Black Dog 14

He's just managed to surface

SweetpeaSue You are an incredibly strong person. You've endured a long time of physical pain and discomfort, as well as mental anguish, and you need it all to stop. I agree that you need to be able to see a GP. I hope you can get through to someone on the 'phone, at least, tomorrow x

How is everyone today? It's bright and sunny but cold. Son 2 didn't go to bed until about 3am this morning, and still hasn't come downstairs yet! He's got to face the GF today to get his household things, which are all in boxes from when he sold his house. He'll also need to face her parents, too, as they've got all the lovely (and expensive) artwork he bought from galleries - GF's dad has threatened to put them all outside. Oh dear....

I hope everyone manages to have a decent day x

Whiff and Wyllow3 Your posts have brought tears but thankyou, Im so sorry.
If it gets any worse I'll have to ring 111. Ive not been able to speak to own GP for about 5 weeks. Shes had a lot of holidays and shes only been available 1/2 dys a week.
Whiff Bless you, Ive always thought of myself as a waste of space and weak, but you know, I'm thinking I must be a lot stronger than Ive always thought. You understand pain and I know you must have been through hell in the early days too, not knowing what your pain was. Thankyou for your kind words and coming in to give them. I know you've your own problems.
Wyllow You also have your own problems and very fresh wounds to cope with. I've not had counselling for a few weeks. Think Ive one coming up this Thursday. Only 3 left I think. She was concerned about me so is asking authorities for a few more. I still have deep low stabbing pain which worsens when bowels opened. So many completely contradictory information from last consultant. Yes, paralegal back in office tomorrow. Will need to ring Drs surgery if no better. Own GP not back till Thursday though. Ill work something out.
Thankyou so much for all your support and caring. I understand BD has limits and dont want to be totally dependent but just been so scared.
Love to all.

Sweetpeasue Life indeed sometimes doesn't feel worth living: thats what BD's are here to share, that sort of "forbidden" area - never apologise - but I only can say from long experience that the feelings don't last forever, they accumulate until your troubles are too hard to bear: love, endurance, and strength in that bearing. xxxx and hugs. And you know, dot you, that if those feelings go on far too long, you need to talk to someone about them apart from N and D xxx

I popped in because iirc, you have a solicitors phone call coming up soon?

Sweetpeasue never apologise for how you feel. And it's good you have this thread to come to and write how you feel. If you bottle it up inside it can hurt you more. By admitting you are in pain and feel you can't get justice for all your suffering it's how you feel. Constant pain wears you down and makes life difficult.

Is there anyone who can help get you monitored anymore? If you feel something is wrong contact your GP and get an appointment to see them. I know they are probably closed today as it's a bank holiday. But first thing tomorrow phone them or do an e consult today if your practice does them.

You are a fighter and a strong woman you have been through so much but you are here helping others even though you are suffering yourself.

I wish I had a magic wand and make you all better and pain free and that goes through everyone here who is in physical and mental pain..

Try and have a nap. 💐

I ve been getting strong nausea for a few months now and my bowel problem has been constant last few dys. I know that I'm not being monitored anymore. I know that something is wrong. I dont think I will get justice. I really cant be bothered with this life. Dont worry, its just a strong feeling now. I'm so low and Im not sure I can help anyone as I'm so down. I'm tired of the pain and sickness and pretty much everything. Maybe feel stronger later but not slept for so long. Sorry everyone.

Wishes for both of you, Doodle

At the gym the "difficult to walk need support or dizzy" people either walk up and down the pool OR walk on a treadmill because you can hold on to the handles or bars down the side and will not fall and this builds confidence too.
I know its off the wall - and expensive - but if walking helps both symptoms as well as long term health if you can find something second hand it might be worth thinking about.xx

DH has so many conditions and tablets for them it’s impossible to keep up. The thing that causes him the most problems at the moment is this restless body syndrome (restless legs but all over). When it’s bad he gets no relief not sitting or laying down the only thing that helps a bit is walking but he’s so tired I’m afraid he’ll fall over. That is what he takes the pregabalin for.
It brings him down as it’s like an irritation that won’t stop. In the last few days it seems to have spread to his back and shoulders. I’ve tried massage, hot water bottle cold compress but he says it’s not pain but constant irritation.
HVDY hope your shoulder is better now. Your son sounds pleased to be with you and is getting it all out of his system.
Wyllow glad you enjoyed your Quaker meeting so much. It’s something to look forward to .
I hope you sleep well. You sound as though you are thinking carefully about how you go forward and I hope the counselling session Tuesday helps you too.
Sleep well all. DH is in bed now I hope he sleeps well tonight.
Take care all x

Annie was so glad to read that something you thought was lost has proved possible.

