Black Dog 11

Joce yes I wonder why it hits first thing in the morning. I know it’s the last thing I think of at night so wonder if my mind just brings it back again as soon as I wake up.
Sweetpeasue if my family are happy then I am happy too. That’s it really.
Oh I’m sorry I didn’t realise endometriosis could do that. It’s obviously a difficult problem to deal with. I hope you get some proper help soon. I’m pleased you are attending A &E now ( obviously not pleased you are in pain) and you are getting the morphine. They must find out what is wrong soon surely,
Please do not give up on BD unless you don’t have the energy or inclination to post. You are having a great deal of trouble at the moment and we are here to listen so please stay if you can.
You are one of us now so please stay. We care about how you are getting on. I imagine these trips to A&E are recorded so someone will take note soon and work out how to help you.
Scaredycat yes I do love my DGS very much. He is very caring and I hate seeing him (or anyone) suffer like that. Why do people have to be so unkind. Thank you for your thoughts.
We saw another batch of goslings today in our walk, 12 of them but much bigger than yesterdays. These were the size of tennis balls and so cute. We had to laugh at mum and dad trying to keep 12 unruly youngsters all swimming in the right direction.
Glad you’ve not been bothered by the AF today,
HVDY DH is a non believer too. I hope I didn’t upset you by including the prayer but I know Annie has faith too. I must admit I call on God all the time to help me (He must be fed up with me by now) I can’t imagine what I’d do if I didn’t have Him to pray to.
Thank you for your concern for my DGS. It’s an on going thing sadly. At times better than others.
I’m so very pleased things are good for your DGDs. That is such good news. My sons always loved playing with my DGC too. Any excuse and they would be on the play equipment.
Hope you can relax and enjoy the rest of the weekend now.
Ellie Anne these bank holiday weekends must drag for you. Have you a garden to get out in?
Annie how have you been? Is the food going down better now?
Take care all x

Doodle I don't do prayers (non-believer) but I do hope that whatever is troubling your GS is sorted out soon. As you know, my GDs were a source of worry to me, but things are settled now. I hope your GS is OK. I won't know the results of the ECG (requested by the stroke consultant) but I'm not concerned x
ScaredyCat I did a load of ironing yesterday. The GDs have gone home now, and there is more washing . Not to worry. Hope your day has been good x
Annibach How are you getting on with trying to eat a bit more? x
SweetpeaSue We've been communicating via messages but don't stop posting on here too x
EllieAnne, Joce345, Nonnie ....hope you're all ok.

Well, the weather has certainly changed - it's been grey and cool here. We went to a play centre today with Son1 and his girls - he's 6ft 2 but charges about in there, playing "Dobby" or "Tag" as some people call it. Then we had a lovely roast dinner at a pub (we seem to go to pubs quite often but DH has 1 pint, I usually have tonic water). The GDs have gone home now, and Son1 has gone to his girlfriend's, so it's just DH and me for a couple of days . Hope everyone has a pleasant evening x

Doodle- I,m sorry you are feeling low and anxious. That morning feeling is so hard to overcome when you are worried about somebody you love. I hope things improve for your GS soon- you obviously love him very much.
Your walk sounded so nice- dear little goslings- that would have made a lovely photo.
Hope today you are able to enjoy being out in the sun.
Annie- I,m so pleased that the bluebells brought back happy memories for you. The smell and the sight of the carpets of flowers in the woods are something we look forward to every year. You are right nothing can take those memories away- I,m glad it helped you remember.
Thank you for your words about sharing - I have often felt my worries and anxiety are nothing compared to others .
Glad you are now back in Techno Land!!xxx
Joce- hope you too are having a peaceful dayxx
SweetPeaSue- glad you like the bluebells and the AF has stayed away today so far thank you.
I,m so sorry your pain has intensified it must be absolutely exhausting. It is so bad that coverage in A and E is not so good at weekend but glad the scan you had was normal. Hopefully the Oromorph is helping you today and you will be well enough to see the Gastroenterologist Tuesday.
Please don’t leaveBD as we all care so much for you and hopefully it does you good being able to share what is happening with us. Thinking of youxxxx
HVDY- hope you have good result from the ECG. That was a lot of washing!! Trouble is lots of ironing follows . Hope your boys enjoy their weekends and that you too have something nice to do for yourselves xx
EllieAnne- take care and look after yourself
Love to allx

*Scaredycat *Thankyou for photo of bluebells. It must have been beautiful to be amongst them. They really look spectacular. Hope the AF is not as bothersome for you today. X
Anniebach Glad you have the electronics back working. That's lovely to have those memories of the beauty outside the grimness of your village. Those woods must have been very special indeed to your family and neighbours. Hope the change in your diet is becoming easier.
HVDY It's great that your son is finding some happiness again. When our families are happy it makes such a difference to us. Not forgetting your dear Mr Cooper. We can only hope he is not too uncomfortable - - I know how much you love him.
EllieAnne I hope you can find a bright part to this weekend and you get some small relief from the atmosphere at home.
DoodleThankyou for that poem. It was thoughtful of you to pass it on. Sorry I didn't respond earlier but a Hysterectomy will not make a difference if I have Endometriosis as the Endometriosis is in the cavity outside of womb and can grow on other organs. Hope the worry about your family member is only a temporary thing.
Joce Do hope you have a good weekend and your morning gloom passes.

