Black Dog 17

Wyllow Oh no. Time to get your money back for all those AA yrs!
Brilliant you've got out for the drive --and brilliant, you're going to get out of this predicament soon. Hang on, theyre on the way. Just as well you've found this out now and not half way to sis. Sending hug. x

Thankyou Doodle. Taken Diazapam feeling calmer. So true, so many kind people. Lots of veg never bothers tum. Have always needed more fibre to 'go'.

Peaceful night to everyone here and reading.

And thunder lightening rain to go with you couldn’t make it up.

I had a quick call with sis late afternoon and it egged me onto get into the car for a drive.

I can’t believe what happened, some funny noises from car engine that didn’t go away and I’m actually sat by the roadside waiting for the AA for the first time in 30 plus AA membership years. One hour wait for ‘priority’ but holding it together atm after a drive which was full of Ex memories but being pleased I got courage to go out, pleased I’d somehow pulled out of worst.

Sweetpeasue it’s amazing how kind some people can be isn’t it. Think hard about going privately for the pain. You do need some help. Hug on its way x

Can’t believe how tired I am . Not done anything much apart from washing.
Sweetpeasue your usual diet sounds about as interesting as ours. Have you tried eating the same thing every day to see if that makes ant difference to how you feel. You said you eat lots of veg. Are you careful which ones you eat. DH has been on carrots and celery or asparagus for some time now as anything else upsets his stomach.
If you can afford to see someone privately for pain, I would do it. It’s affecting your whole quality of life.
DH seems better today thanks?
You don’t sound stupid at all. DH and I often share a bun or cake. Don’t put yourself down so much. You are a worthwhile person who deserves better. Hope your car passed its MOT.
Wyllow DH did FODMAP for a long time but his tum seems to have settled a bit now. So many of us on a bland diet. I wonder if this is what happens as you get older (mind you, you’re years younger than me)
You have just slid into a bit of down ness ( whatever am I saying). Lots going on at the moment. Decorating. Visit to sister, back pain etc. You will come right again. The light will shine and things will be better I’m sure,
HvDY well done for not putting in weight on steroids. No mean feat that. Oh dear what a shame about your baskets. I planted a row of flowers by the side of our garden path years ago. When I came out the following morning all the flower heads had been eaten 😱
Oh so pleased your little one is ok and nothing serious. Not surprised at the tears looking at photo of older grandchildren holding the new baby. So pleased they got to meet up. The girls must have been so excited,
Scaredycat sounds like a nice day. Meet up with your DD and chat with your Dsis. Be nice if you could get to see her soon. Nearly done the washing. Bit more ironing to do.
Still quite tired tonight, yes back to the hospital visit routine next week. Just hope DHs tests are ok.
Hope all the rest of BD are ok. I know not everyone can post that often but don’t feel we have forgotten you. Hope all have a peaceful weekend.

HVDY You will have been. concerned for baby GD only natural. So glad she's ok. The photo of all your GDs togethef must have felt v moving. Seeing your new baby and perhaps remembering how older GD were at that age and how theyve grown now, all alongside baby yet to grow. It mustbe lovely photo to have.
Hope tje Cystitis is feeling better. Yes. I'm v depressed.
Scaredycat You are right it's not easy for an ordinary person to interpret medical articles. It's all I have as GPs are not going to go into anything they only generalise. Thank goodness you and DH do same thing- I thought I was just weird. I def am in some ways about eating. You like cooked beetroot too! I'm thinking it has to be not pickled, yuck.
Wyllow Oh I'm really sorry. It was seeing how you were that helped me post. Wish I could help. Sending warm hug. I hope you might feel better later. Its hard knowing you can rest body but troubled mind wont be controlled in same way.

Felt a real dive down to bottom today. Feel like crumbling. Putting face on is breaking down in public. Embarrassing. Bust into tears in cafe. Then again in a small wool shop. Never knit for over 20 yrs and saw baby jacket in mag for charity a week ago. After questions about wool was asked what made me think of knitting again after so long. Stunned like rabbit in headlights and tears. Led me into back room, given glass of water, v kind. What's happening to me? Could hardly make DHs tea for cying again. Wish I wasnt like this. I'm not doing any good for anyone.
Sorry.

Sorry, lost post. Thinking of you all. x

I haven't managed the r and r - have been in black hole, thoughts that made me think "ring crisis line", very bad/body/mind. Too tired and hurt to do what would have done in past - get off to gym or just anything but home alone with thoughts. Doesn't seem any way out of this right now.

