Black Dog 14

AS Annie is unable to post at the moment I have started the new thread. All are welcome

Dear Willow I tried to copy your last post which was the final one on BD 13 but couldn’t figure out a way to do it.
So sorry the counselling session today has made you feel so bad.
The only thing I can think of saying regarding your question of how the love that was there could of gone so bad is that Annie says it’s not the person it’s the illness. Perhaps this is true in the case of your Ex. It’s almost like he has a split personality.
You must put yourself first now. You need to gain strength.
The CFS will be bringing you down too. It’s hard to cope with anything when you are so exhausted.
I hope you sleep tonight but in case you are back on GN I hope you catch up with this new thread. Big and gentle hug for you 🤗 Hope tomorrow is a better day.

Just a quick glad to see the thread continues thank you Doodle.

It was brilliant to hear how happy and looked after Annie is . She deserves it .

Take care everyone life is hectic at the moment but in a good way. But am supporting my best friend through the death of her husband suddenly week ago on Thursday. Don't mean its good he died because it's not I love them both very much . It's just the rest of my life.

Look after yourselves I do read what's going on with my breakfast cuppa. 💐

Such good news knowing Annie is happy in her new home, she deserves it.
Hope all of you have a good day.

Thanks for starting the thread, Willow. I hope your husband is beginning to feel better.

From yesterday......................

Wyllow3 Mon 28-Nov-22 21:48:24
Day was the pits. Spent the counselling session being bewildered about abuse and its sent me so low and CFS poorly can do so little and its hard to just keep up self care. she agreed I have to give up any hope of being able o talk things over with ex in any kind of benign or meaningful way without nasty attacks...said after divorce you will take a long time to drive and recover physically, I'm still afraid even then he will "Attack in some way. Bewildered - how can the love that was there be associated with malicious manipulation and threats - and rubbishing all the good things cant were there.

Ellie Anne I'm glad your DiL is able to share, so much around atm (looking in on separate thread on depression in GN)

Doodle of course you would rather be there not sitting home and fretting.

Best s for BD's, tomorrow is another day!

Wyllow3, I hope today is going better for you. Your ex must be a damaged person to be like he is. You can't change that. Your own MH is more important. Look after yourself x

Allsorts I don't think Annie has gone into a home, I think she's still in hospital, but it's good that she's being looked after.

How's everyone been? It's been a dark, grey, cold "nothing" day here. I started buying Christmas presents for the GC. Still all the adults to buy for (4) and another child. Plenty of time to do that. Son2 is going to call in for dinner at 5ish, so that will be nice. x

Whiff good your friend has you to turn to for advice and comfort. You sound more positive in yourself, hope things are ok and continue well.
Thank you Allsorts
Well done HVDY I tried so many times to copy Wyllows post but couldn’t do it. Thank you.
DH is on the mend thanks. Much better today.
Hope the Christmas shopping goes well. I always found it easier to buy for the children than the adults. Be nice to see your son this evening. Are you having something tasty?
Ellie Anne I’m sure your DIL appreciates your support. Little ones can be a bit of a handful at times.
Sweetpeasue hope you track down the new thread. Are things any better today?
Scaredycat I’ve left you a trail of breadcrumbs to follow. Hope you find us.
Annie we’re doing out best to keep going but we miss you lots. Hope you had something nice to eat today.

Doodle Pleased your husband is OK now. I'd no idea that once you'd had Sepsis you were a bit more prone to developing it a second time. 9hrs is such a long time to sit on a hard chair. It's not easy to get a drink either in A&E depts we've found. I hope he's stable now, what a shock.
HVDY Cold again here and damp. I've not started on shopping yet. I'll have to get a move on. DH has been in loft today to bring down tree and bits n pieces. Nice to have your son over for dinner.
ScaredycatHope you've been OK today. I know you said you'd started with the Christmas shopping too. The lights are all up in our village now and it looks festive. Christmas tree just down the road from us lit up too. DH is going to put lights on our Plum Tree.
Wyllow I'm so sorry about your heartbreak. You sound so torn about the decision, even though you know it's the right one in your head your heart is resisting. It must be so hard when you have loved a small part of him. I hope you have some reassurance about your support from MH.
EllieAnne Pleased you have got to GS and GD. Sounds as if you have a good relationship with your DIL too. She will appreciate you helping out and being there for her.
Whiff Take care of yourself too. Life is hard isn't it but we can help each other in simple ways. Lovely to have a good friend who you can have a chat with. You must both have a special bond.

