Black Dog 15

Doodle Thank you so much. I appreciate your kindness. You're such a lovely lady.

Wyllow Thank you for the link. It's so good of you to go to the trouble. I'll certainly look. I'm not afraid of hard work (the cleaning yesterday and last Friday was quite a lot) but there are one or 2 other options of work elsewhere.

Whiff Nothing at all wrong with being chatty . After my stroke, I was very lonely - son here, working from home, husband at work all day, and I was obviously unable to work (until now really), unable to drive for a while, and I was really at a loss as to what to do, where to go (always alone during the day). I managed to join a day centre (I don't belong there, most of the people have got children my age or thereabouts), but I was made welcome and not judged at all. I found the same on BD.
I'm sorry if any of my posts have sounded as if I was showing-off at all. I sympathise/empathise with anyone who has MH troubles, and/or is lonely. Hats off to you for overcoming everything life has thrown at you.

nadateturbe The woman owns the company (she employs about 6 people). I've blocked her on my 'phone, have emailed her to come and collect the damned vacuum and load of cleaning products she gave me (they had to be carried in my car and taken into each home)

Another day of DH not going to work - he hasn't been since Monday of last week and doesn't get paid (just as well Son2 pays some board) Hope all BDers manage to have a decent day x

HVDY How unbelievably rude of her. I don't know how you kept your cool! Is there someone above her you can complain to?

Whiff phew! You didn't stop for breath lol.

Sorry I can't comment further atm. My eyes and brain can't cope with screens for long. Best wishes to all today, whatever it holds for you. xx

Finally found the post when Annie said Black Dog had become a chat thread.

When I write on any thread I write as I speak I imagine I am talking to a person or group of people. So if that comes across as chatty so what it's me. That's why I never know if I make sense . I try very hard to get the wording the right. My HPX can make talking difficult as my words can get jumbled up and I forget what I am saying and repeat myself and don't even realise I have already said the same thing a few times in the same sentence. I can't pronounce some words and can forget what things are called. Plus I can suddenly go blank my sister in law calls it brain fog. Friends who have mental health conditions also say it happens to them they go blank .

When my husband died I started to talk out loud to him everyday it gives me comfort. But once the children left permanently 2 years after their dad died I would only go out once a week unless needed by my parents and mother in law needed between my visits. I feared if I didn't talk out loud I wouldn't want to talk.

When I had the first seizure it took me speech but I didn't realise it had as I thought I was talking. I will never forget my daughter crying and telling me I wasn't talking. Luckily it came back after a few hours but took hours more before it stopped being difficult to get the words out. Next time it happened I knew what was happening and it would be back.

I wasn't a chatterbox like I am now until after my husband died. I talk to anyone and have made what I call bus friends people I see and chat to at bus stops same people as we tend to catch the same bus. But chat to all ages . I find people interesting and everyone has there own story problems and illnesses.

Covid lockdowns didn't do people with mental or physical or both conditions any favours . In fact it made things worse. Luckily there was places like GN where people could go to talk and not feel so alone. People being forced to stay within their family unit enforced the family ties but also broke some . People learnt things about themselves and family members they didn't realise . There was an increase of people phoning various helplines, domestic violence increased, more babies conceived , people's working habits changed and many lost their jobs. Even how we shopped changed .

Look at all the people who had family members die from Covid their lives where changed forever. People with chronic health conditions lived in free off getting it. NHS was stretched to its limits. All who worked within it reached breaking point. They saw patients and colleagues die on a vast scale. The whole world changed and people lived in fear of a virus. A fight we are still fighting today. As Covid like flu is here to stay and will only mutate.

As the world changed so have the threads on GN but that's life . Life is not static it changes all the time and if things stayed the same it would be a very boring world. GN has give many people a voice and found people like them people they would never met in real life. My GN journey started when my house sale fell through the second time and I didn't want to worry my children by how I was feeling. But found people in the same position as me . Which led me to other threads.

I live on my own and before I moved over 100 miles to live closer to my children as no one was dependent on me anymore where I lived. I only existed I didn't live my life to the full. I had a wake up call in the form of jaundice in 2017 that my life had to change . I promised my husband to live my life to the full and until I moved I hadn't as I had people who needed me. Story I have told before. My moving changed my life only one bad thing my son and daughter in law not wanting me. I could blame it on my daughter in law but my son wrote the email and letter so he is to blame as well. But the rest has improved my life . See my daughter and grandson's every week, have more friends than ever, wonderful neighbours,my bungalow is exactly how I want it , found out I am a gardener not having a black thumb like my husband always said. Having my diagnosis of HPX and PAF was the added bonus. Health care here is brilliant never been better looked after.

