Black Dog 17

Candy Please don't beat yourself up about your bad day at work. I understand it has dented your confidence so I hope your day is better today and things work out for you. You have such a busyife amd Im sure you must be a diligent worker.
I hope you have a relaxing break in Spain. Glad your family member appears to be doing ok.

Feeling so inadequate in every way. Of course relieved chest pain doesn't appear to be heart related but I dont get reflux, unless you can have it without symptoms.. My son would have been concerned yesterday as DH called him. I'm just a worry to my DH and now I'm looking like a fraud and feel I have to explain myself to son and, when I see him GP. Now habe a mew umexplaine pain to add. So depressed.

Evening all, just caught up. Been busy as usual, family stuff plus work. Not a good day for me work wise. Made a few mistakes today which I’ve got to try and put right tomorrow. It plays on my mind as I hate making mistakes and it knocks my confidence. I like to be competent and do a good job and I think they think I’m rubbish. It’s a confidence thing I suppose. Anyway, that’s just a small issue compared to others and it’ll hopefully all be ok. My family member is doing ok I think but difficult to fully asses the situation from a distance. Not too stressed though. Think the ADs help me stay calm.
Ellie-Anne your grandson sounds very clever. It’s good he likes learning, that’s half the battle. My grandson hates Evening all, just caught up. Been busy as usual, family stuff plus work. Not a good day for me work wise. Made a few mistakes today which I’ve got to try and put right tomorrow. It plays on my mind as I hate making mistakes and it knocks my confidence. I like to be competent and do a good job and I think they think I’m rubbish. It’s a confidence thing I suppose. Anyway, that’s just a small issue compared to others and it’ll hopefully all be ok. My family member is doing ok I think but difficult to fully asses the situation from a distance. Not too stressed though. Think the ADs help me stay calm.
Ellie-Anne your grandson sounds very clever. It’s good he likes learning, that’s half the battle. My grandson hates learning and it’s such a struggle to get him to do it. It’s a confidence thing with him I think. I’m sure he will enjoy his presents. I hope you find something to do that pleases you and you enjoy. I know “groups” aren’t everyone’s cup of tea. They’re not really mine either. I hope your day has been ok today.
HVDY your new granddaughter is adorable and yes, you are lucky to have such a lovely family. I hope your cystitis is better and you enjoy your visit to the Isle of Wight. I’ve never been but I’m told it’s lovely.
Wyllow sorry you’ve had a bad day today. It’s been a busy time for you so it’s probably all caught up with you. I’m glad you got a face to face appointment with your GP, it’ll be much easier to discuss what you want to and you’ll hopefully get some useful advice. I’m sure your trip to your sisters will do you good. She’s obviously very knowledgeable and will be a good support to you. Let her give you the TLC you deserve, have a rest and hopefully relax a bit. I understand that not being able to use exercise as your outlet and it must be so frustrating. If I get injured, I panic as I too use it as my coping mechanism but I’m not doing as much as I should or indeed want to due to time constraints. Facebook - I’m on it but reluctantly. I joined just so I could make the dog’s grooming appointments as it’s the only way the groomer does them! Some people live their lives through it but that’s not me.
Doodle I’m glad you had a nice holiday and your DH got over his bout of illness. hope he’s still ok. Nice you had a visit from your son and granddaughter too. Always gives us a lift. I hope your physio plan goes well.
Scaredycat an emotional time for you, sending much love. Hope you enjoyed your walk, albeit in the rain. I walk in the rain too. I try not to let the weather stop me doing things but it does get me down a bit.
Sweetpeasue I’m sorry for your hospital admission. Don’t berate yourself for it, I’m sure they won’t think you’re neurotic at all. You were in pain and you did the right thing. If you can see a pain management specialist privately, then do it. Just do some research and choose a good one. I would also consider taking AD’s. They don’t take anything away but they do help you cope better. It’s like Doodle said, you take them and then all of a sudden, realise you are coping better and don’t feel as bad anymore. I hope you are ok now.
Whiff your posts are truly very thoughtful and articulate. You write so well. I hope you enjoy your visit to your family.
Nadaterturbe I hope you enjoyed your visit to your caravan even though the weather was unkind to you. At least you could rest and have a change of scenery. I’m sorry your sister is so poorly.

