Fear of losing what I have left of my looks

It sounds like your ‘looking good on the outside‘ is not matching your feelings of ‘feeling good on the inside.’ I do think it’s natural to worry about ageing but as long as we are looking after ourselves we should feel good and proud. It also sounds like your values of your self are based on how you look and not you as a person, i.e, your achievements, qualities and strengths . This could come from your family introjections, What was important to them made you have positive regard towards yourself..maybe you think you’ll not be valued as much by others if you lose your looks?
Try changing the way you think about this, firstly think of all the wonderful things about you that everyone else loves and embrace this. Loving yourself for who you are is so much more important ❤️

I think it is amazing that you have reached out on here. You believe it is trivial to think like this but it is not, I think many many ladies feel the same way. I know I do. At 58 the big 60 is looming and I think the real ageing will begin. I have always been slim and pretty. As a child my mother praised me for being so slim etc. I do not however feel anxious about it just maybe a little sad. As others have said be glad of your health and do all you can to stay healthy such as eating well and exercising. Factor 50 facial sunscreen (I recommend La Roche-Posay). I really think you would benefit from being able to talk about your feelings with a friend. Is there one of your friends who you feel may be understanding, I think this would be very helpful. You are a good listener and now it is your turn. I have an older friend who at 72 looks great, she keeps herself fit and we go on some great walks together. I hope I have her energy and zest for life in another 14 years. We are all getting older and maybe if we could stop time and stay the age we are now we would. But we can't so please enjoy now and live in the moment and don't spoil today by worrying about tomorrow. This may sound a little crazy or vain but why not go for a photo shoot and get some great photos and put one in a frame. In 10 years you can look back and think I looked ok but do you know what I still do! You are only 64, when you are 90 you can think of yourself as old!!!

Although am only into natural things, never taken drugs and dont drink, maybe I need to have a drink occasionaly but wont unless someone puts one in front of me. Personal reasons.

At a guess, yes, think my husband of 45 years has had the best of me in its entirety, and trying to move on in my life, need to make new friends and get some new things going on in my life.
Hair is greying so do I still keep on dyeing it as no-one to value what I do anymore or leave it to grow old gracefuly but still feel young at heart, and aware of all issues with the world that goes on around us all.

I totally get how you feel! I am 65 and still get a shock when I say the no! I am already disabled but hate the thought of getting older. I sympathise and hope you’ve found some comfort in realising you are not alone.xxx

….ever feel niggled by young peoples views on remarks esp on tv ?
Then to remember how wise you grow! Wisdom comes for many reasons?
Brill advice here

It is not realisic to keep ones good looks forever, no one does unless plastisised beyond recognition . Remember the pleasure of once having them then relish the fact that you don't need to compete anymore. Just relax everyone ages .

I do feel for you Truthyruthy and I understand for I feel the same and now I'm older I realise what power I had looking good and turning heads, which, at 71, I can only do by wearing crazy colour schemes!! (except for older men - they still look, but somehow it's not the same!) But you seem to be aware that the issue is not truly about looks, it's psychological. I too have had to work with this. I'm a counsellor and hypnotherapist, and I do know that hypnotherapy can really help, so don't stop looking for the right therapy. Personally I wouldn't go near the GP. You'll only get pills, and they often do more harm than good. Good luck! Maybe what you need is a lovely, fit 70 year old man, to re-light your fire!

I agree with Loobyloo12 on your smile but not just a smile but someone's positiveness, your whole aura.

Thats what I think is far far more important in a person.

Have you ever noticed that when someone smiles it takes years off and transforms even an older face to beautiful...( well to my mind anyway,)....so keep smiling!!

I think it’s good that you can reach out for support on this site, some great responses. We all doubt ourselves (women especially it seems). It’s true that you look back on photos of yourself when younger and realise how lovely you were, even though you had as much self doubt at the time.
It sounds like you are already doing a lot of positive things (sun safe, skin care, good diet and physical activity). I follow someone on Instagram (train with Joan), she is in her 70’s and had a life check (luckily she has a daughter who is a personal trainer). He before and after photos are amazing. Through physical activity she had changed her physique (which I’m sure added to her confidence), she looks fab! Lots of strength, core and balance stuff.

