Black Dog 17

Wyllow3 panic attacks aren't pleasant. I hope you're OK tonight.
Perhaps you'd be better to put thinking about moving on hold. You could declutter and pack things away, so that when you are able to think about it, it will be easier.
Candy hello. I hope you get to rest plenty at your caravan. You sound tired.
Goodnight to all on BD.

(Hand trembled and press the button).
Sound so down I worry for you. But unless you are dieing for a horrible incurable illness please fight on. Life is hard but it's worth the fight. To many die young and don't have a fraction of the life they should.
My husband has missed so much so I live my life for us both. The good, bad and down right awful.

Hopefully you can get a peaceful night's sleep . Since moving here I sleep every night apart from loo visits which I never did in my old house.

A very thoughtful positive post Whiff.x

HVDY You've found us.
Your day with family - - 8hrs!--you must be exhausted. Plenty for the kids to do there. Urologist I saw today was one Ive had for 3yrs and admitted he knew little about IC. The new one that I saw a couple of weeks ago, who was def funny(not haha) is experienced in quite a lot of areas. Hope you sleep ok tonight.
Candy Please dont worry about posting every day., just whenever you feel like it. You are spot on with the Urologist Ive been under. I'd never asked for a second opinion but when he realised my pain levels he suggested I see this other man. DH noted today he admitted at least twice that IC was not his general work. Hope you get a good rest and break at your caravan.
Whiff Of course you're right, we dont have much choice. Its first time for me Ive had to take this amount of drugs and it's a bit scary as well as what they do to me. I can't carry on doing anything as I'm flat out. If I stand pain comes through. You have been through so much with your constant pain with HPX. Can't imagine what living with HPX and not knowing what wS happening to you must have been like.

Wishing all a peaceful night.

Sweetpeasue pain has just been part of my life. To be honest I would think I was dieing if it all suddenly stopped. Like everyone living with constant pain your body learns to tolerate it I suppose I am in more pain that I was in years ago but my body has adjusted to it. Only people in constant pain understand what it feels like. I found people with occasional pain think it's not possible to be in pain from the moment you wake up to when you sleep. I have had hospital Drs years ago who didn't believe I was in constant pain and had been as long as I can remember. Even the Dr at the pain clinic didn't believe me.

By some hospital Drs I had been called attention seeking,a fake , mentally ill ,making it up ,lazy and worse. This was back in late 80's. But my GP knew me so well he tried everything to help me.

I was lucky I was brought up in a loving caring extended family. Who never treated me as a freak. When I got worse in 1988 my darling husband just said we alter our way of live to suit you and be a normal family. But the cheeky sod said I always knew you was damaged goods when I asked you out. Knowing I was born like this makes sense of my life .

Those of you who are suffering through operations that went wrong what you are dealing with is far worse but the strength and courage you show is inspiring. And those of you who have suffered and still suffering because other people you also show the same strength and courage.

I know many of you don't think that but you are but you are the strongest group of women I know dealing with all that you go through everyday but you fight on and help others with your support and kind words. Even at your lowest you help by admitting how you feel. People who read BD but don't post know they are not alone because of your honesty. That's why this thread is so important. ❤️

Glad you found us HVDY -what a day! have an easy one today.

Hi Candy -oh..finance discussions ahead. I'm good in the everyday but not big long term pensions etc. Do Mr Candy and yourself have those abilities? Mine got "sorted" on my first divorce in 2011- not very complex as 2 pensions involved and the house: but a financial person was paid for in amongst it so never had to puzzle and at that point knew its limits/my limits. I think he/she had to be paid about £1.400 which is a lot in one way but concerning rest of life finances worth it.

nadateturbe being way beyond exhausted but not able to sleep is so hard to deal with, thats where I slip up and force myself to do things I shouldn't.

Sweetpeasue like others here I am used to the idea of lifelong tablets. Yes it does do stuff to your body: but the idea of dependency itself - long resigned myself to it, and I remind myself of others like Whiff or say people with heart or diabetes stuff and its better than the alternative.

Re constipation - yes that means extra meds. I talked to my gastro sis who said she had lots of patients who relied on laxatives to "go" for the rest of their. lives and it was OK.