Going to sleep now. I need to get into work early tomorrow to try and sort the mess I made today. Seems to be the week for some of us to take a break. We are going to Spain for 4 nights very early on Wednesday so maybe absent for a while (although I realise I often am!). I’ll be thinking about you all though and will try and pop in when I can. Love to all xx

I see Sweetpeasue. So it's not that. Perhaps the lanzaprazole will help. It could be your aesophagus. Caused by all the stress. Understandable. I hope your appointment tomorrow is of some help.x

Dear Nadateturbe. V kind of you to reply to my post. Especially as you're so tired. Dont worry, am ok tonight.
I understand Costochondritis-DH once had it. Ambulance man pressed onto top of ribs and further up and didnt hurt, which is what makes costo more painful. Thankyou for responding. x

Sweetpeasue just saw your last post. You poor thing. I feel so sorry for you. You don't get much of a break. The chest pain must be very worrying. The ambulance came very quickly which is reassuring, in case it happens again. And they seem to have looked after you well and done all the necessary tests. I wonder could it be costochondritis. It can be very severe.
Sorry everyone, was composing a post when I noticed Sweetpeasue's post.
And my brain is exhausted.
Will get back tomorrow.
Sending love to everyone. Some of you are having a very bad time. Hoping and praying for peaceful night for you all. xx

Doodle Hope you can keep up the excercises and they help you. Be gentle and dont hurt yourself.
I ve never been on FB either.
Wyllow So sorry you're feeling such exhaustion physically /mentally.
You are bound to be worrying about Wednesday feeling like that and the drive. Hoping you feel better about it tomorrow. After the fallout from car breakdown too its no wonder you've had a taxing few dys.

Son said I'm already signed into FB but I've never ever posted anything. Wouldnt use my real name amyway.
Sorry not great tonight as the crushing chest pain came back about 2-30 and could hardly breathe. After a good 20 mins in (last time only2mins) DH rang999. Ambulance came 10 mins later and pain still as bad while they were here half n hr so took me in. At hospital pain had decreased - ages with tests. Cardiac nurse said dont believe its heart related.Think reflux though I never get reflux or heartburn. Then she said the immortal words ' We might never know the cause of your pain'!! Just burst into tears and said I really didn't want to hear that. Sent away with Lansaprozole to take twice daily.
Id only had half an egg sandwich 3 hrs before pain. I wasnt feeling stressed just before pain started.
I told her I'm not neurotic, its not in my head. They know Ive undiagnosed pelvic pain.
So worried theyll think I'm paranoid or some sort of Hypochondriac which isnt the case at all. The chest pain was crushing, hurt to breathe, like chest was in a vice, pain score 10.
Cant understand. So depressed. MH Assessment tomorrow morning.

Hope all BD ok. Wishing you all a peaceful night. x

Thank you nadateturbe I write it on "notes" but messed up with copy and paste!

Good to have a plan, Doodle and the very best sticking to it. dont be too down on yourself if you miss a day.

Today grim. Lots of Stuff over did it yesterday, all too much. I did write to GP to try and get one I want but now feel terribly anxious as asking for someone different. But exhausted and no rest to be had from mind or todays feeble body. Exhaustion there is no no one else to do absolutely essential everyday stuff and I have to do it. dent know how to cope leaving home Wednesday, etc.

xx bests all xx

Been to physio today. My range of movement isn’t good so have lots more exercises to do. I have a structured plan for the next 3 weeks so I’d better be on my best behaviour.
Sweetpeasue I always have copious lists of things to check off even if I’m only going for a short trip. Of course, I always take too much and don’t wear/use half of it. I’m not on FB either. I do wish they wouldn’t rely on the internet like that for things. So many don’t use FB. Hope your son can sort it out for you.
Your aunt must have such fascinating tales. How lucky she is that you are prepared to listen. Hoping the pain stays away.
HVDY my hair goes frizzy when wet but not flat. It grows into an enormous fuzzy mess.
Yes DGD thrilled with her car. Hope the baby is thriving and mum doing well too.
Wyllow I’ve always been sceptical of FB . Certainly wouldn’t want anyone to know who I am ( not that there’s anything exciting in my background just a sense of privacy)
Sorry you lost your post, such a pain isn’t it.
Nadateturbe I know exactly what you mean. I read backwards too, 😊. How have you been today? Have you been out anywhere?