Annie I hope the wheels are turning and you find out soon that you'll be going somewhere that suits you and your daughter. We all think of you and miss you.

Have a peaceful night all. x

Doodle- I found you!! Thank you. So glad your DH is getting better- hope he,s fully recovered soon.
Wyllow- I do hope today has been less distressing for you. So hard to be physically and mentally exhausted too . Doodle is right you must see after yourself now. I hope you managed to get some restorative sleep last night . Thinking of youx
Whiff- your friend must be so glad to have you by her side. You of all people understand how she feels. We do love our friends don’t we- the husband of my oldest friend has Alzheimer’s and it’s so very sad to see him there but not there. You sound very positive - I,m glad for you.
HVDY- hope you enjoyed having dinner with your son. I wish mine could pop round - bit too far!! He FaceTimed me this morning just as I was out having coffee with my friend- Sod’s Law eh!!
Annie- Hope you are feeling stronger now you are getting better nourishment. It must feel good to taste things again. We are really missing you xxxx
EllieAnne,SweetPeaSue and all BDG hope you sleep peacefully tonight.

Sweetpeasue it was a long time but I’d rather be sitting in a chair with DH than being at home wondering what was going on. He seems much better tonight thank you. I like the sound of your village and the tree lights. I love fairy lights. Would have them up all year round if I could.
Scaredycat there you are. I was going to send out a search party 🤣. Are you likely to see your son anytime soon, I know he lives a long way away? Hope you had a nice time with your friend.

Doodle I'm glad your husband is starting to feel better. I expect he's on Prednisolone? They work pretty quickly. We had a chicken and vegetable (onion, potato, peppers and cherry tomato) traybake, done in the air fryer. It was a Gousto recipe that I'd done a couple of times before. Lovely. Son left about 30 minutes ago.

SweetPeaSue How are you feeling today? Got your tree up? Ours is in the loft, still decorated from the last time . We don't get it down until mid-late December.

ScaredyCat Aw, you missed your son. Did you call him back?

Anniebach Hope you're enjoying your meals. It must be good to taste proper food again. When I was able to swallow again, the taste of real food was marvellous.

Whiff, Wyllow3, EllieAnne, all on BD - hope you're all ok. x

Today was better, tired but more "ordinary"

For a long long time I excused Ex as in the "illness talking". I kept sort of waiting for what I thought was the real Ex to return.

It was for example as early as March when he shouted full on, "If I were a violent man you'd be dead!" and then went about saying how.

Never had heard the like in the 11 years before. But several parts of the conversation last week were enlightening. He described to me how he had "learned" how to appear to be empathic. He maliciously described an intimate part of our life a "chore". He told me his solicitor had said I owed him £XXXXX. (a direct lie)

His WhatsApp picture is a porn image. I think his MH workers "got it" long before I did.

People with personalty disorders have very limited ability to change unless they admit it - and WANT to change, and engage in therapy.

So my counsellor recognised there were little genuine bits in there - which is the twist that kept me hoping

but it was the first time I'd had to fully accept - this man has manipulated and lied and hidden or actual threats for a long time, just was very, very good at it

But he also probably wanted with me something he envied underneath - I live life as experiencing feelings, it often hurts, its often very wobbly, but its REAL - he watches others experiencing them but can only function by "borrowing" them most of the time in order to get things - things that make him look good, in order to feel good about himself..

My counsellor worked in MH for 20 years so has probably encountered this more than the average relationship counsellor? Glad anyway.

