Black Dog 17

Oh dear on top of that have just twigged my back again and in a great deal of pain on top of it all. At least on that front thought I was getting somewhere. Pits reaction can always call team just dont want to.

I thought it was getting better, more meds. Had enough...how can I get blue bin out, how can I get food in, how can I possibly get to sis like this.....pack, get ready for decorators.....wish I could howl it out. ( there was an "Ex" trigger on Sunday, one of the reasons I wasn't really "here. sorry) Despair is so hard isnt it.

What is essential Wyllow3. Does bin have to go out? Food delivery? Anyone who can help?

Oh Wyllow I'm so sorry. Dont give up hope-its poss your back will pick up a bit as it's done before. Its obviously a v weak point.
As for the despair is hard - - that's so true.
I'm asking you not to give up hope but I'm a right one to talk. V much with you today in despair. Thank God for the meds.

I'm sorry you're like that too Sweetpeasue. It's easy to panic when we feel despair. I try to remember there were days when I felt better and they will come again. But its hard sometimes! Like today. I'm now forcing myself to do a short walk round the block, feel so sleepy all day.

Despair is a terrible feeling and leads to others - with myself anger and complete hopelessness like a vicious circle. Been in ned most of day with pain in bowel and bladder-meds-depression.
Yes I understand your thoughts and we need to remember good days.
Thankyou Nadateturbe.

Wyllow3 Sorry you're having such a bad day. Could you do groceries online? Could a neighbour put the bin out? That feeling of despair is one we're all familiar with, I think. Tomorrow is a new day, and I hope your back will be easier by then, too.

SweetpeaSue Have you had a bad day?
nadateturbe Hope it's dry on your walk - it's heavy rain here.

Did aqua aerobics, had brunch with friend at the pub. So why do I feel so fed-up? Who knows - but tomorrow wil be better x

Sorry, SweetpeaSue, your post came through when I was typing, I think. Have some wine, take some meds, do whatever you need to, to feel a bit better. I'm having trifle, and I might have vodka later.

I’d decided that I would not drink in July. But last night I failed! I’d gone for a walk in the woods but it started to pour so I sat in the car for a while. A friend told me to go round but I didn’t want to chat. Summer is so hard because all my activities stop and I’m not needed to look after girls.
I’ve got the dreaded aldi wheel now. How do I get rid of it?

I think about past good days, because believing it will get better again keeps me going. Did 20 mins walk, at first thought I might just curl up on the pavement and have a little sleep,😁 but the fresh air woke my brain up a bit. My tiredness is ridiculous. I'm doing so little atm.
Yes HVDY tomorrow is another day. I wonder why you feel fed up, I'm sure the trifle and vodka will help. And you have your fox to look forward to.
Heat might help your back Wyllow3.
Isn't it awful that activities stop in summer EllieAnne? Perhaps when you feel more like it you could maybe have a walk with that friend. Aldi wheel?

I think knowing I'm not alone in these times helps so much. And having a space to say it.

Today is definitely national BD tough day - so xxxx to all wh;ve posted glad you did come in and share

Yes, it's the times when it seems as if there can never be anything different. Fear gets to you.

And hearing others win tiny struggles like nadateturbe's walk.

HVDY YES it is time to do give in and do online shopping!

I do buy in quite a lot of practical help as people know and long term it's completely not sustainable but have to wait before flat/downsize.

No neighbours to call on for that, its a nice enough area but "keep yourself to yourself" neighbours and I guess doing long years with Ex I wasn't my natural self (which would mean having related to nice neighbours like single lady next door over time and probably cuppa T''s now and then)

Practically have dosed up enough to do blue bin and emotionally once the pain lessened I rung my Sis and she was kind and a listening ear.

She does "Get" the MH aspect which is hard for a lot to understand,

because many people suffer the physical things we talk about or god only knows else what in this world people endure - and I know quite well that others think why can't we cope like "me, or X or Y" do because of the nature of MH stuff.

EllieAnne I was thinking of what you wrote about and I understand so much because when regular things stop well its scary (whether its groups, or doctors on holiday, or family circs) its very lonely.

Can I throw in a completely left field suggestion? Do you have any interests that could lead to an online course or lectures or maybe most of all online prayer groups?
Something where you meet people but in an easier way, plus just distraction by being part of it?

Its one of those things I know about but haven't got energy or concentration for but know exist.