Good afternoon all
I'm reading backwards as I've missed a few days. Wyllow3 I open a new email for posting, read posts on GN and alternate between GN and email. The email automatically saves each time as a draft. When I'm finished I 'select all' on email and copy and paste on BD. It means I can take breaks. My eyes and brain get strained. There's no way to lose the post.
This might not suit you, I just thought I would share, in case.

Thanks HVDY Never know if/when the pain will worsen or start. Just hoping you have a good holiday - you both so deserve it.
Wyllow Oh its so wearying losing a post in whichever way. You put effort and thought in then gone into ether.
Will ask son about the pen name thing tomorrow thanks. Do hope you sleep tonight with drive to sis ahead.

I've just lost a long post with bits for everyone and deleted it before copying! So sorry too tired to re-write. OK enough day, back tomorrow xx

Oh, was just going to say Sweetpeasue I use a "pen name" on Facebook, I feel more comfortable that way, son should be able to fix that if that's what you want. You can send PM's on F Book tho if you connect with someone just like on gransnet.

ScaredyCat Hope you enjoyed your walk. I love the rain but don't like to get my hair wet - it goes flat and frizzy. Did your husband enjoy his golf? DH used to play, years ago, and has still got the kit - clubs, bag, umbrella, shoes, etc.

Doodle Lovely that your son and granddaughter visited. I bet she's thrilled with her car, isn't she? DIL has had 2 visits from the midwife (they don't call every day like they used to. The HV doesn't visit but made an appointment for a baby clinic about 10 miles away from DIL, at 9.30! DIL rang and cancelled it. Half of these "experts" have never had a baby.

"SweetpeaSue* Oh no, the pain again . I wonder if you could take something to prevent the pain - take a painkiller before it starts? You could try to set up a new Facebook account. You can choose any name (I don't use my full name, just an abbrieviated version).

Hope all BDers have been ok today. Off to bed early tomnight - early start in the morning. Back tomorrow, sometime, if I can log in on my mobile x

Whiff I hope you thoroughly enjoy your time with brother and SIL. You seem to have got everything sorted journeywise, you're such an inspiration. You're not alone with constant rechecking stuff before going away-another jere the same.
HVDY Aw the little baby is so sweet - I love seeing them in the bath-they usually love the water. My councillor suggested a closed FB local pain website and Im not on FB at all because I've never felt the need. However, not sure now if son and granddaughter helped put me on it but Ive never used it. I forgot then tried to open my account on it and something went wrong as I got email to say I'll be banned in 180 days if dont appeal! Been waiting for son to come onshore to help me sort it. He got nack Friday but hope to see him tomorrow. Have a great time away on IOW. Hope weather is kind.
Scaredycat I wasnt very clear about what I meant last night after listening to the song. I knew what I meant but not surprised if no one else did. 🤔 Suppose I was trying to say that over the case of that op I was absolutely sure I had interpreted the whole experience correctly in that they deliberately kept back the complications in op and after tried to mislead in other various ways to prevent me finding out the damage.
Anyway thankyou for caring.You were brave to go out alone as I know how anxious you are about the AF, understandably. Hope you enjoyed your walk and you didnt get wet for your efforts.
Wyllow How have you been today after that awful time yesterday? Hope you managed Quakers. We all think it was v brave of you to cope so well. We used to take the kitchen sink when renting a holiday cottage. DH always protests at my packing. Thanks for that link. When I clicked on there were photos of local school and I saw my little GS! There were lots of names but I didn't recognise any of them. I dont know what's happened but will get son to explain.
I'm really nervous about FB as you dont have usernames like GN bjt thought I could be on a 'closed' one without being on the main one if ykwim.
Hoping Doodle, EllieAnne, Candy, Allsorts are ok today.