My thoughts are (I may be wrong) that these feelings have escalated since losing your husband.
I went through similar after my divorce. Something that helped me enormously was to get out and socialise with women if a similar age - it will make you realise they are going through much the same, and you can share tips and joke about it. Honestly please try it.
Join local groups such as meetup or similar friendship groups.
Laugh, dance and enjoy every minute you are fortunate enough to have left ?

Makes me think of a shepherd girl watching her flock of sheep on a clifftop, trying to keep them safe so that everyone in the village will continue to let her be a part of the village. Every time a sheep hurts its leg or dies she wonders if the village will let her come back to the village. She is never completely sure they will. Because her family made her worried when she was a child that if she wasn't perfect then they might turn away from her. So she was always perfect, always helpful, always thoughtful. But she always felt anxious and worried and none of them seemed to care about that. Then one day, her eyes wandered away from her sheep, for just a moment and she turned around and realised that she was right on the very edge of a clifftop with a sheer 666 foot drop downwards. She had always been so focussed on keeping the sheep safe so that the village who didn't care about her fear and anxiety would still accept her, that she didn't even notice the danger she was in every single day. Why are you worrying about what other people think about your looks? You still believe the lie that you have to stay pretty to be accepted- that is the lie you were groomed to believe- but it is a lie. Start making some progress on noticing your responses to advertising or talk around appearance. Notice your reactions and things you say and do around your looks- and other people- have you inflicted any of this baggage onto the next generation? Notice...pay attention...then start to undo the delusion that looks matter. It is what you are like on the inside that matters in the long run. What your spiritual state of health is like. Looks die, as do we all...but your spiritual life last for ever.

I’m on a roll now ?
Keep your makeup light. I’ve recently stopped wearing foundation because of the heat and was surprised to see that my lines were less noticeable. My foundation is very lightweight but in future I shall wear a lot less, or none. For everyday I now wear a primer (Marbelline Baby Skin) and a touch of blusher, mascara and lipstick.
Next, get an epilator if you can afford one, it gets rid of that old lady peach fuzz.
Keep your hair nicely groomed and trimmed
Don’t get tanned, it ages your skin and looks awful on older people. I’m talking about that dark leathery colour. A light sun kissed look is good.
Keep your mind active, try new things, read new book, listen to new music.
I know a lot of what I’ve said has been covered by other GNs but I haven’t read them all yet so apologies if I’m repeating advice already given.

Also take a collegen supplement. Really helps skin, hair nails gums etc.

crazyH

Yesterday I woke up and as usual , looked into the mirror, as you do and to my horror, saw 2 deep lines on the right side of my face. How could this happen I thought ??? It cours to smoothe out - it must have been the way I was lying down ??

Buy a pure silk pillowcase, satin finish. Stops those morning creases and hair like a birds nest,

I’m 78 and don’t look that age, although due to a couple if health issues I do often feel it. I’ve always looked after myself, except for the cardinal sin of smoking, long given up but suffering the damage. I would say, keep active, lift weights, do some face yoga ( lots on YouTube) and socialise with all age groups. Recently I was bugged by my crepey arms but after trying all sorts of body creams I found one that actually seems to work, and fast. I bought it on EBay and it comes from the US so takes a week or two to arrive. I’ll try to attach a photo.

Hi im sorry couldn't send HRT link Balance

But if interested please Google Dr Louise Newson she is marvellous she feels we all need it to protect our bones and hearts for starters, then the youth side is at advantage too
To those who mentioned they wish they had been given it, you Still can! (Lowest dose through the skin)
Better still if had a hysterectomy as you only need ostregen not progesterone which protects womb from thickening
- Iv got combi - combined patch low dose. Age 68. Great.
?How I wish I’d had a hysterectomy those yrs ago when I think of those awful times of months
I’m told I don’t look my age which is lovely. Yes i May need new hip my groin sore. My bones had started to suffer those awful years but at least I know now that im doing all I can to halt this age condition

Reading this thread, I'm relieved I've never thought of myself as pretty.