If people leave this thread because they feel they no longer feel wanted by other posters then stay do not be forced out by other people. Even if your mental health has improved stay as you would be missed and you have a voice . My short time on BD I have come to care about people that's why I still read everyday just to see how everyone is.

Threads do not belong to a single person if they did then the thread would died. But BD is on its 15th thread which shows how much it's wanted and needed and it's survived not because of one person but by all who post . Like I said I write as I talk so if that's chatty and some don't like me being chatty I will not apologise for who I am . Nor should anyone else.

Doodle continued the thread and said All Are Welcome. Well to me all means anyone who wants to write. This is a safe thread and place for people to come and know they will be heard and not bullied .

Unfortunately some threads bullying has happened and caused people to leave. Someone accused me of a horrible thing on a different thread so I fought back and they tried to get me banned from GN . I was bullied as a child I will not be bullied as an adult .

If anyone leaves this thread because of what others have said to make them feel unwelcome I would say don't if you need this thread and made friends here stay don't let others win.

Better shut up know as I have been chatty 😁.

HVDY I missed the bit about your employer being unhappy about you chatting to lady? I'm so sorry. if you cant "live with this employer" is is possible to find an agency that caters for people who need company mostly? so many families would like to see mum or dad have someone nice pop in weekly?

Just look at this web page
www.search-hq.com/web?q=elderly%20companionship%20jobs&kwid=elderly%20companionship%20jobs&cid=646734860613&site=&gclid=CjwKCAiAioifBhAXEiwApzCztsOAclULNXkFpZrhx6hwMSjvhv_z-jGPK-RIJmIPSwxvAhyFJL4NthoCq7AQAvD_BwE&ueid=ec73d2f1-7de3-4900-a8cd-44a6b59ac045&qsrc=999&qo=semQuery&ad=semD&o=1463667&l=sem&askid=840439cd-1527-4b1d-9006-35a40b379215-0-hq_gsb&dqi=&ag=fw81&am=broad&an=google_s

Wyllow no one should feel that aren’t wanted or welcome here and that includes all the current posters.
We have tried to support each other and I don’t understand where all this has come from.
Please sleep well all and talk again tomorrow.

Well I blink for a minute and there are more posts.
HVDY I’m so sorry you’ve had an upsetting day. Please don’t leave. I think there are many hurt and upset people on BD at the moment but those of us who have been posting regularly have been supporting each other (whilst not knowingly excluding anyone) . Please stay and continue as before. Your input is appreciated.
I think your chatting to the lady was what she wanted and a good thing. That’s obviously not the sort of employer you want. What a disappointment. I have heard about some firms like that who won’t let anyone say a kind word to the lonely.
Take care.
Candy you’ve had a busy day. Do you like your job?
It’s good to have a pet for company and exercise. Have you had your dog long?

Doodle you've been a star tonight thank you.

Glad to catch up Sweetpeasue glad the news is reasonable and no major damage done.

*Candy I think for now lots of exercise is a good thing if you can't be at home.

My solution for coping at home in recent depressions was to read obsessively like 14 hours a day and smoke a lot! But exercise has alway helped when possible.

X fingers the meds kick in. If not, don't give up, there are alternatives tho of course first time fortunate best.

Ok all. It’s seems we are continuing on BD. My personal feeling is that ALL should be welcome and there is no right or wrong way of posting.
Come on and tell us how your day has been highs or lows. Life has to contain some happy and joyous elements to offset the sadness and anxiety we feel at other times.
Sweetpeasue you must have had an worrying day. That’s good news about your DHs brain scan. Hope that sets your mind at ease a bit.
Sweetpeasue you have as much right to be here as any of us. You have been a support to others and I hope you will continue posting. Let’s continue together as we have been. x
nadateturbe thank you for posting. You have been very kind to all.

Wyllow I'm so glad you managed to speak with your son and that he will go with you. That must be a weight off your mind.

Doodle Work had been good today, until the boss rang me to say she wasn't happy that I sat chatting with a lady after I'd done the cleaning there (the lady had asked me to sit and chat). She (boss) was very rude, said I was only there to clean, I shouldn't have asked the lady what jobs she wanted me to do (?), but every time I tried to explain to the boss, she kept interrupting/talking over me. I ended up saying I won't be bothering with the job any more. I'm almost 64 and won't be spoken to like that.

