Black Dog 14

Scaredycat I wish I had words to say to make everything better for you right now, and the magic wand you've sometimes wished for others. It must be so hard not being able to visit your sister right now. Hold that one bit of better news in the forefront of your mind. I'm not v good with words but I'm willing your sister better and wishing you strength and peace. Last, not least a big gentle hug.
I did go out to beach and we were truly nithered! Bent forwards into a cold wind-even eyeballs felt frozen. Normally walk for 40mins, we did 20 through grim perseverance! 🥶 Its certainly'grim up north' lately.

ScaredyCat Your poor sister, she's had so much to cope with regarding her own family, and now she's going through a rough time herself.

Son2 has just gone out, to see his GF. He's taken a change of clothes and said he'll see us tomorrow . I'm very pleased as DH can sleep in son's bed and I'll have mine to myself - I've put clean bedding on . Son1 is out with his GF this evening. He asked if DH and I would like to join them - kind of him to ask, but we declined. A takeaway, bath, then earlier night for me, I think. Hope evryone has a relaxing evening x

Afternoon friends.
Annie- so happy to have you back again.
What wonderful news that you are now in touch with 2 of your sisters. It must have been so emotional when your younger sister first came to visit.
Love to think of you in the morning having your porridge- you have so many goodies to catch up on. Enjoy every mouthful xx
Hope the tv is working now and that you have been able to get into your wheelchair. Sending hugsx
Doodle- good news your DH elbow is getting better- sounds like you,ve swerved an A and E visit.
I don’t know how he copes with daily RBS it must wear him out so much and the actual sensation will be unpleasant too. He really is a remarkable person. It’s wearing for you too to see him having to endure so much.
I hope you are enjoying your nephews visit today- what a lot of news to catch up on and big hugs too.
SweetPeaSue - hope you can get an appt on Monday- let’s hope you are near the front of the queue!! At our surgery we can go in and book a F2F Appt for 2 weeks time.
Hope you enjoyed your beach walk - there should be big waves today.
Your wind must be very strong to lift off tiles- be careful walking
EllieAnne- that awful woman doesn’t deserve a minute of your time. You are so kind and only tried to help her. She doesn’t seem to have too many Christian bones in her body if she can be so unkind and cruel to her fellow churchgoers. Your friends will be there for you.
Wyllow- you had a bit of a “light bulb” moment. Anger at what you have had to go through seems a very normal response . Don’t let it hurt you inside- write it all down and get rid of it . Glad you have such a kind counsellor.
HVDY- you must be done in with so much disturbed sleep. It’s so debilitating especially when the disturber is fast asleep !! Hope you enjoyed the cooked breakfast. It must be your turn in the bed tonight.
Amazon have some good customers in BD don’t they.
Hope your boys are ok.

I am very concerned for my sister this morning. My BiL nightly report had one bit of better news but the rest was very worrying and I felt so sad for her having to go through so much.

Love to all

Annie So good to hear from you again and its wonderful that you're now back in touch with your 2 sisters.
I hope you feel really settled in now and have tv and wheelchair difficulties are being sorted.
EllieAnne You have been so upset and this woman sounds as if she must be well known for her being awkward. I hope you can takecomfort in your friends support.
HVDY I'm ok today, pain eased off by last night. Sure the cooked breakfast was lovely from your husband, he must be feeling bad about it. It's such a problem.
Wyllow Its awful to have the bowel and CFS problems on top of the panic attacks during the night. Hope you get a better sleep tonight.
Doodle Isn't it incredible that there doesn't seem to be more that medical science can do to help with this RBS? Especially when its so extreme. Do these new tablets take a while to work? I'm so sorry - - it sounds so terrible for him.

Bad night too with worrying and anxieties but I'm ok now. Strong winds took off 2 ridge tiles Thursday night but roofer said hed try to fix tomorrow. All last night we could hear them wobbling half way down roof. Winds meant to be persistent at 56 m hr tonight so we're thinking they will come down.Hope no damage if they do. Just about to force myself out to beach. So windy. x

Anniebach So good to hear from you. Glad you're still enjoying the food. You've got years of catching up to do with that. Have you got your tv sorted? Wheelchair? Seen any other residents?

Doodle Your poor husband. Would Amitriptyline help? (sorry if you've said previously) I'm glad his elbow is getting better.

EllieAnne You are NOT to blame for her behaviour. You were kind to her when others didn't (because they knew what she was like). Stay with the people you get on with, and ignore that woman.

Wyllow Sorry you had a bad night. I hope you can catch up on sleep later. I sympathise. By 4.15, I couldn't stand any more of his snoring and came downstairs. I was still awake at 6.45 so went back to bed, told him to sleep downstairs! He woke me at 10am, with a cooked breakfast .

