No IVF for stepmum?

Although probably not in the OP posters case, a lot of IVF treatment (mostly privately funded I think) is for age related infertility.

Womens bodies are made to reproduce in their 20s and 30s. If it's left until late 30s/40s, it's possible to miss the boat.

I think that’s a very unfair policy to have nowadays. I may be wrong but I think I remember reading years ago that the father of the first sextuplets had been previously married and had children from that marriage. If that’s true I don’t see why the policy has been changed.

Aveline, you obviously don’t understand the desperate yearning to be able to carry your own baby and the sheer misery of having to show pleasure at the good news of friends who can inexplicably achieve what you can’t. Let them eat cake, eh?

Of course I understand it! Life is so unfair sometimes but not just for UK would be mums.

GagaJo

Although probably not in the OP posters case, a lot of IVF treatment (mostly privately funded I think) is for age related infertility.

Womens bodies are made to reproduce in their 20s and 30s. If it's left until late 30s/40s, it's possible to miss the boat.

Just to add that my daughter got married at 28, had her first miscarriage at 28, and then suffered infertility because she couldn’t conceive. Her IVF treatment was during her very early thirties. It was nothing to do with her or her age, it was to do with her husband who carried a chromosomal defect that prevents conception. Her embryos had to be sent from London to Oxford where one cell was carefully removed to ascertain whether they were affected by the condition, not as a carrier but as a sufferer. Twelve out of sixteen embryos suffered and were destroyed. The remaining four good embryos were returned to London where two were implanted successfully and resulted in our twin grandchildren. The NHS wouldn’t look for this until she had three miscarriages but she couldn’t have three miscarriages because the condition prevents conception. There was no alternative but to pay an extraordinary amount to attend the ARGC in London, one of the best IVF clinics in the country.

Aveline

What makes you think I don't know about this in my family?!

Do you know about this from your own family?

Yes

I can only hope you showed more empathy towards them.

Aveline I am with you on this, so many children needing a family and please don’t anyone tell me I don’t understand. My own family took on 2 children and then out of the blue went on to have their own. This has also happened to a friend of mine.

Non essential medical procedures should have precedence over lifestyle choices.
There are people living in pain waiting for essential surgery. People who will die if their condition isn't caught early enough.

Germanshepherdsmum just read my posts.

I won't comment further after reading that having a baby is a lifestyle choice and ivf a non-essential procedure, despite the suicide Annie mentioned. And I say this despite the fact that my daughter in law has private treatment. I feel for those who can't.

The question of whether IVF should be funded isn't really relevant here.

If it IS funded then it is grossly a unreasonable criteria to cut someone out because their husband already has a child!

And I know someone who had IVF to allow for the selection of an embryo without the BRCA gene that killed his sister.

There are of course exceptions. But a lot of infertility isn't actually infertility, it's leaving it too late. I personally know 6 women who couldn't conceive because they didn't start trying until late 30s (1 is a relative who married late and then couldn't conceive, 3 are Chinese friends who can only have children after marriage, 2 are friends of my daughter).

It's biology. No judgement.

Sorry, that was to maddyone.

I agree Madgran the injustice of who can receive treatment depending on their partners fertility, not their own. I may have misunderstood but it all sounds dreadfully unfair.
I was lucky and able to have babies easily but I have witnessed heartbreak and such profound sadness of those who aren't able to.
I hope this person gets help.

I think this is awful. Why should she not have ivf because another woman has had a baby how is this ethical?

I am not surprised though. I had a severe gynae procedure in my early 30s which may have made me infertile and before I had it I was questioned at length as to what my husband thought about my future infertility, what if he wanted another child and what if I divorced and my new husband wanted a child? It didn't matter that my body was done with having children.

We live in a very sexist world, medically too unfortunately

What a cruel and random policy.

I wonder if part of the problem is that too many people say to children "When you are a parent" and not "If you become a parent". It can be sad if people believe that becoming pregnant is the only way to achieve happiness. The problem with ivf and all other NHS treatments is that they cost a lot of money. There is a mental cost too when treatments fail.

GagaJo

And I know someone who had IVF to allow for the selection of an embryo without the BRCA gene that killed his sister.

There are of course exceptions. But a lot of infertility isn't actually infertility, it's leaving it too late. I personally know 6 women who couldn't conceive because they didn't start trying until late 30s (1 is a relative who married late and then couldn't conceive, 3 are Chinese friends who can only have children after marriage, 2 are friends of my daughter).

It's biology. No judgement.

Thank you Gagajo I know you’re not being judgmental and I realise that a huge chunk of infertility is caused by trying to have a baby later in life. As a doctor my daughter was very aware of this, and so she tried to conceive straight after her marriage. And obviously you know what happened as I related up thread. It’s a really good thing that she didn’t wait, because then there would have been two issues to cope with.

Medical breakthroughs are always a double edged sword IMO. Once something can be done, it is seen as the solution. Once one person has a new heart or recovers from cancer say, it is assumed everyone can.
Wonderful though IVF is for some, for those for whom it isn't successful the heartbreak will be worse than if IVF hadn't been an option.

I never thought of being a mother as a lifestyle choice

It’s a difficult one.
Being childless is not life threatening - although of course it is to some women who get so depressed about it they take their own life. That’s terrible, but some women with children take their own life too.
I personally would be happy for the NHS to fund IVF treatment to any woman under 40 who is childless & desperately wants children. I know there are certain hurdles you have to jump over before being considered - trying for over a year etc etc.
Being a step mum shouldn’t matter as that child is not yours.