Black Dog 14

Yesterday was a day of mixed emotions. We had a nice visit to myStepson and DiL and in the evening a cChristmas meal with several of our friends. BUT had some very upsetting news from my sister that her daughter has just been admitted to hospital with heart problems. How much more can she take- it’s so cruel that she has so much to worry her. She needs to take care of herself but is the most selfless person I know . She’s so far away too so I can’t go to help her. Also had AF for the last 24 hours - gone away now thank goodness. I feel like a moaning Minnie - sorry.
Doodle- your poor husband - he must be worn out with having another rough couple of days. Hope the mince pies went down well- they are my favourite Christmas treat.
I,m sorry you have had a troubled mind - it’s so hard to shake off worries isn’t it - ruminating wears you out. Overthinking seems to be something we all have in common in BD isn’t it.

Yes it has got cold - it’s that horrible damp cold that gets into your bones. Leg warmers sound like a good idea.
Your little snowball sounds sweet - we,ve just done our tree and loving the lights. They are so cheery.
HVDY- your councillor needs to get her act together - it sounds like her mind is all over the place which of course is no help to you. It must make you feel very dissappointed especially as you have waited so long.
Glad you feel better now .I think you have worked so hard just lately you have worn yourself out a bit. Good job you had the flu jab . Have a nice weekend xx
Wyllow- I,m happy that you are with your family- cuddles are great medicine.Have a lovely restorative,peaceful time- You deserve it.
Annie- Your news has made my day. If anyone deserves to be looked after and cared for it’s you.
It sounds a place where you,ll not only be safe but happy and stimulated too. So good it’s near the people and places you love.
I love that you are so enjoying your food again - Christmas dinner for you this year!!!
So,so happy for you.xxxxx
SweetPeaSue,EllieAnne and all BDG thinking of you all

Anniebach Marvellous news! I'm so glad you're enjoying your meals. It's what you've needed for so long. Great about the home, too. You'll have company, care, all your meals, laundry, etc., all done for you. If you can get in before Christmas, even better - homes like that make things lovely for residents at Christmas. Things are really looking up for you now x

Doodle I had a shower and got ready, went for my flu jab and a quick look in Asda, got all the family Christmas cards, and feel brighter now, thanks.

GD1 was apparently at the hospital very early this morning, feeling very unwell and struggling to breathe. Croup been diagnosed and she's been given steroids and antibiotics.

Thank you Doodle I am now relieved, the nursing home I have chosen isn’t what was once called ‘an old peoples homes’
it’s for all ages , even has cinema and a pub !

Can’t really explain what normal meals mean to me, been on liquid replacement meals since 2017. I am making up for it I assure you. Hugs x

Wyllow how nice you are with your family. Hope you relax a bit and enjoy yourself. Those cuddles will restore you.
Sweetpeasue hope you had a better night.
HVDY I just wish the counsellor would be of some help.
I wear socks but not long ones so I thought leg warmers might bridge the gap. Try taking some paracetamol that might help the headache go away. Hope you feel better soon.
Scaredycat how are you today?

Annie I am dancing round the room with joy. God bless you. That’s wonderful news. So, so pleased for you. I hope they accept you soon and you move somewhere where you can be well looked after. So pleased you are eating again. Much love xx

Hi all x I assure you I am eating, eating, eating, roast beef, lamb casserole, Caribbean casserole, jacket potato with much grated cheese, and not forgetting porridge.

Very tiring week, have been assessed by doctors, nursing staff,
social workers, physiotherapists. Much discussion with younger daughter and others. Decision made ! I need a nursing
home not care home because arthritis is raging. Had a big surprise / shock, as there are many problems in NHS, I was asked ‘where would you like to go ? ‘ I could choose anywhere not just the town where I live. I have chosen to move closer to my grandchildren and in the area I was born and brought up in, now wait for the acceptance from the nursing home.

You are in my prayers and thoughts x

SweetpeaSue I don't find it upsetting about the Counsellor not remembering/checking my notes - it just reaffirms my feelings that most people are disappointing (certainly not everyone on BD though).

Doodle I wear fluffy socks around the house, as my feet get cold. I sometimes wear gloves, too, indoors .

Wyllow3 My Counsellor talks more than listens, which I don't find very helpful. She'll only be ringing me for another couple of weeks, anyway. I'm pleased you're spending time with your family. No, children don't seem to feel the cold. Enjoy your time with them.