I'm afraid the pain is getting much worse. In A&E again yesterday. Didn't wait long as was immediately given Intravenous morphine. Got through to main area this time and had cannula fixed and told not to drink at all in case of surgery. Had 2 ECGs as rhythm all over the place. Given other painkillers through cannula had CT scan that came back normal and told no specialist on ward as weekend. Nurses relayed info back n forth to general A&E consultant for 6 hrs. Started bleeding too yesterday. Could just give pain relief if there so advised to take Oramorph at home. Have Gastroenterologist appt on Tuesday. If I'm bad there's no way I will be able to go as it would be A&E again. The appt takes place in small hospital without A&E facilities.
I've been thinking I may have to come off BD but not sure what to do. You've all been so good. It's not fair to share my problems here and they're going to get worse I'm thinking. At least till they're diagnosed. Can't go on much longer.

Hope everyone having a decent weekend. Love to all. X

Doodle just read your prayer yes very touching for so many reasons lovely thank you...

Doodle that horrible morning feeling I have it every morning/night has soon has my eyes open... it does pass has the day goes on thankfully..
Hope everyone is having a peaceful weekend...

Annie I am so please you have some happy memories of Aberfan. The bluebell wood sounds lovely.
I am low at the moment well more anxious than depressed really. The morning pit in the stomach and the returning anxiety throughout the day.
I was going to print a poem/hymn here but it’s a bit long. You many know it but I’ve never heard it before. The Dean at Canterbury read it yesterday as part of the service and it really struck a cord with me if you want to Google it. It’s called
What is prayer? By James Montgomery.
Hope everyone is ok. Take care all x

Hi all x

We are all coping with fears, troubles, depression etc, we can
share here, what ever is troubling us we must remember, if something is troubling us we must not compare and think my
worries are not as bad as anyone else has to cope with , if ‘down’ for any reason then share x

Scaredycat the bluebells made me so happy, thank you.

I live a very lonely life now, I looked at the bluebells and memories came back. I was born and brought up in a mining village, loved it and was so happy. A mining village is certainly
not a beautiful place, rows and rows of grey houses surrounded
by coal tips. Living in Aberfan there were no playing fields, but
there was one thing - walked through the village, cross the
railway line and there was a wood, a bluebell wood, it was
destroyed in the disaster, but seeing the photograph I felt
all the love I had from my Welsh extended family, the picnics ,
playing hide and seek, climbing trees, that wood was a beautiful world, yes it’s gone but the love and happiness is with me still. Nothing can take these from me.

How is everyone?

Oh Ellie Anne will hold you in my prayers. Sorry things are hard for you.
HVDY your very kind. My DGS has taken a bit of a knock back. Life is not easy for him and we all worry for him. I want to wrap him in cotton wool and keep him safe but we can’t do that. Prayer is my only hope. Thank you for your caring.
Hope your ECG was ok.
Have a peaceful weekend all. x

Following you all but not so good just now.
Bless you all.

ScaredyCat Lovely bluebells . Good for you, ignoring your AF. That's the spirit.
Doodle It's horrible, isn't it. We worry but it doesn't really get us anywhere. It's hard not to be concerned about others though. Anything you need/want to share? You were great in letting me tell you of my worries about my GDs at one time. The geese and ducks at the park near me have all had their babies and they're adorable .
Anniebach Hope you're alright.

It was beautiful weather all day here. I hung 3 loads of washing on the line and it's all dry. I had an ECG at the hospital this morning, then when I got home I did some ironing for an hour or so, spoke to a friend on the 'phone, and rang my sister-in-law too. Son1 and his girls have been out all day and won't be home until letter. Son2 and his girlfriend have gone to Scarborough for a couple of days. x

HVDY I’m having the horrid mornings too. I know why. I’m worried about a family member. It’s awful the cloud that comes over when you wake up.
Well done on your PIP. That is good news. You must be very pleased.
Hope the physio is helping.
Joce take care. We are here if you need us.x
Scaredycat thank you. They are beautiful bluebells. What an enchanting walk that must have been.
Glad you put your AF in its place and enjoyed a lovely morning. Good your Gp was encouraging.
Annie hope things are ok with you. I hope your electrics have been fixed.
We’ve just been for a lovely walk. It was quite warm so no need for a coat. Saw a couple of geese with about 10 tiny tiny goslings, they were so small they were probably less than a day old.