Thank you for your post Whiff. I dont feel strong at all but coming in here I realise I am not a freak, which is gigantic, hearing how others cope.

I woke as usual with the too tired life alone not living feeling but come online to find company and it lifts me.

Will make sure I get to Quakers today tho, missing it last week not good.

Whiff That's so awful for Drs not to believe your pain - - to label you as attention seeking or lazy! Plus you had little ones to bring up too.
There's such a strength of character and humour comes through in your posts. To have constant pain all day is an awful thing to have to put up with.
Mine is different and attacks out of the blue. I'm really not strong at all and for those who kindly think it, I' m sure there are many more who read and think I'm the opposite.
I was brought up by ordinary working class parents who were honest decent people who never aspired to be anything more than that really which, like you I am grateful for. Hope your day has been well Whiff.
Wyllow I hope your' too tired for life' feeling did not hang around too long and you managed to get to Quakers and found it helped. Good to be reassured by your Gastro sis about the laxative use.
EllieAnne I thought of you today and hoped the weekend hasnt been too bad for you.

Whiff What you went through (and still have to endure) was awful. You've got such strength and determination.

Wyllow3 Hope your mood lifted and that you had your Quakers meeting ok.

Doodle Hope you and your husband are getting on alright today.

SweetpeaSue How are you today? My parents were good, honest, working-class people too.

EllieAnne I hope you've been ok this weekend and have managed to get out somewhere.

I haven't done much - went to the shop to buy a quiche for tea, and a few birthday cards. I've got a huge pile of ironing, but it's far too hot for that. Hope all BDers are ok x

Wyllow- thank you for the new thread.
Yes this heat is exhausting- love the sunshine but not the heat.
Saw lots of,runners of all ages this morning on our way home getting ready for a 10 mile run- it was early but already sooo hot- how do they do it!!
You don’t need to make the moving decision until you feel ready to take that next step- or not if that’s what you decide but as somebody suggested a bit of decluttering would maybe help you feel less encumbered with past memories that trouble you.
Not an easy decision but nobody I know who has downsized has regretted it.
Doodle- you need to sit and rest more especially in this heat. Do you have a nice cooling fan you can sit by?
Over the years of helping your DH you have become very knowledgeable about medication and always give reassuring advice. Yes Movicol is the “way to go” if you,ll pardon the pun😀 I forgot to say Thank you for the Basket of hugs - much appreciated.
SweetPeaSue- I do feel that what Wyllow says makes sense that the Doc sounds like he is trying to give you some respite for a while- your physical pain is too much for anyone to put up with and impacts heavily on your mental state.
No meds are without side effects - but definitely lifelong tablets are better than the alternative!
I think you would be wise to see the other GP- kindness goes a long way and you sound like you like him.
Candy- you certainly have full days and you are right to take your rest when you need to.
Your retirement talk is looming so big decisions are to be made. It sounds difficult for you with underlying worries - your problems are as important as anyone else’s and I hope you can resolve whatever it is that worries you about retiring.
Hope your MiL is doing OK- how quick the time has gone since she lost her husband although I don’t expect it’s gone quickly for her.
Nadaturbe- this hot weather must be making you feel even more exhausted- ME must be such a debilitating thing to live with.
Never thought of warm prunes- sounds delicious.
Hope you can get some relaxation during the day.
HVDY- glad you followed the crumbs!!
8 hours was a marathon outing- sounds a great place to visit.
Picnic food always tastes better - it’s being outside isn’t it.
Your Sons GF must be very uncomfortable in this heat- not long now though.
Hope you legs haven’t been too uncomfortable either,
Whiff- your sentiments about living your life for yourself and your DH is exactly how I feel. I,m glad you are living life so fully and I,m sure he would be too.
When my youngest son and first DH died so young that was my feeling too. You are such a positive and inspiring person
EllieAnne- hope this weekend hasn’t been too bad for you.

We got home this lunch time and both so pleased to be back. We had a lovely few days though - just can’t wait for my bed.
I,m always so nervous before going away and this was the first time in permanent AF. It has made me realise how really tiring and restrictive it is. But many people have so much worse both here and not posting - the ADs have helped a bit I think. Tomorrow I have an Echocardiogram- first for 6 years- so feel apprehensive and a little scared what it might show. Must think positive thoughts.
Hope you all have as comfortable a night as possible.

