Black DOG 13

Wow you all have been busy and pro active all in your own way. Mentally back to my normal self but physically my body is playing up. Had few trips in various rooms lucky live in a bungalow and the way I have my furniture means I usually land on that instead of the floor. Had to laugh at myself tripped in my bedroom and face planted on my bed. Two thoughts went through my mind when I did it one rude one about my late husband would have loved to have a play before helping me up sorry if that has upset anyone. But we had a very physical life together and two things the chemo took away from him where the two things he loved . He became impotent and lost his sense of taste. Besides me and the children his other loves where sex and food. He could eat what he liked and not put any weight on. I only have to look at a cake and a pound goes on.

The other thought was I should do what my youngest grandson does and have a bounce. He loves sitting on my bed and face planting and bouncing chuckling all the time he will be 2 next month.

My stupid left leg has been deciding more not to work so I flick it forward to walk. It bears my weight fine it just yet another weird thing that is part of HPX a weird walking gait. Pain levels are finally back to their normal levels.

Glad to see people exercising and being able to drive long distance. My exercise class ended 2 weeks ago and miss it . It's not just the exercise but the social aspect and we encouraged eachother to push ourselves. I do the exercises at home but it's not the same. Trying to find another class but the 2 so far are 2 buses away which would take to long but will keep trying.

Anniebach hope you get into your bed soon. If someone pushed you in a wheelchair could you get out of your home. On another thread you did mention what your physical condition was . My aunt had the same and my uncle took her out everyday in her wheelchair. Using a taxi to get to the shops as he didn't drive. Or could you use an electric one yourself? Are there organisations that have day centres near you ? I know where I used to live there where several and they picked people up and did various activities and they gave them lunch and took them home. Been trying to think of things that would possibly help you get out of your home and see people . As you did mention you hadn't been to the shops for a long time. I know churches round here and various charities do that sort of thing. Just an idea.

Love hearing your pet stories . My craft group is a mix of ages mid 30' to mid 80's. Many have pets which help them with their physical and mental health. Funny enough apart from a couple we all have either physical or mental health problems and a couple have both. But we all love craft . I cross stitch others knit, crochet,sew,make simple jewellery or colour in books. Pain clinics and mental health services give books to people to colour in as they found concentrating on doing that helps them healthwise. Tried that doing it with my daughter's eldest but my hands shake does make me laugh a 4.5 year old can stay within the lines but I can't.

All in the group agree crafting helps them but we are all addicted to our favourite craft. If we have things we don't need or have to get our stash down we just take and and everyone helps themselves to what they want.

Our oldest member brought in 4 bags of the things in the picture and said take as much as you want. She didn't want payment but said to give to charity. I had 2 of each for my grandson's I see and gave £10 to The Brain Charity who are helping me with my PIP claim.

Are there crafter's here?

Had blood test last week. Flu jab tomorrow and talking to my GP next week and Covid jab. Hoping to get referred back to my neurologist and the pain clinic. Or my have to get referred to pain clinic via my neurologist . Should have the results next week from my GP for my 24hr ECG and blood tests.

Sorry couldn't mention everyone by name. Hope we are getting all the help you need from the medical profession and help from family and friends. Take care everyone.

SweetPeaSue Glad you've got an appointment. November sounds ages away, but we're already halfway through October, so not too much longer to go. Results can sometimes take weeks but hopefully, you'll hear soon and be better informed.

GD1 scored a couple of tries (I've no idea what rugby is about but I like watching men play it). DH and I drove to a pub 10 minutes from the rugby club, waited for Son and girls to join us - and they did, 45 mins later. He'd taken a wrong turning and ended up on the M1! He didn't panic and found his way to us, and we all had dinner. Hope evryone has been ok today x

Sweetpeasue I think I'm right in saying this but if the biopsy had shown something ie cancerous needing very immediate attention they would have given you a follow up immediately:

but that doesn't mean to say there are not substantial concerns. I totally understand- you WANT the MRI to show something up, information! A reason! Coping or treatment paths!

Annie I was a bit brusque upthread when you kindly said you hoped I'd hear something on Tuesday from my workers:

I'm sorry, I was tired and overwrought and had a sleep.
I re read what I initially wrote and I didn't make it clear at all that the counselling is completely separate from the "official" Mental Health pathways.

It's the first time I've told Quakers about it properly, some know bits and bobs. I need to go to more Quaker events, my little meeting has a high % neediness atm, there is a big meeting in the town centre with more going on.

I need to make it more at the heart of what I do in "people" terms. So thank you all for saying its OK to say "No".

