Black Dog 17

Wyllow3 people generally do not get it. Friends say, Oh I know what you mean, I was so tired too yesterday. But they really have no idea what you're talking about. And no one ever says, Explain to me and I'll listen. It was good that your brother got to see how you really are.
And yes, we won't always make the right choice, but it's hard to always say no.
I haven't been on BD that long but I remember you discussing moving. I don't remember the break up, but I have scrolled back to BD14, and I understand a little now of what you were and are going through.
Perhaps you will move in the future. I'm not a counsellor so I won't say much, but you need to focus on feeling better, feeling more like you, before making any decisions. Then you can move forward better. Whether it's where you are now or somewhere else.

Nadaturbe I,m glad you have less pain at the moment.
Early morning starts are very difficult I find- even if I could run it’s the last thing I would feel like doing. Now I,m just glad to have woken up!!
You are having a strenuous time right now- stairs are often a challenge aren’t they. Glad DH is improving - I think Covid has worn so many people out- the tiredness definitely lurks for ages.
Do you belong to U3A?
SweetPeaSue- your surgery must take the prize for being particularly difficult. We have got a new system just started where we can fill in a form online instead of spending hours waiting in the dreaded phone queue. Then you are triaged - I haven’t used it yet but hope it will be better.
It seems that your MH meeting went pretty well and you felt understood. Here’s hoping the team come up with a plan that is both confidence building and compassionate.
Do consider the ADs they have helped me and I was scared stiff of taking them for so many years.
Have you tried Aveeno for your skin? It stopped my itching skin- the Skin Relief one with triple oat complex.
Sometimes just making an effort to go out when you don’t really want to can surprise you and be enjoyable- hope it’s like that for Book Club today.
HVDY- hope you are having a lovely day with the baby- such special times.
Wyllow - great you can begin exercising again - start slowly and gently and you,ll soon start getting some fitness back. My word a while ago you really were fit weren’t you. I know how you feel about lack of exercise - less than a year ago I was walking so fast and far compared to now - makes me feel like a slug😩 you have a strong will to resist all fattening food- keep enjoying your wine .
Candy- hope you enjoyed your evening meeting with your friend. I enjoyed my 3 friends visit - 3 hours non stop nattering. One of them is going through very tragic family circumstances- so much sadness. It was good to see her relax for a while.
You have dived straight back into your busy days- don’t forget to rest when you can.
Doodle- hope you are having a good day today and doing something nice. I do remember you said there were Hospital appointments for you both soon.
Hope you,re not so weary now - the weather is kinder isn’t it fresher and not so draining.
How is your wrist now? My neighbour who broke his arm in the slippy weather is back playing Golf .
Whiff,EllieAnne, Allsorts and everyone hope today is going as well as it can. Nanny thinking of you x

That what I ignored at the start/early days of CFS nadateturbe

"The trick is to leave before you are really tired."

And I knew this from the get-go but was far too agitated and disturbed and fought it like crazy and it just brought me down. You remember me throwing so much energy into flat worries and family worries when it became obvs moving near them wasn't a good idea - I was on the run from grieving/loss/being kind to me big time. I kept trying to find ways not to fee the feelings that drove me so hard.

I still make bad choices some days. People don't get it a lot do they. I'd told my brother x times I had CFS but it was only when I couldn't do this or that on holiday big time - just one outing in 4 whole days - he said "you really are tired aren't you?"

Scaredycat that was a thoughtful post yesterday. I hope you enjoyed your visitors.
Sweetpeasue I understand what you say about going to the pharmacist, it's not something you would look forward to, but it might be a case of needs must if the rash doesn't clear or gets worse.. If he can’t help, at least you can go back to the receptionist and say the pharmacist said I need to see the doctor. Do go to your book group, it may lift you a bit.
Candy glad you had such success with anitDs. Maybe that will encourage others to try them. The weather is very bad for drying. We ended up putting the clothes airer outside as it’s quick to bring in. Our tumble dryer is broken and it was a towel wash, so better outside for a while. I too am not bothered about the wine. I suppose we are all different. As Wyllow3 says take your time with wash, it’s difficult to do everything, and you have MiL coming tonight which you want to enjoy. I hope your husband is ok. It’s difficult having to work when you don’t feel 100 percent.
My husband is not completely better but feeling ok to go out. He has been like this since he had covid. Just days when he feels fluey and has to take to bed.
Wyllow3 your body is obviously saying I need a rest. .It’s hard to do, but better to think of something pleasant and relaxing to do and take it easy. Having said that, I’m hoping to make a get together of Wednesday art group for a coffee. Maybe stay a short time. I just tell them how I am and leave when I need to. Some of them understand. The trick is to leave before you are really tired.
Hello Doodle hope you are ok, and managing in spite of the tiredness.
HVDY hope you are having a good day with baby.
hello to everyone else.