HVDY Not much doing here either.
In a can't be bothered mood so lazy day. Did a bit of faffing in garden though too hot to do anything else. Brought our tower fan down. It's looking a bit past it's best tbh though still works. Got cracked at the top beneath controls so DH stuck a couple of wide strips of brown carpet tape over so, being white it's stood there looking like a gagged Dalek.
Hope your legs not too bad today.

Scaredycat Oh it's lovely to get back home to your own bed. 10 ml run in this heat sounds horrendous.
You did so well to go away while having the permanent AF and so pleased you had a nice time. I'm sure it's only natural for your apprehension about Echo cardiogram with AF and you're bound to feel a bit anxious. Hope you dont have to wait too long in the day for it and can get it over with. Thanks Scaredycat.
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Nothing like your own bed Scaredycat The very very best wishes for the Echocardiogram tomorrow. do let us know how it goes. I hope the holiday left you feeling you could do it again if you wanted?

HVDY after yesterday I'm not surprised you needed to take it easy today.

Just glad you haven't reported a bad attack of pain when you posted, Sweetpeasue.

Yes Quakers did lift me out of it but just before I left I twigged my back badly again. Curses. It isnt as bad as the first twig since I did the exercises, but is a downer as I keep hoping I've got it under control for good. Cue painkillers, ice, lying down, when I'd planned to go the Woodland cafe and a mini walk in the sun I had a sleep, and woke up just as I described this morning. its a permanent feature of my condition and I want to ask for help about "why".

I am very thankful for responses about moving. I've put you all through a merry dance - remember when going up to live near family was the "answer to it all?" Then I had to get real about limitations of my family but had poured immense energy in. Ditto getting ready for the estate agent valuation here.

Now I agree that is not wasted, nor is the de-cluttering. In fact the de-cluttering feels good as long as I dont rush at it in usual manner. ON the decluttering thread someone said they try to do one declutter thing a day, which sounds a good idea.

However re moving, I have to bear this in mind: I moved from a house to a flat in 201l alone, and I had good weekly + MH support then.

I worked alone for 3 months on an old house and in fact sold it and found a flat within 4 days, no chain either end. but I still ended up calling an ambulance one night and having 3 nights at the MH respite place and was on home treatment (intensive) for 2 months. So probably it's good to be wary, for that level of support doesn't exist now. Something else to discuss.

I cannot know how much wanting to get away from Ex will beheld by a move.

I wish there was a wise expert to tell me..but don't we all want a Wise Expert...

Just lost long post. Sorry not sure I’ve got the energy to write it all again.
Candy it’s nice to hear from you whenever you pop in. No need to worry about posting every day. Hope you’re having a good time in your caravan. The weather must be glorious.
Are you thinking of retiring? Big decision.
Sweetpeasue good you’ve found another GP you feel comfortable with. I’m actually quite happy wearing the splint. Psychologically I feel safer with my hand wrapped up. I must use it more though.
I love thé vision of your gagged Dalek 🤣. It is too hot to do much..
nadateturbe I’ve always found prunes helpful. I quite like them although I know a lot who don’t. Good you have a doctor who’s helpful too. So good when you find one you can talk to.
Scaredycat love your pun…way to go🤣. Goodness running in a day like today. It’s certainly not for me. Haven’t the energy for anything. I’ve got a brilliant fan. It’s a usb run one with 3 speeds. Only tiny but so effective.
Glad you had a good time despite the AF. Yes home is good.
Hope tomorrows test goes well. Perhaps there is something that can be done to help.
Ellie Anne wondering how your weekend has been, have you been in the garden?
Whiff living with that level of pain must be difficult. You have done well to find a way to cope. If painkillers are the only way to get a life then of course they must be taken. I’m glad you are happy with your move. You’ve obviously found the right place for you. A lovely post from you. So glad you’ve got a caring family and had such an understanding husband. It’s obvious you miss him so much.
HVDY good job you’ve found us was about to send out a search party. 🤣. Wow, what a lovely day for a picnic with all your family. How nice to have a get together.
Wyllow we are your online family. If you can talk through moving options with us that’s fine. Not a merry dance at all just working through thoughts in your mind. It’s always helpful to bounce ideas off others.
Sorry about your back again. Trouble is back pain often lingers. DH has intermittent pain in his shoulder. Ok one day not the next.
Glad you had Quakers to go to. De cluttering is a good idea. Preparing to move but not forcing yourself to making any decisions at the moment.
I do feel ( just my two penny worth ) that somewhere with a warden or some form of community would be better for you now. You are obviously very capable and able to sort things out for yourself but having others around you could be a comfort.

