Black Dog 11

Doodle I sat in Morrisons cafe for an hour today reading and drinking coffee. It’s only£1.59. But at the end of it I still have to go home.

So much sadness on here lately. So little I feel I can say. EllieAnne I don't feel you can go on like this. Please try to talk this over with someone you can trust. Sorry, I don't know all your circumstances. Could a GP provide some counselling. Where I am it's dreadful and nothing to be had so I realise what I'm suggesting mighnt be an option.
HVDY Bringing up the past can be very unsettling and although helpful for some it can also be the opposite for others. Only you can decide so I understand your fears a little. This lady might be a possible friend. Did you get a good feeling when talking to her?
GSM I believe certainly that dogs have souls. W(will call him that here) the labrador still provides a warmth and comfort to me when I think of him during the wakeful moments during the night. Although my heart lurches every time I see a chocolate Lab, there are times when I KNOW he's still here, moreso than other passed loved ones. I hope that doesn't seem somehow wrong to others but that's just how it is. Thinking of your sadness and thinking of my 'W'. X

SweetPeaSue I'm being silly, but I was awake hours ago and kept wondering how that woman found me on Facebook - my maiden name isn't on there and she's not friends with any of my friends. I have a tendency to overthink everything and get paranoid. I liked her, so perhaps I'm being stupid. How are you today? x

Oh no, not silly at all HVDY It's so kind of you to ask. The pain woke me during night but that's 'normal' for me now. I'm just so scared. I've burnt my bridges by leaving the hospital where it all happened. I'm left with this gynaecologist that I don't trust. I just don't know why I'm getting the front lower pain which comes on worse after bowel opened. Many hospitals in North Yorkshire including ours have issued notice that unless someone is in a 'genuine life-threatening' state we are NOT to go to A&E. Patients have been waiting 12 hrs. Everywhere seems such a mess. You must wish you hadn't asked! Ha. Hope you have something good lined up for today. Husband picks up DGs from school for tea today. I always hope my pain doesn't come on when he's here. Had to cancel last week. Son away at work so his ex picks him up later. Hope everyone has a good day.

Hi all x

GSM so sorry to hear about your dog, been there 15 times,
each one was a great loss, it’s the price we pay for unconditional love , I choose to believe in ‘Rainbow Bridge’ ?
thank you for telling me about Parsley Box, x

rafichagran hugs, I put my problems down to being born on
a Wednesday! , hope you are coping , we are here for you x

Sweetpeasue I was hoping you would go to A & E, but now
you can’t. If you didn’t post don’t assume we would be concerned, we would be concerned, post whenever you wish/need to my love x

Scaredycat how is the ankle ? and have the tiredness after the
jab cleared ? I am not going to repeat ‘keep walking’ here until
your ankle has healed x

Ellie Anne please have counselling, you need help to sort out
your distress , Google Relate you may find practical help there , please get pro active, I have to be when dealing with the
council ! x

HVDY I don’t have a GP, we get which ever doctor is taking
appointments in fairness to the G.P who started me on Ensure
I had much to cope with, couldn’t cook because of arthritis,
my darling daughter was very ill , my grandchildren and son in
law needed support and I had just moved to a different part of
town to be near my girl, then she died, the Ensure meant one
less thing to worry about.

Doodle as a tree hugger I am upset that Elm may be cut down, has it got the disease ? The council would be unwise if
they cut down the Flowering Cherry outside my living room window , i talk to it ! when it flowers I tell it how beautiful it is,
hugs x

Surprise, surprise friends, my tv is playing up but here’s a lovely thing to share with my friends, two weeks ago had inspection by the fire station, they asked why I use an oil radiator not central heating radiator, explained about hands and wheelchair, they came yesterday with a brand new oil
heater, will take up less room than the old one I use , it was a
gift . So kind.

Eating, I have to start with 3 teaspoons of proper food a day and am now eating 4 biscuits a day, how sad - I get quite excited when it’s time for a biscuit.

Tell myself ‘ rainbows come after a storm’

Sending everyone a cwtch x

How is everyone?

