Black Dog 17

I hope it goes really well HVDY. sorry to hear of surgery mess up.

I had a horrendous nightmare night (I think kick back stuff relating to counselling session, where we were looking at my difficulty with anger especially Ex) but griddled my loins to get to the gym,

where I changed and promptly badly triggered my back. That's 24 hours out - tho I might have lifted too much yesterday.

So fed up, its my outlet place - took a tramadol and came straight home.

I've got a GP call back this afternoon which is to continue overall MOT stuff and in particular the ECG results re taking extra meds will have come through. A lot I'd like to discuss - CFS, MH, bowels, back but suspect its a 10 mins job.

I don't want to take more meds actually. It affects my bowels the amounts I'm on (substantial already) and for the last 3 nights have managed to stop at one glass of wine.

I was really glad to hear of your little light in the darkness nadateturbe to be treasured.

Well done EllieAnne on that walk and making plans for today. Locally there are lots of health walk groups in local parks but they call them different things. locally it's called "Step Out X" (x as in local town.

Candy wave and I hope your family member does not become of greater concern, you have so much on.

Sweetpeasue I was glad you were so utterly candid with the GP. You did manage to "tell it like it is" in a short time. For what it's worth, I wouldn't worry about "foot in both camps" but proceed with both.

FWIW, I hope you make it to a MH referral as it will include both counselling options and meds considerations (things that might not have occurred to you or been mentioned in BD's) and a wider range of expertise available - but no one there is going to force you into meds. Glad you've got the diazepam for in extremis.

As ever Whiff a thoughtful and helpful post by sharing your experiences. often relating to learning to live with with what may seem impossible.

Hello all. Back home now and exhausted. Up at 5am this morning so didn’t get much sleep.
Can’t hope to catch up with everything all at once so will read through all later.
HVDY so pleased your little one is coming to visit. Hope you all have a nice lunch together.
EllieAnne I might need you to take me with you next time you go for a long walk. I am so unfit now. I used to go to that shop to buy things for my DGC too. What is your DGS into?
Candy sorry you’ve got family worries . Hope things will improve soon.
Sweetpeasue your young GP sounds as though he listened. Good you’ve got another MH referral. I would try everything you’re offered. The diazepam may help. I know you worry about taking lots of drugs but sometimes we need them to just get through the day. Look at my DH on 20 to 30 different meds per day but it keeps him going and has improved a lot of things for him.
Sending a super big hug for you. Hope the patches and the diazepam help.
nadateturbe well done you, I bet your DH was pleased you made the effort.
Whiff you always write such supportive and kind posts to everyone. You have managed to cope with your pain. Is there nothing else that can be done to ease it?
Scaredycat so pleased the ADs are helping. They helped me too years ago. You’re right to keep taking them not just when you feel the need but on an ongoing basis. Hope your DH is ok with his meds too.
Wyllow please don’t wear yourself out too much getting ready for the decorators. Glad your cleaner has been in to help you. You sound pretty worn out do take care,

https://www.gransnet.com/uploads/talk/202307/medium-764138-img-1005.jpeg https://www.gransnet.com/uploads/talk/202307/medium-308552-img-1004.jpeg

Doodle he loves letters and numbers. He can read and write a lot of words and count very well. He just wants to know everything. I ve to get him something called magna tiles . I think you build with them. But I will probably get books and clothes too.
Managed another decent walk today and I didn’t drink last night.
I’m watching the tennis and doing a cross stitch baby card . I just feel flat and quite lonely.
It’s strange because when I am out walking on my own in quiet places I don’t feel lonely but when I come home I do.
I’m going to try to post photos from yesterday but it might not work.

Wyllow3 Nightmares are horrible, aren't they? It sounds as though you perhaps overdid things at the gym. Hope your back settles down soon.

SweetpeaSue How are you feeling today? I agree with Doodle - take any meds you're offered, if they help.

Doodle You've had an early start to the day. Hope you had a great holiday. All the washing to do now, eh

EllieAnne Your GS sounds very advanced for his age. He'll love the presents you get him. The photos are beautiful. Is that a lake in the 2nd one?