Sorry friends I got in a bit of a muddle!! This was the first time I,ve posted a photo and I thought I,d done it wrong. I have zero confidence in my technical abilities.
Annie- hope your tech problems all sorted now.
Such good news about MT,s job - so happy for you both .
I thought of you today amongst all the beautiful bluebells.
Doodle- I,m glad yourDH is getting better sleep now and hope that next week your GP can come up,with something to help him with his legs. Hope you are doing something nice today.
HVDY- your physio sounds dishy hope the treatment he gives you will help.
What a result with the PIP lovely to hear you having some good news.
SweetPeaSue- Glad you saw somebody who listened and who you felt more comfortable with. Hope you are feeling less troubled todayxx
Joce - so nice to hear from you and thank you for your prayersxxx

Yesterday I felt very down about my AF but was able to speak to my doctor who was very kind and said he thought I was doing very well dealing with it. So this morning I decided I would try and forget it and just do stuff regardless. Sometimes this isn’t possible but today we had our Bluebell Walk and a coffee in a nice pub garden and told AF to do one !!!!
Love to all

Oh dear the photo hasn’t appeared?

Thought you might all enjoy these lovely bluebells form our walk todayxx

Evening all just thought I would pop on to say I’m still plotting on, can’t say much more sorry..hope every ones doing ok.
You are all in my prayers...
Have a peaceful nights sleep.

Anniebach I hope you get the technology issues sorted out OK. I have the horrible churning/feeling of dread every morning, not sure why. Glad your Mini Tornado is going to be in a job she'll enjoy. Great news x
Doodle I'm glad your husband is sleeping better. Perhaps the water retention could be alleviated a bit if he rests with his legs raised during the day? x
ScaredyCat It's a better day for walking today. Hope you managed to get out. It's warm and sunny here x

Well, I went for my 1st physiotherapy session - the instructor was very pleasant and helpful (young, fit and good-looking too). My husband has his at the same place, same time, for his knee.

I had some excellent news today - I applied (never dreaming I'd get anything) for PIP a few months ago, after a friend kept nagging me to, and they're going to pay me £83 weekly (payable monthly) and they've paid me £1153 which is payment backdated to when I applied! Him Indoors is happy . x

HVDY I think it’s so nice that you and Sweetpeasue are in touch and supporting each other.
So glad your DGDs are happy in a nice new home. Hopefully it will be a good place for them all.
DH is ok. Thank you for asking. His new meds help with the RLS and he now sleeps well at night. The downside is his legs now ache when he walks and he sometimes gets urine retention. Swings and roundabouts really, Hoping to see Gp next week to see what the best course of action is.
Sweetpeasue you don’t need to worry about worrying us. We all care for you like you care for others. If writing down what has happened and sharing that helps then we are happy to listen. You are not “going on”, so don’t worry.
So pleased you finally got to see someone nice you could relate to. I don’t know much about endometriosis but (please don’t take this the wrong way) would a hysterectomy help you?
I had many problems before I had mine and the relief after was amazing. Whatever is wrong I hope now you are on the path to getting some answers. I hope the doctor you saw has convinced you that you have a right to be seen and to be seen by a consultant and not fobbed off in any way.
You must be so exhausted by the pain and the morphine. Try and get some rest.
Scaredycat my ears hurt if I’ve been out in a cold wind too. It can be so painful. Sorry the AF has been playing you up again.
Annie I am so pleased about MTs job. It’s wonderful after the disappointment earlier. So pleased for you both.
Hope your electronics man fixes all your problems and sorts everything out for you today.
Take care all x

Hi all x

Nonnie you are missed and your daily positives x

Nanny hope everything is ok and your adored cats safe x

Joyce we are here for you , sending a cwtch x

So many missing friends, yes you are missed x

Doodle Mini Tornado has a job, the very one she lost because
of the A.Levels celebration! They said she will be an asset to the
team. It’s work she has wanted to do since she was 10 . x

Ellie Anne look up your nearest ‘Relate’ x

HVDY hope the tummy churning didn’t churn this morning x

Sweetpeasue your meeting with your GP sounds positive x

A chap is coming this afternoon to sort out the tec problems,
my remote control window blinds have problems now, someone will come next week.

Bank Holiday weekend, how I miss going to garden centres.

How is everyone?

HVDY- sorry you had the dreaded sinking feeling this morning
It requires an awful lot of effort to motivate yourself to go out- so pleased you then had a good time. Mr.C was happy too keeping cosy.
Lovely that your GDs are living in such a nice place - it must be a relief for your son too.