SweetpeaSue How are you feeling today?

DH went to a couple of electrical shops today, to try to get bearings for the washer (It's been making a terrible noise, so loud). The bearings apparently come with the drum, so the whole thing has to be purchased - £230! Ordered a new washer instead (good old Amazon) for £259! Hope everyone manages to have a decent day x

So good to hear from Annie. I’m so glad that your sisters are in contact. I hope the other problems are getting resolved and that you have nice company.
Thank you all for your kind comments.
This lady has been in at least 5 churches in our area but has stayed in ours for a while now. I know of one lady who was so damaged she had to have counselling. I will be ok.

Doodle you DH is a braved lovely bloke, prayers and strength to you both.

The 'discovery" was how much anger i feel towards Ex for all the things he did. But I am such a big anger avoider I take it all inside and hurt me instead= panic. have to speak out the anger, feel its "Acceptable".

Thanks Sweetpeasue. If I hadn’t seen it myself I would have no idea how bad this RLS/RBS is.
Hard for those experiencing it to describe it but watching my beloved DH who is the most placid of people almost in tears with frustration and agitation makes me realise how bad it is. He can’t sleep, sit, concentrate on anything, read a book or do anything until the symptoms wear off. Apparently RLS is considered severe if you get it two or three times a week. DH has it every day, every evening and has had for nearly 2 years.
Hope you have a better day today and no pain.

Ellie Anne you showed kindness to this woman when others ignored her. Please do not think this was in any way your fault.
Just think for a minute, you helped others backed off. Why? Because they know what she is like. I think others may well sympathise with you rather than her. I can’t tell you to stop worrying about it as I’m the worst one myself in this area but I sincerely hope you get through tomorrow ok and can put this worry behind you. You did something kind with the best of intentions. You are a good person.
Annie I am so full of joy that your sisters have been in touch. I believe your younger sister is your favourite so I’m so happy she is visiting you. It’s been a long time coming but I’m so pleased for you. The thought of you eating real food and not having to wash all those bottles is such a comfort.
So lovely to hear from you. Much love and cwtches xx
Wyllow sorry about your bad night. Obviously something has brought you insight of the problem with the panic attacks. You are doing so well to keep battling this and doing your best to keep yourself going in body and mind. Hope the counselling helps on Tuesday and wishing you a better night tonight.

Annie just missed you. I am glad you have worked through some problems. Are you able to use your wheelchair now, is the TV now working properly?

Ellie Anne
it may be the case that if you had not got involved with this woman you wouldnt be feeling this awfulness because of her ability to blame others, not take responsibility for herself and her own feelings

But the impulse to help was sheer human kindness, her neediness triggered the very best in you, and not your "fault" or bad in anyway at all.

How could you possibly know what her words and actions would be subsequently? It will be hard to live through until it dies down as these things do - she will in the end find another victim- try ringing you friends that will support you tomorrow again today for on going support and reminders they will stand by you if need be.

I had a very bad night and took extra meds in the end, but by this morning have managed to identify at least partly what the panics are about and will try and remind myself and take them to counsellor Tuesday.

Hi all x sorry not been in contact, had few problems have worked through most .

Scaredycat my love, I know of your love for your sister , I understand the close bond which causes you to want protect her , we have shared experiences . Much love xxxx

Doodle your poor husband and so much stress for you both,
i miss not lighting a candle in church , it brings comfort doesn’t it? You definitely are a 🌻 , much love x
You are one of the few who know my distress for 6 years because of my sisters, two have made contact, youngest visits me. X

HVDY I am eating everything on the menus and still on waking in the morning think ‘oh porridge’ with delight, you are
troubled my love, children then grandchildren, it goes on and on, the price of love , sending love x

Ellie Anne. Ignore that woman, you have your friends , enjoy
Church tomorrow, Hugs x

Sweetpeasue Wyllow sending love x

All our friends who don’t post but still join us, we are here for
you x

I’ve had a very disturbed nights. Starting to wonder if the problem with this women is my fault after all. I knew when I started to get involved that she was difficult . But if someone is asking for help it’s hard to say no. Others backed off because of the way she is. But my insides are churning and I’m running to the bathroom. Just scared she’s going to complain to people about my behaviour. Im supposed to be a grownup but can’t cope with this.

Hi Doodle you've had enough of A and E for several years recently! I really know very little about RLS but googled it. And its really hard for MrD to do the things that help. I so hope the treadmill will help when it arrives.

