Black Dog 14

So it is, Anniebach, so it is xx

Been profoundly depressed, bad bowel stuff, too much to come in, yes Doodle the grieving.

Ex texted me to ring him today offering money and being nice - I just texted back, first time not phoning, as decision “low contact” has to be carried out.

On New Years day a year ago he was vv manic and aggressive, showing first full on signs of abuse ever, because I had had a couple of days respite with family.

Tho I hadn’t seen the full on abuse or him emptying joint accounts, or getting in with crack-cocaine people et al….

but I had no idea what was to follow (thank goodness we never do)…..

my attachment was so deep that his loss invokes grieving for my Dad and others that I have failed to come to terms with all my life, no bad thing if I stand outside the feelings for a moment, I’ve had a couple of nice contacts with GN’s

and must make the effort to contact family tho will have to keep it light, some things you cant draw your family into.

I’ll join in when I can.

Meanwhile I am sending my love and healing thoughts to ALL BD’s because my guess is this evening will be tough for a real lot of people, not just me!

Hi all x Carillion lovely to hear from you,hugsx

‘New Years Eve’, is a very emotional celebration, so many emotions piling in in one day ,followed by the great unknown.

My tec problems, no way are they a lack of care, Currys, SKY,
B.T. and two bank holidays! the culprits.

Hugs to all x

Doodle re your husband's restless legs (I get that too, but not very often), is he able to get into the bath and have a bath before bedtime? Or massaging the calves? I knew someone who had one of those Revitalive things (Ian Botham advertises them). Alzheimer's is a terrible illness, isn't it? My SIL is not the person we've known all those years. I agree that "the end" must be a relief.

SweetpeaSue I hope the sickness has abated.
Wyllow3 nadateturbe, EllieAnne, ScaredyCat, Anniebach and others on BD - hope you've all been ok today.

It's rained every minute of the day here, so I've been faffing about indoors, as usual. Indian takeaway, a couple of beers, and Netflix this evening, then x

Afternoon all
Nadateturbe- I,m sorry you don’t feel well. Christmas can be exhausting when you are below par. Hope you feel better soon.
HVDY- oh your poor little tree. How do the lights stay in place? I don’t want to take mine down at all- I so love the lights they cheer me up no end. That’s a lot of DVD,s my BiL has thousands of vinyl records wouldn’t want to clear those up!
It’s been so dark and wet today we,ve done nothing. Both feel a bit yucky as think we,ve caught some germs from all
the Christmas mixing. Never mind it was worth it. Enjoy your New Year Drinkxx
SweetPeaSue- glad the antibiotics are working and hope you feel much better soon. I like the sound of your pixies on the tree- I have a Father Christmas that my Mum gave me when she was in hospital and bought him from the trolley that came round. He is so special . My GD (35) who came this week always looks for him so his position is safe!!!!
Wyllow- hope you,re not so exhausted today and that next year you can make that trip to see your family
Doodle- I haven’t done any housework this week I,m leaving it til next year!!
Yes my friend used to live near us but they moved away a few years ago. This is a big decision for her as she is no longer young and sometimes so soon after a bereavement is not always the time to make one. So nice to see her though.
That’s so sad about your brother but I know what you mean about losing him years before. This is how we feel about our oldest friend - he’s physically there but the person he was has gone. Still I will think of you tomorrow.
I think you need to get stuck into those jelly beans for New Year!!
Annie- thinking of you tonight and hoping that you will soon be able to enjoy your tv and meet some of your fellow residents.xx
EllieAnne,Whiff, Joce, and all those inBDG and those who visit
I hope Next Year will be the best it can be for you all.

Doodle We should get smaller tree. Lots of faffing with furmiture to make room and I like old fashioned tinsel and all my old ornaments n dwarfs n pixies on(quite naff now) Theyd be decapitated if tried to fold tree up as it is! 😳
I'm so sorry about your dear brother. Alzheimer's is such a cruel disease. I understand about the grieving beforehand.
I was sick on the day I had infection day before too but thought that was oramorph but could be antibiotics.
I inherited my large nose from my lovely dad but we may have same ancestors from way back? 😅 Hope you're sleeping a little better.
Anniebach I hope you get that TV sorted soon. It cant be nice to feel in room onykur own without distraction. Im sure it will be much better for you when the holidays are over and services are back to normal. Perhaps then you'll be able to get around in your chair and have more freedom to mix with others. Hope you are still getting nice meals too. x