Had a lovely day - son and baby came here, I gave her a bottle, changed her nappy and DH and I had lots of cuddles. Then we went to a local park, DIL met us there - she looks great, only 10 days after giving birth! We went to a very nice pub for lunch (son insisted on paying), then back here, and I gave them 6 more outfits I'd bought. They went, then Son1 and girls turned up, unannounced - they thought son2 and his little family would still be here - the girls are dying to see their baby cousin. I said to DH we are extremely lucky .

Hope all BDers have been ok today x

*

SweetPeaSue- so glad that at last you have a kind and willing to listen GP- it makes such a difference. Good to keep the assessment appt as well - you need as much help as you can get to enable you to see what approach will suit you best.
Nadateturbe- pleased you were able to have an outing - your DH must have been so happy to have you there too .
A walk as well- a huge achievement after feeling so unwell. It must have been such a boost for your confidence- hope your rest did you good.
Candy- glad the man came early- I,m not very good at waiting for things like that but the ADs hve certainly made me less stressy.
I hope there is some improvement in your relatives health- such a worry when it’s someone you care for.
Wyllow- such a b…..r to tweak your back just as you were ready to enjoy your gym visit. Yes maybe you did a bit too much yesterday,hope you found something nice to do at home.
Hope the GP call went well and that you had enough time to discuss all you wanted to.
Doodle - glad you’re home safely. Now it’s the dreaded washing- there always seems twice as much washing as clothes you packed!!!
I was interested to hear that ADs have helped you in the past. Through all the trauma in my life I never took them but so glad that I have that help now.
EllieAnne- your photos are lovely- what a beautiful place to walk.
What a clever little boy your GS is- must be fun to play games with him.
I,m so,sorry you feel so lonely at home- would you ever consider a pet to keep you company?

An emotional afternoon today as we have been to put flowers for my son and his dad . A butterfly came to sit with me on the grass and it felt like it was on purpose. This time of year is full of so many memories.
Love to all posters and readers.

A big welcome home Doodle You take your time settling in now.

Lovely photo, EllieAnne as the trees act as a frame. Understandable on the coming home as it's not a warm space.

My sympathies with you Scaredycat for your memories and yes the butterfly came to accompany you.

HVDY what a simply lovely day, makes me smile at the pictures you paint. Despite all, you have held your family together at many points: this sort of day richly deserved.

Frankly this afternoon traumatic. I'm beyond exhausted and have already cancelled an appointment tomorrow as know will be dead on feet.

I asked them if they could make sure the GP call was early on the list, but had to force myself to stay awake all afternoon when my whole being said, bed, curl up, switch off.

Anyway he has changed my pain meds (trying naproxen instead of tramadol because of constipating and made referrals for back, gastro and dietician to try and find my way round FODMAP

but has made an in person appointment for a fortnight as I was all over the place with his med affecting that, we were going round in circles, and the back pain meaning no exercise, and that meaning more constipation and IBS, and thats leads to mental health effects of isolation and no exercise - you get the drift.

I am determined not to raise my meds if at all possible as suggested by psychiatrist when I was desperate, as will compound stuff, and that means "cutting coat according to cloth" lifestyle wise but oh miss the gym and the easy companionship there.

I just have to hang on till 6pm when they are coming for the treadmill at last, (they'd better turn up or I will turn into a gremlin) and I got on with putting clothes out for visit to sisters next week. Thats going to take courage being away from home but the fact I'm doing stuff for it means to me that underneath I want to go.

thinking of absent friends - may not be back in tonight. xx

HVDY- what a lovely day you have had - so well deserved.
Ah what a shame the girls missed their little cousin- never mind there is always next time. They will be great friends when they are older I bet.
Good to hear DiL is looking well - she must have loved all the nice new outfits for her baby.
May there be many more cuddles to come for you and DH. There is nothing nicer than the smell of a new baby at cuddle time.
Wyllow- your head must be spinning after all that discussion and the different ideas. I understand how you feel about the knock on effect of changing things especially the bowel implications. That,s always been a big issue for me too.
Good idea to put out your clothes for next week - yes it is going to take courage to go away but you will be so pleased once you are with your Sis.
Hope you are able to relax this evening and rest easy.

Wyllow you are ready for a new life. Even with all your pain and exhaustion and mental health issues your posts have been sounding more optimistic. Your cleaner helping you sort out things is begining to fee your mind. I found decluttering my home helped me declutter my mind and made to let go of things I had held on for far to long. I realised I needed a simpler live a life I wanted and had wanted since my husband died.

