Black DOG 13

How is everyone this morning? It's grey and windy here, so I'm faffing about indoors. The CBT counsellor rang me and we chatted for an hour. She asked me to write a "closure" letter to a former friend I've been telling her about (but not send it) and to read it to her next week. . My best boy is having a check-up later. Hope everyone has a decent day x

Luckily I don’t feel the need to post on this thread very often but it warms my heart to read it and see how supportive you are to each other… bless you all…???

Wyllow3 I need to develop my core (wherever it is). My balance could be a bit better, and so could my bladder (Tena Lady pads are a must-have for me most of the time)
Doodle I'm not really very fit. I used to do aqua 3 times a week PLUS Zumba 4 times a week before my stroke but Zumba is too fast for me now. I keep thinking I must start the Zumba Gold classes again.

DH and Son1 went out 2 hours ago, for a couple of pints (DH is driving so he'll only have 1pt and a Coke), to meet 3 of DH's mates. I'm off to bed early. Love to all x

I'm not fit in terms of being able to run or walk far: its my lifelong thing, yoga. Count blessings its been that way. I happened to walk past a room at college with a note of the door in the 1970's, "yoga, everyone welcome". It was very woo-hoo stuff back then. I carried on and in a good year 2013 got my qualification to teach and in better days taught chair yoga/special needs and so on voluntarily.

But I'm afraid of responsibility ie of making commitments then "letting people down" so its helping people who ask me things at the gym.

HVDY your must be very fit. I wish I could get myself into doing such things but I’m not really a water baby. Glad you enjoy it.
* Wyllow*. DH is not religious in any way whatsoever but is a friendly and kind person by nature. He always talks to anyone we meet. We have met some nice people just by passing the time of day. Some we meet again, others just the once.
You sound fit too. I ought to do that (for the same reason ?)

Sounds like a good day there HVDY. I hope you have a decent evening too.
Glad to hear about aqua aerobics, they do it at my gym. When I go I do DIY Yoga with quite a bit of core stuff (TMI alert = bladder control).

Doodle - I have a sense of the spiritual which comes and goes depending on how I am. Yes I have felt "the peace which passeth all understanding" - it came and comes to me uninvited but gifted - but no creed nor any certainties.

It's good to hear how you put it into practice, both of you.

I'll be watching a Denzil Washington thriller. I'm a bit of a fan now and then.

Anniebach That's a very poignant poem. It costs nothing to show kindness to someone, does it? How are you today? x
Doodle I try to do aqua aerobics 3 times a week - Mon, Tues, Fri. You sound like a very kind person (and your husband too). x

How's everyone's day been? I took my sister-in-law to the day centre. We had a very nice lunch there, did some quizzes, played indoor bowls, and she came back to my house for an hour before I took her home. The boy has slept *all day*and has only been out for 20 minutes. He's had steamed fish and some painkillers, and is now dozing again. Hope everyone on BD has a relaxing evening x

Haircut today. Feels much better.
HVDY so glad Mr Cooper is ok and has recovered from his trauma of yesterday. How many times a week do you do the aqua aerobics?
Wyllow how are you today? I can understand your comments about no one’s coming but for me I couldn’t cope if I felt that was true. For me God is there. That doesn’t mean nothing bad will happen. It doesn’t mean there won’t be pain or anxiety or worry but it does mean there is hope and at the end peace. I felt peace once. At Salisbury Cathedral in the grounds. Just for a short while. I cannot describe it other than to say it was the most wonderful feeling. It was many years ago and I’ve never forgotten it. Such an overwhelming feeling of peace. I do of course realise that others feel different and religious or not we have to cope with life.
Glad your worker is going to see if they can find out about your ex. Hope you get reassurance soon.
We live in a flat and for us it’s been the best move we have ever made. It doesn’t always work out like that though. Others are not so lucky.
Hope you have a better night tonight and a good day tomorrow.
Annie that’s the best poem and so true. Loneliness (not being alone but being lonely) is awful. We need so much more kindness in the world. When DH and I go walking we smile at all we pass whether it’s acknowledged or not. Is some then respond with a word we stop for a while and chat. We have made several ‘walking friends’ like that. One day we passed a woman we had seen many many times walking with her husband and although we had never spoken we always smiled at them and nodded hello. When we saw her on her own for the first time she said “ my husband has died” I felt I could tell you because you always smiled at us and would know us. We stood and talked with her for nearly an hour. All because of smiling and being approachable.
All in BD Hope you are ok. Thinking of you all x

Early good evening all BD’s

My worker is going to try and find out what she can from Ex’s helpers as long as he still has them.