I've struggled with depression and anxiety for many years, but particularly since I had the stroke. I felt I was at long last feeling happy, settled and content. Annie's comment and then the one from Joce (I saw it before it was deleted) has bothered me a lot. I'm not sure where I'd "go" about my MH without BD, but at the moment think I might come off Gransnet altogether.

Evening all. I hope all are as good as they can be.
Wyllow yes a balance is difficult. I feel I need to be occupied ALL the time and find is difficult to relax and spend time at home to the extent that I don’t really like being at home too much. I’m hoping that will get better. I’m so pleased that your son has agreed to go with you to your appointment. At least it’s a definite solution and you’re not relying on someone you don’t know very well.
HVDY yes, I do get very tired. I walk miles, even in the dark but at least it helps with sleep. You’re job sounds great and seems like it’s working well both ways. Well done. You don’t come across as bragging at all either. It’s nice to hear good things on here too.
Doodle I’ve had a reasonably good day thanks. Yes, a work day for me. I work from 8.15 - 5 pm and it can be pretty full on but it suits me for now and keeps me occupied. I then went to my Pilates class and then a short dog walk. I hope I sleep well tonight! I hope you have had a good day too.
nadateturbe I’m sorry for your health problems. I have a friend who has both ME and fibro and I know how debilitating they can be. I also understand that, even these days, how some health care professionals can be dismissive of them which is so disappointing.
Whiff sorry for you too and for all the years you have obviously suffered. I understand too a little bit about having to fight for financial help. My son has a chronic condition and I spent years fighting for DLA, then PIP, having to go to multiple appeals. I was absolutely determined that we would win, and we did to some extent, but it was difficult to say the least. I think that the authorities purposely make it difficult so that you give up and I can understand why, when people are poorly and at low ebb, it all becomes to much and they do give up. I wish you every success and hope you get the right help for your physical, mental and financial well-being. I’m sorry too for the estrangement you have suffered but glad you get support from the other thread. It must be a comfort to you.
Sweetpeasue I’m glad your husband got sorted and will get the help he needs. It must be such a relief for you. You have both had a long and stressful day so I hope you get a good night’s rest tonight. Sleep well.

I haven’t commented on the thread issues due to me not being on here that long but I feel sad for those who are upset by the way things have evolved. I am genuinely grateful for those who put so much into the thread and I hope things can be resolved to a mutually agreeable conclusion. Love to all those not personally mentioned above and hope all have a peaceful night. xxxx

Wyllow3 just read your post, son coming. Great 🙂

I understand you feeling upset about the thread Wyllow3 . I do too and I'm only here a few minutes!
Please don't worry about it.

I'm wondering would another Quaker lady perhaps take you to your appointment if you aren't comfortable with the husband taking you, although they sound like a nice couple. I'm sure your son will do his best to help if you explain. But it is a problem for you. I wish like others that I lived close.

Whiff I'm glad you finally saw someone who was able yo give you a diagnosis, but your treatment by the system is disgusting. When I was awarded DLA I cried, not because I had got the money, but because I was believed. It makes it more difficult when you aren't believed. I do hope you are successful. I expect you will be this time.

I hope your husband gets results soon Sweetpeasue. I to am awaiting 2nd MRI results. Waiting is stressful.

HVDY you have indeed made a miraculous recovery from your stroke. To be able to work again, wonderful. I think your son is better to manage without strong painkillers as much as possible. I do too. I use gels and paracetamol mostly.

I hope your husband has a good night Doodle and everyone else of course. 🙏

I was back very late. Drs have been v good and thorough. Given lots of time with specialist. Sent for MRI on brain and came back clear of any damage--micro bleeds on brain. Specialist couldnt say gor certain if was TIA or not as scan doesnt show that but if it was, no damage done. Thinks DH's highest dosage of BP meds could be be having opposite effect on BP so is advising GP to get hom referral to BP specialist.
Thankyou to all for asking about him. Ive not come in sooner as had family asking for news. Plus long time there.Both so v tired now. Not least with the upset here.
Its v difficult for me and Ive felt upset at whats happened. V sorry to see division between some past and present posters.
Ive been trying to word this carefully and Im so tired now so I hope it comes across well.
I believe I'm the one who fits one of 'the caps' - - as in health probs. The very way the post was phrased was v upsetting. I havent done anything wrong and to have some sort of judgement as to my qualification as a BD poster feels so wrong.
I believe Doodle's idea is a solution.
Ive not caused any of this division as, in my heart of hearts, I know I 'qualify' as a poster on a MH thread.
I had NO health anxiety issues at all before my experience. That of op having complications (its on record) that was covered by some Drs, leaving me with pain and extreme confusion and severe MH trauma. I dont want to play the poor me card, but its true. My experience is rare, most things go accordingly, but Ive found out that there's v little support when you speak out against such an injustice. I DID find caring friends on BD. I dont know what Id have done without them.
There would be no BD without Annie.
Btw its v bad that people criticise her 'my love'. It mightnt be for everyone but here in the North East its commonly used.
Because this is Annie's thread I feel v uncomfortable staying on it, yet, I fully believe I fit the criteria of having a MH problem, caused by my unusual life event. Some depression is not 'reactive' depression. Some MH disorders are. Im having counselling
for mine, based on trauma, but dont see why I should justify this to those, whoever they are out there.
Never been on social media before GN. Its been an eye opener.

