Would you willingly go into a care home .

I would rather stay at home and have carers in if needed unless I needed 24hr care then would rather a care home than someone moving into mine. I would never live with relatives nor rely on them for help, I would feel a burden and would not want to disrupt their lives.

Same as Elizabeth27……..

If that was the best option for the level of care I needed, then I would grit my teeth and go into a home.

In theory, it should be a home from home, with freedom of choice, and the option to involve yourself as little or much as you see fit, so I'd hope to get a place somewhere like that.

I will be planning on paying for a care home.

After taking care of my Grandmother for 6 years before her going to a care home, I would NEVER ask family to care for me. I would never even if they asked me to move in. The way this has disrupted my life and, more importantly, my kids lives has been way to much.

No one should be burdened with having to give up major aspects of their lives in order to care for a relative who simply refuses to go into care. Especially when they need extensive medical care.

My mum was at home with a care team to help her. My sister and I went to help as much as possible.

When her health deteriorated we had to arrange a care home. She went in there kicking and screaming but there was no alternative.

My husband and I have discussed in detail we will look after each other until there is no alternative.

That’s well said, imaround.

I live in a sort of ‘sheltered’ flat. Different levels of care, or no care at all, are options. Someone is always on hand should you need them, but nothing is intrusive. I choose to have lunch provided most days, but no other meals. It seems ideal to me. I was finding it difficult to manage in my rather large house and garden, and was paying so many people to do things for me (cleaners, gardeners, handymen, window cleaner and so on) that it seemed more sensible to move somewhere where all these things are part of the service.

I wouldn’t dream of expecting my children to look after me in my old age.

Providing 24 hour care 7 days a week for someone, however much you love them, is simply impossible over an extended period. My DH did not want to go to a nursing home but I could no longer care for him safely at home and we were inches away from a serious accident, possibly to both of us. Cope at home as long as possible, certainly, but remember the phrase I learned as a student teacher about taking children out of school - “What will they say at the inquest?”

I know someone who moved into a similar set up, run by a housing association, after her husband died.

She absolutely loves it, and has made a couple of really close friends there.

At the age of 92 my mum told me that if Dad died first, she wanted to go into a care home. He did die first and she did go into a care home, self funding ( though she had no idea about the money side of things). She had a new lease of life for six months, no worries about shopping, washing, cleaning, plenty of company and entertainment if she wanted it, or her own space if not. Sadly she became ill and died in the seventh month. The Home was not perfect, but was a good one.
So yes, based on mum’s experience, I would go into a Home if I needed to.
Based on the care home where my sister lives, I would fight tooth and nail to avoid it.

Well, Flora, whilst we may all like to leave things to our children, if the option is to leave them the money but in doing so, have them care for you if you are incapable/potentially incontinent/suffering dementia or worse or for you to spend it all in a care home, I think they would prefer you to be less "generous " with your money and opt for the latter!

All a person does by sitting tight at home when they are too frail to be there, is cause no end of problems for their family members.

I never want to rely on my daughter who s the only one near me but I don’t want to go into a care home ……
I ve worked in them.
Care in the home that would be the best options for me if possible

I won't be doing any of that. I will be taken by a more permanent solution.

But what if you aren’t capable of taking your own life or do you mean ‘dignatatus’ ?

With dignitus, you still have to have a measure of ability, so they can be sure you yourself consent freely, without coercion, and so on.
So, in effect, some people have to go there a little sooner than they would have chosen.

My husband has just gone into a care home and believe me it was not a decision we wanted to make. I have cared for him for 20 years and would give everything to have him at home but more important than what I want more than any amount of money is his comfort and safety. I and his grown up children would give every penny we have to make sure he is safe and well looked after. Money does not mean anything when it comes to someone being safe and cared for

My neighbour opposite was 85 and had lots of health problems, and I think she waited too long to go into a nursing home. Her daughter lived over an hour's drive away, and my neighbour often rang her late evening to ask her to come. Very difficult. She did agree to have carers, but didn't like being 'put to bed' upstairs at 9 pm. I do understand her reluctance, it is a huge thing to give up your home and lose most of your possessions to live in one room.

I was very sorry she couldn't come to the Jubilee street party, but it would have been painful for her. Her family cleared the house and it was put on the market and sold almost immediately, hasn't completed yet.

My sentiments Welsh Chrissie. Your first duty is to yourself and your loved one who deserve what's best for them.

Hypothetical question, as it may never arise.

If DH were to need care in a Home, and has only a small amount of savings , so qualifies for financial help, would I use my savings to pay for a better place, leaving nothing for my future care?
( there are very good reasons which I wont go into now why there is a financial imbalance )

After caring for my physically frail and with Dementia mother who refused to go into a home until hospital insisted, and seeing how it brought my sister and I to the brink of collapse, yes, anything to prevent such a burden on my own daughter.

I would go in and so would DH if we had to ,we have discussed it.
I would never move in with our children and you have to be asked first anyway.
Both our fathers died before they needed it our mothers had to as we lived hundreds of miles away. We gave both the option of going into a home near us and both declined choosing their local one where friends could visit.
My mother said she wished she had done it earlier, with complete relaxation all around and nighttime care. She was allowed to take her own bedding and the room would have been wallpapered if we wanted.
We have savings both DH and I think that is what they are for. Far better to make your last years dignified and safe than hoping relatives will step up and get left more money after maybe 20 years of caring for us they have their own household and commitments without adding us to it.
Good luck Welsh Chrissie I hope it goes as well as it did for us.

BigBertha1

I won't be doing any of that. I will be taken by a more permanent solution.

I would be doing the same at the first sign that I was en route to needing someone else to wash and dress me and wipe my backside. Fortunately I get a heap of barbiturates each month for epilepsy. Job done.

As imaraound said No one should be burdened with having to give up major aspects of their lives in order to care for a relative who simply refuses to go into care. Especially when they need extensive medical care.

I have told both AC and their partners that I absolutely do not want them having to do the things that I did for my MiL for me and they are not to hesitate in any way should they feel a care home is necessary. I hope I'll have moved there by myself before before they have to make the decision. Wishes are written and they have Power of Attorney.

I would willingly go into a care home. Happy to pay for it, if I could, have never seen why people should expect otherwise.