Black DOG 13

Day was the pits. Spent the counselling session being bewildered about abuse and its sent me so low and CFS poorly can do so little and its hard to just keep up self care. she agreed I have to give up any hope of being able o talk things over with ex in any kind of benign or meaningful way without nasty attacks...said after divorce you will take a long time to drive and recover physically, I'm still afraid even then he will "Attack in some way. Bewildered - how can the love that was there be associated with malicious manipulation and threats - and rubbishing all the good things cant were there.

Ellie Anne I'm glad your DiL is able to share, so much around atm (looking in on separate thread on depression in GN)

Doodle of course you would rather be there not sitting home and fretting.

Best s for BD's, tomorrow is another day!

Sweetpeasue I have been through this a few times with my DH for one reason or another. I am usually quite calm and panic after. Fortunately the ambulance arrived so quickly and they were so kind, it was ok. Apparently (according to our GP) is you have sepsis once you are more inclined to have it again. I am aware of what to look out for now so with the aid of my trusty thermometer I know when to call for help.
Scaredycat it was exhausting. Once we were in hospital I could relax a bit but sitting in a chair for 9 hours was uncomfortable. However, I would much rather do that than sit home and worry.
HVDY yes it was the shallow breathing that had me most worried. Having asthma myself I know how unpleasant it is.
I love those Teddy coats and I’m sure you look cuddly in it not like a grizzly.
Willow thank you. Hope your counselling session went well and was helpful.
nadateturb thank you too. Yes I have to say the NHS have always taken good care of DH.
Ellie Anne so pleased you have been with your DGS. Sorry about your DIL that must be difficult for her. Good that you know she suffers from depression. Perhaps you can help looking after your DGS a bit. Two year olds require a lot of energy. Can you play football?
Annie hoping and praying they find a home for you where you will be well looked after and comfortable.

Annie it’s great that you’re being looked after and having good food. A nursing home sounds like a good idea. You would feel safe and have company.
I love teddy coats but being short and dumpy I would look ridiculous.
Went to see d in law and grandson today. He’s a typical defiant 2 year old !
His mum has depression and isn’t too good just now. So many people have it now maybe it just was not diagnosed in previous generations.

Good to read your post Annie and to hear you are being well looked after. Fingers crossed things will work out well for you. Much love xx Megan

Doodle I'm sure you're both shattered. Such a frightening time. It was good he was seen and treated so quickly. Our wonderful NHS staff.
I hope you both have a good night's rest. x

*Doodle" sending the very warmest thoughts and hoping you both in the Light.
You acted quickly, well done you xx

HVDY its lovely seeing them at the play centre..yes and exhausting! (How did we ever find the energy)

to cake lovers: give ourselves a break!

Best wishes to all BD's, present, and just reading.
Thank you for your kind thoughts. Taking all the stuff was doled out to me to counsellor tomorrow. 11 years is harder than I thought to move on from.

Doodle Just seen your post. Your poor husband (and you). It must have been a frightening experience. I'm glad he was seen and treated quickly. It's important to get breathing problems sorted straightaway. You must both be shattered. Hope you both manage to sleep well tonight. X

Doodle- oh your poor husband it must have been so frightening for you both. He has been through the mill and you too to see him so poorly. Thank goodness he was seen and treated so promptly. Hope you are both now able to relax and have a good nights sleep. Xx

Doodle Oh no! Just seen your post.
You must have been so worried and frightened. You will both be exhausted being there all night, emotionally and physically. I remember how worrying it was for you both before when your husband had such a high fever and it was a very serious infection. How odd it being so sudden. Your poor husband does have such bad luck with his health. I'm so glad the antibiotics have kicked in and controlled it. The stand-by hospital bag is in use again!
Sending you both much love and hope you both have a good night's rest. 💐 X

Annie thinking of you. I hope everything turns out well for you.
Please look after yourself. I wish I could say you are in my prayers, but I do not pray. You are in my thoughts though. You are a lovely inspirational woman.
Take care.

Wyllow3 It's terrible that your ex keeps whittling away at your self-esteem with these ' put-downs'. You're a good person so don't absorb this stuff. So good that you had the Quaker meeting today as it was uplifting and reinforced your self-worth. Thanks for the Seasalt tip.
Scaredycat So glad the AF is lying low today. Don't think we need to worry too much about black for funerals now thank goodness. Glad I've been given the thumbs up for my bacon sarnies ☺️.
HVDY I'm sure you didn't look like a grizzly and teddys are soft n cuddly! Love chocolate brownies too.
Its my gut I have to watch but we can't be 'good' all the time. Heck yes the play centres are hugely noisy but the children love it don't they? I used to go sometimes when my GS was smaller.

