Black Dog 11

Annie- you are so right this weather is not the right time for venturing outdoors. Hopefully it won’t be too long before it warms up again and you can start your adventures.
What a dreadful dream that was- yes that feeling of anger does surface sometimes because of the hurt we have suffered.
Yes I wondered the other day about all the people we haven’t heard from lately. I like to think they are all ok and enjoying life.
SweetPeaSue- I,m sorry your son was attacked- we try so hard to protect our children but life has a way of bringing our worst fears to life sometimes.
I hope you are feeling better today.
Doodle- Would a little strip of plaster keep your toe things on?
Sunday was lovely thank you . It was sunny and dry so my DD and GD3 walked to the coffee shop . It felt so good to be doing something we used to do again. Ankle stood up well to walk?
HVDY- your day out sounds perfect - horses,dogs,stalls and food - heaven. I,m so glad you have such nice times with your family.

Well I,m now off to have my 4th jab this afternoon. It’s in town so May have a little look in the few remaining shops afterwards with DH. I feel quite nervous but don’t know why because I,m very pleased to be getting it. So I will count it as a blessing.
Love to all x

Hi all x

So many we haven’t heard from for a while, I hope you are all
ok, please don’t forget we are here for you all x

How is everyone ?

SweetpeaSue With all that has happened to you, it's no wonder you fear going to A & E or having to stay in hospital.

Anniebach What a horrible nightmare. It must have upset you so much. It's been too cold lately to be outside, hasn't it?

Doodle I have just looked at Soop's thread. There are some photos on there of some very handsome cats .

Scaredycat Nice to see family. Like you, I count my blessing in that respect.

Hope everyone has managed to have a decent day. x

Went with husband, Son1 and girls, Son2, his girlfriend and daughter, to Thoresby Park today, for the "Easter event", which was equestrian (lots of horses doing a cross-country obstacle thing), dog show, ferret show, different craft stalls, several eateries, etc. Walked miles (although husband and I had to keep sitting down at various points throughout). It was cold but sunny. They all came back here for cuppas and cake, then Son1 and his lady and girl went. Son2 cooking now, making a sausage cassoulet and mashed potatoes. A good day all round.

Annie it’s easy to talk about things when you don’t walk in other shoes. Here was me suggesting you try going out through the door to get used to it every day without thinking of all the difficulties involved in getting ready to do so with your hands and hip. No wonder you don’t want to do it when it’s cold. Hope when the weather improves you will find it easier.
So sorry for your nightmare. Sometimes I find they linger in your mind and can be hard to forget. Hope you have a better night tonight.
Scardycat I’d rather watch a film than do the ironing too.
Thanks for the advice. Hotter shoes are very comfortable. I used to have walking boots but now we don’t walk nearly so far my Hotters are ok. Yes those silicone things are good aren’t they. I have some in various shapes and sizes only problem is they tend to work their way off from my little toe and end up floating around my socks. I need to try some way of keeping them in place.
So glad you had a good walk without pain. Good you had a nice visit with your stepson. Hope you have a good time today with your DD.
Sweetpeasue the attack on your son must have been so frightening for you all. We never know what is going to happen do we. Hope you had a better night and have a good day.

Annie I'm so sorry you had such a very disturbing and horrendous dream about your much loved dear daughter. The worst thing about nightmares is the feeling seems to linger and hang around you throughout the day. I don't know what to say really. At 17 my son and his friend were set upon in unprovoked attack. I couldn't get my head around the fact I hadn't 'felt' anything untoward at the time it happened. I can't imagine your pain. I'm just so sorry and send you love. X

Hi all x

Think I was too critical of myself for not going out Friday
morning, who would choose to sit outdoors during this cold weather (minus 7 last night) , and who would bother to don outdoor clothes for a few minutes, causing much pain in hip,
knees and hands , so I forgive myself .

Had the most horrific dream Thursday night , I was so distressed Friday, Catherine broke a houseplant , I hit her, screamed at her. Thought it through, with a suicide comes the
grief but what isn’t acknowledged is anger, someone one adored leaves you. Isn’t the mind powerful.
What added to it was on a local site was a photograph of that bridge, this always brings the thought ‘I should have been there’.

How is everyone?