Doodle- I did walk this afternoon ,despite the AF still playing up ,while DH was waiting in for the plumber! Such a cold wind it made my ears hurt!! I think the coming home after a holiday is exhausting

there seems so much to do and you have to cook your own
food too!!!!!!!! Hope your husband has had some good sleep and is feeling less tired now.
Annie- no wonder your GC love you so much.
Hope tomorrow you,ll be up and running properly in the
electronic dept.

SweetPeaSue- thinking of youxx

EllieAnne,Nonny,Joce and all wishing you a peaceful sleep

I'm so sorry I've not known what to do about posting. The tiredness I feel is extraordinary. I don't want to worry everyone and I can't see my situation getting any better till I get seen.
I managed to get to appt yesterday, it was a very late one.
He was actually very nice. I told him why I'd cancelled last week about A&E and that I'd returned home without getting there. He said as you said Doodle that my pain was more than sufficient reason. He told me I looked ill.
He listened carefully and it was not a visit like other times. When I asked him if he thought it could be bowel endometriosis he said the only way to know is by Laparoscopy but he also thinks I should see Gastroenterologist next week and find out what he wants to do. It's difficult to know if the 2 different pains I get are related to one condition. My husband asked him about my womb lining as I had vag ultrasound about 6 weeks ago to assess if this had thickened. I immediately said well that's normal as Gynaecologist had sent me message saying this after I'd asked 3 weeks ago. He opened page and said actually its 8mm. I said that's not good. They'd got it down to 4 after Hysteroscopy. Don't know why he'd told me it was normal in message. Its all got me worried. He said he'd have to thin lining again and take biopsy at same time as Laparoscopy to check other organs for Endometriosis. Said I should see Gastroenterologist next week to see what he's going to say. We don't know if my pains are Co existing due to same condition or are separate but from what's happening to me I'm inclined to think it's same but don't know.
I'm going on again I know. It's not fair to others here. He's hoping to do this in about 6 weeks but much depends on my condition. With all the pain I don't know what's going to happen but he said if I go again to A&E I should demand(his words) to see a consultant and to be properly assessed as it was junior Dr before in a side room that wasn't the main area where people see consultants and are examined properly.
The Oramorph helps but GP had said to take extra laxatives to keep bowel open.
I m so very sorry but don't feel able to address everyone as I'm used to doing tonight. I do think of you all.
Glad you're back Doodle. Take care everyone.
Love to all. Xxx

Anniebach Thank you. You are obviously very loved by your GCs. x

Doodle I've been in touch with SweetpeaSue this evening. She's not felt like posting but we're supporting each other. My GDs are happy and loving their new home. It's in a very (very posh) nice area (so much different to where they were). Mr Cooper is indeed very pampered. How's your husband now? x

Sweetpeasue I’m worried about you. How are you getting on? I am praying for you to get the help you need. Your problems are so upsetting. How have you been today.
HVDY I bet your Mr Cooper is one spoiled cat. How you must love him.
I hope your DGDs are ok and settled in their new home. They are so lucky to have you to care for them so much. Your son seems to take good care of them too.
I hope your brothers new leg is more comfortable and eases his pain.
I hate that early morning doom feeling. Hope your spirits lift.
Annie any further news of MT and her new job?
Friday tomorrow. Hope all your electronics and phones are fixed.
My DGC are younger than yours but all well into teens now.
I agree about blue bells but also love the daffodils and their sunny faces. The snowdrops are so delicate. Roses because they were my Dads favorites and he loved growing them and mimosa because that was my mums favourite.
Hope your new food regime is going ok
Scaredycat we have been in all day today,. Surprising how a holiday can wear you out. Hope you have had a pleasant walk and are keeping ok.
Joce, Nonnie and Nanny still thinking of you too. Take care all x

HVDY no, not a child bride ?, my elder granddaughter 25,
partner calls me Batty, she calls me Queen Babe,my youngest 22, ‘Mini Tornado’ has called me Bro since she was 7. They have no problem with a granny who hasn’t grown up !

That sinking feeling, the stomach is known as ‘the second brain’, that sinking feeling or churning tummy can start before we have started to think clearly , now I am trying to introduce
foods into my day it can cause my tummy to churn and I have
to tell myself, ‘it’s the food, not anxiety’.

You do much each day, be proud x

Anniebach Your eldest GC is 30?! You must have been a young bride . Oh yes, the lovely teenage years to come... Keep persevering with your diet, it will get better x

How's the day been for everyone?

I had that horrible sinking feeling again, which I get every morning (no idea why) but I forced myself to go to the day centre and I enjoyed it. It's cold, so I'd left the heating on for the boy whilst I was out x