Woke knowing I have to take a day out. No have to's no make myself do's. Try to get a little bit of selfhood back. Backlog of need from so many days of Having T's whatever I felt like inside.

done a bit of admin back up to stop that feeling of all out of control.

*Sweetpeasue I was given a cream as follows from doc for unexplainable rash. Called Zerobase emollient cream. But you can get over the counter. worth a try, amazon has it?
www.zeroderma.co.uk/product-range/zerobase-emollient-cream/

Now take your time with the backlog of washing Candy and I hope DH picks up a bit soon.

How's the baby, HVDY?

and Mr N, Nadateturbe

xx laters.

Nadateturbe Hope you managed to get a good night's rest and DH feels better this morning. Ah I see what you mean about photo. I have had a Dr's appt a couple of yrs ago where they sent a link(as HVDY reminded me). Which means Id need to have a Drs appt about it, which I'm trying to avoid. Anyway the receptionist said I'd to go to Pharmacist.
HVDY Enjoy your time with baby today. Tried E45 and been using Antihistamines last few dys thanks. I'm going to have to go to the small local pharmacy we use ( dont go to 1 attached to surgery as they monopolise in trade). Just feel uncomfortable and it still doesn't seem dignified, can't explain.
Candy You have such a busy life you must get tired and stressed with job and all. I understand where you're coming from about ADs. Thankyou for understanding and the reassurance. I try to understand receptionist's position too(some def seem to enjoy the status). Think it must be difficult to be put in the position of filtering and triaging but some new heavier guidlines seem to have been put in place just lately.

Attempting book group this aft. Dont feel like it but there again dont feel like anything. Hope everyone's day is ok.

SweetpeaSue Perhaps you could try a general moisturising cream, to keep the skin moist. Antihistamines might help. Our GP's surgery asks for photos to be sent (they text the patient a link first, so it's quite easy to do). Pharmacists see all kinds of things. You'll be asked to go into a consultation room.

Candy Glad you enjoyed your holiday. You've got a busy day today, then. Kind of you to give MIL her tea every week. I bet she's glad of your company.

Hope ALL BDers manage to have a decent day today. x

Evening all,
Wyllow yes, lots of washing. Not done yet though as got back Sunday evening and work all day yesterday and today. Weather not good for drying either. It’ll have to wait. You sound like you have a good treatment plan. You must be pleased that you will be able to get back to exercise. I think it’s great for MH. I’m glad you can still enjoy your wine. I used to really love wine but for some reason, I’m not that bothered anymore. I still have it a few nights a week, but don’t enjoy it as much as I used to. I used to find it hard to not have any for a few nights but now I don’t. Might be a good thing I suppose.
Whiff hope your water is back on and you’ve enjoyed your shower.
Nadaterturbe hope your DH is better. Mine is poorly too. Has a flu type thing I think. He still has to go to work though as he’s self employed and doesn’t like to let anyone down. Hope you’re not too tired with everything.
HVDY yes, not nice coming back to all this rain. There’s just no happy medium. Lovely you’re having a visit from baby tomorrow, you’ll be looking forward to it I’m sure.
Doodle wow, I didn’t realise it was a 53 year anniversary! Well done. It’s our 40th this year.
Scaredycat hope you enjoyed your visit with your friends. Nice to have a good catch up. I met up with a friend this evening too.
Sweetpeasue honestly, I think some of these receptionist are a breed of their own. The ones at my current surgery are great but the ones at my last surgery needed personality transplants. Rude With the “computer says no” attitude. I’m glad you’re getting another MRI though. I hope the results of your MH assessment allow you to get effective treatment. I know you’re not keen on taking AD’s but if it’s suggested I would seriously consider them. I avoided them for years because I was so scared of the side effects but I now can’t believe I put up with all those horrible feelings and MH stuff for so long. They’re not a cure, but they do help me. I devised my own plan and introduced them very very slowly and it worked for me thankfully. If you do decide to take them, I hope they work for you too. Would an anti-histamine help with your itchiness I wonder?