How is everyone this morning? I woke at 5.30 with a headache, so went back to sleep and woke 20 minutes ago, still with a headache and feeling a bit odd. Not sure whether I ought to go for my flu jab at 12. Hope everyone manages to have a decent day x

Wyllow3 So glad that you're with your family. Just wanted you to know that I'm wishing you a brief relief from your problems. X

I'm with my family so can just pop in. This morning I didnt want to leave the familiar tho not very happy familiar but now glad I've come loving welcome and of course some cuddles from GC. Brrr freezing, children dont feel the cold as much.

HVDY. I'm actually quite shocked at that counsellor, I think it might be worth mentioning at the next session how it made you feel.

Doodle fingers and toes crossed for a good night for MrD
10 mins on bike?

Yes I do go over things in my head a lot. Also a delay between trigger event and impact.

Can remember counsellor explain what ruminating was - things run round and round to no avail
and just being the sort of person who takes a long time having to "process" everything.

One tries for the latter option!

Night night all BD's.

HVDY you are describing me to a T. Every disturbing thought gets analysed. I do try and talk myself into a better frame of mind but sometimes I feel quite low and sad. It will pass (I hope) . It usually does but in the mean time it’s a worry.
Hmm not sure your counsellor is as switched on as she should be. That’s not going to be much help if she keeps thinking you are someone else.
I have been so cold today my feet in particular. I’m thinking of getting some leg warmers (think Fame 🤣) as I think that might help. I think you should enjoy your new coat, I bet you look snug and cosy in it.
Sweetpeasue thank you. Yes it’s a relief DH is a bit better.
Been put to collect another lorry load of meds for him again today and a bit of shopping. At the moment I am trying to crochet a snowman snowball to hang on the tree.
Hope all are ok.

Doodle So pleased your DH is a much better. It horrible to see your other half unwell and distressed. Oh that's quite bad the teachers getting muddled up about your so at a parent's evening. Your poor son's ears must have been burning. What a relief. It's not nice for a teacher to run down any child like that though, however problematic. I don't teachers do that now as much as they could then. Hope your mind is soon more at peace.
HVDY That councillor is not paying attention to you - it must be very upsetting for you when you waited so long for it. I'm so sorry, it must be such a disappointment and very frustrating. Its always a bit emotional anyway just before and during the session. I hope she makes up for it at your next by showing extra interest and being more caring.
You wear that coat and keep warm!

Hope everyone is OK on BD today. Love to all. X

Doodle I don't know about you, but I over-think everything and go through every possible scenario/conversation that might/could happen. It's my way of trying to resolve things. I haven't really got any faith in my Counsellor. The other week, she asked if I'm feeling better after having had Covid the week before . Not very professional if she's mixing up notes like that. It IS really cold. I put my new coat on (I'm calling it my bearskin as I look like a grizzly bear in it, but so what .

Hope everyone else on BD is ok today x

Sweetpeasue thank you for your concern. DH is feeling much better today. I am keeping a close eye on him.
HVDY I found your words ‘ I hope you’ve somehow settled down in your mind” so thought provoking. That’s exactly what it is. Hearing something upsetting and then trying to work it through two you can be at peace with it. I’m not there yet. Still worried tonight but we will see.
How have you been today. Oh! Big clanger from your counsellor. Unless your Santa’s secret baker she’s reading someone else’s notes. That’s not good.
DH and I once sat through a parents evening wondering what sort of monster we’d raised while the teacher said worrying things…..only to discover he’d got our son mixed up with someone else. Phew!
Went to pick up DHs meds today (need a lorry) and to Waitrose for some bits. Bought lots of mince pies for DH as he loves them. Since getting home I’ve been so cold. Hope I’m not going down with anything too.
Scaredycat Wyllow Ellie Anne and Annie how have things been for you today. Hope you’re warmer than I am.

Just had my weekly 1 hour call from my Counsellor - she asked me how I'm getting on in my new job at the bakery . I don't know whose notes she'd been looking at, but they clearly weren't mine.

Doodle Your poor husband. Whatever your disappointing news was, I hope you've somehow got it settled down in your mind.

It's foggy and dark here this morning. Love to all on BD x

Doodle I so hope your DH is a lot better tomorrow. You must both be so worried and you just need a peaceful time after the shock of the A&E visit. Whatever the disappointing news was hope a new day will show it in a better light. x

Thinking of all on BD and those who are not posting. Nanny I've been wondering how you are too. Have a peaceful night all.