We can never book F2F with receptionist but have to wait for Dr in call back to decide. Cant pre-book any appt either.Thanks Doodle. Do hope your DHs irritability in body eases soon. Must drive him up the wall.

Sweetpeasue with DH it’s more restless body syndrome as you say. I use RLS as that’s what most people recognise.
He was fine till about 8.30 then the irritability really kicked in. He’s had a walk about but now gone to work on the computer to see if he can distract himself. Shame really because last night he was much better.
Hope you get that appointment. Even if they won’t book F2F get a telephone consultation but make sure you want it recorded that you are seeking F2F.

Doodle Im so glad your husband's elbow is better. You really dont want to have another visit to A&E, its so awful. Its bad for all, the staff and patients. The poor Drs there, its all such a mess. I hope your husband isnt troubled too much with his RLS.tonight and can manage some sleep. Never know if to refer to it as RLS or RBS. Yes I will tell my GP on Mondsy hopefully.Will join queue of calls and hope for call back then plead for F2F. When I think of how things used to be at GP surgery.All F2F and being able to pre-book! Some things so much better now but do miss others. Lovely warm words from yourself as always Doodle. Hope you both sleep well.

Evening all. Good news for us DHs elbow seems better so hopefully we can avoid another trip to A&E
HVDY I’m so sorry about your DGD and her half sister. Do you think the two things could be connected given they go to the same school. I hope this is looked into and sorted out.
Poor girls. Many schools are reluctant to expel anyone these days . Please urge your son and the girls mother to ask the school for assurances the children will be safe there. Not surprised you couldn’t sleep much.
Glad your DGD is in touch a lot. Her hair sounds lovely.
Wyllow so pleased you had a pleasant time with your friend.
Nice to have a chat with someone with similar interests.
Sorry such a lovely time was followed by a panic attack.
I hope it has lifted even more since you wrote and you have managed to relax a bit.
I can certainly understand how your bowel problems cause you worry and anxiety, As I’ve said to Sweetpeasue before, we expect our bodies to function properly and when they don’t
it becomes a big problem. I am so glad you have your sister to turn to. I’m sure her advice is invaluable. Good that the consultant appointment is coming up soon.
Sweetpeasue make sure you get to see your Gp Monday even if you are feeling better and tell her what happened today. Perhaps she could give you something to help the nausea which I know isn’t the real problem but it doesn’t help.
Getting F2F appointments these days is a battle so I hope you manage to get seen. I think Wyllow is right and you should say how this is so badly affecting your quality of life and your mental health. I hope you have a better weekend and things settle down a bit.
You and Wyllow have certainly been through it. When things go wrong as they have done in both cases there ought to be a better response to try and improve things for you.
Nice to have you both supporting each other. It’s good to share with others you know won’t criticise or be unsympathetic.
Sweetpeasue I can see nothing in any of your posts today that you shouldn’t have said or come over badly in. Please don’t worry about it. Sometimes it helps us to understand a bit better and other times it’s good to get out what is bothering you. It’s not a problem honestly. You write as much or as little as your want. We’re all here for each other. You too Wyllow
Scaredycat oh I’m so pleased about your sister. That’s such good news. It must be upsetting not to be able to see her for yourself but at least you have your BIL to keep you up to date.
You must have been so worried about the blood clots. Glad the scans are ok.
Yes I agree about Amazon. Huge boxes for small items.
I’m so sorry about your mum. Must have been a really hard time for all of you without a chance to say goodbye and all the anxiety of not knowing what could have been done.
You have been though so much. I hope with all that’s been happening with your sister that your AF hasn’t been playing you up. Perhaps with the better news you can relax a bit and have a good nights sleep.
I think I’d like to have a bird as my daemon so it could fly everywhere and let me know what’s going on. 😊
Ellie Anne I am so pleased that you have some support from friends who will look out for you on Sunday. Please don’t let her upset you like that again. I hope as you say she may realise she has not reacted well.
Annie hope today has been a good one.
I am having a surprise visit from my nephew tomorrow. Haven’t seen him since before lockdown so lots to catch up on.
Sending a gentle hug to all of you tonight. So many worries but we have each other x💕

Ellie Anne so glad that your friends can stand by you. Am hoping so much that Sunday goes as benignly as it can for you.

(Rhubarb and Ginger, top cake)

HVDY top news about the fun with hair!

EllieAnne Its good you have friends who are supportive and enabling you to feel comfortable on Sunday.
HVDY You must feel better that you DGD has been in touch with you today though, Im sure, still v much concerned for her. My gd was wanting to curl her hair - it must be changing trend from the hair straightening. Definitely wishing you a good nights sleep tonight.