Off to bed now. Childcare duties tomorrow, few hours extra work duties in between then MiL coming for tea (she comes to us once a week now since she lost her DH. It gives her a break) then DGS staying over. Wishing everyone a peaceful evening and ❤️ To those not personally mentioned too xx

Nadateturbe Thanks Nadateturbe. Don't really know how to send photo to GP. Never come across this before or heard of it. Yes, receptionist said to go to Pharmacist about rash.Said I would do it. But it seems so undignified to me to have to show many areas of my body to a pharmacist. Not just an arm or leg. How has it come to this? Not heard of song you listened to. Will Google it.

Just a thought Sweetpeasue. Perhaps send photo of rash to GP. And ask pharmacist about using it.
Will answer others tomorrow. Thanks for kind thoughts. I'm sure husband will be OK soon.
Just had bath and listened to very relaxing music on YouTube The Lone Tree Nigel Shaw.
Wishing you all a peaceful night.x

I bet you are excited, HVDY

I'm glad they "got" it, Sweetpeasue Every, very glad!*

Well, fitness is relative - before the awfulness and abuse got bad, I would regularly cycle 16 kilometres or walk for 3 hours and do over an hour daily at the gym. (November 2021)
Best not to compare, but start from scratch.

Wyllow Glad you feel that there's a plan in you're getting back to maintaining your fitness as I know that's important to your MH.
Yes I think MH nurse understood why I'm distressed and feel my life is not worth living because of undiagnosed pain, started from the op, and has changed me as a person. But what the 'team' decides I'll have
to wait and see. Antidepressants discussed also.
HVDY No change in soaps/wash pwdrs. Have itchy rash front of waist not responding to Hydrocortisone bought otc. But get times when I feel itchy all over. I wonder if its because Ive been feeling extremely agitated.
Hope you have nice time with fam and baby tomorrow.

Wyllow3 It sounds as though you've now got a good treatment plan. Hope some effective painkillers will allow you to do your swimming and gym exercises again soon.

Nadateturbe I'm about your height (5ft 2 I think) and should be slim, like you. I haven't been a good weight for many years (far too greedy). I hope your husband is better soon.

SweetpeaSue Some GP receptionists are horrible- and most are not medically trained. The MH person you saw sounded as though he listened. Glad you're going to get another MRI. What's causing your itchy skin? Changed any toiletries/soap powders, etc?

Scaredycat Baby is doing well, thanks (gaining weight). I'm excited about seeing her tomorrow. Hope you had a nice time with your friend earlier.

Ellie Anne Whiff Nanny and all BDers - hope you have a restful night. x

I hope you enjoyed your friend, and had a good catch up, Scaredeycat. Thoughtful post of yours today for all.

Your description of visits away just matches mine Nadateturbe visits OK at first but very tired. Except it to last for a few days as today really wanted not to do anything! O hope you are not running up and down the stairs too much for more days.

See you later BD's take care now xx

Another contact I have says 2/3 days is max then you long for home where you can cope better.
And will stick to that but oh yes if only they were closer.

Well I'd say that this GP would have discussed anything else I raised but only if crucial today. and I agree if something is really critical they should discuss more than one thing especially when they have a knock on effect on each other.

But gone are the days for a good chat overall, more just making sure the context outlined.. this was critical stuff as I'd sort of given up hope altogether so hopefully regime on max Naproxin will give my back the break needed. After all, I have done yoga for yearsand am still only 72.

Still got bowel and CFS stuff but they aren't "critical". Overall message is actually accept limitations but deal with stuff thats making me give up hope and DO THE EXERCISES each morning.

I was interested in the format today, Sweetpeasue. did you feel that he understood "where you were coming from?* Yes, its normal to take to a team meeting..

I think our Surgery is bad Nadateturbe Long before covid we were not allowed F2F appts unless Dr permitted when he called you back. Cant pre-book anyappts either, all done joining phone queue at 8am.
Think receptionists must have been given these new ideas about more intense triaging and new rules from the lead Clinic GP after other one who was Clinic lead (mine) retired.

Sweetpeasue I cannot believe the receptionist asked Can you get about! The service you are getting is very bad. We still get same day F2F. But you're getting another MRI. That's good.