Evening all. Not been a good day for me today.
DH was quite poorly this morning and I was worried about him. He didn’t want me to call an ambulance so we waited a bit and he did improve. Keeping a close eye on him now. I think the chest infection is obviously still there. Had some disappointing news this afternoon which has made me quite miserable. You know what it’s like, can’t stop turning it over and over in my mind. I expect it will pass.
HVdY your tinnitus sounds like mine. Always there in the background whenever I think about it but I can ignore it a lot of the time. Then sometimes it’s so loud it’s unbearable. I can’t sleep when it’s at full volume. Hope yours is better today.
That Ninja air fryer is a good make I’ve heard good things about it. Don’t think I do enough cooking to warrant one. We mainly eat plain roast chicken, carrots and potatoes with fruit to follow. Glad you are pleased with yours though. Very jealous of your meal at the day centre. Your SIL must have enjoyed it,
Wyllow you are quite right about the exercise. I wish I’d known years ago that I could end up like this if I didn’t keep moving. Living first in a bungalow and then in a flat doesn’t help. No stairs. I am trying but exercise makes my muscles ache so much. Sorry so much support is being withdrawn all at the same time. Hope you can cope with it all.
Scaredycat I know exactly what you mean about the meds. Like you if I can’t have certain brands the others don’t suit me. Hope you get it sorted soon and you have the right ones.
I’ve put up some decorations today. Not a lot but it looks cheery. I do hope the visit with your son goes ahead this time. I remember how disappointed you were when he couldn’t come last time.
Sweetpeasue you must stay in contact with your GP. You need to feel there is someone to talk to. Hope you get your new consultant appointment soon.
Like you I am not always up and about early. Sometimes the effort seems too much. I’d rather stay in bed and try and forget my troubles.
Annie hope today has been a good one for you and you are getting good care. Much love x

ScaredyCat What a palaver to get your meds! Glad you managed to speak with your son. You've had Tinnitus for a very long time, and after such a tragedy. You are so caring, despite your own sad times and troubles.

Wyllow3 It's a shame that the MH worker you'd built up a great relationship with is leaving. Will you be able to be referred to someone else? I hope the Psychologist appointment goes well.

SweetpeaSue You've been treated very badly by various "professionals" in the NHS. Someone needs to be held accountable (but they probably won't be). I hope the pain has subsided now.

I took my SIL to the day centre - beef stew and dumplings, then rice pudding, and later some chocolate cake, so I'm only having an apple and banana later. Anniebach, I hope you've had something tasty today. It's been grey and dull here all day, but dry anyway. Hope everyone has a pleasant evening x

Thankyou Wyllow. I shouldn't have been discharged by him in first place when he knew I had started bleeding again. But you did point out that you'd learned that could be something to do with the money. Isn't everything? 🤔

Aw my heart goes out to you Scardeycat about your mum, we learn a bit more all the time about each other...why we ended up as we have x

Sweetpeasue hope the counsellor can ease things just a wee bit and I totally understand the anxiety re meds. I think its worth sharing your concerns with the GP even if it doesn't produce quick results, I do feel there are gaps in your knowledge on your situation but it seems between two specialities gynae and tum stuff and well, long waits..

Scaredycat X post. Your posts are so encouraging to read. I can understand you feeling anxious about your meds not being right. What a carry on to get the right ones. It's bright here today too. You've had so much sorrow in your life and you are such a lovely person. So pleased you got your call with your son. That happens to me sometimes with mine and you feel awful missing it. They have such busy lives and you just want to hear how things are with them. Hope you have a great and refreshing walk, they can be so important to clear our heads can't they?