Annie saw you else thread and it was nice. I so hope you are comfortable where you are, they are looking after you well, some kind of future plans seem to be shaping up that work for you. any news yet? Its probably early days if its about accommodation and big choices.

Whiff you having been through it places you to be in a very special place for your friend. Hope it works out on the future you can keep that specialness as a close friend is a treasure indeed.

Sweetpeasue. -how has the tum been?

Doodle I'm glad DH is on the mend. I expect it put paid to the exercise bike plans for the time being!

*Sounds like quite a lot of presents to buy there HVDY. How many? You've so been "there" for your family and hats off to you for it.

Waves to Ellie Anne and Whiff and sure I've missed people out and I know that we may seem a "closed" group as often comment on each other - but open doors to just any GN xx

(PS, I know some of what I said above sounds incredible, but I actually have sound recordings and screen shots of them. Over night I thought, they'll think I was making it up!)

Gloomy day,, hope BD's have one nice thing in it.

Hi all x

15th Black Dog thread ! So many lovely people, several since 1st thread, sending love to Joyce, so brave coping with health anxiety, understandable not posting now when much discussion on physical health.

Wyllow personality disorders are mental illness , is it not time to leave the past ? We cannot change the past but we can take steps to ensure it doesn’t damage our future. x

Ellie Anne you are very involved with the choir , great, what else is happening at your church? Keep mixing my love x

Doodle so sorry to learn of your husband being so unwell x

I am waiting for further tests, food ? much amusement in nursing staff, I go into ecstasy over a bowl of porridge or a jacket potato, and roast beef ? I drool. Been on liquid meals since 2017 , now I experience hunger pangs. And given choices of what i would like is simply wonderful, no waiting for a prescription stating - Apple juice or vanilla.

A reminder for all who read Black Dog, S.A.D. time again, if weather too miserable to go out do stand at front or back door for approx 20 minutes for natural daylight to reach the back of your eyes, and yes - keep walking x

Anniebach It's wonderful that you're eating proper food again. Enjoy as much variety and quantity as you can. I loved hospital food.

It's a grey, misty day here. I've been faffing about indoors (more present shopping online), but am going to go out this afternoon, if only for a walk in the walk. Hope everyone on BD has a decent day x

Anniebach Can only echo HVDY-its so good to hear you finally enjoying your food again. It will nourish your body and that in turn will keep up your spirits mentally.
HVDY Yes grey here too and keeping our garden birds fed as so cold. Feeling quite anxious as will be attempting book group today.Havnt been for a while.
Wyllow First of all I believe what you say about your ex's behaviour. That PS post about you having proof of it, in case you weren't believed REALLY spoke to me. It's what I've felt from the beginning of my own nightmare of medical covering up. Just needing to be believed. Your relationship with your ex, lasting so very long, must have caused you so much aggravation to your own MH and compounded your problems enormously. I'm so sorry you've been through so much trauma, I really am. It's not going to be easy to step away from what you've come to believe was his caring for you. It sounds as if he's enjoyed the power and manipulation and benefited greatly from your caring for him. You must feel hurt and also angry. Nurture yourself now and give yourself time to heal. You have the power to do that now. x

I couldn't be bothered to go out - it's been damp, grey, cold and misty all day, so I sorted out all my make-up, hair things, nail polishes, and put it all in my new dressing table. 14 bottles of foundation! I've got a chest of drawers to match, so they need fixing up by DH. My Tinnitus has been almost driving me mad the last couple of days . How has everyone been? x

HVDY You've really used your time to get all sorted then. 14 bottles of foundation! Where were they all hiding? There must have been a special offer. 🤭 Well they should keep ok. The Tinnitus must get so annoying. Have you had that very long? I went to group. Came out early so could help with GS from school. Taking him back home car registered 3n half degrees. Really getting colder now.

Most of the foundation was bought this year! Mainly the wrong shade. I buy a lot of stuff I don't need/use online (too much time on my hands). They were all in a drawer, with a load of other stuff. I've had Tinnitus every minute of every day, since a car crash in 2007. Nice that you were able to see your GS. Yes, it's cold and dark . How was the book club?