Wyllow Oh no, your poor back. Think it's going to be aweak spot for a little while longer. Shame about the missed walk and cafe but they will be waiting for you and hope you can visit shortly. Agree with Doodle in that it's good to look at others ideas and thoughts about your move-- especially if you're unsure. As for 'wise experts' if you find one do let me know--I've a lot of questions right now.
Doodle Those lost posts are so damn annoying. There are so many from us all, lost into the ether. Wonder where they have disappeared to. Yes, the GP is nice. Just I miss F2F.
Glad your splint is comfortable and I can see it must feel safer to have something on that will protect it from knocks and such. Hope you can keep cool tonight.
Nadateturbe Another here who likes prunes. An aunt used to give me them in warm Ambrosia rice when a child, though I much prefer nice ones from a sealed pkt rather than the tinned ones aunt used. (This same aunt gave us dog biscuits too!)
Hope your weekend has been ok.

Have ultrasound tomorrow ar RVI so long car journey and bowel playing up tonight. Quite worried about the 2 pts of water kept in bladder. It will be painful with the IC and Ive seen them delayed before. Crossed fingers.

Wishing all a peaceful night to all BDs and reading.

ScaredyCat I can't think why anyone would run in this heat, it's been much too hot. Son's GF has got 5 days until the due date, and she's fed-up now. Glad you had a good time away. Hope all goes well tomorrow, and that some solution to the AF might be found.

SweetpeaSue A gagged Dalek [gin]. At least it works and will keep you cool. My brother has prunes and AllBran every day, and swears by them as a laxative.

Wyllow3 De-cluttering is quite a process. I wish my husband would get rid of a lot of stuff in his massive shed. I hope your backache eases off and allows you to relax this evening.

Doodle I'm glad you're finding the splint ok to wear. Would a stretchy tubular bandage be any good in between? I agree, it's been too hot to do much today (my ironing pile is still there and is getting bigger).

Candy6 Hope you're having a lovely holiday.

DH vacuumed and did the washing-up, I mopped, and now I'm going to watch a film Son1 recommended. Hope all BDers have a relaxing evening x

Watched Vera and did some physio stretches which helped.

Yes Doodle a warden/manager around and other people around but to on top off me. clearly need to get to grips with the transition stress worries will take to people about that.
"Psychologically I feel safer with my hand wrapped up. I must use it more though." Oh,definitely - the last things you want is to tweak it badly while its healing.

Sweetpeasue the very best for the Ultrasound tomorrow, I hope it reveals some information.

Best nights. May people get sleep and not too many whattifferies.

Wyllow Thankyou. I'm really very scared as full bladder is extremely painful but I'm sure I will cope. Even if I have to take painkillers, I will get through it
.Really hope you get a restful night.

Gagged dalek!!! I love it.
Was a very mixed weekend for me. Sat morning was very upsetting ( family stuff) and is still weighing heavily on me. But sat night was the concert which went well and helped a bit. Church was fine though didn’t really connect with it.
Son 2 wife and toddler came in afternoon and stayed for tea. They don’t have a garden so like to sit out in ours. I’ve woken up early with bad indigestion. That’s from late night eating. So I’ve managed to get my cup of tea and take it back to bed before he gets up.
Housework and shopping today. It’s very muggy here just now. Thinking of you all.

SweetpeaSue Best of luck today, hope the ultrasound will bring some results x

All the best, Sweetpeasue: I had a really bad night and just coming to.

EllieAnne so sorry to hear of very upsetting family stuff. x
Glad son 2 and offspring came over yesterday tho.
Very muggy, hot, here too: go easy on the homework!