I think Doodle's idea a good one. I'm sorry if some dont like me or feel in some superior position to judge me.

Whiff I am so sorry about the troubles you have with your son and family. I can’t image how hard that is for you.
I have on occasions read the estrangement thread and realise what a good support group it is.
Your problems aren’t trivial. No one’s are. If anything in life causes you anxiety or worry then we all understand that. Different reasons but the same result that’s why we can all sympathise/emphasise with each other.

nadateturbe I hope ME is better understood now than when DH had it. At the time people all said ME wasn’t a thing it was just in peoples’ heads. I like them to have seen DH when he couldn’t even lift up a kettle of water to make himself a coffee.
I have a friend who has fibromyalgia too. It is so painful. You have a lot to cope with. You are always welcome to come in here and tell us how you’re day has been.
Whiff I think people who don’t have serious or ongoing health conditions can’t understand how it can affect your mental health too. It can be so draining trying to keep going when your body is doing stuff you don’t want it to.
I’m so glad you got your diagnosis. I know you had a long wait to get there. Putting a name to something and then being able to see what others have experienced helps. I’m sorry you have money worries too. I do hope the tribunal rules in your favour.
HVDY you are not bragging. I remember when you first started posting on BD and how anxious you were post your stroke. It’s lovely that things have improved for you and it’s good for all of us to share some happy news.
Glad work went well today. Was it cleaning or the person you chat to today?
Sweetpeasue I hope your back home with your DH now, how did it go? Let us know how you are.
Candy how are you today. Another work day for you. Do you do long hours?
Ellie Anne I always liked Annie’s my love too. How are things with you?
Wyllow I’m so pleased your son is going with you. Nice of him to be supportive.

Doodle please keep the thread here. Do not be forced out.
As some know I am on the estrangement forum the support thread. Because of the horrible element they tried to force it to fold . It was started over 10 years ago and the wonderful Smiles keep it going with long standing posters like Yogin. So Smiles asked me to be OP for 2 of the threads but I asked her to take over again this time and the support threads thrives and it's needed more than ever. I joined it first by sending Smiles PM s and because of her I could finally post openly which I do often sometimes daily. I have made so many friends there if it wasn't for them I couldn't have coped when my son decided in May 2020 to give me the boot as his mom. I have 3 grandson's with him and my daughter in law and knew the 2 oldest and saw them weekly. The youngest who was due in July 2020 I don't even know his name.

You all welcomed me here even though I thought my problem was trivial compared to what you are coping with. This thread has become a safe place for me to come and I know many others who read it .

Threads like life evolve as things happen in our lives . The support thread has . Like there people know it's a safe place and something to hold on to.

Annie as I gather started the thread but it's all of you that has keep it going. Do not let it die and keep it as Black Dog or those that need you all won't know where to go.

I hope it will survive, Doodle. Makes good sense. Because of concerns about setting people against each other in vulnerable situations.

I've just had a very positive phone call with son who is coming. It won't be too hard to tell the Quaker lady as can say family offered just like that. Phew.

That’s fine Wyllow whatever the majority want is for the best.
It is easier for those who haven’t been on Black Dog for that long but it’s hard for me as I’ve been here for years with Annie.

I have posted on Black Dog every single day for many years now trying to follow Annie’s lead in offering support to others. I have posted on days when I really haven’t felt like doing so and carried on because I felt it was like a responsibility to make sure no one’s post went unanswered (it wasn’t my responsibility but that’s how I felt ).

I don’t have Annie’s experience or knowledge of MH issues to fall back on so can’t give the advice or comfort that Annie was able to give others.

I will continue to post on this thread or another, whatever we decide to do but just as any other poster not as someone whose been here since the year dot. Just posting as and when it suits me and popping in and out as others have.

