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Mum is 90. Starting to get forgetful

(25 Posts)
SecondhandRose Tue 08-Mar-22 14:05:24

What can I do to help? I know keeping an older person hydrated can improve them. Anything else please?

Germanshepherdsmum Tue 08-Mar-22 14:11:21

She needs to see her GP.

Hetty58 Tue 08-Mar-22 14:16:53

90 and just 'starting to get forgetful' is really very fortunate. Still, a check up with the GP is in order as you've noticed some changes.

MissAdventure Tue 08-Mar-22 14:17:58

I'm clueless with tech, but have heard that you can set an Alexa to give reminders, for things like medication and such like.

Katyj Tue 08-Mar-22 14:46:11

Hi. My mum is the same. We’ve got her a white board that fits on the fridge so I can write things down. Also a clock that has the day, date and time on a big display. Mum has carers, so they give medication, but you can get a Dossett box with a reminder alarm to set at the correct intervals. Hope that helps.

SecondhandRose Tue 08-Mar-22 18:03:19

Thank you yes it is.

DaisyAnne Tue 08-Mar-22 18:53:42

What's with the "She needs to see the GP"? Unless she has lost the capacity to understand her own needs she does not "need" to be told what to do.

I could be worth discussing it with her as it may be possible that medication would help so it is worth going if she is happy with it.

Katyj - good suggestions for the "getting forgetful".

CanadianGran Tue 08-Mar-22 19:20:56

We also got MIL a large clock and phone with large dials, with all of her family pre-programmed into speed-dial. The clock my Brother in law found even said 'good morning' or 'good evening'. He found this after we found out one day in the winter she fell asleep in the late afternoon, woke up at 630 thinking it was the next morning, but it was actually evening.

Her meds were packaged in bubble-packs, and we took on a rota of either phone calls or visits so someone was checking on her daily. She was living is assisted living by then, but in her own apartment.

I sometimes think some seniors are over-medicated, especially if they start to lose weight as they age. Have a good look at her medication and find out why she is taking it. It turned out for my MIL that she was on one medication that the doctor kept renewing even though she really didn't need it any longer.

kittylester Tue 08-Mar-22 21:09:05

A visit to the gp is not a bad thing anyway. If it is early alzheimers disease there are tablets that can slow the progres or it might be something else that can be improved with treatment.

DaisyAnne Tue 08-Mar-22 21:34:59


A visit to the gp is not a bad thing anyway. If it is early alzheimers disease there are tablets that can slow the progres or it might be something else that can be improved with treatment.

Isn't that what I said? I was pointing out that someone with capacity has the right to choose. It's worth remembering and also worth getting capacity assessed if you are not sure and feel some things "need" to be done.

Esspee Tue 08-Mar-22 23:39:33

I got my mother onto Aricept many years ago. It didn’t cure the problem but halted the decline so she had a much better quality of life in her final years.

Whiff Wed 09-Mar-22 06:21:22

SecondhandRose unfortunately it's old age. She needs to be seen by her GP. Making sure your mom has plenty of fluids is good also ask your mom if it hurts to have a wee. I found with my mom if she had a water infection it made her more confused. My mom had what was classed as senile dementia. Unfortunately your mom is only to get worse. I had my mom live with me the last 18 months of her life. As she was forgetting to take her tablets . Unfortunately moms dementia made her violent. The last 4 months of her life where hell on earth. My mom died her body just lived on. She didn't know who I was and thought I was her mom. I loved her but every morning I hoped she had died in the night. My mom never laid a hand on me until the dementia took her. But I couldn't put her in a home. And proud of the fact my mom never had a sore of any kind on her body. I grieved for my mom while she was alive . She would have hated what she became. It's amazing how much damage a 5.5st woman can do . She died with me aged 90.
All the people with Alzheimer's or dementia I know and have known they have all turned violent. Some for years before their death some like my mom only months.

This isn't to frightened you but unfortunately it's what happens to some older people.

Jaxjacky Wed 09-Mar-22 06:41:44

My mother had vascular dementia and was never violent Whiff neither were any of her ‘friends’ in her care home, it doesn’t always follow.
As I mentioned under your other post SecondhandRose under Relationships, your brother moving back in with her and your theory of him gaslighting her. I assume this has disrupted her routine and she may well be unsettled, there are a number of factors here.

kittylester Wed 09-Mar-22 06:58:58

whiff, what a huge generalisation.

daisyanne, yes, I said it too.confused

SecondhandRose Wed 09-Mar-22 08:45:22

Thank you. She is forgetful that’s all. Def no dementia. She takes very few meds. Been to the doc recently.

DaisyAnne Wed 09-Mar-22 08:56:05

All the people with Alzheimer's or dementia I know and have known they have all turned violent.

You seem to have been extremely unlucky in that case as it is simply not true that dementia - of which Alzheimer's is one form - always lead to violence. I do think people should be more careful about what they say.

It could be that the issue was the anxiety that goes with dementia was handled extremely inappropriately. Panic will cause some to hit out.

My mother never came anywhere near violence, although she was, obviously confused and fearful of her confusion, on occasion.