You are right about that greeting: people: personally I dont say "happy new year" but "I hope this year will be kind to you, or "its a good one" but its everyday currency.

Quakers was lovely, I managed a 20 min walk at the bot Gardens, but things went down hill back to the black hole mode and in the end had to take an (allowed) biggish chunk of extra tranx.
Didn't even sleep after that tho had a doze for 20 mins - anxiety levels high as well as thoughts that if continue will take to MH people. but counselling Tuesday might nip in bud. Trying to navigate the emotional stuff but being too tired to walk anxiety off or see friends is just something I'll have to learn to navigate. In the past these events would have led to withdrawal and v severe depression but am handling it better than before. it took a lot of ooommfh to ring son tonight I wasn't "going to bother" but I did and he is a good listener I wanted him to know where things are at, I moderate the extent but he's pretty emotionally intelligent.

Doodle I am sure that DH's drug cocktail has complex side effects. He might be on not quite the right amounts, I believe you said he had a GP appointment coming up?

HVDY you gave your son a very special long listen there. Its probably natural he would talk to Mum.

Best wishes to BD's not popped in today and best nights possible all.

Doodle I had Pregabalin and Gabapentin (not together) for a rotor cuff injury (shoulder). Neither did anything for the pain, but both made me very drowsy. I stopped them after a week of each. It's hard to know whether to take tablets and put up with all the side-effects, or somehow live with a condition without medication, wherever possible.

Anniebach So pleased you've been able to do some cross stitch. Snowdrops are lovely, they're always good to see. I always think that spring must be on the way when they start to appear.

Son2 moved back in with us this morning, for a while. He's talked and talked for hours (to me, never to DH), and said he's relieved to be away from his GF's house.

Wyllow Like you, I lie in bed and think how very lucky I am, to have a home, family, and so many thinks we take for granted. I always think of animals, as well as people, who aren't as fortunate.

It's been a funny day again, but things will settle down. I hope everyone on BD has a restful night x

Annie what a lovely post from you. So glad about the cross stitch. Will be on snowdrop alert from now on. Xx

Hi all x happy new year x

Ellie Anne saying happy new year when in a group of people
it’s what people do , nothing to do with their faith, a taxi driver
once told me at the end of New Year’s Day he grits his teeth rather than swear in reply .😀 the greetings have nothing to do with’ does a person like me ‘ , you have been doing so well recently, don’t let one sentence flatten you x

I haven’t done any cross stitching for nearly 3 months, feared
trying to start again, did so today, need few things to make me more comfy but I did 8 stitches and so happy that I can still do it even though more slowly.

Need I say ‘my search for snowdrops has started ‘ ? Who will be the first to find them this year?

Ellie Ann like Sweetpeasue said, perhaps a walk somewhere quiet would be good.
Hope the day has passed ok and you got out for a bit. Best to take one day at a time.
Have you decided when to go and see your Dd yet?
Virtual hug from me too also sincerely meant.
Wyllow I think like you most nights when I get into bed and say a little prayer for the homeless, as I lay snug and warm I think of those out in the cold. We have so much we take for granted. Yes you are right, we are all connected.
nadateturbe lovely video. Thank you. Hope and faith seem to be what we need to hang on to.
Wyllow lovely video from you too. I used to sing years ago (to myself and in school choir) but nowadays not so much.
Often at night I run through the words of Abide with me. Brings me comfort.
Glad you had a better night. Hope the Quakers lifted your spirits.
HVDY DH is on pregabalin. Side effect cause dizziness.
Yes I often wonder if some of his conditions are as a result of things occurring between the different tablets.
Sweetpeasue hope you had a better day.
Annie hopefully that TV can be fixed soon now.