Nadateturbe Oh I hope your DH is better soon. Up and down stairs will be taking it's toll. It was nice to meet that lady while out. I'm sure she thought she was lucky in meeting you.

Just so sorry I'm unable to remember everyone's posts.
Candy Was thinking about you while the temperatures were rising. Like Doodle I'm not good tolerating heat. Glad you had a nice time though, when you could. I expect you're back into the thick of things now.
HVDY Im sure your fox was glad to see you back. You must be so excited to see baby again tomorrow. Its wonderful to see every little development and how they progress. So glad you dont have Lymphoedema as the Vasculitis bad enough.
ScaredycatLoved your tea is too wet without them(biscuits) comment.
Our surgery's receptionists must have been given new instructions as got the same intimidating interrogation this morning. How much could I say more than'A previous problem with meniscus in knee has come back and it feels as if its coming out. HER-when was this? ME- about 5yrs ago, I had MRI HER- Well, can you get about? ME-!! With difficulty. It feels as if something is moving inside and will come out every time I bend it while walking. Grrr. Hope you have nice time with friend.
Nadateturbe Thankyou for your caring. Hope your day has been well. Re-receptionists I thought they wanted info about what you wanted Dr for so they could triage accordingly. As for 'getting into their room' you need to be magician to get F2F. Got a 'code no' off Dr and have applied for musculoskeletal clinic. Hes sending me for further MRI to compare with last 1.Yes I think its ridiculous and waste of everyones time needing to be seen separately for different things.
Wyllow So glad you have your issues sorted with back and the meds. So many have affect bowels.Hope you can get back to more gentle use of back in Gym with the anti-inflammatories.
Doodle Your meal sounded delicious. Especially dessert. Hope you've been less tired today. Thankyou for my hug.
Was so scared waiting then man appeared(expecting a woman). MH nurse. Told him all my story and he typed away in places. Listened attentively and went through list questions. Most easy to answer. Some not so. He didnt make too many comments though seemed nice. He needs to relay info back to team then should hear back in few dys. Felt v 'clinical' bjt it's assessment so not like previous sessions with counsellor. Got feeling when he was asking me what sort of help I thought would suit, that it could be difficult. Anyway thats it.
So extremely tired as up during night upset. Itching skin is awful too but yet another appt and feeling intimidated by receptionists with multiple separate appts.

Hope everyone has a peaceful night. Glad you have hot water back Whiff

Wyllow3 I hope you've recovered a bit from your journey home and holiday. It seemed to be going so well at first. My holidays usually start like that and then by the time I leave or they leave I'm shattered. I think it's much easier when families live close and can pop in for a short visit.
HVDY I have an awful fear of gaining a lot of weight. Both of my sisters are very overweight. I am under 9stn, only 5'1 ". I don't want that to change.
I think it's great that your husband can do a lovely roast dinner.
Hope you have a lovely visit tomorrow, with new baby photos on display 🙂.
Candy hello, welcome home. Gosh that was hot! Glad you managed to enjoy it anyway.
My pains have eased thanks. I would love to be one of those people who start the day with a run or doing few lengths in the pool. Nice thought!
I didn't know about cortisol spikes. Interesting.
Doodle I'm glad someone else understands the chocolate addiction.
Scaredycat hello, I hope you enjoy your catchup. I love when people call, rather than meeting outside. Much more comfortable and you can hear each other.
Yes, I often think things are meant to be. (meeting the lady).I'm going to call and give her info on the U3A. She's very nice.
Whiff hello I'm sure you feel good having hot water again. Enjoy your day out.

I'm exhausted carrying trays up and downstairs, my husband rarely loses his appetite when he doesn't feel well.unfortunately 😁.
I shall ignore tidying the kitchen for now!

How are you Sweetpeasue?
How does the house look now Wyllow3?
Hello EllieAnne Nanna. How are you?
Have a good evening everyone. x

Sorry for any typos, eyes getting tired.

