Black DOG 13

all your advice.

Thankyou Annie Doodle Violetsky Wyllow*
Sorry about your Mother Violetsky please try, although easier said than done, not to let
it ruin your weekend. I should take my own advice.
Sweetpeasue how are you? I know it has been difficult lately.
Thankyou for all first your advice.

Doodle Thanks. It was a very long time ago. It must have been terrible for our mum and dad - it was the day after dad's birthday, also less than 3wks before Christmas (my mum gave the presents she'd bought for him to his workmates - we worked at the same company). She's been made redundant a few days before. It was a pretty rough time.

The GDs have been watching Hocus Pocus 2 - it must be the worst film ever made . Absolute drivel, with terrible "acting". They liked it, anyway.

Hope everyone on BD has a restful night, especially Annie, in her new bed x

Hi everyone, so glad it is the weekend.

My mother causing me issues again due to fraudulent claims she made... long story and no mental energy to share.

HDVY so glad for you and hope this is a new start.

sweetpeasue how are you?

rafichagran OK you made a mistake but you were honest about it which is such a great quality. You vented some stress at your daughter but you held yourself accountable for it and that means a genuine understanding and apology. I think things will be OK and please don't overthink it too much these things happen.

Anniebach I hope the pendulum swings the other way soon and you feel stronger

Wishing you all a peaceful weekend

HVDY glad your counsellor sounds sympathetic. Hope she is someone you can engage with.
Hope your DGD has a lovely birthday. Pizzas and cake what’s not to like ?
Annie I expect your DD was trying to do something nice for you. Why worry about the bed being unobtrusive. If there is room for the 4ft bed I’d go with it. The headboard could be useful to prop pillows against so you could sit in bed and read.
As long as you have room for it and it doesn’t impede your wheelchair movement, why not have some comfort. You’ve been on the settee far too long. You can still put a throw over it and have cushions against the wall. Do your dogs sleep in the bed with you……they might like it. ?
I think people who tell others to pull them selves together or …get over it.. have no idea what other can suffer.
HVDY I have just read your post about how your brother died. I am so, so sorry. What a dreadful thing for you to witness. The loss on its own would be bad enough but witnessing the accident must have been awful for you.
Wyllow good to know others are looking out for you. Sounds as though your ex has been around locally.
Whiff you are right. Money does not buy happiness it just stops you worrying about things money related. It can’t make you well if ill or happy if sad. Yes real riches are in love and having a caring heart.
rafichagran I am so sorry the anxiety has returned with a vengeance. You are not the only one who has made a mistake at work. It’s so upsetting when normally you do things right but don’t forget there is a difference between intentionally doing something and doing it by accident or carelessnesses.
We are only human and mistakes happen. You have owned up to it so hope that is the end of the matter. Just explain to your daughter you were upset and worried and you’re sorry. Hope things are resolved ok soon.
Wyllow you are so right, why do these things always happen at a weekend dragging out the suffering. * rafichagran* has been on BD before but you weren’t to know that so it was nice of you to post a kind and welcoming message. See, it doesn’t take long to become part of BD and get to know how we work does it ?

I just realised I'd said I was 61 when my brother died. I was 16, it was many years ago

Anniebach Thank you, I will. Will tonight be your first night in your new bed? I hope you have a lovely sleep x

HVDY to witness the horror of the death of your brother
couldn’t have been dismissed from your mind, we can choose
not to speak of trauma but we cannot wipe it from our minds.

Keep with the counselling my love, x

rafichagran is a much loved ,long time friend on Black Dog, has shared and supported .

rafichagran you know we are here for you, don’t beat yourself
up, your daughter will understand, have you told her of your
stress ? Sending you a cwtch x

rafichagran you don't have to offer advice to pop in and have some space in here. It definitely sounds like "roll on retirement". Sorry its triggered and anxious thing always just before a weekend of course....
The being able to say something back to people comes and goes and isn't a must do x

Hello everyone, I have been reading your threads and I am sorry some of you are very unwell and anxious.
My anxiety has hit me like a tidal wave, came on quickly. A error of mine has caused a problem at work, I usually get a 100 per cent on my work checks, but a error made by me has caused my anxiety attack, and I am disgusted to say I took it out on my daughter. No excuses.
I have owned up to the error and reported it, I can only wait and see. People who I work with have been kind, but I will wait and see.
I am counting down the days until I retire late next year, I get my state pension then.
I will come back and talk to you all personally soon but at the moment I am not sure I am in a position to offer any advice. Have the best day you can.

HowVeryDareYou have a wonderful time with your granddaughters.

HowVeryDareYou I was brought up the same. My dad was in the army he was in Cairo,India ,Burma and parachuted into Naples during the plague . He would never talk about the awful things he saw and did. He hated people who revelled in their war stories. He only approved of medals for courage and bravery not campaign medals. He never claimed his. He always said it was war and we did what we were told. We were fighting for peace . He only told things that were funny.