I’m wishing you all peace for the new year and happier times. God bless all x

Wyllow Glad you had a better night. Keep being kind to yourself, do what you need to do to be happy.
Doodle Oh, I see. I expect your husband might be on something like Amitriptyline. It must be difficult to be on so many pills, as there are side-effects too.
SweetpeaSue, EllieAnne, everyone on BD - Happy new year to you all. Thanks for the support I've had on here x

Night better than expected: exhausted but will make the effort for Quakers.

Love to all BD's, posting or just reading. May the New Year be kind to us, and we be kind to ourselves.

Thank you Wyllow3. So moving. Lovely to see the young people singing together. Fills one with hope for the future.

Thankyou so much Wyllow3 *and *Nadateturbe Both r inspirational. Happy New year. Xx

Thank you nadateturbe

my contribution is these young South African people singing their hearts out such joy...never, when I was young would I believed I would have witnessed this inclusive choir

www.youtube.com/watch?v=aXcttZVhf0s&list=RDMM&index=1

Good evening everyone. Thanks for kind thoughts. I'm not having a great time at the minute, it's a struggle. But nothing compared to the struggle many of you are having. I pray for strength and peace for you all.

For those who have faith, I find this quite comforting.
youtu.be/3OOphIgGkjM

EllieAnne another thinking of you, what Sweetpeasue said. In times like you are feeling, little can stem the pain, but have another virtual hug.

I looked out of the window at the quiet street and thought of the reports from Ukraine and thank goodness we have roofs over out heads and food and so on:

however great the pain we are all interconnected by threads we cannot discern easily when low, especially if we have "been there".

EllieAnne New years no big deal for most people I dont think. I dont think many families get together at New year like they do at Christmas. Dont think too far ahead like facing the whole year. Facing next day or week is enough for a lot of us. I'm sorry you're feeling so bad. If its not too wet tomorrow perhaps a tiny walk when you're meant to be at church. Im thinking of you and sending you a hug. I know thats not enough but its meant and sent with sincerity. x

Annie, love you ❤️

I dont like new year. I won’t be going to church tomorrow because I find it very false. All the happy new years from people who never usually bother with you. So I will pretend to go but sit in the car somewhere. Tonight I will probably go to bed . He is sleeping in his chair so I hope he goes to bed early. I can’t face another year. We have no family coming. I’m dreading tomorrow.

Sweetpeasue please don’t decapitate your poor ornaments 🤣
We got a smaller tree when we moved to the apartment. Haven’t got the room for a big one.
Ooh yes we might be related. My nose comes from my dad too. I would love a little dainty one. 😊
Scaredycat I’m like you I love fairy lights and don’t want to take them down. I’ve been paining some bottles and bought some lights from Amazon that fit in them (like a cork with batteries in) I might leave them out for some light too.
Does your friend know many people from the local area, do you think that’s why she wants to move back?
HVDY thanks for your suggestions. DHs restless leg syndrome is really restless body syndrome. He gets it in his neck and arms too. It is something to do with nerve connections I think but he gets it really badly. He takes the same sort of medication that people with Parkinson’s take to control it. Trouble is his body keeps getting use to the meds and he has to keep increasing them which isn’t good.
We had to go out to post a parcel. It wasn’t nice. Really windy and rainy. Glad to get home.
Annieah I see your problems lie with the connection of the TV to thé services. I hope that as soon as we get back to normal someone will come and fix it for you.
I’m going to wish you a better and more comfortable new year and hope things look up for you.x
Wyllow so sorry you are suffering again. Hope your bowel problems improve soon.
Glad you are sticking to your resolve to be low contact with your Ex.
Grief comes in many forms doesn’t it. I’m glad you have a loving family. Perhaps next year you will feel up to having more contact.
May I join you in your thoughts for all on BD past and present and wish everyone a better and happier new year.
Thank you all for your company and support. 💕

Wyllow3 You're in my thoughts tonight. (not least cos of bowel stuff😕). You do right, I think, not to get drawn in to closer communication with ex. I also think you are a wise lady though right now you are very fragile. Thankyou for healing thoughts and sending them back to you too.