She helps me get things in perspective.

The therapy I’ve done has made me aware of lots of bits of my mind that don’t work so well, but I can’t always put it together to make enough sense to cope with everyday life. Nor “cure” anxiety or low feelings that are out of proportion to realities, just learn how better to live with it.

(Annie about moving on: I am fortunate enough to (nearly) own a house and so at some point can move to somewhere I feel I can cope better living in, but under no illusions about snags of living in a flat.)

I loved your poem Annie. The older I get, the more I feel how true that poem is and when we are stripped back of youthful expectations and plans and desires - that’s what life comes down to. Put it together with something *Allsorts” said above rung true to me,

“The best words I ever heard were quite hard but true, live with it as no one’s coming”

But after acknowledging and learning that, its the helping hand, the friendly smile, the being able, if nothing else, to listen to someone, the not judging,

The acceptance!

Love to others in the meantime, a virtual hand holding.

That’s lovely Annie, very true.

Hi all x

National Poetry Day

This year the theme is the environment, I chose the following

Time for us to all start caring
For old and sick and vulnerable
And those so lonely and forgotten
That need a helping hand or call.
Kindness surely is the right way
To make our world a finer place
Human warmth can truly mean much
When loneliness you sadly face!

How lovely to come in. I'll catch up later just wanted to say Annie so thankful to hear who Bro is.

(Got v low towards end dressing gown day and night because it is truly troubling me now that exDH has not been heard of for over month now. I'm seeing my worker today and hope she can find a back channel.) see you all later and lots of xxxx but have to rush.

ScaredyCat I hope your foot is feeling better today. Has the swelling gone down now? You might be left with some colouful bruising.

I hope everyone on BD manages to have a decent day. Mr Cooper is feeling well, and he's had his breakfast and going back upstairs to bed . x

Very very late in tonight. Been out all day, church and visiting friend. Busy but nice day.
HVDY what lovely news about your son. I hope the house and the relationship work out for him.
I like the positives too. Mine today was doing some craft with a friend I really enjoyed that. Such good news about the heart monitor.
Glad Mr Cooper is home after his ordeal. I expect lots of cuddles will be required tonight.
Allsorts glad you’ve got some nice friends. It does help.
No you can’t make people accept help. Must comfort your DGS to know you are there for him though.
Wyllow hugs are always available especially if you’re feeling upset or worried. ?
Hope you enjoyed your dressing gown day and have a good nights sleep tonight.
Scaredycat oh I’m so sorry about your tussle with the garden. So pleased you were not badly injured and they treated you kindly. Take the walking gently.
Annie so pleased you are finding cushions you like. They can brighten up a room I think. I think your relationship with your DGC is lovely. I so like the idea of you being called Bro ?
Joce Sweetpeasue said a prayer for all in BD today. Hope all have a peaceful night. x

Doodle The virtual aqua is actually alright. We get the whole pool on Mondays and Tuesdays, a maximum of 2 people. Fridays is a maximum of 15, as they only allow 1 lane, with the other lanes for swimming. I hope your foot is less painful. Be careful! x

Anniebach Mr Cooper's breath has been terrible recently (like rotten meat) so I took him last Tuesday and was told he'd got a mouth infection - he was given an antibiotic injection. He went today to have his teeth cleaned, but they took 2 molars out as well (that must have been the source of the smell. He's had blood tests for Hyperthyroidism (results not known yet) as he's been losing weight. Fetched him home 5.30. He was a very brave boy and has had some poached chicken. Have you ordered some cushions? x

I hope everyone has a relaxing evening. x

Hi all x

HVDY why is Mr.Cooper at the vets ? Hope it’s just a check up x

Scaredycat thank heaven you didn’t break any bones, hope your ankle heals quickly, dare I say ? keep hobbling x

Wyllow a dressing gown day is relaxing, but no more than one day. I so hope you will hear news about your ex very soon,
you want to move on ? I would love to move on but nowhere
to move to x

Joyce cooking for 13, those days have gone for me, even
Christmas lunch is a bottle of Ensure,

My Mini Tornado is my youngest grandchild, we call each other Bro, even birthday cards are - to Bro from Bro, done so
since she was 5. I have a close relationship with my three
grandchildren but the youngest has remained very close, she
has little memory of her mother before Bipolar hit us all x
Mental illness causes so much pain to a family.