HVDY I'm sure you'll miss your son for a little while but it will be great for you to have your house back(and a little less washing? ?) Ooh brave GD1 playing rugby. I hated hockey at school--all those battered ankles.
Wyllow3 So sorry about the bad night. You must have some really frightening memories. I do hope you get your counselling soon. You need to make time for yourself and listen to your inner instincts. It's good that you have comfort and can share with your Quaker friends.
Doodle That was such a beautiful photo of the beach and sky. Thank you for sharing that, it really looked gorgeous. Hope you're having a good break.
Annie You've been on that sofa so long now it would be strange if you didn't have second thoughts of being in a different place. I'm sure Rosie and Lottie will get used to the bed in time. As long as you're there they will be happy.
Scaredycat We live about 3 miles from the sea and 4 to our favourite part of the beach. It is getting colder now, especially with our North-Easterly winds. I need to get my thicker woollies out. I'm so glad your nephew is getting better. It must be such a relief for you and also to know your sister will not worry about him as much. Are your Pansies still in one piece? ( no foxes!)
EllieAnne I hope you're having a nice time away with your daughter. I'm sure it will do you good.

Got my appt yesterday. Not till November. I still have not had biopsy or MRI results. I'm sure it can't be anything to bad about biopsy. Just a little scared that the MRI won't have shown anything that needs to be dealt with. Went to Nursery today. Lots of C.......s things out. Children looking at the Halloween scary stuff. I'm amazed at some of the really frightening, gory masks and paraphernalia! As a child I'd have been scarred for life! ?
Hope all on BD are OK. xx

Doodle- What a great photo the sky looks so dramatic. Hope your nosy neighbours behaved themselves last night. Once we had people beneath us playing Trivial Pursuit so loud we could answer the questions !!! We did have to complain! Enjoy the rest of your break and the lovely beaches.
HVDY- A Swan sanctuary sounds lovely- the first of many adventures in the new car. I hope your son finds a flat he likes- you,ll miss him I expect but be pleased he,s getting his life back On track.
I,m honoured to be one of Mr C,s Aunties.
Wyllow- sorry you had a bad night. You had a lot on your mind and your ex didn’t help either. It must be a dilemma for you weighing up the 2 things that you enjoy. I think you need the relaxation of the social side to help you deal with other responsibilities.
I hope the abuse counselling comes through soon - you need to be able to unburden yourself.
EllieAnne- enjoy your time with your daughter.She will be glad to have you there- hope you can have time to do some nice things together.
Annie- sometimes on a beach I like to leave a little mermaid- next time I,ll call her Annie. This was my last one.
Good luck with the bed move- hope your little dogs give it their seal of approval.I really hope it works for youxx
Sorry Annie I tried to post the photo but it was too large.xxx
Love to allxx

My Mental Health people doing my review and new Care Plan have no control whatsoever over the voluntary sector offer of abuse counselling Anniebach.

But in the Quaker meeting I did have a good think and decided I have to let go of commitments to Governers of local Trust.

When I have only 3/4 useful hours of "can do stuff" energy per day it takes out/has been taking out vital self caring stuff, especially making friends after abuse/divorce.

It won't be easy to pull out at all, I may hide behind "advice from my worker (truthfully I suspect): they were really pleased to have someone who wasn't afraid of speaking up.

So glad to hear from you tho that something may move on tho I hope family pop by soon.. Will your beloved sofa and safe space have to go, or just move?

HowVeryDareYou fingers and toes crossed for DS, and hope its a sunny day out to be with the GC.

Anniebach I can understand your mixed feelings - I don't like change either. I expect Rosie and Lottie have got favourite blankets/cushions to sleep on, though. All the best with your furniture dilemma. It's nice that you all ask about Mr Cooper. He means so much to me. You can all be his favourite aunties x

Wyllow3 I hope you won't be waiting much longer for your counselling.

EllieAnne I too am impressed by you driving all that way. I've never driven on such a long trip. Have a nice time with your daughter.

I'm quite excited today - Son1 has been arranging viewings of a couple of flats (tomorrow)! Could it be that after almost 3 years of him being with us he will get a place of his own?! Oh, I hope so. He's just taken his girls to a rugby club, where GD1 is playing in a match. DH and I will meet them there. It's a bright and sunny day. Hope everyone is managing to have not too bad a day x

Hi all x

Doodle kilometres ? I don’t do metric so please walk in miles ?. Loved the photograph, could it be I was a mermaid in a
previous life! Enjoy my love x

Ellie Anne go girl, 5 hour drive ? enjoy time with your daughter, and definitely a ? x

HVDY I hope you realise we have adopted Mr.Cooper Du

Sweetpeasue sorry you had a set back x

Wyllow you so need the abuse counselling, do ask on Tuesday when you can have it, you need to let your emotions
be free, sending you a cwtch x

Think bed will be moved this week, I have mixed feelings about it, my sofa has become my safe place. Rosie will not be
happy, she loves to squeeze under the sofa and Lottie’s favourite spot is the back of the sofa.