It's not easy moving and it's so stressful but it's all worth it to finally have the home and life you want.

Some people call where they come from home. But home is where I am now. I never want to go back to where I lived. That me is dead and glad it is. But that me died the moment my husband took his last breath.

I want you to live the life you want and deserve in a place you choose that meets
all your needs and wants.

Enjoy the time away from your home while it's been decorated. And let your family pamper you. But don't hide how you feel as you only hurt yourself. And you have been hurt enough.

Try and look on each new day as a fresh start. The past can infringe on the present but it's the past . Live for the present and look to the future. And that goes for all of you here.

Ellie Anne lovely pics.

Doodle my pain is with me for the rest of my life and nothing can be done about it. But I have got through 65 years and hopefully as long as I don't get dementia I can live 20 years more and live the life I want.

What a lovely post.
Huge treadmill (that reminded me of what can’t do is gone.

What you describe is a good day thought.
But will hold it as hope x

Hello everyone, made it to caravan but weather is awful. And I'm in bed (for a change🙄), called in for chat on the way with sister who is very ill and stayed too long.
Just some little quick comments,
Scaredycat 💐, so sorry, very sad time for you.
Wyllow3 good plans, and glad you are getting help with sorting things for decorator. Glad you are getting referred too, I wonder what cause of back pain is.
Whiff you are very strong too.
Sweetpeasue Glad GP listened to you. Also I used to have diazepam, rarely took them, worked just knowing I could.
HVDY well fed fox, getting afters! Wonderful day. You are extremely lucky, but so are your family. Hope you like your new hair.
Candy hope your blood tests show something that can solve your tiredness. I empathise with you. And hope your family member is OK. The waiting is difficult.
EllieAnne what about looking for a meetup group in your area?
Sorry if I've missed anyone. Oh Doodle welcome home! Have an early night, you must be exhausted.

Just a quick post, be back later

Doodle You must be exhausted-5am start? You must be sleepwalking.
Hope youve seen some lovely views and it's been mostly relaxing for you both. I'm sure it would have been 'different' as your DH isnt as mobile but I really hope you enjoyed what you could do. You so deserve it. Thankyou for my warm hug.
EllieAnne Those photos are beautiful. The 1st with the path wants the viewer to step right into it. You have such gorgeous countryside in your country. I'm sure the walks must help you a lot. Sorry you're feeling lonely back home. Is the cross stitch baby card for a friend? Whoever is the receiver is bound to treasure it.
HVDY What a lovely day and oh it must have felt lovely holding baby and giving her bottle. I used to love the way their little cheeks bellow in n out and later, when they grasp onto a finger while sucking,to make doubly sure the bottle isn't going anywhere. Ahh. I'm sure your GDs will get to see their little cousin soon. Your son must feel a v proud Dad. So glad things are going well.
DH dyed my v white outgrown roots this morning, then returned clothing item to supermarket , then pain which had me despairing for future and same thoughts of Drs at that time. Took pain relief at home and after a few hrs ok - crossed fingers. Hope your legs not burning tonight.
Scaredycat 💐 Can't imagine how you must feel at these times. A special
happening the butterfly landing beside you like that. I have no words but sending you love. x
Candy Hoping your family member continues to improve.Hoping you're not feeling as tired still.
Wyllow Oh that back is causing so much hassle for you. I knew how you felt when you said so much to cram into 10min appt. I didnt get everything discussed but GP was so kind. Waiting for the call back is awful not knowing if morning or pm.
The meds causing constipation is a huge problem. Hoping Naproxen will work for you. Tramadol is good for mypain but makes me feel quite sick.
Understand about vicious circle of immobility and consequences caused by pain. It's so hard for you when your gym is such a valuable lifeline for you as regards friends too.
I think this visit to your sis is going to be good Wyllow. Don't tire yourself out though and take care of yourself.
Whiff Lovely words of encouragement to Wyllow there. Your move was obviously such a good thing for you and so pleased it's worked out so well.

Usual bloated bladder pain and urine retention when waking but managed to get a ckuple of things done and hair dyed. This afternoon the deep gnawing low pain and going into rectum and back, set me off in blackest thoughts of 'nothing anyone can do' this is my life of daily unpredictable, unsolvable pain. It sets off the must go to loo strong sensations that cause extreme agitation in brain.

