Black Dog 11

Hello dear Annie,
I have not been in touch for a while but want you to know I think of you and all dear friends very often. Sending love as ever.

Hi all x

GSM tube of cheese , will definitely get some, lovely to
hear from you, thank you x

Ellie Anne no guilt please, you are going to the dentist not
the cinema x

Scaredycat a sandwich toaster , brilliant, I can put it on my
coffee table, thank you x

HVDY I am shocked at the length of time for an appointment, your poor brother x

Sweetpeasue so sorry you are still having so many problems
with so many medical practitioners, x

Doodle thinking of you, hugs x

I am listening to Fats Domino, did I really use to jig around the
house whilst listening to him !

Getting off to sleep ? I sing, in my mind not vocally, it helps me.

How is everyone?

Carillion I was thinking of you yesterday evening, my thoughts surely drifted to you , how are you? never forget we
are here for you, love and hugs x

Doodle- hope you enjoyed church today and that some of your worries have abated a bit.
I feel worried about Nonnie I do hope she is ok.
SweetPeaSue- what a distressing time you are going through. It does seem like no one is actually listening to what you are saying. But at least your GP sounds as if they are trying to help you.
If it makes you feel better to not post then that is understandable but if not we are all here to listen to and care about you.
HVDY- yes how do all those people get in the queue in a nano second!! I do hope your brother gets a call tomorrow although he does sound a bit awkward to deal with. He really does have a lot on his plate to deal with at the moment but then so do you.
Make sure you look after yourself too- glad you have some nice things to do during the week.
Annie- hope you are able to get the sandwich toaster. We have one that you don’t have to butter the outside of the bread so it doesn’t stick- you can just wipe it over after use.
Glad you have Fats for company- bet you are mentally jigging though. Love Blueberry Hill.
I think of you often. Yesterday we went to a coastal town so I could take photos of street art for my photo group and I thought to myself Annie would like it here.
Still often have jelly legs and feel shaky but am enjoying being able to do some of the things we used to do again.
Positive - ankle and foot so much better thanks to the physio.
Love to allxxx

Scaredycat Blueberry Hill, you should see my wiggling feet .

Yes I would have loved to be there, the coast and street art, wonderful. Remember Claire Weekes, she said to carry on
and let it churn / wobble . You are a star ? x

Thanks Annie. I remember she said that jelly legs would still take you where you wanted to go.x

Anniebach Good luck with getting a sandwich toaster. How about an omelette maker? I use mine occasionally, with different fillings. It doesn't require oil or butter and can be wiped clean. Fats Domino eh...... do you ever look at YouTube? I like to save music on there. x

Doodle Hope you're ok x

ScaredyCat I'd love to do a photography course of some kind. Do you have to have different cameras and lenses? My dad and 2 brothers used to belong to a photography club and were all very good. x

I met Son1 from work, went for a quick drink (not me as I was driving, of course) then picked up his girls from school, went to a play centre then a pub for dinner. I'm on a diet so counting calories. DH has enjoyed a few hours' peace on his own. Hope everyone has a restful night x