HVDY- mystery solved !! Those plants are petunias and they are what we put in our pots too!!! Great minds eh?
Sorry you feel down after your day with your friend- sometimes it just happens doesn’t it. Trifle should help especially washed down with a little vodka and then tomorrow is another day.
Your Mr Fox is one lucky boy.
Wyllow- maybe one thing at a time. Doesn’t matter about the bin - if your back is hurting you don’t need to do it .
I think online shopping would help you as they can deliver heavy stuff and then you can just get the nice things yourself.
You are not going to see Dr Sis yet and you have company and help for that.
Despair is an awful feeling but it will pass and there will be hope again. You are not alone.
SweetPeaSue- please don’t feel guilty about feeling as you do. You have had much to contend with which has changed how you feel . But there are moments of joy to be treasured even though they seem fleeting. Hope you can speak to the Doctor- do you have a MH nurse at your practice?
Wishing you peace.
EllieAnne- Ah you haven’t failed don’t beat yourself up about one drink. I,m sorry Summer finds you less able to fill your time. Can you not see the girls any way? Maybe have the odd day out together?
Nadateturbe- Glad you managed your walk - fresh air can really revive you. Can you sit outside when it’s warm or is that not comfortable for you. Tiredness like you suffer is so hard to deal with - I know mine is for a different reason but there are days when I feel done in doing stuff that a year ago was just easy.
Hope you have a restful night.
Doodle- hope you are both ok.
Love to all

So good to hear you managed to ring your sister Wyllow3 , and that she understands. That means a lot.. And you got the bin sorted. Great!

Sorry just saw your post Scaredycat. Not much energy for sitting upright outside. It's scary isn't it, thinking of what you did a short time ago.
Wishing everyone a peaceful night.x

Nice post Scaredycat very true.

Sorry, yes, a lovely post to everyone Scaredycat.

Evening all. Here I am again coming in to apologise for not posting. I didn’t get much opportunity last week as I had my usual busy schedule and then had some extra training for work to contend with. It’s so much harder retaining information as I get older and I have to work hard at it. Anyway I’m sorry some of you have had your struggles. I had intended to respond to everyone but I had some worrying news today about a family member and I’m just not up to it I’m afraid at the moment. It seems like it’s going to be ok but it’s a bit of a waiting game. Sorry I can’t share more but the family member is a very private person and even though we post anonymously, I feel guilty sharing too much information. I hope you all understand. I hope you are all as ok as you can be and special congratulations to HVDY on your new granddaughter, you must be delighted. Still struggling with fatigue and blood test booked. Sleep now. Love to everyone. Will pop in tomorrow xx

Of course, understood. Sorry this has happened Candy, and glad to hear of blood test.

Just lost message. Trying to explain my day and pain. What the hell. I'll try call GP tomorrow. But don't think it's going to help. As 1 GP told me 'I'm only a GP'.

Just seen your post Candy. Hope everything will be ok. Dont worry about posting to everyone. X

Do try, Sweetpeasue.

nadateturbe I have a lot of times when I'm utterly fed-up, I just don't always say so. It gets wearing trying to be ok all the time. I decided not to have the vodka, but the trifle was nice. Hope you are getting on alright.
EllieAnne Are there any other groups you could join? W.I?
ScaredyCat How are you? The fox came at 10pm - he had 5 cooked chicken drumsticks and an apple (they eat fruit and some veg, apparently)
Candy6 Hope your family member will be ok. Son is bringing baby here on Thursday .
Wyllow3 Hope today is brighter for you, and that your back is easier.
SweetpeaSue Hope you get something sorted out with the GP.

It's a bright and sunny start - I'm going to meet my SIL, the widow of my brother, for a mooch around the shops, then a pub lunch. Hope all BDers manage to have a decent day x

You do very well HVDY with that lurking in the background.

Didn't sleep well as I'd taken 2 tramadol - one is OK. Back so far OK enough this morning to do the supermarket shop. I'm going got set up an online account HVDY after break away.

Hvdy I don’t think there is a wi in my area. I’m in a few groups but they all stop in the summer. I’m ok just need to walk more and accept that this is the way things are.

Sweetpeasue could you get a referral to the pain clinic?

Wyllow I have been using Sainsbury's online shopping since 2003 since my husband got terminal. In fact got delivery tomorrow. Have one every 6-7 weeks just get top bits up in between using my back pack. But a back pack would probably make your back worse. Have you got an electric heat pad you could use. I brought one from Amazon when I had sciatica it's great 6 heat settings and 4 times with auto switch off. By Letitwell the dark grey on is 24" x12" and cost £16.59. They had different colours but more expensive. It's flexible so when my arm is in a flare I wrap it round it. I even sat on it as the sciatica nerve in my bum hurt.😁.