Hello all. Another exhausting day for me.
DH became I’ll quite suddenly last night about 11. Breathless and fever. He was blue lighted into A&E bypassing the queue and following a chest X-ray was diagnosed with chest infection/ pneumonia. They had him on IV antibiotics and oxygen so quickly he recovered quite well. At 8 am this morning we were allowed home with 2 lots of antibiotics and steroids. He is so much better but we are both tired. Off to bed soon.
Ellie Anne all children play on their phones a lot but I’m pleased they talk to you too. That’s nice. Have you seen your grandson recently?
Dear Annie I’m so sorry you had to wait so long for an ambulance. You must have been so scared there in your own.
I do hope they find somewhere better for you where you can get the help you need and have some company. I know your dogs are with your DD so you know they are in good hands.
I hope and pray that this time they take good care of you and things work out . Much love xx
Sweetpeasue glad the bleeding has stopped and the pain is easier. Sometimes a naughty treat is just what we need. Glad you enjoyed your bacons sandwich. The hysterectomy did wonders for me but I know it’s not everyone’s wish just hope you get the attention you so deserve and they resolve whatever is wrong.
HVDY I gather half your kitchen has moved in with your son 🤣. Sounds like he’s making a real home for himself. Hope he’s happy there. Hope things settle for your other son too and they can relax a bit and look forward to the new arrival.
Bet the stew tastes delicious. Enjoy it.
Scaredycat you must miss close contact with your sister her being so far away. Do you face time?
I have wet weather gear for walking too. Nice and cosy and keeps the rain out. We walked yesterday but it was just cold not wet. Yes we like bacon sandwiches and mince pies too…..but not at the same time. Hope you are ok and keeping the AF at bay.
Wyllow please don’t believe your toxic Ex’s put downs. This is the man who keeps phoning you for help and wants your support. Stop believing what he says about you. It’s his way of control. If it were anyone else being put down like this you would be able to see straight through it. It’s only because it’s directed at you that you start wondering if what he says is true. Please stay strong and angry and don’t let him win. He must sign those papers soon I hope.
I am so pleased you’ve found the Quakers. I hope their peace and quietness will allow you to find yourself agai and be with people you get on with.
Hope you have a lovely time with your family.
I have a Seasalt coat too. I love it. Makes me feel special wearing it.
Thinking of going to bed soon. So very tired. Sleep well all

SweetpeaSue Glad the bleeding has stopped. I bought a teddy coat recently but haven't worn it yet - I look like a bloody Grizzly bear in it . We didn't watch GD play rugby, but we will the next time (she had her mother and older sister there)
Wyllow3 You are liked. Your ex appears to have the signs of being a Psychopath (in the true sense. 7 signs, look it up) The noise at the play centre - it was SO loud. Our son (41 and 6ft 2 tall) always goes charging around in there, with his kids .
ScaredyCat I believe in eating whatever makes me happy (that's why I'm so fat). This evening, it's chocolate brownies. Glad your AF is under control today.

Hope everyone on BD has a relaxing evening x

HVDY- glad you,ve had a good dayx

SweetPeaSue- So glad the pain has gone today. I,m ok today thanks and yes had a walk in full waterproofs as it was persistently raining- weirdly not at all cold. AF laying low today - I make the most of those days!! I never wear black either as I look horrendous in it and didn’t have anything black for last weeks funeral!! Bacon sandwiches are healthy cos they make you feel good😀😀 so are mince pies as they make you feel happy too!!! Todaymust be casserole day as we are having one too hope you enjoy yours.
Wyllow- yes take it easy ready for your busy time but keep that good feeling going that you are blameless in all this and you are the good person we know you arex

Sweetpeasue it is hard to find the right warm/waterproof coat. My DiL treated me to one from Seasalt they are so pretty as well as light and proof. They are not cheap, but something that looks good and feels right is such a boost.

I'm delighted to hear its been a bleed -less day and easier tum. May it last: the anxiety is bound to trouble you some days more than others until you have more resolution, ie a "live with in full knowledge of what it is and best treatment"

Annie I'm glad, after experiencing proper food (I can hear the pleasurable enjoyment of it after the liquid stuff) and freedom of fear from ever being left those hours again, and better access to targeted pain relief, you've been able to make the decision.

I've been low key as very low mostly since the phone call with ex. One nice natter friend, but everything else "whats the point".

Then - it took 4 days - woke ANGRY at last. I cant share the content of intimate put downs, extensive attacks on who I am in the world (hints, comparisons, "what others think of you" threats "my solicitor said ......") and so on: just to say it hit me this morning as being so blindingly obvious and demeaning, mysogenistic and so on.
I truly hope its a step forward that will stick with me: also had a lovely Quaker meeting with natters after it and me thinking, "so I AM liked well enough"....there IS real goodness not manipulative goodness....