Evening all. Late in tonight as been out most of the day, church this morning and coffee with friend this afternoon.
Sweetpeasue I am so sorry you had such an awful appointment. How upsetting. Some consultants are like that how unfortunate that’s what you ended up with. Was this one private? If so that’s disgusting.. I hope the NHS one works out better. I also hope your GP is sympathetic and more helpful.
If you decide not to post I will not pressurise you in any way to do so because you need to do whatever feels right for you. What I will say is that I hope you keep in touch because we do care about your and want to know how you get on. I hope and pray this situation is resolved for you soon as I feel you have been so badly treated. Take care x
HVDY you are a kind person to keep in touch with Sweetpeasue like that and for your kind wishes.
22nd in the queue ? wow . After a 40 minute wait to be told nothing till next week is a bit much. Well done for getting them to phone him tomorrow. I think he should make more of an effort to sort out his own healthcare as you have enough to do with looking after your own family. Does he have any children? Shame you missed your Zumba gold. Is that online or in person? You do a lot with your DGC which is lovely and good for them so please don’t get drawn into helping at your brothers house again if he can afford help. You need to keep your own health safe.
I have never seen an omelette maker. I will have to look that up.
Carillion how lovely to hear from you. Hope you are ok and keeping well. Love to you too,
Annie thank you for your message. I love tube cheese too. You could also use a gadget, like the one you get for squeezing a toothpaste tube, to squeeze the cheese out.
A sandwich toaster sounds a good idea. Your carer could prepare one for you to heat up. I spent ages looking for an easy opening flask for you last night. Like you, I couldn’t find anything that would work with someone whose hands aren’t strong enough to open the lid. Daft really as a thermos would be so good for someone with your difficulties to keep food warm.
You are obviously a jazz fan. I can imagine you bopping around with your two dogs. I have never thought about singing in my mind. I might give that a try.x
Scaredycat I did enjoy church thank you. I will carry on worrying till I know things are better. Don’t know when that will be but thank you for thinking of me.
Your photo group sounds interesting. DH is a keen photographer. Do you meet regularly?
That comment about jelly legs still taking you where you want to go made me smile. That’s true. Just like us all plodding on.

Doodle Thank you for those kind words. My brother has got 2 sons - one lives near me, doesn't bother much with him. The other is in Norwich, had a massive stroke a year ago, won't drive again but hasn't seen or even spoken to my brother on the 'phone (his speech is affected and he's proud/embarrassed to speak). My brother has only really had me as support, but when I had Covid and had to be put on a ventilator (and had a stroke) last year, he told my DH I should've had the vaccines. He didn't ring at all to see how I was (I was in hospital 6 weeks) and he's not been to my house for 18 months now. He's quite self-centered, although I do feel sorry about his situation.

How is everyone this morning? It's bright and sunny here, I'm just painting my nails and then I'll get ready for the day centre later. Hope everyone manages to have a decent day x

Well, I was in the middle of painting my nails, when my brother rang my mobile. I answered, he kept saying "Hello" and couldn't hear me. I rang him back, and got the same thing. He's obviously somehow muted my number (he did it once before and I had to put it right) so I rang his wife's number - switched off. They haven't got a landline. My nails are now all smudged and I've got nail varnish (purple) on my dressing gown. Should I get ready, drive there and sort it out? Or jus go to the day centre? He annoys me but I feel sorry for him.

Hi all x

HVDY enjoy the visit to the day centre x

I am tired of feeling tired ! Not depression just ‘down’ , how I
would love a holiday in my favourite holiday village, my younger daughter gave me a very large photograph of it, have
it on a wall, oh to be on that beach and watching the Dolphins,
but I can’t. Acceptance.

With all the problems with ‘tec’ I realised I have not been able to say - ‘you sort it out’ for over 40 years. From parents evenings at schools, to approving or not of boyfriends, threatened one with a bread knife !

How is everyone?

Anniebach Forgive me for asking - you might have told us before - but have you ever had counselling or anything to help with your Agoraphobia? The beach you describe sounds wonderful. x

I went to the day centre, had a very nice day. Chilli Con Carne then Eve's pudding. Quizzes, someone played the guitar and we had a singsong. Bailey's and cakes. I rang my brother's wife, this tie she answered so I chatted with her. My brother has bought a new mobile, transferred the sim card, so he's able to text and ring me again. I feel bad about not going round to see him, so I'll go round either tomorrow or Saturday. He sometimes comes to this side of town to meet his friend, but doesn't call in here. Oh well.....