Looking at patches see the progestin is one with high androgen element. Didnt know this when I agreed. Ive always taken low androgenic ones as my hair loss is sensitive (alopecia androgenetica). Think this means another GP appt but also still worried HRT will 'feed' the Adenomyosis and might set off uterus pain. Gynaecologist prescribed ultra low dose(cutting patch in half)in consultation but that was before scan showed Adenomyosis (which he says in letter extremely rare to be diagnosed at my age--just like retired GP told me. She said I'd make a case history) But that's because menopause usually stops pain of Adenomyosis. My Adenomyosis caused by womb trauma (as said can be cause in medical articles).

Am feeling calmer at present due to Dizapam and not least from such warm kind comments from yku all here.
Wishing you all a peaceful night's rest and special thoughts to all who experiencing loneliness. x

HVDY Aaah! Beautiful baby in cosy pretty floral babygro. Thankyou. She's so sweet.
Nadateturbe Hoping you have good time at caravan. So sorry your sis is so poorly. Hoping your bedrest will replenish energy. Weather should be much better tomorrow I think.

The photo is a small loch. It’s used by wild swimmers and paddle boarders.
I do have a cat and am fond of him but it doesn’t really help.
I did look for a meet up group but the nearest one is quite a bit away and only now and again. I don’t think I could walk into a group of strangers.
Yes my little gs is very advanced in some things but not in others.
But they are all different.
Hvdy what a lovely day you have had. Your family sound so nice. Good night all.

Beautiful baby! ( I know people always say that, but its really true in this case!)

Thats a very tough one to try and balance up on the HRT, Sweetpeasue. KOKO being really upfront with them, that was a breakthrough, I recall when you first posted/I met you you really weren't in contact with GP's inane real way, so well done you.

(My RL GP appointment is to try and balance all the different meds out,with painkillers and laxatives et al for best use, but `he''s not up on MH stuff so will get one who is in on it to brief him as a summary.

Nadateturbe I can understand going the extra mile for sis's sake.

Wave from planet bed. (Do you have your lap top set up in bed? I do! Can watch stuff and play music, including at night, so glad to have the technology.

Sweetpeasue your description of the pain you suffer is horrific. How someone doesn't help is hard to understand.
Wyllow3 art table at window in bedroom (sadly neglected,) Alexa, personal cassette player for audio cassette , laptop, TV. Too much time spent here.
Darling little baby HVDY, thanks for sharing.
EllieAnne you could be brave and start your own meetup. Churches often have coffee mornings and walking groups. Maybe check your Neighbourhood site or local fb.too.

HVDY- what a beautiful baby - she is really lovely.

Hvdy what a lovely baby. I know you won’t want to say her name so I’m calling her something in my head.
I get what people are saying about joining or starting groups but mh problems mean I couldn’t face that just now. Yes I am very lonely and have got used to putting on a face in public situations like church but on a deeper level I only really interact with two or three close friends. I put on a act with family too. No wine tonight as I have not bought any ☹️

I'm sorry EllieAnne things are very difficult for you.x
Wyllow3 yes, I should have added, it is good that we have all the technology. Being positive!🙂

ScaredyCat A sad time for you. It seemed as though the butterfly was a sign. Some people say that about robins, too, I think. Love to you x

Wyllow3 Getting the balance right with various meds is tricky. Side effects clashing and all that. The visit to your sister's will do you some good.

nadateturbe I hope the weather picks up. I think the weekend forecast is good. I bet your sister was pleased to see you. My hair is shorted and layered, so feels much better.

SweetpeaSue Glad you managed to do your roots (I'll do mine again on Sunday). Difficult to get the HRT levels right, I suppose, but hope it will help. If the Diazepan helps, that's good. Hope you have a decent night.

EllieAnne Would you consider getting a small dog? Or cat? Pets can be wonderful companions.

Thanks for the lovely comments about my latest GD. She's a chubby and very contented baby. Son is so proud. Son1 and girls are going to see the little family on Saturday . Foxy has just arrived. It's too dark at the bottom of the garden to be able to photograph him. He's got 5 chicken drumsticks and some fox food pellets (good old Amazon).