My positive - found many cushions I like, am enjoying shopping again even though it has to be on the internet

How is everyone?

HVDY- sounds like you are not so P…d off today . The sort of people,you describe you can do without- reliability is a virtue in a friend. I think you sound like you would make a lovely friend.
How are you getting on with the virtual Aqua Aerobics- pub lunch after sounds good.
What good news about your son- so pleased for you and for him too of course.
What a wonderful positive - such a relief for you and good news for us all. Yes we must start it up again xx
Wyllow- enjoy your dressing gown day - fill it with nice things - hope the jab goes ok. We have ours on Saturday plus the flu jab. Can’t say I,m looking forward to that?
It’s funny sometimes those social occasions you don’t look forward to sometimes turn out to be the nicest.
VioletSky- how right you are. Any problem with my children and the anxiety rockets. The saying we are only as happy as our unhappiest child is so true.
Annie- such good news a visit from MT. Love and laughter coming your way.
Whiff- I hope by now your pain has lessened a bit. So exhausting for you to deal with and frustrating too. x
Allsorts- it must be so hard to see your GS so disturbed. It must wear you out but obviously the love you have for him overrides everything. Please though try and make time for yourself- do something you enjoy and if you can meet up with people whose company you enjoy.
SweetPeaSue- glad your GP is listening.
Joce- Wow Xmas Dinner for 13 - that would have given me the shakes. I ‘retired’ from being Xmas Chef quite a few years ago and at first I felt a bit redundant but now it’s lovely and I just help my DD.
You describe an anxiety day exactly as it is with me- gradually easing off then back with a whammy at 5am. My only advice is to try and keep occupied. Walking has always been my ‘go to’ help in bad times . Anything really to try and distract my mind.
The dreadful physical symptoms shaking, jelly legs , churning tummy etc don’t really stop you physically they just feel awful. Wishing you peace in your life.
Doodle- I have taken comfort many times- when feeling sad about my Mum - with Annie’s words re the illness not the person. Hope you and DH are having a good day today.
Yesterday I spent a couple of hours in a minor injuries clinic!!
The day before I had been doing a bit of tidying in the garden and pulled very hard on a piece of Ivy which came out so easily I went flying!!!
Later that evening my foot had a bruise and bit of a swelling on the side and a bit sore. So I broke all the rules and Dr.Googled it!! Anxiety then took over and I thought it was damaged. So that’s how I went to the MIU. They Xrayed it and it wasn’t fractured. The young man who helped me was so kind and understanding re MH and how anxious I was.
Positive - back walking today but a bit carefully!!
Love to all

Wyllow3 Good, I like dressing gown days. I've got a list. I'm ignoring it for a couple of days.

I've left Mr Cooper at the vet's and feel lost without him.

Just awarded myself a treat day in Dressing gown, only interrupted by Covid jab outing. And ignore The List.

Allsorts indeed the do nothing option is sometimes the very very wisest!

I know we've all got problems. Some more than others, have got a lot to cope with. I wondered, though, if - as we did a few times beofre - we could also have a positive thought/feeling/experience for the day?

Mine - the 6 day heart monitor showed nothing to be concerned about. I'm very relieved.

Mr Cooper is going to the vet's in an hour, to have his teeth cleaned. The poor old boy has been asking for his breakfast for 2 hours now .

I hope that everyone on BD manages to find a positive today, no matter how small. xx

Doodle, I never expect him to snap himself out of an episode, I wait until it passes as there is no reasoning, I understand that, it's why I'm there. P
There is no help if they don't want it.He doesn't. It gets me down, but it's nothing to how he must feel.
Annie, hope you are more comfortable. Sure your new bed will life better. Whiff sorry about your pain flare ups, they are horrible, at the time you think it will never end. You are very strong lady and have a lot to put up with, but you do it with humour. It's good having people understand how depression feels as its s very lonely place,without them.
Wyllow3 I brood about things in the night until they are sorted in my head, even if the result in the end is do nothing.