Ooh HVDY that’s so naughty to just pack your tree away as it is…………I do the same 🤣🤣. It’s only tiny and it goes in a plastic bag as it is.
You are so good with all the housework. I haven’t done anything this week apart from washing and ironing. Must get to it…….but not today.
nadateturbe sorry you’re not feeling so great. The weather doesn’t help. It’s pouring here. Hope you feel better soon.
Scaredycat I think I like one in about a thousand of the photos taken of me. I had my front two teeth crowned years ago and they have felt like rabbit (or horse) teeth ever since. Whenever I see a photo of me smiling it’s always the teeth I notice (second only to my big nose 🤣)
DH is good. He does get down sometimes. I’ve never known anyone who takes so many tablets for so many different things. It’s the restless legs that affect him most. Silly really as it’s not medically life threatening it’s just so annoying. He has to get up and walk but then his balance means he might fall over. Catch 22.
I got given a box of jelly beans at Christmas. I tend to eat them till I feel sick 🤢
Be nice for your friend to have a visit with you. She must miss her DH so much. Did she use to live closer to you?
Sweetpeasue my dear brother died on NYD. Somehow instead of being sad I was proud of him as he proved the doctors wrong who said he wouldn’t last 48 hours. He made it a week, saw in the new year and then died. As he had Alzheimer’s it was a relief. We’d done out grieving years before really.
Sorry you were sick last night. Could it be the antibiotics? Hope you feel much better soon.
Wyllow hope you have a good day. Planning to stay in a hotel is a good way of visiting someone without the stress.
As I was writing my post to Scaredycat about her friend’s loss it occurred to me that you must in many ways grieve for the loss of the good part of the relationship with your Ex. Somehow that gets overlooked because of the abuse. I hope the new year provides a more peaceful time for you now the papers have been signed and you can build up your strength again.

SweetpeaSue I've been waiting for a couple of days for DH to put the tree in the loft (we pack it away with baubles and lights still on ). I've bagged up a lot of electronic stuff that DS1 left here - he'll have to sort it out or get rid - we've got 900(!) DVDs here of his, too. Glad the antibiotics are working. Yes, we must all KOKO as best as possible. I keep doing a job then sitting here on Gransnet.

*Scaredycat *Another here doesn't like New Year's Eve. We should form a club! I hate the Auld Lang Syne song too. Makes me sad. My DGS loved jelly babies when younger.
HVDY RE New Year we do the same as you. Wet and grey here too. Just about to get a few bits from shop. Feel like taking tree down now. Is it bad luck onNYE?
Wyllow Hope you're feeling better today. I'm glad you are looking at arrangements to see your son while looking after yourself. We've often thought of doing this but not stayed in hotel since we married 40 yrs ago. Premier and other chain look reasonable.

Antibiotics kicked in thank goodnesss. Bad night last night with sickness. Trying to koko as Wyllow says. Hope everyone is ok.

ScaredyCat I don't care for NYE either. We don't go out to celebrate it but will probably have a drink of something and stay up to see in the new year.
Wyllow3 Hope you feel better today.

How is everyone on this wet and grey morning? I've been up for hours but haven't done much yet. I'm going to go and get ready and probably sort out more stuff for the charity shops, to take next week. Hope everyone has a decent day x

Sweetpeasue thanks so much. I think the virus thing on top of M.E. was too much. Just need more patience than usual.

Nadateturbe So sorry you're not great at present. I do hope you'll be feeling stronger soon. Perhaps the holiday out of routine extra preparations have made ME worse. I think emotionally it can be a strain at times too.

Wyllow3 thanks for update. Hope it's successful. Not great atm. (M.E.)

nice to hear from you Scaredycat
New Year just hasn't got those associations for me, soon be over is all one can say.

best nights may whatiferies and whydidIsays go away for all.

Annie- hoping that after this weekend when things get more back to normal you will be able to get all your problems resolved. Are there any young people who work at your home who could perhaps sort out your tv . They always seem to know what to do with any technology. It’s essential that you are able to mix with the other residents and have the company you have been unable to enjoy for so long so fingers crossed they will get the wheelchair sorted soon. Think of you a lots
HVDY- you make me feel guilty doing all that cleaning . You must have worked off the scone and wine in no time!!
Wyllow- I hate photos of myself too and also really hate having them taken. It’s funny isn’t it how when you look back at old photos you realise you weren’t half as bad then as you
though you were!
Sounds like the hotel plan will work out fine and you will be made very welcome by the owners.
It’s marvellous that you can do some exercise every day - you must have been very fit when you were younger. Be kind to yourself - you are doing well .
Doodle- the more I learn about your DH the more I admire his
courageous attitude towards life.
I hope you slept better last night and that the Whatifferies stayed away.
This time of year makes us want to eat- I found a bag of jelly babies in the cupboard this evening and once we started it was very difficult to stop. Their numbers have been seriously depleted.
Sleep well.

I had a visit from my friend who lost her husband earlier in the year . So good to see her but she still seems so lost without him - so sad and we miss him too. She is thinking of coming back here to live but it’s a big decision to make at the moment.
Well it’s New Years Eve tomorrow. It’s always made me feel sad and I don’t like all the enforced jollity. Maybe I,m just a miserable old so and so.
Wishing all a peaceful nightxxx

Anniebach What a palaver. I hope that things will improve after the bank holiday. You need to be with other people, I think. Could you ask the carers if there is an Activities Coordinator (possibly a different title) there, even perhaps ask if any of the other residents might be able to call in and chat with you for a while?