HVDY- what a nice day you have had today , your GDs will enjoy dressing up in their new clothes tomorrow. I,d rather watch a Sci Fi film than do the ironing !!!
Yes I always sit with my feet up in the evening.
Hope Mr Cooper had a good day too.?
Annie - it was really cold yesterday but today has been very sunny too- a good day to take the outside plunge. It must be very hard to make that first move but once you do I,m sure there will be no stopping you. Would it be possible for MT to come over to be with you when you do?
SweetPeaSue- I can understand your fear of A and E and hospital in general after your ordeals . But I know from past experience how good A&E can be. A few years ago I felt so ill and DH had to take me there and within an hour I was in ITU . I could have died if I hadn’t gone. Just wanted you to hear a positive story.
Love that your blackbirds eat cheese I didn’t know they did.
Doodle- Hotter shoes always look really comfortable I just wondered if walking boots could help you. I got some little silicone things from Amazon for my hammer toe that stay in place very well . Maybe they would help you.

Felt quite anxious today but had the best half hour walk so far with no discomfort- exercises must be working. Can’t wait til We can walk properly again.
Visited step son 1 and wife today for coffee and cake - so nice to be with them. Tomorrow seeing my daughter so very lucky this weekend. Blessings counted!!
Love to allx

Evening all.
Lazy day today. Been for a walk but apart from that not done much.
Sweetpeasue I am so sorry you are feeling like this. What you are troubled with is a bodily function that isn’t working as it should. It is a fundamental aspect of all our lives.
I can understand your fear, frustration and anger. You are right and you shouldn’t be left like this.
Now you have explained I can understand your unease at going back to A&E. Things didn’t go well and you lost trust in them.
DH and I have been to various A&Es in lots of hospitals and have been dealt with reasonably in most cases.
I hope if you are in pain again you will go and give them another try. Things often don’t go as planned in hospital. I can think of occasions when DH has been promised things that didn’t materialise. Treatments that didn’t happen.
It is not perfect in hospitals and they get things wrong but also they get things right and do good work. It may be worth giving them another chance.
Could you ask your GP for a referral to a bowel specialist. Tell her your fears and ask her to do something about it.
I do hope you have a better night tonight.
No, leg problem is fatigue really. I do have very dodgy knees but perhaps it’s just wear and tear as they say.
Scaredycat I usually wear Hotter shoes. They have comfy insoles and are quite supportive. I have a problem with my little toes that tend to slide under the one next to them and develop corns. I have bought some silicone toe socks which helps a lot if only I could get them to stay on ?
Glad the ankle is getting better. Hope the physio helps.
HVDY what a lovely story about Mr Cooper. Have you ever been on the Soop’s kitchen thread? Soop has had two feral cats and did the same as you with regard to catching them and taking them to the vet and then giving them a home.
Also Nanny who posts on here sometimes has done the same with her cat Binks.
I always sit with my feet up in the evenings. Can’t bear to keep them down all the time.
Hope your DGDs have a good time. They must love their new outfits. Dinner cooked by dad and a Netflix film. Sounds like the girls are being well looked after.
I have a pair of lilac shoes too but mine are sandals. ?
Annie it’s easy to accept excuses not to do things. I used to do that all the time with lifts, All I can say is that no one can make you do this it has to be your own will that does it. What I will say is that the more you go out, the easier and better it will be. Maybe hard to begin with but it will get easier.
Why don’t you don Catherine’s purple hat and tell yourself you’ll go out until the wheelchair wheels are outside the door. At that point decide if you can go a foot or so further or come back in. Do the same each day until you gain confidence.
It’s how I coped with the lifts. A small step, repeated over and over. I hope you can do it as I’m sure you’d love your garden in springtime.
Thinking of being in church so tonight I say Peace be with you x

Anniebach I'm sure outdoors won't look very inviting for you if it's very cold, but we can often sieze onto a get-out clause. Certainly cold here today too. Husband drives so wouldn't need ambulance unless I was in extreme pain which is what one GP meant. To explain. 4 weeks after hysteroscopy knew something very wrong as in lot of pain and bleeding every day since op when told I might have a little blood the day after op then should be back to normal. I'd called ward where I had op and been told to go to A&E, tell person at desk to call ward and she'd come down. DH waited in car outside in - 5 temp as not allowed in(he'd had 1st hip replacement 8 weeks earlier). They wouldn't call for Dr! Told me to sit and wait. After hr I asked them again, pleaded. No good. I tried to tell nurse, all the time in pain. Told to wait. By time I got through and was my turn and Dr called down she said she thought I hadn't turned up! Initially she'd told me I might get a bed. What I got was Buscopan! After being asked to sit back in waiting room for another hr, it was nearly 5 hrs and pain had subsided. All I could think about was my poor husband and I left with promise of phone appt with the Dr who'd done surgery. 2am and husband in car with car rug wrapped around shoulders and I'd been in A&E with people without masks in Nov 2020.Had to visit A&E a second time soon after and was given prescription for morphine. My experience with A&E a nightmare but I will go back when it gets bad again Annie. Thankyou.
Scaredycat Blackbirds nest in our ivy and hedge. We have same ones this year and they come back and forth to back door for cheese, they love it. One once hopped over into kitchen so need to be careful. I'm afraid they are little vandals though when planting anything up. Your poor swollen ankle! Hope it's feeling a little better.
Doodle Hope you're OK and the legs not aching too badly today.

