Fear of losing what I have left of my looks

I wish I’d appreciated the fact that I was quite attractive when I was younger: it was only when I aged a lot that I realised ( I had a husband who put me down a lot). Could you divert the caring for your looks into living healthier ( although, if you’re like me you’ll become a bit obsessive about that, too!) All I can say is, as someone who is several years older than you, make sure you wear good sun protection on your face. I let mine slip for a while and my skin has gone very leathery. I bumped into Miriam Stoppard a few years ago and she had skin like a babies and that is because she’s always protected her skin from the sun. I quite like having to adapt to my age. Having not worn much make up throughout the pandemic I’ve had to rethink what I wear and have drastically reduced the amount of make up I wear.

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The only way I can direct it is by copying and pasting what I've already written

I think you have made some very interesting points. Some changes to your looks are inevitable with age but you will cope well if you look after your mental and physical health as well as your looks. The advice on sun protection is well worth following. Watch your weight and get plenty of exercise. Joe Wicks has some really good seniors workouts on YouTube. They only last 10 minutes but are really helpful. You should get some make up advice too on how to make the best of yourself. You could also visit a personal shopper in a store such as John Lewis or similar to get ideas on styles. You don’t actually have to buy anything. I’ve done all these things and feel a bit more confident than previously. Also find activities where you can mix with younger people.

We all fear losing mental and physical capacity as we age, or as you put it "petrified of becoming more wrinkly, losing muscle mass and becoming an 'old lady". That's just life. All you can do about that you are probably doing already by keeping as physically and mentally active as you can and eating nutritiously.

You said yourself that without this worry about natural ageing your mental health would probably be fine.

This suggests to me that you need to go back to your GP to see what help you can get with the mental issues.

I wish you all the best.

PS I was intrigued by your mentioning that your family were 'different' as if that had an effect on what you're worrying about, but you did not elaborate on what you meant by different or why it could be a significant factor.

I’m a similar age to you. I think I look quite good for my age but I also realise that to many people I’m already an old woman.

Just be grateful that you’re still healthy and just carry on doing all the things that you enjoy.

Btw I always wear SPf50 and think that helps. Just think in 10 years time you will look back and realise that you looked good and are enough.
Try and limit the worry to maybe a small window of time each day. It’s a gift even now to be alive in your 60s.
Try some positive affirmations and maybe journaling will help.
You can change your mindset. Good luck

I remember an acquaintance telling me her son had seen me, and said 'she must have been a stunner when she was younger'. I looked at some old photographs, and yes, I was, but didn't realise it at the time. I'm not now because I've given up, I need to find me again. Since my husband died I've let everything go.

Pretty is a description you can evolve with age into 'attractive' or 'very attractive'. You just need to keep up to date with your styling. You're not alone in your fear of age affecting your looks - even John Wayne had cosmetic surgery on his 'eye bags'! Lots of people have cosmetic surgery, perhaps it's something you could explore.

My aunt is 85 and moans about her wrinkles, I always remind her she is lucky to look old because she has lived a long time, unlike my husband who died aged 63.

As for your overall health, my daughter forwarded a photo of a 74 year old female weight lifter and I researched it - this is the way to avoid the loss of muscle mass.

You don’t have to become an ‘old lady’. I’m 71, have good skin as I’ve always looked after it (yes, some lines but not wrinkles), have kept my hair long and let it go grey but look after it, wear some eye makeup every day (less really is more as you age) and I look better than I did when I was your age, stressed out with work. Exercise (weights to maintain muscle mass), not eating junk food and watching your posture really help. I’ve not had ‘work’ done as I think that’s a very slippery slope.

Truthyruthy

I'd love to direct It to the Living Healthier forum, but I can't find It!
The only way I can direct it is by copying and pasting what I've already written

I think MayBee just meant you should concentrate on living your own life healthily.

Truthyruthy, please try not to be anxious about getting older and the inevitable wrinkles! Concrete on being healthy and happy. I know my body is not as it was , wrinkles are showing , strength is less. However, I am well and that is a massive bonus, when I feel despondent about my age I stop and think of a young family member who has been struggling with cancer for a number of years and the condition is now terminal , and there are 3 children to think about. That thought pulls me up very sharply!!! So please try and stop worrying I am sure you look amazing!!!

I’m 58 & ‘lost my looks’ about 10 years ago ( & by that I mean that’s when men stopped looking at me, so I guess that’s a good enough guide ? )
& you know what. I love it! So liberating.
Enjoy this new phase in your life & make the most of it.