EllieAnne So sorry to hear of your family upset. I hope it's not something too serious.
Good the concert went well and helped a little. What did you sing?
Must have been nice to see son and family at the weekend too. Bet your little grandchild loved to play in the garden. Really warm and sunny here too. Dont overdo the housework and keep some time for yourself. Dalek rotating like crazy this morning.
HVDY Thanks. Hope you have a good day and enjoyed the film last night.
Wyllow You must be tired of these bad nights. I think when we're laid in bed waiting to drop off we can't escape what's in our head. Thanks for the good wishes.

Hope everyone manages a decent day.

EllieAnne Sorry about the family upset. Hope it's nothing bad. Nice that you saw your son and his family.

Wyllow3 It's been very humid, and no better after the little bit of rain we had earlier. Hope you have a better night.

SweetPeaSue How did you get on?

Doodle, Candy6, ScaredyCat, Allsorts, *Whiff and others - hope you've all been ok today.

My legs are painful (an internal burning sensation), my face is absolutely enormous - BUT the shakiness/dizziness is much less. Hope everyone has a peaceful evening x

I went back to sleep in the morning so today was do-able. I'd canceled an appointment as thought today would be impossible, and fortunately it wasn't filled. Mixed anxiety and small triumphs over anxiety and lowness.

HVDY sorry to hear of the symptoms still lingering but thank goodness the dizzy is wearing off.

Wave, BD's.

HVDY So sorry about your legs, the inner burning must be very uncomfortable. You must be pleased the dizziness is much better though . Will that mean you can drive again?
I was fine. Had vag ultrasound aswell. A bit taken back when realised the man was going to do it, but I it was ok-just felt a bit nauseated when he went over the cervix. Thank goodness I didnt have to wait too long in waiting room as Id drank most of the water in the car.
Wyllow Glad you managed to catch up on the sleep. The mixed anxieties and small triumphs sound v normal in your circumstances. Do hope you can have a better night tonight though.

Well I’ve been for my follow up at the fracture clinic and was saying to the consultant that I thought I was funny the ulna (under the little finger) hurt more than the bigger radius ( under the thumb) which was the one that had the fracture. He looked at me for a minute and said no you broke both bones very badly that’s why they hurt 😱. Good news is they are healing well but I’ve to keep the splint in for another 6 weeks then go back again. He was really nice and so gentle as he manoeuvred my wrist.
I managed to talk the cast people into giving me a spare splint ( difficult to wash and dry one in time to keep wearing it). The new one is much more comfortable than the old one so will use that most of the time.
Sweetpeasue I am wondering how things went today. Do you get the results straight away or have to wait for radiologist to review the scans? Hope you managed with the full bladder. Never easy. How are you feeling tonight?
Ellie Anne so sorry family stuff has you worried and upset. It always gets to me too. Family is so important. Hope it is something that resolves itself soon.
Glad the concert went well. Nice to have your son and family round for a bit. Bet your DGS had fun in the garden. Do you have a little watering can for him? Mine used to love watering the plants with a little plastic watering can.
HVDY can’t really wear tubular bandage at the moment., my hand is still swollen and any pressure, like an elasticated bandage puts too much pressure on it. I have tried it but it hurts too much. Hope you enjoyed the film last night.
I’m glad the shakiness and dizziness is less. Were the steroids originally to make your legs better though? Burning inside doesn’t sound as though there’s much improvement. Wish they would review you sooner.
Wyllow having spoken to the Consultant ortho chap today I’m going to wear the splint more than advised by physio. I think (despite the fact I told them it was only 4 weeks ago) they thought more time had passed and I should be doing more exercises. Consultant said early days yet and to wear splint most of the time.
I can understand wanting your own space. If a place does have company when you want it and a warden if you need it, it would also need to be somewhere where you could live your own life and not feel obliged to join in things if you didn’t want to. I suppose the older the other owners/residents the more likely it is that there would be more communal things arranged.
The M&S place we stayed in for a night had a wine and cheese party. It was really nice and a very jolly affair. Great mix of people. Some used it as a base to come home to after their travels. Some more dependant and needing support. Others just to live close to town and not have the responsibility of their own home to maintain.
Glad the day got better and you were able to keep your appointment.
Scaredycat I expect you’ve been busy unpacking from your trip and sorting out the washing. Bet it’s nice to be home though.
Whiff and Candy hope you’ve had a good day