Doodle- Many congratulations on your Anniversary- 53 years that’s wonderful
You have both gone through so much over this year- so pleased you enjoyed your meal - sounded delicious.
Here’s to many more Happy years .
HVDY- good news that you don’t have Lymphodaema - you had done everything right.
Foxy is one lucky boy- he,ll neeed to go on a diet soon!
Hope baby is doing well .
Wyllow- glad you are back home safely- lovely that you and your Bro can have good chats.
Your house must look so bright and new inside- good thought to ask cleaner to help you put things away .
Upheaval is always difficult to cope with for people like ourselves but although you were stressed sometimes while away I hope you brought some nice memories away with you.
You achieved the trip- no mean feat for you.
I hope todays F2F went well for you - so much better with a Doc you know and trust.
Nadaturbe- sounds like a budding friendship with the lady you met whilst walking. Chance encounters can be the start of good things.I echo what Doodle said about BP readings . Please don’t worry about your latest ones they are par for the course I think- the low one was a bit low but you had just been sleeping.
I,m with you on the biscuits - tea is too wet without them!
SweetPeaSue- hope your MH appt went well today and that you were listened to with compassion.
Next time of you have more than one problem don’t tell the receptionist- sometimes they are so uncooperative. They should all be like Wyllows one yesterday.
Candy- you survived the Spanish furnace! Hope the break did you good.
Yes we are lucky to have our daughters living close aren’t we. I was so happy when she moved to our village.
Whiff- enjoy your day out - must have been so nice to have your shower back.

I am waiting for my friends to call in for a cuppa- one of them has moved away and is here for a few days so we need to catch up. It’s been a busy couple of days so I,m very tired but it will be so nice to see them. Hopefully I can pop back in later to catch up with todays news.
Love to all- those I,ve mentioned and those I haven’t xxxx

nadateturbe I’m with you on the chocolate. 😊
Sweetpeasue wondering how you got on today,
Thinking of Scaredycat Ellie Anne and Whiff too. Nanny if you are reading at all would like to know how you are.

Wyllow3 I hope you've feeling OK after your journey home and holiday. It seemed to be going so well at first. My holidays usually start like that and then by the time I leave or they leave me I'm shattered and just about functioning. . I think it's much easier when families live close and can pop in for a short visit.
It sounds like your appointments with physio and GP were very helpful. Hopefully the anti inflammation will do the job.
And yes, the exercise thing is a real problem. No sweets at all, wow! I am so impressed! I can cut carbs no problem, but not chocolate. (2 squares though, not a lot)

Candy that is hot. I couldn’t cope with temperatures that high. I melt when it’s in the low 20s
Glad you had a good time though. Yes had a nice anniversary thank you. DH’s back comes and goes. Like Wyllow he has a weakness there. Interesting post about cortisol.
Whiff sorry you haven’t had any hot water. Hope it’s fixed now.
HVDY it was a nice meal and the sticky toffee pudding was excellent. No been sunny warm and dry here today. Ooh that’s exciting a lovely visit from the new little one tomorrow.
nadateturbe you’re right the one problem rule with the GP is ridiculous. It’s hard enough to get a GP appointment so if course people will want to discuss any troubles they have.
Wyllow you sound better today. Good consult with physio and GP. Sounds like you have a plan. Hope you enjoy a glass of wine tonight.

Turn up for the books today, nadateturbe and a nice anticipatory day HVDY.

Woke so wiped out after yesterdays journey but has both physio and GP appointment. Both helpful. Physio told me clearly my v painful back was re-inflaming muscles all the time not structural if you see what I mean so well equipped for GP who looked at overall balances and said we had to get back under control first with strong anti inflammatories all the time then you can do your exercises

and won't miss out so much on the gym by crashing which is good for your MH and CFS in moderation and yes

don't up your MH meds for now as it messes bowels up more, go ahead have 1 or 2 glasses of wine in the evening (but not more). So I feel a path ahead plotted instead. Still have a myriad of meds probably 8 different sorts to take some on and off as needed but one thing at a time.

will pop in later to see how BD's have got on. Doodle phew 53 years quite something.

The other thing about exercise is if I dont do it cos back knocked me out is weight gain even tho I have nothing fattening ever no cakes biscuits choc or fried its the meds I'm on then it creeps up and feels out of control (another reason not to up meds unless no choice).

Wine is my treat and I know am lucky to have that as others dont.

nadateturbe Our dinner was good. DH has always been a good (but basic) cook. I had to smile when you said you'd gained 3ln in 4 months. I can put that amount on in 1 week, easily. My friend has been going to Slimming World for 4 years now, and she was most fed-up to have gained 7lbs in a week recently (she lost 4st initially, but regained 2st of it).

How's everyone getting on? I put a load of washing out, then it rained, and has been raining all day . I've been putting baby photos into frames, and I've cleaned up, ready for baby's visit tomorrow . x