Would you willingly go into a care home .

If it proved absolutely necessary. Yes. But would prefer to stay at home. And it depends on the care home. We have Enduring PofA for each other in case of dementia, etc. But the money might run out (especially in the South) and there is no sign of Johnson doing anything useful about care home fees.

I along with my siblings look after our 95 year mum, she refuses any outside help and my brother agrees with her but it's us girls that do the looking after and we are shattered it's very stressful, she is an accident waiting to happen. Very stubborn

I think the OP is totally unrealistic saying that she will never go into a care home . What if she had dementia . A dementia sufferer can usually be cared for at home in the early stages , but the condition can be totally unmanageable later on .
They need someone to keep an eye on them 24 hrs a day . For example they can leave the house at 3am to go to the post office . They can leave taps running or they could turn the gas on but not light it .
They don’t always sleep at night and their main carer cannot manage night after night with no sleep .

you have to remember there are no pockets in shrouds ,and wouldnt you prefer to be comfortable in your old age ? i know my answer ,i spoke to my children ,who all say the same thing ,"you earned it you spend it on you,, we would prefer you to be warm and comfy ,than you give it to us to spend ,".

Four yeast ago I was put in a care home for two weeks to recover from an operation. Couldn’t get home quickly enough.
At my age I know I haven’t got much longer to live and I hope to die in my own home. I have a couple of lovely ladies to help with housework etc. And they will do all they can to help me.
After thirty four years of living alone I couldn’t bear to live with anyone else.

I would taking BigBertha route if l was able otherwise a carehome. Would not want my kids going through the stress of looking after me or the isolation of just home carers.

I doubt either DH or I would be happy to go into a care home if the need arises, but I hope and trust we will see it as the best option if it does.

We have already promised each other that if either of us should suffer from dementia that the other will move heaven and earth to get the other into care as soon as possible. We have seen too many people wearing themselves out caring for a spouse or parent with dementia and worrying about what would happen if the competent person died first.

I could probably manage to care for DH with help if we have to face cancer or the like, but I would probably insist on going into care if I am the one to develop such a condition.

It is after all sometimes the best way of providing good care for the patient.

As for what we have to leave - our son doesn't expect anything, he has had his upringing which we could be said to have "owed" him, he earns good money himself and feels we should use ours to have the best possible out of the years left.

Liz46

My mother used to say 'if I ever become a bother to you just put me in a home'. I looked after her when she had dementia and one evening when I was sitting next to my husband with tears dripping off my chin he said 'it is either me or your mother'.
One of my mum's neighbours had said that if my mother ever needed to go into a home I should go and talk to her. I went round and it turns out that she goes round care homes as a hairdresser. She recommended one and it was very good.
I would pop in at different times and always found my mum well cared for.

I hope you got rid of the unsupportive husband while you were at it? Unbelievable. I'm glad you found a good place for mum to be cared for.

My mother always said she'd rather go into a care home than burden us with her care but in the end managed to stay in her own home until she went to hospital with a short illness.
I'd be happy for my children to help me out but not to the extent of taking me to the loo or bathing, for which I would pay for carers. My daughter is straightforward enough to tell me when I need to go into a home.
One woman near us has kept her husband at home and has carers coming in but it is obvious that she doesn't have the temperament for this. He would undoubtedly be better off in a good care home.

I also visited a terminally ill romany gypsy lady as a home carer. Her daughter told me she had 4 adult children. Each of her children moved into their mother's house to care for her for 2 weeks at a time, with their children and spouses. That way they never left her alone, and didn't put relatives in care homes in their culture.

Lucy your situation mirrors mine. My mother aged 97 is a determined woman and refused to go into a Care Home, and has lived alone in her home, with a care package since hospital discharge five years ago. She deteriorated in January and we thought she was dying but she is still surviving, just. She now has NHS Continuing Care at home, which was almost impossible to get!

The upkeep of her crumbling home and extensive garden has been a nightmare, also coping with frequent medical emergencies. I have other siblings who do not help at all, and I live 16 miles away. I would not wish my children to have to cope with this.

Sadly these latter years will be my abiding memories when she’s gone.

That is your opinion, not necessarily others'.

BigBertha1

I won't be doing any of that. I will be taken by a more permanent solution.

Suicide is a terrible sin. Be aware that we do not die spiritually but go on to be judged by our maker. Killing yourself to avoid the normal ageing process is wrong thinking and wrong doing.

My husband and I have both decided that a care home would not be first choice, and would prefer a live-in carer who we could trust, but if it came to it, then we would have to decide accordingly. I do not want our home sold to pay for care costs when it is the children's inheritance.

My dad went into care home and loved it. He told me he could come and go as he pleased, have coffee and sandwiches made for him late at night, watch TV until about 1am etc. He never went to bed until v late around 1am and staff were ok with him sitting in the lounge. It was a council run home, with excellent staff who promoted personal choice. Sheltered flats are very good too with lots of trips and outings put on for residents. When I worked on homecare these were the happiest people. Sadest were the lonely people living in one downstairs room in an empty house alone. I would pick a sheltered flat complex.

The "liquid cosh" would take care of that soon enough.

I would be amazed if any Care Home would want to have me as a Resident. Kicking and Screaming would be my mode of entry!

I would do absolutely anything to avoid putting a burden on to my family. I’m lucky that my AC are all so caring but I want them to be free to get on with their lives. Just want quality time with them. That’s why I would go into a home if necessary.

Hate the idea of going into a Care Home after seeing what my poor Mum had to go through being moved around through 3 different Homes before Alzheimers killed her poor love! I will have no choice as I have no savings due to disability medically retiring me from work many years ago! As I get DLA I do not qualify for Care at home I have to pay! My commitments apart from rent & food are not taken into account so I am considered to have enough money to pay nearly £1000 per month for AM &PM visits of half an hour! Found this out after a few days in Hospital! Very scary so will have no choice but to go into any home that I am put in regardless of location or state of the Home! The last one that DM was in was good the first 2 were diabolical! Something to look forward to - NOT!! Only hope will be if Dignity in Dying succeed! Lovely life if you do not weaken - Ha Ha!!

I hope to stay here and be independent for a while yet, but, yes, if that became too difficult I would willingly, but reluctantly, go into a residential home as I do not wish to become a burden to either of my sons.
My hope is to stay ok for a few more years and then just drop dead.

In all honesty, though, it greatly depends on why, and what type of care a person needs.
I have had to try and encourage a violent, 6ft 2 inch, physically fit lady to let me help her have a wash, and it was impossible.

This post is running very close to my heart at present as trying to care for my 91 year old mother who has dementia and she wags her finger at myself and sister "Don't you put me in a care home Lady" The pressure we feel is huge and doing our very best to keep her at home but big problems due to her dementia. Having seen the problems this has caused myself and sister have said to our immediate family we would agree to a care home as don't want to put your immediate family through this. BUT it has to be a nice one!

I gave up work to care for my mum (am only child) when her dementia progressed. All went well until, in the space of 2 weeks, she had a fall and started a fire (accidentally I must add).
Having said I would never put her in a home the relied when I did was immense
In the space of 3 years of caring for her I had a shoulder impingement(L) a frozen shoulder (R), my gallbladder removed and shingles twice!!
Never judge anyone who has to put a relative in a care home and when the person themselves expresses a wish to do so, please listen to them.

If I needed care, I'd rather not live, can't bear to be a burden