Usual early bladder pain which changed to a sort of low sick 'period' pain but decided it wasn't stopling us going to a nursery this morning. Browsing around distracted, picked up some pretty solar gardenlights and owl planter. Setting off back, pain ramped up suddenly and I was panting in absolute agony, bowel pressure, everything. DH rushed back and I took oramorph and Tramadol straight away ( wasnt the time for trying 1 lot first). After an hr was moderate p then by 2 hrs practically gone. Id intended to go for walk and ask aunt but too doped up for that and eyes swollen from crying. Freshened self up and though couldn't drive we both went to aunts and she was pleased to see us. Listened to all her life story. She was getting so excited about the stories of past she spoke for 2 hrs! They were incredible times she and siblings had as children during the war.
I'm glad I saw her as I know there will be a time when I'll get the call, sadly.
So pain ok for now.
Thanks all for listening.

I’m exhausted. I must eat less. I feel like this every night after dinner. Don’t think I’m eating much but obviously too much.
Oh Wyllow I hope you are ok. So pleased someone us coming to your aid. Good for you going for a drive. Hope this doesn’t put you off. Pleased to read you are now safely home.
You did really well to get through that. Don’t forget it,
HVDY cystitis is horrid. Hope the sachets help and you feel better soon. Lovely the girls got to meet their new baby’s cousin. I’m sure they will all settle down soon. Even though your DIL has had a child before things change over the years. Does she have visits from the HV ? Hope take packing is going well have you finished yet? You are so kind to remember foxy while you are away. Have a lovely time on the IOW.
Lovely photo. Beautiful cat too.
Sweetpeasue that is one of my favorite S&G songs. Such emotional words. You have made me wonder actually if there is a support group out there for people whose ops have gone wrong. Not thought of it before.
How have you been today?
Whiff you seem to have got everything arranged well. Hope you have a lovely trip and enjoy the time with your DB and DSIL.
Scaredycat a walk in the rain can be nice as long as it’s not pouring down. Been sunny all day here and quite hot. Not been out as had visit from DS1 and DGD with new car. So exciting for her.

One of DIL's cats is fascinated with baby haha

SweetPeaSue- you are right - life’s happenings change us all some for worse some for better. Yes it would help you to talk to others in your position- try FB or Patient .co.uk.
I think we are all guilty of hearing what we want to hear - it’s human nature.
I hope you can get out today and enjoy some good moments.
Whiff- I hope you have a wonderful time with your brother and his wife. So lovely to spend time with those who know you best .
So sensible to have assistance - stations can be intimidating at the best of times. Glad I,m not the only one to check everything a million times!! Have a great time.
HVDY- so glad baby is better. That photo is one to frame I think. So sweet to see the girls all together.
You too have a great time in IOW- it will do you both good to get some lovely sea air.
Mr Fox will miss you.
Wyllow- Hats off to you for being so brave- always knew you were! Yes hope it’s not a serious problem with the car .
Good idea if you can manage it to go to Quakers - some kind social interaction is just what you need.
I,m now going to have a walk in the rain - DH is at golf.
Don’t know how I,ll feel but got to give it a try.
See you all later

Thank you for kind words, Whiffand HVDY

. Extremely tired but if I can I'll make Quakers so not isolated all day as will be a reaction.

Now - have a simply lovely holiday. I take the kitchen sink and Have Lists too.

Nice of you to think of the fox, HVDY, I missed you were off on holiday too, sorry.

You have a point about finding others who have gone through the same, Sweetpeasue
www.facebook.com/groups/476922179059611/members/
?

Wyllow3 You coped extremely well with that. Sitting waiting, in the dark and heavy rain, it must have been quite frightening - but you did it and got back home safely. I hope that whatever is wrong with your car, it won't be too costly to fix.

SweetpeaSue There will be other people who have had similar experiences, and there might be Facebook groups or something like that (I found out a lot about Vasculitis by joining 2 Facebook groups).