Joce I want sure what to say except you aren't alone and what Doodle said really rings true,

" I find that carries on until I get to grips with what’s really worrying me and work my way round it in some way."

Knowing what's "bugging me" at least gives me something to work on. Even if is something I can't do anything about. Like current nearly a month no one knowing what's happened to Ex who as you say above is ill as well as the behaviour. Wake up at night with it on my mind.

Doodle thank you for my hug I've been fretting about it since I wrote it. Is a mistake I make at times to offer an analysis to another since it won't ever fit exactly and words are inadequate without face to face clues. I had to be so upfront in the Zoom and it was clear I'd done pretty well, but was in wound up articulating mode.

HVDY son news is lovely.

I hope it was a good busy, Doodle.

Annie who is your Mini Tornado?

Evening all. It’s been busy here today.
Wyllow glad you got your mortgage sorted. You can relax a bit now. I too always analyse what I have said at various times…I could have put that better….I shouldn’t have said that. I think we worry too much. I’m sure what you said was fine. I’m glad you feel your input was useful I’m sure it was. Misunderstandings between people happen so easily. One means one thing and someone interprets that a different way. I’m sure you didn’t upset anyone. Virtual hug for you too.
Sweetpeasue I’d forgotten about the Nimble advert till you reminded me, now I have the song on my brain ?
It may be better for you if your Gp does send you out of area. Get a completely fresh look at what is happening to you. Glad you feel your GP is supporting you.
Whiff so sorry you are in such pain at the moment. DH has found the same as you, details are taken down incorrectly. Hope you enjoy your craft group. What are you making at the moment.
Allsorts the behaviour you describe for your DGS is very much towards autism. If that is the case he can’t “snap out of it” it’s a bit like saying someone with a broken leg could run the marathon if they wanted.
I do understand. When you love them you can’t cut off like that and you feel their pain too. Could you see if there is any help for him or you from the National Autistic Society?
If it’s any help, I cling to what dear Annie once told me, it’s not them, it’s the illness. Of course we don’t mind you posting. We are here for everyone.
HVDY we are fine thanks for asking. Hope the aqua aerobics went well. Sorry you’re feeling a bit out of sorts today. Hope you sleep well tonight and things look brighter in the morning.
Continuity of help is important. You are right. Sorry you’ve been let down.
Violetsky I think we all have a worry centre where our children/grandchildren are concerned. Glad you’ve got the name thing sorted out.
Annie good news. MT to the rescue. Your own personal caped crusader ?. So pleased for you. Be lovely to see her again. Thank you for the lovely verse.
Joce when I have one of my ‘worry sessions’ then it’s always the early morning it eases a little in the evening then I look forward to bed and sleep for it all to start again the following day. I find that carries on until I get to grips with what’s really worrying me and work my way round it in some way. I must admit prayer is my support. It’s not that I think all my problems will be solved because I know that doesn’t always happen but somehow putting my worries and troubles before God and asking him to help with them does calm me. I hope whatever is troubling you so much can be resolved.x

Thanks everyone. I do have friends, good ones, I don’t talk about some personal things if they involve anyone else. It doesn’t seem right to me.
I am sorry so many if you are struggling at the moment, life can be challenging and hard, one thing for sure it all eventually passes, new problems emerge and somehow we cope. The best words I ever heard were quite hard but true, live with it as no one’s coming, it made me face up to things I couldn't alter.

I've been pissed off today by people who -
say they'll do something but then don't.
agree to meet/ring and then change the arrangements.

This has happened 3 times in the past week. Anyway, a positive today -

Son2 is buying a new house - the one he put in an offer for in June isn't going ahead, due to complications with the vendor. Son says he's going to have to move into his girlfriend's until this purchase has gone through. At the age of 38, having never wanted children, he's now with "the one" and wants to have a child with her (she's 30 with a child already). I'd like a grandson .

Hope everyone has a warm and restful evening x