How is everyone?

I'm glad you are with your daughter awhile Ellie Anne and she appreciates it.

Yes, Annie on my mind too.

Had awful *dark night of the soul" night. Things from period of abuse crowded in and was exhausted and still am. Can't bear to lose face by pulling out of governors as it gave me purpose and feeling useful, but also knocked out other stuff, like seeing friends for coffee and little gym sessions in my

"one thing a day two at most" current situation.

I've a Care Review on Tuesday where I can bring it all up. I really need to find out just how much longer I have to wait for the abuse counselling too - before the CR -dont like to push them but essential information.

Doodle not cat sitting my daughter is here this time. Because it was a last minute decision to come she was worried that I was coming to tell her something bad! But I don’t have the gds this week and usual activities are off(it’s a school holiday) so it seemed a good time to come. It can be difficult but I think she does appreciate it.
I keep thinking about Annie. It must be such a long day. I hope your weekend carer is still coming in.
I’ve not been walking so much lately. I need to get back to it. I can’t lose weight. Daughter says I eat the wrong things and she’s right. Must try to change that too.
Again thinking of you Annie and your limited range of foods. Is it any better?
Hope you all have a good day.

Ellie Anne I hope its better for you in Yorkshire...I'm impressed with the drive.

Hugs for you SweetPeaSue. You are bound to have sink days when things seem forever, hoping tomorrow is a little better and news soon.

Warmest thoughts for Weller family, Scaredycat. The autumn colours seem to be at their best atm.

Ah, Doodle...seaside...I live about as far away as its possible to get, like the pic.

HVDY it sounds like family had a good time and I bet Mr C enjoyed his. turkey.

Thoughts for Annie still stuck on the settee.

Today's been OK, gremlins at bay, did a good gym and got a backlog of admin done, had a short face time with family. Really not sure about my commitment to Governers I'm on, it wipes out time for more meaningful connecting with people, we'll see, I also feel ok if I can make a difference. I was very cross a while this morning that CurrentEx had used my address for something to avoid being contacted, grrrrrr.

Night night all

SweetPeaSue Sorry you've been having a low day. Just remember that tomorrow is a new day and might be different. Fresh bread is delicious, isn't it? Glad you saw your GS,
ScaredyCat Glad your nephew is getting better.
Doodle That's a lovely photo. Have a lovely time.

Son1 and his girls went to a swan sanctuary (there are lots of geese, ducks and chickens too) about 12 miles away, they had lunch out and went to some shops - he bought several things to keep in his car - wipes, binliners, an umbrella, blanket, things like that. The boy has been enjoying his turkey. I'm just so glad he's alright and happy. GD2 said I feed him too much and that he's spoilt . Hope everyone has a restful night. x

Ellie Anne you are very brave. That’s a long drive on your own. Glad you got there safely. Are you cat sitting again?
Sweetpeasue we will have to try and keep up the cycling. I could certainly use the exercise. You can be let off if your problems stop you doing it…….perhaps I’ll have to do it for both of us on those days. Please don’t give up hope.
Your little DGS must love your special bread. Nice to have some on hand for him
HVDY so pleased for you and your son. It must make a difference to you both that he’s more independent now. I bet the girls are pleased.
Scaredycat would have slept well last night if the people in the next room weren’t having a party ? in the end we had to phone the manager who told them to be quiet. Seems a lot better tonight.
Had some lovely beach walks. Been very windy this afternoon but I love that on the beach. Seeing the waves and the sail boarders.
Good to hear your nephew is improving. That must set your mind at ease a bit.
Annie been thinking of you today while looking at the sea. Hope you’re ok.

Wyllow- glad you had a pleasant meet up with ex1- there must have been lots to catch up on. Yes keeping fit as long as possible will enable you to get out and about on the days when you are not so tired. Hope you were able to rest well after your energetic day and are able to enjoy today.
SweetPeaSue- you have a cycling buddy in Doodle!! It is good exercise I think.
Your beach walk sounds lovely- do you live by the sea? I would love that.
Glad you were able to have your GS again after school - he must have been so happy to have that time with you. We used to love meeting our GC after school too and now occasionally we can meet our GGC.
So good to hear you sounding so positivexx
Doodle- glad the weather is being kind and you could have a beach walk- hope you can get to the beach every day. All that fresh air should help you sleep well too.xxx
HVDY- the girls must have been excited to go out with their Dad driving! Hope they had a wonderful time.
MrC has a treat in store tonight for dinner- you give him such a good life.
EllieAnne- that’s a long drive- hope you can relax now and enjoy your stay in Yorkshire- it’s a beautiful county.
Annie- thinking of you this weekend. I got wet walking again this morning as did DH on the Golf Course but glad I went out.
Face Timed with my sister before I went- my nephew is making steady progress so she doesn’t have to do so much for him now. I just want her to stay well as long as possible.
Love to all BDG xx