Hope ALL BDers have a restful night x

Hvdy the 🐈 would leave home. Occasionally son 1 brings his dog and 🐈 disappears for at least a day!!!

HVDY what a sweetie and such lovely hair. You must have had a lovely day. Pleased your other son and his girls will see the baby Sunday. I bet they are so excited.
EllieAnne lovely pictures. Your have lovely places to walk.
Your little DGS sounds very clever . Think you’ve chosen some good gifts. Im glad you have a cat you love. Like HVDY I think a dog would be good company for you on your walks and would also help you meet people. Could you consider a small dog (puppy). Cats can get used to dogs. My DGS has always had cats but also over time, 3 dogs. Your cat might cope with a small puppy rather than a boisterous dog and it would do you so much good.. If you can’t have one of your own, is there someone you could offer to dog walk for. Animals are good companions.
Scaredycat I have always been a worrier. Can’t remember a time when I didn’t worry. And that word that starts catastrophe but I can’t spell. Always imagining the worst. A perpetual pessimist. It’s awful. Wish I wasn’t like that. The ADs certainly do help. You don’t notice it at first until suddenly one day you realise you don’t feel as bad as you did. Glad they are helping you. Yes piles of washing to do but going to take my time. First hospital visit for DH today then ongoing next week for us both. Back into the old routine 😀
Wyllow when you have to take a lot of meds for your health it is a problem to try and avoid adverse reactions. DH doesn’t take anything for MH but does take strong meds for tremor (Parkinson’s drug but not got Parkinson’s) and strong meds for RLS (epilepsy drug) . These intermix with chemo meds, BP meds and blood thinners along with several others for other issues. Occasionally a new one will be added that throws the whole system out of balance. GPS are good overall but not usually specialists in all areas. Hope yours can help you and get expert advice on your MH meds. When are you off to your sisters? Sorry, I’ve forgotten.
Whiff you are inspiring. After all you’ve been through especially the loss of your DH you still look forward to life. I’m glad you have a home where you are comfortable.
Sweetpeasue we did enjoy the cruise and the views but it was worrying to find out how much we’d both deteriorated since the last one. Came as a bit of a shock to be honest. Even eating a meal made me worn out. I haven’t put on as much weight as I thought I had but even so need to lose a lot for health and energy I think. I can imagine your bowel low back pain (not anything like as bad as yours) because I had similar feelings on board. Change of diet caused constipation/opposite on different days. That low back pain and feeling of needing to go but not being able to is awful.
I know you’ve recently tried a diet but I wonder if you could try eating the same food every day for a week or more with no variations to see if you could get some basis for what might be upsetting you. Had on board speaker who was talking about bladder and he said avoid caffeine. Apparently, lots of people think caffeine is a diuretic but it’s not. People think that because it makes them pee more frequently (diuretics cause you to lose more fluid). He said caffeine irritates bladder which is why you pee more frequently. Also alcohol 😢and avoid all things containing caffeine if you have irritable bladder.
Good you’ve had your hair done. That will make you feel better.
nadateturbe glad you’ve got to the caravan. So sorry your sister is so ill. Must be upsetting for you to see her like that.
Hope the weather picks up for you, How long are you staying?

Ellie Anne what about a Papillion. Small and cuddly. Gets on with cats and doesn’t bark much. Doesn’t need too much exercise. Does your DH like dogs?

EllieAnne How about volunteering to do dog-walking for neighbours now and then? You could charge a fee.

* I don't have caffeine because a Urologist told me to cut it all out. If I have just one cup of ordinary coffee, my bladder gets painful and I wee a lot more. I believe SweetpeaSue tried that, but perhaps not for long?

It's very warm and sunny today. I've done 3 lots of washing, some vacuuming, and am going to aqua aerobics later. Foxy didn't like the special fox food I've bought but he scoffed the 5 chicken drumsticks last night. Hope all BDers are ok today x

Thanks everyone but I’m afraid a dog is out of the question. We already have insurance for the cat plus flea treatment vaccinations etc and food. Could nt afford the same for a dog. Also dh couldn’t walk it so if I was away it wouldn’t get out. And I don’t cope well with picking up poo. I’ve had to a couple of times for sons dog and it s not for me.
Haven’t walked today as had to go into town but managed to do a bit in the garden.