How has everyone been today? x

HVDY I can understand you helping your brother, it’s a shame his sons aren’t more able to support him. You have your own family to care for so just take care you don’t overload yourself too much.
Oh dear your poor nails. I’m glad your enjoyed the day centre.
It sounds a very good one with the food and entertainment. I imagine it’s a highlight in your week.
Annie I’m amazed how you cope most of the time so not surprised you feel down or tired.
It must be sad to feel you won’t get to a beach again. The sea is such a wonderful thing. I wonder if you could get one of those virtual reality sets. I’ve not actually seen one myself but I gather you can picture yourself at the sea or up a mountain etc.
When does MT start her new job?
I can picture you being a watchful mum and looking after your girls. Hope the boyfriend got the message.
I’ve been up and down today. Keep talking myself out of worrying only for it to keep coming back again and again.
Been here before so just have to keep plodding on till it passes and things hopefully improve.
Had to take the car to a car wash today and got in a pickle in moving forward. Got the car stuck between the washer and the dryer. No damage but I was getting more and more flustered as time went on.
I had a PM from Sweetpeasue who may post again from time to time but is having a break at the moment.
Take care all x

Hi all x

HVDY I developed agoraphobia because of choices I made not because i had a panic attack away from home which is
usually how it starts. My darling daughter developed Bipolar ,
once called manic depression.

It’s a horrific illness, both the highs and lows, the lows bring
suicide attempts and fears. Her behaviour caused gossip and
criticism, people can be so judgmental, I can understand their
bewilderment she was so very much liked by so many people,

I moved to this bungalow to be close to the house where she was living, she chose to move from the family home because
she knew she was upsetting her children, so when I moved I
decided not to mix with anyone in the Cul de sac, I wanted her
and my grandchildren to come to me at any time.

She took her life a few months later, I live on the edge of town
so to get to surgery or the town I will have to cross the bridge
from which she jumped, I cannot go near it, so agoraphobia developed. Plus the fact my Nextdoor neighbours is an alcoholic with mental health problems, I don’t want any contact with her. Counselling would be no help , I can’t walk now or get into a car. Enough about me.

Doodle the car wash wasn’t a pleasant event was it ? .i so understand the worrying thoughts which will not go away, sending a cwtch x

Joyce Ellie Anne Sweetpeasue we are here for you x

How is everyone?

You carry so much pain and sorrow Annie. Though I rarely post here I read and you and others who suffer are in my prayers each night. I only know some by their GN names but I’m sure God knows who I mean.

Anniebach I'm terribly sorry you lost your lovely daughter in such dreadful circumstances. I can only imagine the pain of that. When I asked if you've ever had any help with the Agoraphobia, I only wondered because you're such help to us on here, and it's such a shame you're so isolated. I never meant to cause you any upset, and I'm sorry if I have x

I'm so very sorry Annie I wish there was something I could say. I think of you often. How much you have given here on BD and starting it. Much love x

Thank you all x I am not upset HVDY you asked with kindness. I adored her, and thank God she was my daughter, she was a very special person , so much love and laughter , I was blessed .

Black Dog is important to me , no one with mental health problems should feel they can’t speak of it , no matter what the
problem is if it causes distress it needs to be shared, depression be it clinical or has a specific cause brings loneness. No one will
be alone here x

HVDY - glad you went to the day centre nails or not!! It does sound like you have a really good time there and it’s good that you have such a nice meal too- one you don’t have to cook either!!
I,m sure your brother will be pleased to see you when you go- men aren’t very good at the visiting thing are they!! You,ll feel better once you have seen him I expect.
The photography I do is with a U3A group. We just use whatever we have to take our pictures and to be honest I think most of us use our phones a lot as the cameras are so good now.it’s not technical just each month we have subjects to capture then a meeting together to look and discuss them- very good natured and fun.
Doodle- hope today has been less fraught than yesterday - that car wash would have freaked me out!! I hope you,ve had some peaceful moments and been able to relax a bit. It is impossible to be happy when one of our loved ones have problems though isn’t it.
I,m glad SweetPeaSue has been in touch with you and do hope she gets the help she needs.
Annie- it has been so hard for you and I know only too well how distressing it is to see someone suffer with that terrible illness. Your daughter was clearly a remarkable person and you have some wonderful memories of her too. You were blessed to have her and she was blessed too to have you. We too are blessed to have you with us.x
You mentioned the other week you had thought about moving to a house your brother owned nearer your grandchildren . Do you think that would help you to be in a different place with no memories?
Has MT started her job yet? Hope she,ll be able to visit you soon.
Thinking of youxxx
Positive.
Today has been a beautiful,warm and sunny one so we went to another coastal town and found some more street art to photograph. Somehow the jelly legs got going again !!