EllieAnne A 5hr drive--something to accomplish. Quite a long drive. Hope you have a peaceful few dys to yourself.
HVDY Mr Cooper is so lucky to have you. Your son is enjoying his new car and you get a break from your taxi driver job. Dry but gale force winds here.
Annie I hope you're not too bad today and you have some idea of when your bed will be ready to try out.

Am having a down day today. Bowel probs all day. Back into the bad thoughts of never finding out what's going wrong. So tired of it all. Can't seem to see any end to it. I mustn't let myself sink. Sorry.
I made some bread. Grandson likes it and can defrost some next time he comes.
Hope everyone is OK.

How is everyone today? Son1 bought a car this morning, then taxed and insured it online, and took the girls out. He's since sent me a photo of where they are. After all these years of driving him and his girls around, I can now leave it to him and now my car will stay clean and tidy . It's a bright, sunny day here. I'm cooking a turkey leg for Mr C's dinner x

EllieAnne Well done. Have a good break.

Well that’s another 5 hr drive to Yorkshire accomplished with no major problems. I will stay for a few days.
I only use Morrisons cafe when on my own and take a book. There are usually plenty people on their own so I don’t feel conspicuous.

I hope everyone on BD manages to have a decent day. Love to all x

Doodle Enjoy your holiday - and your strolls.

SweetPeaSue The girls are here this weekend. Son is taking them out somewhere today and then taking the eldest to her rugby match tomorrow. Hope you're ok.

Wyllow3 Great that you get on so well with your ex1. As you say, you share children, so it's important.

Hey well done you two xx

Doodle OK! Gulp. ??? Im game. ?

Sweetpeasue you’re on. When I get home we’ll see if we can do a couple of miles/kilometres a day to start. ?
wyllow so nice to hear you had a good chat with your ex. Hopefully that means you are a bit more relaxed now.

Wyllow3 So pleased you've had some news about your ex and there are people who are looking out for him. Hope you had a pleasant catch up with Ex1 today too. You are so good to keep your physical health strong, it must take extra(immense at times) motivation. Sometimes we seem to have to keep going on automatic until we feel we 'want' to do something.
Doodle I have exercise bike too. DH and I thought it would be good to try and keep our legs going in winter. He'd had his hip rep. and I needed to keep things working if I couldn't walk. Our enthusiasm has waned a lot over the last 6 months. I'll do a mile or 2 if you do! Hope you have a nice break away.
Anniebach What a shame your DGc couldn't come as they were worried about spreading their illness. You were so looking forward to them. It looks as if you can't use your new bed yet too. It must be awful having to wait for someone to do these things. I hope you can get it all sorted soon. I'm sure it will be worth it. I understand how difficult it is to not want to leave the house as I had a time of doing that and you're so right - - it can develop into a big problem. Hope your dogs are both OK these days.
Scaredycat I went for a beach walk today. All the Sanderlings and a few Oystercatcher were running by the waters edge as we walked behind them. As we neared them they'd all take off and land just a little further along. It felt much as if we were 'herding' them like sheep all the way down. Like yourself, I love the sea. It just sometimes takes an effort to force yourself out.
HVDY We had our grandson from school the last couple of days. It was lovely to have him again. Are your GDs staying this weekend? It's great that your son can use your car now and you're spared some driving trips. Not great about the hike in insurance. They're robbers!
Ellie Anne So sorry you couldn't meet a friend so you've had coffee alone. I would come if we lived nearby. Did you manage OK and did you walk? I think I'd be a bit daunted of going into a cafe alone these days though I have done it in the past. Hope you have a decent weekend.

To all on BD, hope you're all coping with all your struggles and wishing you all well. Nanny too and VS. Hope you've not had any more falls Whiff and have not been in too much pain. Xx

Good to catch up on news.

Brilliant time with Ex (number one) talked about EVERYTHING for 1.75 hours then I walked round the Botanical gardens on my own for one hour then collapsed and slept then woke with bad CFS symptoms but well worth the cost. (Ex doesn't live locally so its only now and then)

FWIW - I diet strictly and have for years as the MH tablets I'm on cause weight gain and I want to stay mobile as long as I can.

Sending love to all BD's especially Annie because I'm really concerned about you things are really unhappy and not right for you, I wish Could make tings better but for now just all my love.