Auntieflo

I don't worry about my looks, but was given a confidence boost on Tuesday.
My volunteer driver told me I looked amazing for 81. Woohoo!

I am the same age Auntyflo and last week when walking to the store was honked at by a van driver, who then lowered his window and whistled.It was my grandson, so doesn't count, but I was pleased for a second or two.
we all get some wrinkles as we age, and saggy here and there, but it doesn't matter as we are still here, still alive and hopefully still enjoying life.

Oh gosh I don’t usually post just read and agree or disagree virtually. But thought I would say how I agree Ruthy.I’m 66 and I feel it’s a daily battle. I think one day I will just give up and not care about looking good anymore. It doesn’t help I’ve got a man 15 years younger ,not that he worries how I look really.
I joined a gym last year and got a trainer and started weight lifting my friends thought I had gone mad!
But I enjoy it and definitely sleep well on workout days.I was scared to start with but it’s all good lots of different ages and sizes . Keep looking good and think how you are rocking it for 60 year olds and enjoy the life we have left .

Tricia Cusden writes some interesting blogs :

www.lookfabulousforever.com/blog

You may be suffering from grief and you will look inwards.Stand tall and smile is a beauty hint for any age.Don’t fall for expensive moisturisers etc.Keep active and see friends,have a laugh.We’re all in the same boat.I don’t judge people by how pretty/attractive they are.It’s what’s inside.Give yourself a hug.x

Hi Truthyruthy: As with Baggs and Calendargirl, I'm intrigued by what you said about your family being "different". I'm wondering if you're able to tell us more about this?

It sounds as though your lifestyle is good and you're doing more than a lot of people to keep yourself healthy. You say it's when you get anxious that you have unhelpful thoughts about ageing and losing your looks. 'Anxiety' is a term that's often used to encompass all sorts of emotions; in my professional (psychotherapist, although retired) opinion I think it's worth exploring things through therapy again. I think you've had a 'light bulb moment':

I think I was so afraid of what others would think of me that I kept my fears to myself, and the professionals never got to the crux of the matter

Therapists work with what the client 'gives' (generally speaking) so perhaps, having made that statement on this thread, you're now ready to explore the issue further.

I wish you all the best. Perhaps you'll let us know how you get on?

Dee1012

Gabrielle56

Completely identify with your mindset here! I think millions of us gals of a "certain age" have arrived at middle age (oh to live to 132?!?) To realise that yes , we are the next gen of "old ladies" recently I had a run in with a young scummy mummy in a local park who yelled at me "oi, old lady , get back to your old peoples home!" I didn't know whether to laugh or cry?! My DH (ex cop) was bemused and kept very low profile. It wasn't until days later that her yell started to creep into my thoughts.is that really how I'm perceived when out and about? Has old lady hood crept up on me unawares? Apparently so. Yet when I examine myself in mirrors I see a once hot young woman with a cracking figure gently sliding outwards , downwards and resembling....an old laydee! I've always morphed and reinvented my physical appearance through the decades, maintaining my seemingly male magnet attractiveness effortlessly despite being somewhat 'original' in appearance not identifying with any high fashion trends. You too sound a if you've kept your unique style gained in ( almost?)childhood.perceptions are nigh on impossible to change past 60 for us so we can do whatever we choose in the fashion/hair stakes, some will always recognise an original spirit, some will see.....old lady! We cannot alter this, just be happy that we have health and the means to mentally and physically have the choices. Many don't. It's a culture upheaval for us all, keep doing what you choose, what's best and suits you, not others, you have what in my case money cannot buy ,- family. They love you and that makes you young at ?. It's a glitch , it really is, you'll discover your style yet again soon.
By the way , the young gobby tart? I went right I to her personal space and whispered gently in my best patronising old lady tone:
" why don't you shut the f**k up? You're making a spectacle of yerself?" Slowly continuing my afternoon stroll............she did.

What a wonderful post....thank you! A lot more people should be told that.

oh well done...