I was brought up to face your problems and use your common sense. Wasn't brought up with money but my brother and me where loved and cherished and always knew it.

Money does not buy health or happiness. And think some people have lost sight of that. And that's sad.

But the kindness I have found on here and other GN threads I feel richer for it.

Anniebach that was very kind of your daughter she must love you very much. She probably thought the suede you be softer for you than wood.

My bed is solid pine and when I was having the jerks and seizures I was covered in bruises but it's the bed I shared with my husband it's a king size but only sleep on my side. And have done since he died.

Is it possible to incredibly tactfully ask DD to change it? Mind you, the GD's might have pawed crumbs of birthday cake and pizza on it by then....

No news. But I asked at the gym, because lovely female under manager has Taken A Kind Interest, and she saw him walking around locally not so long ago, and she does understand how I can have been both very hurt but very concerned, so she is going going to keep a lookout. He has popped in for a coffee at the gym in the past (little knowing the managers know what's really afoot) so they are on the alert. its so nice to feel people are looking out for me without totally demonising Ex. Got used to the fact that Everybody Knows. We even met at the gym 11 years ago...

I think there is a sort of public image of PTSD HVDY only being like soldiers after a war or similar, whereas in fact it means ANY major shocks or experiences that are so outside our normal coping or processing strategy that it lodges inside our minds, and comes out in symptoms we cannot understand or control or even relate to what in our conscious mind we know. and of course, one persons shock is not what another person experiences as such: and the healing involved is therefore a "coming to terms" as much as possible.

....partial is better than none.

xx all time for rest..

Annie you are about to have your hands full.

I can't imagine anyone could get over such horrors. I witnessed my brother's death - I was 61, he was 21. Were out together, long story but he fell into the road and a car ran right over his body. His coat became caught on some part of the car, so he was then dragged 100 yards up the road. It was probably 40 years, before I could listen to the (very well-known) song that he's bought as a record that day. There was no counselling, help, advice, for any of us. We all had to just get on with it (only I didn't and to this day it still makes me cry). Thanks for caring x

HVDY did your father really get over it ? He may not have
spoken of it but could he have erased the horrors he witnessed

Just get over it = pull yourself together and forget it .

The mind doesn’t work that way my love x

Hope your granddaughter has great birthday x

Anniebach I was brought up to "just get on with it" - my dad was a serving soldier in WW2, saw some awful things, he "just got on with it". I know things are different now re. MH though, and I know I need to listen to what the CBT lady says. Could you somehow drape a throw/cloth over the bed, to make it look like a settee? It'll be good for you to sleep in a proper bed. x

It's pouring with rain here. The GDs will be here at 6, staying overnight. It's the youngest one's birthday tomorrow, she'll be 8. Pizzas and birthday cake tonight, as she's going home tomorrow morning - her mum is taking her horse-riding.

Hi all x

Joyce please take Doodle’s advice x

HVDY you have doubts about your counsellor speaking of
PTSD, why ? you have only had one session, do give it time x

Wyllow any news ? x

I am having a down time, my younger daughter has bought me
a bed, I had plans for a bed which I could make as
inconspicuous as possible , she has bought a suede divan with a
4ft headboard, in my living room !

How is everyone?

I hope everyone is ok today. It's really cold here so I've got the heating on (too bad if it's expensive). Aqua aerobics at 2. I don't want to go, but I need to do some exercise. Hope everyone has a decent day x

Doodle thank you.

I had my 1st session of CBT (telephone). The lady was very kind and understanding, and she asked about my illness last year - being on a ventilator, then the wrong drugs, the stroke, and asked if I'd ever had any other traumatic event in my life. I tod her about how my brother died in 1975, and she said she thinks I've got/have had PTSD. [hmm} we'll see how things progress. x

HVDY hope you get on well today. Take care x

Oh, I forgot that Doodle, he answer is yes.

I hope your first session HVDY gives you at the hope, "ah, things are underway at last".

Wyllow3 Thank you, that's kind of you. I hope you're feeling less "flat" today. I know (I think we all on BD know) how that feels. Be kind to yourself, do something to treat yourself, if you can.

all who post on BD Sorry not to mention you all separately. I keep having the stomach- churning anxiety and the cry-for-no-reason low moods, so I'm not posting much/often, but I'm reading about you all. x

Wyllow don’t forget to add that it’s ok to be kind to yourself as well. Sleep well I hope.

Joce if you are on the clinically vulnerable list you can phone 119 and report you have Covid. They will check if you should have an antiviral/antibacterial infusion. DH had one of these within 48 hours of testing positive. There are some tablets as an alternative if you can’t get to an infusion centre.