Whiff Enjoy the time with your brother and his wife. Like you, I check things several times and am always early - I'm going away tomorrow morning until Friday night, and have made lists to myself and have sorted everything out). Hope you have a lovely time.

How is everyone? it's a grey morning. I'm going to do a bit of ironing, pack the case and change the bed. Must take all the fox food to my neighbour, so that she can look after him for a few days . Hoe all BDers manage to have a decent day x

Wyllow you have said in past posts you aren't brave but your car breaking down and waiting alone at night all that time shows how brave you are. I know today will be an upsetting one for you as your nerves will probably hit and you will think of all the what's ifs that could have happened. But they didn't so please don't go there. Be very proud of yourself that you waited all that time alone in the dark and if it was anything like here it was pouring with rain. Think of all the positives that came out of you being in a highly stressful situation. Like I said be very proud of yourself you did it. And you doing that should prove to yourself you are stronger than you think and you can face the next challenge. Even if you aren't proud of yourself I for one am proud of you. 🎖️.

I am going to visit my brother and sister in law tomorrow until Friday. It's been planned for 12 weeks and I can't wait to see them. My case has been packed since Wednesday only odds and ends to put in tomorrow. But I know I will check at least 3 times I have everything. Booked my travel assistance on Monday and taxi was booked on Thursday. Train not until 9.19 but taxi coming at 7.45 as I can't be late anywhere always at least 30 mins early. Don't know what the traffic will be like going into the city. Having travel assistance takes away my fear of getting on and off the train and finding platforms. Only one change each way this time .

So take care of yourselves and try and find a positive out of a negative even if it's something silly. See you all next week . 🤗

Sorry. Meant 'Nobody is, anyway, through various periods of life'

Just been listening to Boxers Song (Simon & Garfunkel). 'A Man hears what he wants to and disregards the Rest'. Their music is timeless and extraordinary. Those words do not depict my experience of my botched op. I have proof in that lies and covering up didhappen. It really did. I'm not who I was. Nobody is anyway through various periods in life. I just wish I could find someone who has experienced a botched op that is life-changing. Though I most certainly relate to feelimg of despair for different reasons to all here on BD.

So relieved you're home Wyllow.
You've done marvellously waiting like that on your own. It must have been quite scary. Hope the tests dont mean anything too expensive or drastic regarding engine fault. What a nasty shock for you. Hope you can sleep ok. x

Just got home, AA man still doing tests on car. I held it together for the nearly 2 hour wait..so much for day of rest, it will hit me later. Now more to do next week garage etc and miss Quakers. Tresoddit.

HVDY Thanks. If I dont improve over next few dys I'm going to have to resort to ADs. Oh that awful Cystitis. It's the devil. Hope it's not going to be a UTI. I really symparhise HVDY. Hope it starts easing soon. 💐
Wyllow Do hope you're back home now after the car breakdown.

ScaredyCat Nice that you saw your daughter. Does she live nearby? Hope you get to see your sister soon.

SweetpeaSue You're very low, and it's nor surprising. I know it's been mentioned before, but ADs might well help - the problems you've got won't be solved by taking ADs, but you'll feel less depressed. You'd sleep better, too, I'd think. People can be kind. I cried at the day centre when Mr Cooper died, and the cat-lovers there really empathised (I'm not demonstrative at all usually) The Cystitis is horrible, even though DH got me some sachet things from the chemist, and I've had 2 out of the daily 3.

Doodle The girls were so thrilled to see the baby. Son (baby's dad) has no idea at all about babies (I bought him 2 books about being a new father), so is following DIL's lead on things - unfortunately, she has various anxieties, so I expect there will be quite a few trips to the GP etc., with baby. Glad your husband is feeling better than he was. All the washing and ironing from a holiday is a bind, isn't it? Do what I do - only iron things when you need them .

Wyllow3 Your day hasn't been very good, has it? You did well to go for a drive, though. Hope the AA came and got you home safely.

EllieAnne, Whiff, Candy6, Nadaturbe and other BDers - hope you've been ok today. I'm just going to do a bit of ironing and get the case out, ready to pack tomorrow. Hope everyone has a restful night x