You are all a lovely bunch and so kind to each other I’m so sorry others have upset you.
Will pop back later but my washing has just fallen on the floor 😲

Doodle, I don't feel happy with that - we are settled here and have built up a space which enough people have said is OK - we cannot please everyone however hard we try - we cant go back in the past and I think it would disturb what we have and it isnt "transferrable". but thats just my opinion.

Yes I feel awful for Annie and GSM and joce and its been terribly upsetting to be ciriticed for not being somehow good enough - tho as I said above I cant "compare" as wasn't around - but surely we can find some way of better being inclusive

than a "split" which will leave a lot not knowing where on earth to go without feeling they have to make a choice and may then feel they are seen to be "Favouring" person x or y by "choosing thread X or Y. I'm close to not coping myself around this tho I haven't shown it so far. I want to stay as we are but find as way of answering the concerns of others.

Hi All

I have had enough. I don’t know what’s going on but when did people start taking a pop at those on a MH support thread.
I suggest those of us who want to carry on as we have been for some time now start a thread of our own where we can continue chatting to each other day by day. Plus welcoming anyone who wants to join us. And leave Black Dog to those who feel the current direction of the thread isn’t what they want it to be.
I know threads don’t belong to any one person but if ever a thread belonged to anyone this one belongs to Annie for all the time, help and support she has given to others.
Dear Wyllow you are good with words and have a good grasp of MH issues. Could you come up with a new thread title for all us regulars who’ve been posting on here for a while. Something which will alert others to the fact that those with mental health issues or depression are welcome to join and chat in any way they see fit.
Sorry to dump this on you all. I think those of us who’ve been posting regularly have been very upset by recent events and we need to find our own space.
Let me know your thoughts. Love to all Black Dog poster past and present

Post snooze I can catch up properly - very much hoping we hear from Sweetpeasue about your day if you want.

Everyone counts.

Perhaps someone casually reading this thread doesn’t realise the depths of the MH problems some of us are beset with: I take it for granted that they are probably often understated here, that its a given that they are often profoundly there, and everyone is truly welcome through the good and the bad.

I wasn’t on past BD’s before 14 - I simply cannot comment on changes, except to say the thread at any given point is what we make of it. I will say however that event and relationship issues that seem - not trivial, but within the range of what everyone experiences, often simply take over one’s life and thoughts to the level of not coping and getting in perspective seems like an offer to a trip to the moon.

HVDY good idea to go with MrHV to the appointment. I think you’ll be good at explaining and asking for the right help. Hoping you continue to enjoy the job, I certainly think it’s helping others.

I know I’m in contact with you Whiff but just to day you’re a star and so hope the PIP comes through. You are right about the unknown.

nadateturbe I’m fortunate in that the fibro side of my CFS is greatly less than yours: but when I do get the pain, I am aware of what you must go through living constantly with it. The pain only really happens to me when I overdo it.

Doodle,how are things with MrD and yourself today?

Thinking of you Scaredycat and the almost overwhelming whatiffferies and Ellie Anne more than unhappy in your own home.

I’ll explain what I briefly alluded to earlier: I was thrilled when a Quaker stepped up to collect me on Sunday: but I had concerns. this lady has in the last months suffered greatly and was hospitalised with MH stuff and is clearly vulnerable, but insisting things are OK now.

So I took her word for it. when she didn’t reply to my texts and mail yesterday at all…I begun to wonder, and when I later rung her husband today it turns out she had totally forgotten. Knowing her so well I don’t feel rejection (which I usually would… no confidence people love me/want to help etc)

but I am now not happy with things: her husband, who I’ve never met, know nothing off, will have to do it: it doesn’t feel right, because the person has to stay with me at least for some time at home, it was all news to him and I know there have been "issues" there.

I’m ringing my son tonight and will ask him outright, gulp. I dont want to be a burden: I know how stretched their family life is due to my very disabled granddaughter (mentally and physically) and how it takes 2 of them to mostly manage. this is where the MH bit comes in, for I will feel rejected by a “no” despite “understanding” so much.

it all comes down to my isolation post the abusive marriage that I have no people to reasonably easily call upon: I've started building friendships, but that takes time.

Just to say my post was not related to what Joce said, at all.

I understand what Joce said and she was not suggesting that physical problems can’t trigger MH problems. Not at all. It’s sad to see her go but I understand and share her reasons.

Quick post, back soon. Just to say Whiff I just wanted to cry for you when I read your post. And yes of course mental health can greatly impact physical health.