EllieAnne- Ah being worried about our children is part of the job description of being a Mum. Your daughter knows how much she is loved and I expect she doesn’t like to see you worried. Doing the loft floor is a big task - no wonder he is tired . So nice of him to do it for you though.
Have you got a friend you could go for coffee with and who would understand how you feel. You need some help Now I think.
GSM- so sorry to hear about your dog. She will be remembered with much love.
Rafichagran- I,m like you always worrying about what might happen that it can spoil things so unnecessarily . Don’t know how to stop it though. I hope you are ok today.
HVDY- what a shame you had to go to the Pub? better than cooking any day.
Doodle- I remember Childrens hour on the Radio and Uncle Mac who used to always end the broadcast with Goodnight Children- Everywhere!!!!!
SweetPeaSue- I,m sorry you feel so frightened - I know that feeling well and it wears you down. I hope you enjoyed tea with your Grandson- I bet he looks forward to coming to see you.
Annie- I,m glad something nice happened to you at last. What a lovely surprise to get your new heater - hope it was delivered by hunky firefighters!!
3 teaspoons seems such a small amount even to start with. What are you planning to try first? It will take a while to change from the liquid food but worth it in the end.
Can you drink tea with your biscuits? What are your favourites? Totally understand the excitement bit.

Today I feel very blessed as last night our GD2 and her little boy stayed with us and we were able to go out for dinner with 11 of our family. It’s the first time my daughter has had all 3 of her girls together for such a long time. It was so special to see them all and the children together. It made me feel very happy just to be there.I didn’t know whether to post this or not as many of you are feeling sad and worried but wanted to share a good time with you all to give you hope. For a while the anxiety took a back seat.

So pleased you posted your happy family time Scaredycat It's lovely to hear. I've noticed how we can feel guilty posting good AND bad.

Anniebach That was an unexpected surprise from the firemen. There is good in the world. Glad you're enjoying the biscuits. It's hopeful that you're managing to build onto your liquid meal replacements.

Sorry this is short post I'm so tired. Just after post this morning had bad pain and nausea and after 4nhalf months started with some bleeding again. Was so worried about disappointing grandson coming so poor husband limped to pick him up then stood in park with him. We played some board games and made Easter cards and he had Tea. I love him so much and I'm really upset that all this is affecting family now. Don't know what I'm going to do. Sorry this is so depressing. It's not fair on you all. Doodle I know you all care about each other and you've all been so kind. Sure I'll feel better tomorrow.

Love to you all.

SweetpeaSue I'm pleased you had a nice time with your GS. You have been having this awful time with your health for too long now and it must really get you down, understandably so. x
Anniebach a few spoonfuls of proper food plus some biscuits in a start. Hopefully, it won't be long until you can progress to more food. x
ScaredyCat Glad you had such a nice family time. Those special times with GC are so lovely and so important. x
EllieAnne Have you got friends/family/neighbours you could spend time with or talk to? x
Doodle, Rafichagran, GermanShepherdsMum and everyone I might have missed - hope you've all managed to have a decent day.

I went to a Zumba Gold class this morning, which was fine - it was actually too slow for me but the ordinary Zumba is too fast, so I'll need to keep practising. I met my friend for coffee this afternoon. I intended going out tonight, to see a Punk band at a pub we like, but then realised I'm tired/I've got things to do at home can't be bothered Hope everyone has a relaxing evening x

Good evening all sorry I haven’t been around, I have so much going off, but just to let all my friends know, I’m not plodding but I’m just ok. Hopefully I will be better next week.
Thinking of you all hope you all have a peaceful night..