Everyone else wishing you all well and a peaceful night.

HVDY Love the story about Mr Cooper and how he got his name. Confession---I'm not exactly a 'cat person' but I think I could take to Mr Cooper. Just without the 6-30 wake up call.
Anniebach

Anniebach Have you ever tried anything like Hypnosis? I was thinking perhaps a Paul McKenna CD that you could listen to through headphones, to help with your Agoraphobia.

How's everyone's day been? I bought 2 pairs of trainers - a white pair (my existing ones are black) and a lilac pair. I also bought a blouse for myself, and an outfit each for the GDs. They love them and are going to wear their new things tomorrow. Went to the pub for lunch with my husband, then came back to a quiet house as the GDs were still out with their dad, our Son1. He cooked dinner, which we've all just had. They're all going to watch a film (Netflix). It's a Sci-Fi thing, which I don't like, so I'll do the ironing soon x

Hi all x

I didn’t venture out yesterday and am unsure why, my carer said ‘it’s cold to go out sitting in a wheelchair’, I really don’t
know if I didn’t go because it was cold or I grasped at a reason
to avoid going, I have warm outdoor clothes to wear , now I
think it was the latter.

Sweetpeasue you seem to be torn between two fears, the cause of you health problems and going to A & E on your own,
do you have to have an ambulance to take you to A & E ?

Scaredcat yes , take great care and see what physio recommends x

Rafichagran sending hugs x

How is everyone ?

SweetpeaSue So sorry about the problems you have. It must wear you out. Mr Cooper was feral, starting turning up in my garden 11 years ago. I used to leave food out for him, and after a few months, I eventually caught him in a cat carrier (with tuna inside), took him to the vet (RSPCA were hopeless, didn't want to know) and had his wounds tended to, got him neutered and chipped, etc. The vet asked me what I wanted to name him. It was on the radio that morning that Sir Henry Cooper had died - so Cooper he became (I added the Mr). The 2 cats I already had tolerated him, and he came to live with us. It took 5 nights of me sleeping downstairs with him because he was terrified of every noise - tv, washer, anyone walking about, the 'phone, etc., and he'd make this awful yowling noise. x

Scaredycat Do you sit with your legs raised to ease your ankles? Mine swell up because of my BP tablets x

Anniebach It's sunny out. Are you going to pluck up the courage to get out to your patio? We are all rooting for you x

Doodle Mr Cooper is the most important member of this household and is an old boy now, at about 18 or so x

I didn't get any trainers so I'll look today. Son1 and GDs are going to a play centre later so we'll see them after that. I hope everyone manages to have a decent day. x

HVDY- what a good day to stay in and look at your photos it has been so cold. Hope they brought back lots of good memories. How we wasted time worrying about weight etc when in fact we weren’t too bad after all!! If you did go shopping after hope you got some great trainers- I love Skechers.
Annie- as usual your kind remarks helped - thank you. But really you are the bravest person I know.
Doodle- it’s such a shame your legs ache when walking. What sort of shoes do you wear when you walk? It was too cold to walk today and as I,m still only doing half an hour anyway went to a nearby shopping centre and did a couple of circuits. Wish more people would wear masks.
SweetPeaSue- oh dear another painful night - you must be very tired today. I would definitely consider A and E if your appts don’t come through soon.
No more fox action . My friend told me she had blackbirds in her garden with very anti social behaviour messing up the pots!!
I think my ankle is getting stronger although it still swells up but not as much. Physio on Tuesday so until then will continue being very careful.
Hope you have a better night tonight.
Peaceful night to allxx

Finding it difficult to put emotions aside tonight. Had painful night and the usual day lately where I have to take all sorts of stuff to get bowel to function at all. It's giving up completely. Obviously can't elaborate. I can't believe people can be left like this. Feeling angry too.
Enough.