Book club a lot better than I expected though I felt sort of on the outside looking in. Just as if I didn't belong. I feel 'different'. It makes me realise how many times we 'put on a face'.
Ha. Very apt considering we've talked about foundations! Don't know why more miniatures aren't sold in make- up shades. Much more helpful.

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SweetpeaSue It's strange, but I've never really felt I belong anywhere. Yes, we put on a face - a front, as I call it. I've been doing more online shopping, this time for Christmas presents. Just Son2's GF and her daughter to buy for now.

Wyllow3 Hope you've been OK today. Well, as OK as you can be under the circumstances.

its so absolutely dreadful you were put on liquid food for so long when you can eat proper food, Annie it seems .....the misery it must have caused. Please keep telling us your story all want to know whats happening for you. x

(Yes personality D are Mental Health problems but his main presenting MH problem is Bi Polar 1 which makes it all irregular and complex - had many discussions on this with my MH people as he has no diagnosis of BPD or NPD tho he claims he has Multiple Personality Disorder

BUT - I took much longer to get angry and get out because it IS MH stuff -guilt, still loving... trying to look after him during worst of abuse - excusing stuff to myself and others as he wouldn't engage with MH workers..

- I don't regret the time and effort even tho its led to exhaustion in one way as he probably would not have got social housing had I not pushed and intervened (another long story short) as the financial side divorce would not have been happy without me having to sell up my house so he had somewhere to live.

Some stuff takes a long time to accept anyway.

Sweetpeasue oh yes so much is about feeling believed. (or/and feeling socially accepted for being how you are and how it changes relationships with nearest and dearest....)

It doesn't surprise me you feel outside looking in. when your inner world is in such turmoil then sometimes we have to use a persona just to get by but that leads to sort of disconnect feelings. You ARE different from before... time you have to work out when its good to use that persona in order to make contact with people...its maybe better than total withdrawal if it can act as a distraction for a while and keep in basic touch with people? what do you think?

HVDY sorry your tinnitus has got bad, and you've certainly been brilliant with the family and getting presents underway. Does curling up and relaxing the jaw and music and being self caring help with the tinnitus? Just aware how very busy you have been you must be very tired now?

Sending bedtime love to other BD's, present and those reading.

My goodness it’s been busy in here today. Evening all.
HVDY yes he’s on Prednisolone. It seems to be helping . His breathing is much improved.
I’m impressed with the versatility of your air fryer. I wouldn’t have thought a traybake would be possible. You are certainly making good use of it.
You are doing well with the Christmas shopping too.
Sorry your tinnitus is causing you problems at the moment. Mine is still there but at the moment I’m in one of those phases where I don’t notice it if I don’t think about it. I hope yours doesn’t cause you trouble getting to sleep. You could start a make up studio with all your supplies.
Wyllow I can’t imagine how hard it must be for you to come to terms with what’s happened between you and your Ex. To not be able to trust your good time memories as something you both enjoyed but that might have been some sort of trick or con by your Ex must be so upsetting. I am beginning to understand a little more of what you’ve been going through now and it is a traumatic experience. No wonder you need counselling. Your Ex seems very manipulative. I hope he signs those papers soon so you can start living your own life again.
It does sound incredible but I believe you. It’s probably good you have evidence though in case you need it.
Annie so good you’ve made it to the new thread, it’s not the same without you,
So pleased you are eating real food again. You sound so much happier than when you were in the bungalow. As always thinking of others and offering good advice, take care and much love x
Sweetpeasue I’m glad you’re making the effort to get out and mix. Have you been going to the book club long? Sometimes we feel a bit outside things if there aren’t others there like us. I am not a natural mixer. I get lost in big groups.
Hope you had a good time with your DGS.
Scaredycat how have you been? I’ve been out shopping today then chatting with a friend whose lost two relations this week. She is quite shocked. I have been doing some steps (just up and down) I’m horrified how weak my knees are. The exercises are good for me I know but I ache so much after.
Sleep well all.