rafichagran glad you’re ok. I am anxious about one of my family at the moment. That’s always been my problem. Other than that I’m ok thanks.
You sound just like me. Always worried about thé whatiferies.
GSM I’m so sorry. You must be very upset. I believe we are all Gods creatures and all have a place with Him.
Your dog was obviously loved and cherished. You can think of the wonderful life she had with you.
HVDY due to my strange memory problem I really can’t remember much about anyone I went to school with. Apart from one best friend I couldn’t tell you who they are. Nice to reminisce but only if it doesn’t upset you.
I know nothing about Facebook so can’t help you. Sorry.
Glad you enjoyed your Zumba, I’m afraid even the slow one would be too much for me. ?
Ellie Anne I’m so sad for you. I wish there was something that could be done to make your life more bearable. Someone or something that makes you happy.
Could you join the WI or U3A?
If the thought of going home really makes you sad, would you feel that way if you were living on your own do you think?
Sweetpeasue you really need that private appointment. You can’t carry on like this. I’m glad you got to see your DGS and I can understand that you love him so much. I do my DGC too.
Your said in your post I know “you all care about each other”.
You are one of us now and We all care about each other. We care about you.
Scaredycat what a lovely evening your had. It must have been so special. Of course you should tell us. It’s good to know there are good times and happy times. We all need to remember that. So pleased for you.
Annie the trees are still in place. They’ve cut lots down near the riverbank but the bigger trees are in the middle and seem safe so far.
Wow how lovely that something nice has happened for you. A new oil radiator. Thats wonderful…….and firemen too. ?
Biscuits are good. Small but tasty. Hope the food intake goes ok.
I had a friend round for coffee this afternoon. No biscuits or cake as we’ve both given them up for Lent but we did have a lovely catch up.
Thinking of you all. Praying for a pain free night Sweetpeasue . x

Thank you everyone. x

Thank you everyone for your concern. I have friends I can talk to. Not the family as it wouldn’t be fair.
If I lived on my own it would be my space and I would not feel stressed. But it’s not going to happen.

Hi all x

Ellie Anne I think I understand, I don’t want to pry into your
personal life , I am not asking questions.

One of my sister’s marriage ended about ten years ago, she works but can’t afford to rent a flat, she and her husband own their house, he doesn’t want to sell, they live in the same house but live separate lives, don’t even share meals, no one else involved with her or her husband. He has retired, I worry how it will be when she retires.

Friends, my plans for sitting on the patio are scrapped, yesterday the firm with the very big porta cabin near my patio have now put two more there .

How is everyone?

Anniebach Oh no, that's not fair. How long are they likely to be there?

How is everyone this sunny (but cold) morning?

HVDY no one knows where the hell they are working, during the week lorries park there , diggers drive in and empty
their loads and off goes the lorries . I fear they may be working on the bypass , far too much rubble for work carried out on the
council estates. I worked 30 years with my brother’s building firm, seen farm houses demolished , and many large barns, doesn’t equal the amount of rubble being disposed of here.

Ellie Anne I’m glad you have friends to talk to. I understand about not talking to family. It must be difficult.
Annie that’s awful. If it is the bypass that could take a while. It is still possible for you to put up a fence and put climbing plants on it? Could you phone the council and ask them what’s going on and tell them how disturbing it is in a small community like yours.
HVDY I’ve been baking brownies to take to my DGS along with some Easter eggs. Then a quick trip to other son and drop off eggs there. I suppose my DGC are too old for eggs really but I like to give them some.
Hope Everyone has a good day.

Anniebach Could you find out what's happening by ringing the council? I do hope they aren't building there.
Doodle Lovely. I'll see my GDs next Friday (my husband's birthday too) so I'll give them their eggs then. I always buy chocolates for both sons too (40 and 38!) and this year I'll buy for Son2's GF and her daughter.

My friend came round this morning, and gave me some lovely things for my birthday (63 tomorrow [hmmm]) then DH and I went out to a lovely swan sanctuary. There are a few lakes/ponds, loads of geese, ducks, chickens, and of course swans. We had cake and coffee in the cafe there. I've just had a drink of this bottle of stuff my friend bought - it contains rum and now I'm a bit drowsy . Son1 gone out on a date x

Oh, Annie what a huge disappointment. I hope they're not going to be there too long. It may be best to find out and know what's
going on rather than not know. I know you're used to dealing with them ?. Can you have a fence with a climber on it? I don't know what else to suggest. It sounds as if they're making a right mess. You seem to come against one obstacle after another, it's so unfair. So sorry.
HVDY I'll be giving my grandson his Easter Egg next Friday too. My other son who lives away isn't coming down so will have to keep my granddaughter's here. I usually get the adult 'children' too(sons and wife).
Happy Birthday for tomorrow. Think you may have started celebrating early--Cheers!
Doodle Thankyou for your lovely words and caring. You have all made me so welcome on BD. At least I have appts now, that's something.
Take care all.