Doodle Glad your husband's breathing is much improved. Prednisolone can be fast working. I was once on it for Polymyalgia. It helped within days and even my cartilage knee pain disappeared as a bonus. I'm sorry your knees are bad. You do well to keep exercising to keep it going. 20yrs since book group started though not many original members left now.
HVDY Amazing what you can do with your multiple use air-fryer. Your house must seem quiet now but hope the Tinnitus isn't too troublesome today. Frosty here first thing but a lot brighter.
Wyllow It's so sad that a well-trusted MH visitor is leaving after so long. I understand your fear. I lost a long standing GP who supported me and I could talk to throughout but she retired and I miss her so much and feel quite alone now. I hope the appt with Psychologist next week goes well and will settle your anxiety about discharge. People come in and out of our lives all the time so let's hope there is someone in the future who will be as kind and helpful as that MH worker has been.
I've been awake early after bad dreams and feeling frightened about my sore tummy(bowel not right yesterday) but low sharp soreness that seems to hang around most days but is worse after the bout of bleeding. I'm not under any consultant at all now and heaven knows when I'll get to see someone else now. Solicitor I contacted couple of months ago seems to be awkward to contact, very busy. See councillor today. I don't know what I'll do if I'm left alone. I feel abandoned and can't understand why this can happen, though I know our health service on its knees. I need to talk to GP about the Gynaecologist not telling me correct details about op but there will be nothing she can do I don't think. What has happened to me has led to me feeling mentally destroyed. Yet I know I'm not completely alone as there are you lot on here and you have so much to deal with Wyllow.
Right. Still in dressing gown so first up, get dressed and put some makeup on. Hope your day goes well everyone.

Morning all.
I felt very tired last evening after busy morning then a walk to pick up our meds which turned into a right performance! DH meds as usual all present and correct. I have an intolerance to a common ingredient in meds so certain brands are ok . However as many times before 2 of mine were missing- the most important ones. Anxiety then takes over and I feel scared of not getting them. The alternatives had the ingredient in them so couldn’t have them - will be owed them. Then to Docs toget another prescription,then another pharmacist who had one I could take. I know my reaction is over the top but it’s so difficult at the pharmacies right now and it scares me. Hope that made sense. Today is another day and the sun is shining🌞
Doodle- so pleased your DH can breathe easier it must be very frightening to struggle for breath .
Hoping to see my son in the New Year like we used to before Covid- he will come her.
Your poor friend that is such a lot to deal with in one week. Had a nice morning with my friend who has just had a new hip and doing really well.
Well done with the exercises it,s good to build up the muscles around your knees. Looks like a lovely day fir a walk today
HVDY- my son called again yesterday so we had a nice long chat- so glad I was in this time!!
Your dressing table must be full already with all those lovely cosmetics.
Sorry about your Tinnitus and also that you were involved in a crash. Like you I have had it 24/7 since 1992 when my Mum took her life. Both of us having a shock to bring it on. I expect like mine yours gets louder when you are tired or stressed . Hope it calms down today.
Wyllow- what a roller coaster of emotion you have been on. Your ex seems to have done his best to wear you down but you are getting a bit stronger every day and are able to see him for how he was ,it was never you at fault just his warped way of dealing with things. You are very brave.
Never once have I considered you were making it up.xxx
Annie- I love hearing how you are getting on as I am sure we all do. The nurses must love a patient who is enjoying her food as much as you are- you are making up for lost time. It must be doing you such good in all ways. Wonder what’s on todays menu!!xx
Sweet PeaSue- you have reminded us to get the bird feeders out.
Glad you went to Book Club but I know exactly what you mean about outside looking in. I often feel like that in groups although nobody would guess . Whistle a Happy Tune and no one will suspect we,re afraid!!
Thank goodness for online shopping this year. Our High Street has been decimated- it’s so sad.
We,re waiting for a new Xmas Tree today as our old one fell to bits when we got it down from the loft!!
Hope you are feeling ok today.
Love to allx

HVDY sorry your tinnitus is so invasive. x

Doodle, glad to hear you've kept up the exercise. I genuinely believe "every little helps". what a relief Dh is a bit better.

Today BD's..is the very last visit of my MH support worker, as I sad well upthread on BD 14 she is retiring and not being replaced. she has been lovely and wonderful and I have a nice card for her but a great sense of loss and uncertainty as to my future in the MH system. I'll miss her a lot and am agitated as to how I will feel after she has gone.

We'll see, no point meeting trouble halfway. I'm seeing the psychologist next week who was the one who uttered the dread word discharge. I dont trust her a lot, but that probably unfair to her due to a past psychologist's handling of a discharge.

Wyllow3 Nothing stops or relieves the Tinnitus. Most of the time I can ignore it, but I suppose it's bad because the house is so quiet now. You did a LOT to help your ex, and now you must be kind to yourself.

Doodle This air fryer is a "health grill" too. You can bake, roast, and grill in it. It's a Ninja one. I'm glad your husband is breathing better. Struggling to breathe is horrible.

SweetpeaSue, ScaredyCat, EllieAnne, Anniebach, Whiff and others - hope you're all getting on ok.

Love to all x