Love to all BDG and wishing you a peaceful nightxx

Hello all.
Thank you Annie, you think of every one, I’m so grateful to know you are there I’m ok plodding like I do...
I try to read and keep up with every one, I don’t post much but I do think of you all.
Hope everyone has a peaceful night sleep hugs..

Annie I of course remember well the sad story of how your lost your beloved daughter but I didn’t realise that you moved to your bungalow to be near her.
I think your daughter must have been a very brave and caring person to have moved out to spare her children from the upset of her illness. How much it must have meant to her to have you close by. Such a loving bond between you.

Ive had a bit of an up and down day again. I saw a young boy sitting in the park on his own and thought he looked lonely. That triggered such wave of sadness that I found it difficult to shake it off.
I have been watching morning service from Canterbury for over 2 years now. The Dean is being forced to retire on his 75th birthday in about 9 days time. I will really miss seeing his lovely garden and listening to his words. I don’t think I have ever heard a more eloquent or moving speaker.
GSM your post is so lovely. The thought of you including us in your prayers is so heartwarming, Thank you so much.
I hope you are ok and your family.
HVDY have you had another busy day? Are your DGDs coming over this weekend? How is your brother getting on?
Sweetpeasue wishing you a pain free night.
Scaredycat your photography sounds like a good way to go about it. You are right, phones these days have really good cameras and it’s easy just to snap whatever you see. How often do you meet?
Yes I’m well recovered from the car wash incident thank you ?. Been into town today and then went for a walk through a park we don’t often visit. They had a pretty fountain in the middle and a little stream runs through it.
You must enjoy visiting coastal places. I would love that. The sea is so special. Hope you had a good time.
Joce nice to hear you are still plodding on. Hope all is well with you and yours.
Take care everyone x

Doodle I had a very "nothing" day, very boring. DH came home at 10am, sneezing, coughing and snotty, so he sat about all day (he does that even when he's ok) so I didn't go out either. The GDs aren't here this w/e. Son1 is at his girlfriend's. Brother has got a GP appointment next Friday and is ok at the moment, thanks for asking.

I keep feeling really "flat", not interested in anything. Son2 is taking us out for lunch tomorrow, so that'll be nice.
Hope everyone has a decent day. It's sunny here. x

Well, I texted my brother at 12, asking if he was in. No reply, so I went out and bought some flowers and a bar of chocolate, decided to go to see him and his wife anyway. I got here at 1, he's out so I'm chatting with his wife. She like the flowers, has eaten the chocolate. He's still out, so he must be feeling OK. He's left his mobile at home. Chump.

Hi all x

Joyce keep plodding my love, easy to say but not easy to do
.is it ? But you can do it x

.HVDY you find busy days easier? Do you have a hobby you
do at home ? x

Doodle wish we could ease your worries, hugs x

Had tec problems again today!

How is everyone?

HVDY well it seems your brother isn’t as bad as all that if he’s been out all day,
Hope you have a nice lunch with your son tomorrow. Do you have any hobbies or things you do when you get 5 minutes to yourself?
Annie thank you for your kind thoughts. Hopefully things will get better but until I know that it’s ok I keep being ok one minute and then feeling the panic rise the next.
Your tec problems keep cropping up. Hope you are ok again now. Have you had any jazz on today?
Thinking of all the gang x