I don't worry about my looks, but was given a confidence boost on Tuesday.
My volunteer driver told me I looked amazing for 81. Woohoo!

I just wish that I had been blessed with the looks to lose in the first place.
Its sometimes said that you don't miss what you've never had, but believe me, it isnt always true!

I’m another one who wonders what you mean by your family being ‘different’?

I think that beauty shines from the inside out... Good people always look beautiful to me

My mother looks like a monster to me

But we have similar features... objectively I know that but we have a completely different set of wrinkles and that changes us from each other significantly.

Please show your life and the wrinkles and the signs of aging the love they deserve, you have earned them with time and care

I guess if you were stunning in your youth, and were used to turning heads, it’s harder when that stops.

I think I felt ok about my looks till a few years ago, early sixties, then my hair started to look finer, my upper arms started to look awful, and I generally felt saggy, more recently I have lost a tooth which I’m not sure what to do about, can’t face an implant.

But I still keep trying, a good hairdresser, good beauty products, 10.000 step a day, and I still like buying pretty clothes.

I think we have to accept that age changes how we look, some women still look amazing in old age, I guess we just need to embrace it.

When I look in the mirror the lovely natural colour hair has gone an older woman looks back at me. Wrinkles have never worried me it’s the map to show I have lived. My problem is I am not as agile as I was but I am still the feisty me I was so that’s ok.
Ageing comes to us all there is no escaping it but if you are overly worried about it. Maybe a visit to the doctor may help you might need to talk about anxiety issues.

i was never what people called pretty, i have a great personality and never get down about things, in the last 40 years i have had a husband of 18 years and a partner of 18 years, in the last 4 years i have gone through cancer twice, both surgical, i have had all my groin lymph nodes removed that have left me swollen and very overweight from the waist down. i don't wear make up and have my hair cut short every 8 weeks, i don't care if people think i am old....my body is old due to what it goes through, i am glad to be here and the 14 tablets in the morning and another 9 at night keep me here, i am waiting for the results to see if i have cancer again and to go in for day surgery because my left eye has turned outwards, please don't get so hung up on your looks, do any of your friends look old/overweight or whatever, try looking in the mirror and saying...yeah i look great today, from what you described of yourself i would love to look like you.

Sounds to me that you've had a lot of changes in the last couple of years. We can feel a little lost in life , I was ' A late Bloomer ' looks wise . Meeting my second husband at 42 with 2 teenage daughters . I really enjoyed looking good and going out. I hit 52 and starting suffering with arthritis, its so severe now ( I'm 58 ) I feel its changed my looks and body massively. Our lives have changed loads and I so struggle with not looking as attractive as I did . I do recommend caci facial treatments, it's a non surgical facial tightening treatments once a month . It's definitely made a difference, I also take sertriline for my anxiety, really helps

OP You sound to me to be in very good shape for a woman of your age, so don't worry about your looks,

When you meet new people take an interest in them. Be a good listener and maybe at sometime they may ask about you and you can get an opportunity for your personality to shine.

Good luck nexus. Life certainly isn't about looks, it's about the person you are. Making it all about how you look is setting yourself on a hiding to nothing. It's the least important part of who you are.

I guess that must be one advantage of never having had 'looks' to lose in the first place!

You can’t put off ageing - old age may be a bitch but it’s better than the alternative!
It’s what is inside you that matters - there is nothing sadder than a person obsessed with their looks to the point where they have had so much “work done” that their eyebrows meet round the back and their plumped up lips resemble a trout pout!
There are some beautiful women out there of all ages - at 64 you may have many decades ahead to look forward to. I would be more worried about losing my mind or becoming infirm and dependent on others.
So smile lots, wear clothes which lift your spirits, look after your skin and your teeth and live life to the full!

I know how you feel, I’m a performer and part of the job is looking good.
We live in good times for staying young looking for longer and I have regular Botox and filler treatments. They make an enormous difference if done by the right person and not overdone. Hair extensions, not too long, for me too.
I have also had cosmetic surgery on my eyes and neck.
Now this all sounds vain and shallow, but it’s only like looking after a vintage car. We are here only once as far as I know, so why not make the most of it?
However, your problems lie deeper than just exterior looks and it sounds as if you need a real passion in your life, something which stops you dwelling on your looks and which you become so absorbed in that you forget everything else.
Have a think what that might be.

Have you thought of trying more therapy, ruthy?

Perhaps CBT or EMDR could help you, as they deal with your mind constantly going over the same pattern of thought.