Wyllow So sorry to hear about your bowel problems. You, like SweetpwaSue, have suffered because of mistakes that were made by the hospital that was meant to be caring for you. I'm glad your time with your friend went well. What kind of cake did you have?

ScaredCat Glad that the scans your sister had haven't shown anything worrying. It sounds as though she's at least a bit more comfortable now. Losing your mum in such a way must have been awful. Mental health wasn't treated or talked about as it is now.

doodle How are you and your husband today?
Annie How are things with you?

I managed to stay awake today (although I am so tired that when I drove around a corner this afternoon, I clipped the kerb. Eldest granddaughter messaged me quite a lot today. She's ok. She sent me some photos of her hair. It's waist-length and her mum had put a wash-in, wash-out colour on the bottom half (purple) and curled it. It looks very grown-up. Hope everyone has a pleasant evening x

Still worrying and mulling things over. I’ve spoken to two church friends without telling all the details and they will stay close on Sunday to make me feel better. Hopefully this lady will realise she has overreacted and stay away or at least keep a low profile but we will see. She loves to be the centre of attention.

Oh Scaredycat, so glad to hear about your sister and clots - and a bit brighter too. alma relief, pointing in the right direction. Its so sad as we get older our family often live far away, you must long to see her. she is clearly a lovely caring person and it sounds like she needs a good rest as well as treatment. You and BiL will have to try and persuade her to slow down but......our charters do get rather fixed.

Sorry to hear about your mum. thanks you for sharing what is hard to share. Very very difficult, as you say no goodbyes and ??? that can neve quite leave even if you understand broadly why it happened.

Sweetpeasue when we say a lot here, its because we have to pour things out at times. Yes occasionally I think I've gnomon too long and so on but truth is, its the bits that slip out that help us get to know each other better and let us know

"its OK to feel that way! its OK to say it!". People can choose to read in depth or read quickly, after all x

Scaredycat I didnt realise you lived such a long way from your sister, thats so v hard when she's poorly. I also hadnt realised about her already present condition. No wonder youve been distressed, you must be exhausted with the anxiety and worry. I'm glad your sister is seeming a little better and the dehydration is being dealt with. I think about how your sister is every day and hope your AF isnt going stupid with the worry.
Dont be concerned for myself, you have had some dreadful things happen in life.

Ive said quite a bit today but I need to add that Im anxious that Ive not come over well at times. During the night I thought oh I shouldn't have mentioned this or that and hoped what Ive said wasnt inappropriate. The problem with communicating like this is it can take so long to explain and we can't quickly remedy it. I just want everyone to know that Im sorry if Ive not come over well at times.

Doodle- so sorry I missed you out yesterday. I meant to say a big thank you for your prayers- they were answered as my sister had her scans and there were no blood clots which they had been worried about!!!
No I haven’t looked after my sister but just love her to bits. She is only 8 yrs younger than me . I can’t see her as she lives a long way away and visiting is not possible at the moment so as you can imagine my imagination has taken over. BIL says she was brighter yesterday and is on a saline drip to keep her fluids up.
Sorry you haven’t got your treadmill yet- it would have been nice of them to let you know what was happening. I cant imagine how much packaging Amazon will use for the treadmill yesterday we got 4 little things in a box big enough for 20!
Oh dear your poorDH- hope his arm heals quickly.It sounds nasty hope it’s not too uncomfortable.
I think I would like a big old cat for my Daemon- it would be the brave side of me and nothing much gets past a cat😺
Wyllow- I hope you have a nice time with your “new” friend nd definitely cake is a must. My sisters agitation was because of her dehydration and the virus I think as she has no mental health
problems. Her cancer is in remission at the moment but she had been doing a lot to help her family and neglected herself. Her immune system is very weak because of her treatment and the type of cancer she has so an infection becomes very serious.
I,m sorry to hear your DGD has health problems it must worry you a lot.
HVDY- glad yourDH got seen and has follow up too. Oh dear maybe he will have to have some of your lovely healthy food to help him lose a bit of weight. I used to do an Art class with a lady who had COPD and she did have a very bad cough.
Your poorGD what a horrible thing to happen to her- and frightening too. I hope the person who did that to her is made to realise the seriousness of what they have done and punished accordingly.
SweetPeaSue- I,m sorry you had such a distressing time when your Mum was ill. I guess that was the only way she could deal with what was happening to her. Such sad memories for you.
We lost our Mum to suicide as she was bi polar . That’s another situation when you are left bereft with no chance to say goodbye.
I,m sorry you have had some of the pain returning . Please don’t despair - you,ve done so well lately. Hopefully you can see your own GP next week if there’s no improvement.xx
EllieAnne- hope you are having the best day possible.
Annie- missing you so much