(and worth noting my tum relaxed a bit at this point as if I must have been "holding all in ")

So we'll see. Main thing is to take it very easy as poss this week as its 3.5 days with family next weekend, very full on.

Busy, and loving time there HVDY. I haven't been to an indoor play centre with DGC yet, just a pool, always wanted to. Yes, the early dark days, definitely close down lighter feelings, in many respects.

Back in a mo, need to read back and catch up.

Scaredycat I hope you're OK today and no AF. Have you been walking today? I've been lazy, I'm afraid. We went to Go Outdoors and I tried a couple of padded coats on (don't think that counts as exercise). One felt too hot, one too tight and didn't have a larger. They had lots of black, which I can't wear or I frighten children, so we came out and went for a bacon sandwich. (which was also silly cos it's not very healthy but it tasted good).
HVDY It's lovely that you've been with your son and GD. Have you watched your GD in a rugby match. I'd be watching through my fingers! I have my slow cooker on for dinner later - - a casserole too. Will make sure I've plenty of veg to make up for bacon sandwich.

Woke early with palpitations and the same anxiety but bleeding seems to have stopped now, just sore tummy so great relief to be rid of the tummy pain. Hope everyone else has been OK. x

I didn't know that about the meal replacements. It's shocking for someone not to have the pleasure of eating normal tasty food if they are able to digest it.
Anniebach I too hope your enjoying your evening meal xx

Anniebach I'm so glad you're able to enjoy proper food. How you've been "allowed" to survive on liquid meal replacements, I don't know. You'll be getting the nutrients required now to build you up. I think you're being very wise in considering a nursing home. I hope one is found for you soon. The company, food and care will all be on hand in a home. x

How has everyone been today? We picked up 3 tubs chairs Son1 arranged to buy, took them to his house, then went to an indoor play centre with him and GD2 (eldest girl had a rugby match and was accompanied by mum), then to a pub for dinner .(DH and I had a small snack as we've got a stew cooking in the slow cooker). It gets dark early [sad) but it's been a good day x

Annie- I was so pleased to read your latest news. It’s wonderful that you have been able to eat so many varied foods again this should help so much with getting your strength back. I do hope you will be able to find a good nursing home where you will be looked after well. I know it would be sad to leave Wales but to be near your daughter would bring you and her much happiness I believe.
It must have been so frightening for you when you fell and to feel safe amongst company will help you regain your confidence. I hope so much you will find the home you deserve.
It has made my day to hear from you and to know that at tea time you will be tucking into something tasty again. Sending much love and a big hug.xxxxxx
SweetPeaSue- hope you are feeling ok today xx
HVDY- I don’t get to see my sister at Xmas as she lives too far away but hope to visit her in the Spring and stay a few days.
Love to allxxx

Annie I'm so pleased you're being looked after so well and I do hope you will continue to be cared for like this. All that time on liquid meal replacements when you could tolerate decent tasty food. You should surely continue to improve when your body is being well nourished again. The company that you've needed for so long would do you so much good.
Oh I do hope you can get into a good nursing home that can provide for all your needs. As nadateturbe has just mentioned, it might be nice to be near your daughter if that is what you would like, though I know it would be a wrench away from Wales.
So many on GN have asked after you. It must have been good to read all those caring messages. You are thought of every day on BD.
I hope your hands strengthen so you are able to communicate on your IPad whenever you want to. You must miss joining in with some of the threads that interest you. You've often sparked some lively discussion and are a voice for the more timid amongst us. 😉
Hope you have a nice tea coming your way later. Its so good to hear from you. I pray that you will find a comfortable and friendly place where you will be looked after (remember the doors 🙏)
Thinking of you. Love and hugs. x

Good morning Annie. I'm sure it's lovely to have all that nice food.
I hope and pray you don't have to go back to the bungalow. A nursing home seems a much better idea for all the reasons you say.
I wonder can you choose one closer to your daughter or do you prefer to stay in Wales.
Good to hear from you.
You are always in my thoughts and prayers. xx

Hi all x update

Waiting to be assessed , so fearful I will have to return to the bungalow, really don’t want to .

Food ? I am eating proper food, roast beef today, yesterday chicken in a very spicy sauce, have eaten lamb casserole, porridge for breakfast, another reason not to go back to the bungalow and liquid meal replacements.

Have discussed this with my younger daughter, she is in contact with my social worker, have decided I will be willing to
go into a nursing home , I can continue to eat food, will not be
alone 23 hours a day,

The fall has really frightened me, I couldn’t get help, was told to stay on floor ambulance would be 4 - 6 hours !

You are all in my prayers and thoughts, x

Hope you're OK Wyllow3