Wyllow3 You've had a stressful time, and it's bound to take its toll. Be nice to yourself. I think the trip to see your family will be a lovely break for you.

Doodle Enjoy your film and early night. DH watched a film earlier - Miss Marpe! It was years old. I've been cleaning the bedrooms and doing the ironing (the excitement never ends here )

Hope everyone on BD has a relaxing evening x

Hoist not Huston……I’m not trying to get you sent into outer space Annie 😱

Annie why are things never simple. I cannot understand why no one can fix your TV. Do you still have Face time with your Dd. Couldn’t she arrange for someone to come and set it up properly as she bought it for you I believe?
I hope this is just teething troubles and they get you set up with Houston and wheelchair soon so you can mix with others and socialise a bit. Have you heard from any of your DGC over Christmas? I hope that you are comfortable in your room. Can you watch TV on your iPad?
Wish we could all come and visit for a natter. x
HVDY I’m certainly much bigger than I have been ever. Eaten so much over the last week or so that I’m getting bigger still. I didn’t think we’d bought much for Christmas but still plodding through it.
Wyllow my DH had ME as it was known then. It took him years to get back to a reasonably active life. In the first few years he wasn’t as active as you are now and was very weak. He improved over time although never regained his full mental capabilities (DH had an incredible memory and excelled st maths)
Just pace yourself. DHs recent problems are nothing to do with ME and he did regain a lot of his capabilities before other medical problems hit him. Hope you find things improve over time.
Hope all the gang are doing ok. I’m tired tonight so might watch a film and go to bed early. Take care all. X

To Annie, Doodle and all dear friends on this thread. Thinking of you always.
Sending love and best wishes for the New Year from Brittany, France. X

Anniebach these things are not good enough care, no wonder you feel as you do! No phone, no TV choice, no contact with others.....I didn't realise there are these further assessment obstacles before you can hopefully get a power chair and get around..and this time of the year is the worst to get anything but emergency assessments and care, including sorting TV and the phone.....so very sorry xx

What are the other residents like? Are they people you would choose to mix with?

Oh my HVDY well the glass of wine why not but the scones, yes, sort of a bit self punitive there (tho at another time as treat is just the ticket).

I dont like photos of me cos of looking old, thats not me I think that a an old lady (I'm 71 and slim except for my horrid sticky-out bowel problem tummy, but..wrinkly...

I woke up today thinking "I've got covid" felt so bad, did a test, it wasn't, sighed and thought, Ive never had CFS symptoms this early in the day. I've had a good old read up on CFS at last (given its levels and how long have had those levels and how long I've had them) and realise its a very long haul and long term cant expect to get back to the 16km cycle rides and long walks. but it was a relief to look at reality and also that Bowel things are near to top of the list of associated issues.

I have no doubt that a year's severe stress due to break up in abusive situation full on for over a year now is "wot did it" and of course MH condition: however knowing what you are facing is half the battle. I did 40 mins yoga at home from a downloaded video I got in Covid, having believed I couldn't get it together at home,

and nadateturbe alert rung the little hotel near my family and found out its quiet, nice, and reasonable as not in tourist zone so charges don’t go up in summer - about £65 b n b or £75 in the week for a double room just for me and they sound very laid back. Its not a lot if I see it as “holiday” which of course it will be - a break and seeing bits of family when I can but also company as hotel has small warm bar and very friendly lady.

HVDY yes there several places to meet up but it’s not that
simple, I have to go through physiotherapy who will then decide if my wheelchair is suitable, and to get on wheelchair I
will need a hoist,takes two to hoist me on, hopefully things will calm after the bank holidays x

Anniebach I'm sorry that you're fed-up. Is there a residents' lounge where you are? If so, could one of the carers take you there? There may be other people to talk to, and a tv to watch, in there.

Hi all x

My reference to my husband was Not grief, just sadness that hopes and dreams are just that ,hopes and dreams.

Another weekend with 124 hours tv news, still no word about having a house phone installed, miss chats with friends. No family calling over bank holiday, feeling very fed up.

How is everyone?

How is everyone today? I asked DH to fill in a couple of small holes in a wall upstairs (been asking 2 months), which he did, but he came down with a bagful of photo albums (why??). I looked at some, where I thought I was massive (I wasn't but certainly am now) and felt so fed-up, I've had to scoff a scone with butter and 2 glasses of wine . Bloody hell. Hope everyone's day is going alright x

Thank you doodle I will check out amazon.

I'd get the blush pink grey but that a pink stuff (in moderation) fan.

Caught up and sending love and "best nights possible" see you soon BD's

(Sweetpeasue sorry a longer wait for your call)