Anniebach Hope the weather warms up so you can get into your garden. We all know you can do it. You already have, albeit half dressed.☺️. Hope Lottie has been well today. My appointments for Gynae and Gastro should come through post. GP asked me to ring Gastro secretary to ask when but secretary said many urgent patients to be seen but she would try and get appt out. It's looking more likely I'll be having a trip to A&E before then.
HVDY What early starts with Mr Cooper, the terror. I can see how loved he is though. Love to know how you chose his name. Apologies if you've already said and I've missed it.
Scaredycat Hope you are managing to walk better on your ankle. Have the foxes been back? We were lucky enough to have a hedgehog last year. Saw him/her? several times.
Doodle I'm sorry about your legs, did you say it was arthritis? Sure you'll be doing the best thing by walking. We haven't done any walking for a couple of weeks and we're going to have to force ourselves. Illness can grind you down but as you say it will pass. I do actually like that phrase, Doodle, it's very true and extremely helpful to remember, thankyou.
Hope you are all OK EllieAnne Joce Nonnie Rafichagran
Have a peaceful night, all.

HVDY I think Mr Cooper is a well loved and pampered pet. 6.30am……..you must love him.
Lovely your DGDs will be nearer to you. No doubt they will be pleased at that and not mind the longer journey to school.
Hope you enjoyed your “at home” day with the photos. Did you get your trainers?
Annie not sure what the weather is like near you but today, despite the lovely sunshine we have had, has been really windy and cold here. I expect you’ll wait till it’s warmer before venturing outside. Have you got plans for raised garden beds or pots you can tend from your wheelchair?
Hope everyone is ok. Take care x

Hi all x

Scaredycat so sorry you have received distressing news of a
friend. Please don’t think of yourself as selfish , everyone who
has worries can’t brush them aside because of troubles of others. You were so brave to go on holiday , I am frightened to
go in my front garden , no comparison between leaving your
house and going on holiday to me leaving my bungalow to venture down garden path but my tummy is doing cartwheels x

Sweetpeasue do you have appointments coming up relating to you health problems? if so think of them as a step forward towards recovery x

Doodle out for dinner, how enjoyable. I too was surprised to
learn of SAD in countries near the equator, wonder why the cause of SAD is lack of daylight x

HVDY your grandchildren moving closer to you , how lovely
for you, I miss my three so much x

How is everyone?

Good morning, everyone. It's cold but sunny and dry (so far) here. Hope everyone is as well as can be.

Doodle Mr Cooper demands his food at 6.30! He has his supper at 10pm (wet food) and has dry food down 24/7. Because he's deaf, his miaow is very loud. My GDs will be nearer to us when they move, but further away from their schools (GD1 moves up in Sept).

Scaredycat Sorry your friend ha had bad news.

SweetpeaSue, Anniebach, Nanny, Nonnie, Joce345, EllieAnne, Rafichagran Hope you're all ok.

I'm staying in today. I've been looking through old photos of my boys as babies/children, and DH and me - if only I was as fat now as I thought I was then . I was slim and young but had no confidence. I might nip out later to look for some new trainers. Hope everyone has a decent day x

Quick visit from me tonight as have been out to dinner and am quite tired now.
Annie I suppose I always felt that people who lived with more sunshine were naturally happier. How strange they should suffer SAD too. But I suppose it’s seasons changing that does it.
Hurrah! Just read the great news of Lottie. So pleased. Hope she makes a speedy recovery now.
Hope all the furniture moving went ok. Is it easier for you to get around in your chair now?
Hope the weather is better an you can get out and plan your garden.
Your cross stitch sounds pretty. A beach scene. Will you have it framed when you are finished?
Legs are still aching when I’m out walking. If I keep going it wears off a bit but neither DH nor I are able to walk as far as we used to.
HVDY will your DHC still be close by when they move?
They must rely on you for stability in life.
What do you and Mr Cooper do early in the morning? Do you sit and have a cuddle or does he need feeding.
Hope you had a lovely meet up with your SIL.
Sweetpeasue yes DH landed with quite a bounce and fell back on the metal step tread. He was inconsiderable pain and on lots of pain killers in hospital. It’s not good when those in hospital can’t have visitors. It’s the only thing that breaks up the monotony of the day .
Please say all you want to. You can say what you like here, we are listening. You went through a very traumatic period. Sadly, because something went wrong, you have lost your ability to trust Doctors. I hope your pain is easing but you need to know what is causing the problems you are having. Anyone in your situation would want to know what’s wrong too. At the moment it’s hard but don’t forget the saying “this too will pass”. It’s important to remember that. I hope you have a better night tonight.
Scaredycat that made me laugh, a furry alarm clock ?
I am sorry you’ve had sad news of your friends. Sometimes we are taken aback by what happens to others but your worries and anxieties are not selfish. We all have things that cause us concern and anxiety and perhaps in the scheme of things they might seem trivial but they can be major things for us.
I hope your friends find some comfort in those like yourself who are concerned for them
Sleep well and peacefully all. x