Annie your sister’s situation sounds similar to mine but he seems oblivious to how I feel. We rarely eat together and are mostly in separate rooms or I am out.

Happy Birthday HVDY
Have a good day! ?

Hi all x

HVDY happy, happy birthday ? ? ? X

Ellie Anne my sister lives her own life, has friends, family,
she made a new life for herself as her husband has. She has no
problem with watching tv on her own, suppose it can be called
acceptance, there is no love for each other, she is independent x

Doodle the council are not going to move all that stuff, the only other place is the children's playing field. I was so pleased
when I was allocated this bungalow, at the end of the Cul de sac
Wish I could post a photograph. But I have the only bungalow
with a tree so have something beautiful to look at x

How is everyone?

HVDY happy birthday you young thing ????. What a lovely trip to see the swans. Hope you have a good day today and enjoy yourself.
Sweetpeasue we gave out our Easter eggs early as DH and I are going into hibernation now before we go on a cruise in just over a weeks time. We are going to Norway for the week.
I love Norway and am looking forward to it even though the weather forecast isn’t that good.
Nice to see your DGS next weekend. Hope you don’t have to wait too long to see your DGD.
Ellie Anne it must be lonely for you living in your home with your husband. Could you make more room for yourself and invite friends round like Annie’s sister?
Annie so sorry you have all that hassle with the workmen next to you.
Hope you can block it out somehow. A tree to look at is very special. Mine is still there so fingers crossed.
Have you started moving on from the baby food yet? Is it biscuit time soon ??
Have a good day all x

Joce- good to hear from you and hope next week is a better one for you.
Annie- that,s awful hope it’s not going to be as bad as you fear. Can you sit in your front garden at all? It would have been the right thing to do to keep you informed about what is happening. Have a biscuit whether it’s time or not!!!
Doodle- I don’t think you can ever be too old for an Easter Egg. What a lovely Easter bunny you will be bringing brownies too!
Oh we love Norway it is so beautiful. Have a wonderful time.
It is photo heaven.
HVDY- Happy Birthday - you are a Spring Chicken!!!!?????Hope you have a lovely day.
The Swan sanctuary sounds lovely we would enjoy that.
EllieAnne- is there a room at home where you can have your own telly and watch the things you enjoy? Somewhere you canhave friends round for coffee . The weather is getting better now so maybe you could have days out sometimes.
SweetPeaSue- hope you are having a better day today x
Love to allx

We have a tv upstairs in one of the bedrooms so are often in different rooms which helps. But one living room so cdnt have friends round. Would be too uncomfortable. I wouldn’t be able to relax. The only people ever in the house are children and grandchildren as I have no other family and his family are in the south of England. It can be very lonely. It’s a different kind of lonely to being alone if that makes sense. I walk on my own a lot and never feel lonely.

Joce I’m so sorry I must have missed your post completely. Until I read Scaredycat’s post and I saw your name and scrolled back I hadn’t realised you’d posted.
I’m glad you’re still plodding on. Hope you and yours ok. Thank you for letting us know how you are. Take care.
Scsredycat thank you. The weather doesn’t look good but even in the mist the scenery is wonderful.
How is the ankle now?
I am waiting for Amazon tonight. I’ve bought a jigsaw. Not done one since I was a child but suddenly felt the desire to try one. As I’m typing this…..it’s just arrived.
Annie hope you’re ok. Any news from MT on the job front? I’ve got everything crossed for her.
Sleep peacefully all. X