhaps you need some help in lifting your spirits. I hope and will pray that you feel better about things soon. Take care

Doodle she has gone back down to England. I had planned to go down soon but don’t know if I can face it now. I’ve hardly spoken to husband today but we don’t speak much anyway so he probably hasn’t noticed. I feel such a failure. As if my bad mothering has caused their problems.
I’ve managed a long walk today. I can’t stay in the house.
We should have had rain tonight but no sign yet.

Ellie Anne I’m sorry I missed the last bit of your post and didn’t see that you had fallen out with your DH.,
Maybe your daughters career is stressful for her but that doesn’t help she takes it out on you. It is so easy to misunderstand people and fall out. I hope things are better between you today.
Hello Nonnie welcome back. Sounds as though you had a good trip. Hope all goes well with your family visit this weekend. Be lovely to see them all.
Scaredycat I agree with you, Ellie Anne’s friend should never have said such hurtful things. Many people live on low wages and can’t afford to move. It’s nothing to be ashamed of. I worked really hard at school and was a constant failure. Other who put in much less effort sailed through exams and some went on to better things and others didn’t. We can’t all have wealthy lifestyles and it’s not where you live or what you are worth that is the measure of your happiness or success in life, if that were the case, all the wealthy people would be happy and that is far from true.
Thank you, yes we did enjoy our holiday. Not as good as usual but not complaining as just glad to go. We did get off in two ports but had to go on a coach trip, we weren’t allowed to wander about on our own which is what we usually do.
Glad you haven’t had any real flooding even if your DGS got his socks wet.
DH and I are still being cautious. Avoiding walking close to others and still wearing masks. I think it will be a long time before we feel anything like normal again.
Annie hope you have been ok today.
Take care dear gang, all of you x

Hello all
Ellie Anne- sorry you feel so low but understandable when you feel so worried. Perhaps your daughter was feeling tired after her course and took it out on you. Do you see her often?
It was insensitive of your friend to laugh as she did. Hopefully things will improve for your son and his family in the future.
Doodle - glad you enjoyed your holiday. Were you able to get off in any of the ports?
We didn’t have any floods round here it was extremely heavy rain that caused some of the roads to flood temporarily- it didn’t have to be too deep to reach GGS knees!!
Blue Sky- you must be happy now it is so much cooler. Yes do try a cruise holiday when you can it really is a lovely thing to do.
Nonnie- glad you too had a good holiday it sounded like the ideal break.
What nice things you have to look forward to - I,m glad life is good for you at the moment. Family times are the best. The boys will love their cakes I bet.
Annie - hope you are ok and hoping you have had some positive news regarding the ramp etc.

I,m not very good at saying how I feel but right now there are days when the anxious feelings and fears get me down a bit. I cut myself the other day and constantly check it for infection - it is so stupid. Today we had a day at the sea and although it was wet it was really nice but dealing with other people being near and eating out still frightens me. I won’t let it stop me but it feels so awful. I,m not as bad somewhere I know though. How do you all deal with the new rules?
Joce, Nanny and all BDG hope you sleep wellx

Hi All I'm back

So sorry to read how the hot weather has been making so many of you feel. I'm like Ellie Anne I enjoy the heat and do my chores in the mornings then just lie in the sun for the rest of the day and only eat salad! Must have overdone it because my hair has fried!! Can't get it cut as my hairdresser has Covid 19.

Ellie Anne you can't do anything about other people's attitudes, try to 'kill him with kindness', it can work. Perhaps if you manage to not show what you think he might change. There are those who do it just to get the reaction.

Annie I want to come to your home and go and shake someone! Nothing you need should be beyond sorting, talk to your MP and be pathetic or furious, whichever suits you. I think that is the only way you will get anything done.

Nanny you are really going through the mill, so sorry to read that. Binks sounds a joy.

Our short holiday was booked last minute because of the great weather forecast. We stayed in a seafront hotel, parked both cars in their car park and didn't take them out until we left. Did lots of walking and eating. We've are still very busy with meeting friends and now preparing for our family to come (hopefully) on Sunday. They will have to quarantine the whole time they are here so I have bought lots of things for the children to do. Neighbours going away and have said the children can use their trampoline. Tomorrow I will make birthday cakes for the gs because I missed their birthdays and the little one missed his grandma cake.

Life is exhausting at the moment but good exhausting. I hope and pray that you can all find some of the good I am finding at the moment.

Ellie Anne it doesn’t matter what your so called friends think so don’t give them another thought. My son didn’t live in a good neighbourhood for quite a while. Not everyone is lucky enough to be able to do so. Perhaps the council will come up with something better for them and someone might want to swap to be near relatives or if they want a smaller place. Don’t give up hope.
As for your friend whose children are doing well, I know it’s hard but don’t be envious. I have felt envious of others before and then often found out that their seemingly perfect life wasn’t as great as they made out and that I wouldn’t want to swap places with them. Things change for people. I hope your son and his little family are happy. At least they have someone who cares for them .

Thank you all. I asked them about a swap but they don’t think anyone would . Also it’s quite a rough estate and they are at the edge of it. Other bits are not good. When I told a friend whose kids are all doing well where they were living she laughed and said poor you. I went home in tears.
My daughter has always been critical but she has overcome massive mental health problems to become a consultant in the nhs but can only work part time.
I don’t have anything to look forward to. Have had words with Dh today and can’t even speak to him.