This is such a difficult disease for those who have it and those who care for them. Please do not paint a false picture and frighten those just beginning to deal with it.

DaisyAnne Wed 09-Mar-22 08:59:04


Thank you. She is forgetful that’s all. Def no dementia. She takes very few meds. Been to the doc recently.

That sounds like Age Related Memory Loss SecondhandRose. That will happen to us all I imagine smile

Teacheranne Wed 09-Mar-22 09:06:16

We found technology very helpful when my mum needed support to allow her to live independently in the early stages of Alzheimer’s - I know your mum does not have dementia but some of our aids might be helpful for you.

We installed broadband at her house so that we could have Ring cameras, both the doorbell type and also two way security cameras around the house. This allowed us to monitor people coming to the door to try to scam money from mum, elderly people can be very trusting and fall for door step cons like “ Could you let me have the train fare for me to get my wife’s body out of the morgue” Yes, that person called round every few weeks to con money! The security cameras meant that we could check how long mum was out shopping, if she had not got home within a short time, we would have been able to search for her in case she’d forgotten her address. I could also talk to her through them so helped remind her where to find her key when she forgot where she had put it.

We had to buy a call blocker to intercept scammers on the phone as well, the system provided by her phone company was too complicated for mum to use as it involved pressing a button to reject or block calls. We bought a separate unit which plugged into the phone line. You’d be shocked at how many Sky insurance policies mum had - she did not have Sky!!

We had two indoor cameras as well to give us peace of mind that she had got downstairs safely each morning and had not had a fall.

We installed a key safe outside in case she lost her key or if someone needed to gain access to help her.

Hive heating system was useful when mum forgot how to control the central heating and fiddled with the controls, turning it off or to the wrong times.

Another thing we did which might not be appropriate for your mum was to scratch off the cvc number from the back of her bank card so that it could not be used to buy things over the phone - yes, probably illegal but necessary for us.

Does someone have Power of Attorney for your Mum? If not, I suggest you get it set up asap while your mum has capacity so that you can help her pay bills or make medical decisions.

Whiff Wed 09-Mar-22 17:18:46

I was talking from personal experience. Including my mom I know 5 people personally with Alzheimer's and dementia who became violent. 4 are now dead and one is still alive. Because of her violence she has one to one care in the home she is in.

I never post on any threads unless I have personal experience of the subject matter.

DaisyAnne Wed 09-Mar-22 17:25:39

It can happen Whiff, but there are many other outcomes. You have been unlucky but I wouldn't want anyone whose loved one has recently been diagnosed to think this was the only outcome.

kittylester Wed 09-Mar-22 18:43:03

Exactly what DaisyAnne says.

I do lots of work with people living with dementia and their carers. The only person who was ever violent was my mother.

It is entirely wrong whiff to lead people up the wrong path.

Whiff Wed 09-Mar-22 18:57:35

I am not leading anyone anywhere. These are my experience's. I could have taken the easy way out and put my mom in a home but I loved my mom. So I looked after her on my own after . Even giving my mom injections when she had to have them for a while . So as not to really on district nurses as they where needed by people who hadn't got anyone .

So why I am being criticised for being honest .

Serendipity22 Wed 09-Mar-22 19:48:59

Teacheranne I can only agree with your post. A lot of things we find necessary, are sometimes viewed as invasive, but when you love your mum/dad, its a case of these things are done for their safety, nothing else.

When i found my mum on her bathroom floor in the early hours of the morning ( i was sleeping there ) absolutely frozen to the bone, I wracked my brains to think how this could be prevented. When she was ordering a ridiculous amount of rubbish from 1 of those flimsy rip-off catalogues, i wracked my brains with how i could prevent this and when i went to see her 1 day and was met with the strongest smell of burning ( she had put some cabbage on the stove, gone into the front room and forgotten !!!) I wracked my brains with how this can be prevented ..... everytime, drastic measures were brought to force.

SecondhandRose Thu 10-Mar-22 22:06:58

Thank you. I do have power of attorney for her finances and health. Barclays have been brilliant but I am so cross and fed up with the useless service Nationwide have provided. Mum called me “darling” the other day and told me how helpful I was. Completely unheard of so perhaps I’ll have the mother who forgets how to be nasty.

DaisyAnne Thu 10-Mar-22 23:05:58

Serendipity, I don't think it matters what others think of us. I was pointing out that you legally need the backing of an assessment before you put something in place if your parent does not want it. Disconnecting the cooker, etc., meant an assessment. We never had any problems with these. Power of Attorney does not mean you don't have to have this - for your own legal safety above anything.

Whiff Wed 09-Mar-22 18:57:35, we all do what we believe to be best and this is surely not a competition about whose actions show they love their mother most. I had no doubt that when my mother went into a home at 98 I had done the best for her up to that point and, with professional and family input into the decision, I was doing the best then. I can't see why such hurtful remarks belong on a thread trying to help others.

Back to the OP. I agree with Teacheranne Wed 09-Mar-22 09:06:16 that technology will be our way out. Now I am the 'older generation' I am trying to put in those things I think will help in the future so I am used to using them. We can learn from our caring and prepare so we help our adult children.