Thankyou HVDY Absolutely right. Once medical problems sorted I should be able to move away from the experience. I think what you experienced was absolutely horrific and the loss of your job through it all has made a huge impact on your life.
Scaredycat You are very kind, thankyou. V sorry about your friend. Life can be so unfair can't it?

HVDY- Mr Cooper the furry alarm clock. Glad you got to meet up with your sister in law despite the dreadful weather.
Annie - things have moved on today in more ways than one! Hope you are pleased with the new arrangements- fingers crossed for a fine day tomorrow.
So pleased Lottie is recovering well - she will enjoy going into the garden with you when she feels stronger.
SweetPeaSue- I,m so sorry that you have had all the anxieties flood back again. I think what you have gone through has left you so vulnerable and watching that programme triggered your anxiety off. It’s those thoughts that are so difficult to get rid of once they take hold. Please don’t say sorry for what you post - we are here to listen and try to help. You are not alone.

. We had such sad news today about one of our friends that is so devastating and cruel for them it makes the worries and anxieties that keep me awake so selfish. Must try again to count blessings and be more grateful of the good things.
Doodle,Joce,Rafichagran,Nanny , Nonnie and all I hope you have had a good day and have a pleasant evening

Anniebach Great news about Lottie. I'm glad you've got your living room rearranged as you want it. I hope the weather will be good for you tomorrow. We've had wind, sleet, snow and hailstones here today!

SweetpeaSue I've just got in from seeing SIL. (met at 11) so it's a quick dinner tonight - pizza and wedges. I'm so sorry you're in this turmoil. I don't know what to say to help, but I really sympathise entirely. It took me months to get over over what happened with me, and the errors the hospital made. I don't think you'll be able to come to terms with things until your bowel and womb problems have been properly diagnosed and treated. x

HVDY Hope your afternoon with sister-in-law was good. Mr Cooper sounds quite a character.
Anniebach I'm delighted that Lottie has done so well after her op. Wonderful news. I really hope the weather forecast is dry where you are tomorrow. Been sleet and the white stuff here this morning. It would be good for you to be able to visualise your garden how you'd like it to be.

Tbh, I've been very anxious today. I didnt sleep last night. Not the bad pain. I've been trying to put the fallout from the Hysteroscopy business (Dr's lying AND withholding info) behind me and with the pain retreating after the bleeding stopped 4 months ago, hoping I'm getting better. Of course I have the bowels to deal with now but been willing to think it could be nothing to do with Adenomyosis (and poss Endometriosis) but I don't know that yet. Then watched TV programme (Dr's give patients chance to see inside their bodies at a medical prob they have) Last night showed woman with endometriosis that affected her bowel. Looking up bowel endometriosis I had most symptoms. One theory for Endometriosis is retrograde menstruation (blood spills through fallopian tubes). The Dr that stood in for my usual Dr told me the extension fluid had filled my fallopian tubes during the fibroid removal that went wrong. After that the notes about that business were conveniently lost. Oh dear. You all don't want to know all this stuff. I'm getting trapped in the same place I was but how can I move on when I don't know what's causing this? I thought making the formal complaints was right thing to do but the Dr's turned against me. I thought it would make them be honest. My GP encouraged me as she knew they were wrong. I'm in that awful anxious alone place again. So sorry. I shouldnt be saying all this.

Hi all x

Busy morning moving furniture, I didn’t move it, I gave the
instructions- that’s the way to do it !

Lottie had the all clear from the vet.

So now things have been moved around and remote control to
open and close curtains I can now start overcoming the
agoraphobia, if no rain tomorrow then out in back garden to
choose which shrubs for the front patio .

How is everyone?

Good morning, all. I've been up since 6.15, thanks to Mr Cooper (the cat). It's been trying to snow, and is very cold out. I'm not going to the day centre today - instead, I'm meeting up with my sister-in-law later. I hope everyone has a decent day x