HVDY glad baby is OK...waves to SweetPeaSue, HVDY (glad baby OK) , Scaredycat and other BD's.

HVDY- your Fox knows what he likes - he’s getting spoilt!! 🦊
We don’t get squirrels in the garden but the fox digs up Autumn bulbs.
Yes in the the Winter there is often a robin with us in the Churchyard.
It’s hot and humid here today - makes me feel exhausted so a lazy afternoon . Had coffee and cake out with DD this morning and a lovely chat with my sister- hoping to go and see her soon.
Sorry to see that your babyGD is not well today- it might just be the humidity. Hope she improves soon so she can meet her cousins.
Hope the cystitis clears up quickly it’s so painful. If you use bubbles in the bath it’s a good idea to rinse with clear water after.
Doodle- Catastrophise is my middle name!! But you are right about ADs in that you suddenly realise you feel lighter. It has certainly helped with t he negative thinking.
Hope DH was ok to go for his BT- next week sounds like another tiring one for you both.
Sorry you felt less able on your cruise- I felt like that when we went away recently - such a hard pill to swallow. Often tummies react to not moving so much and eating different foods don’t they.
Since I started AF 6 years ago I haven’t had any alcohol or caffeine on the advice of the consultant.I still miss alcohol but the no caffeine doesn’t bother me at all.
How’s the washing going?
EllieAnne - know what you mean about picking up dog poo- not the most fun thing to do.
Nadaturbe- glad you,ve been able to get away to the caravan- hope the storms have cleared now.
I,m sorry your sister is so poorly- she must have been so happy to see you.my sister too has been very poorly on and off for over 3 years - it’s hard to see someone you love unwell isn’t it.
Wyllow- much better to wave goodbye to the treadmill - bet you haven’t missed it. I understand how you felt but now you can concentrate and appreciate the things you can do- glad your swim went off uneventfully.
You can still do a little yoga so do the exercises that are gentle and the breathing ones when you feel up to it.
Your Sis has given you some good advice I think.when you are with her perhaps she could help you with a plan of campaign- I,m sure you will find going away will help build your confidence- your sister understands you and will give you encouragement- have some fun too!!
SweetPeaSue - it sounds like a good idea to see the top pain man privately. You have so many questions and obviously read a lot about your conditions but it isn’t always easy or correct to interpret what we read. He will be able to spend time with you and hopefully give you some answers.
I don’t like smoked salmon either - it’s the devils work!! That consistency🤢 I like cooked beetroot too- I used to have it in sandwiches in my packed school lunch.😀
We often do half and half in Costas- you are not alone!!!!
Whiff,Candy ,Allsorts, and all posters and readers hope this weekend is kind to you.

Quick update - baby is ok. Son1 sent me photos of his girls holding baby . Not sure why, but it made me cry x

Wyllow We had a thunderstorm earlier, so everything has been watered , including my washing! Hope you're having a good day today.

SweetpeaSue Thanks, I had bicarbonate of soda earlier. I know what's caused it - I had a bath with bubbles in. Don't know why I did that. It certainly does sound as though some damage was done to you. The trouble is - will anyone admit to it, and what can be done? You haven't got strange habits - you like what you like. Don't keep putting yourself down. (It sounds as though you're depressed, and you'd have good reason to be). Think about ADs?

Son2's girls were so excited to be seeing baby today, but then GD1 texted me, said baby wasn't well and she didn't think they'd be seeing her. I texted DIL, and she said baby was vomiting a lot during the night, the midwife advised going to the walk-in centre. Perhaps a touch of sunstroke or something. I'm waiting to hear. Hope all BDers are ok today x

Wyllow Hope your r&r works for mind aswell as body. Your diet sounds healthy to me. I should eat salmon. Might try doing that. Can't bare smoked salmon(to me still tastes raw). I eat lots of veg and keep some for following day if had some with the beef and eat on its own. Like cooked beetroot. Agree that priorities change as our health suffers.
HVDY The extreme tummy pain after that botched op and bleeding came through into back and within a few dys had to stand in waiting room and even in appts as couldnt sit for more than 10mins. 2 mths after the op, had electric shock pain going down legs and lost feeling in 1 leg for a while(sent to A&E) Something def happened during op.Anyway, I hope your cystitis pain has eased. Its really painful. Can you dring half a glass water with half teaspoon of bicarb in? Absolutely vile but sometimes helps any stinging a tiny fraction. Thundering here and deluged with heavy showers. Oh no your hanging baskets. My blackbirds have been vandalising newly planted pots but have stopped now.

DH took car for MOT this morning then did some supermarket shopping. (such excitement). Slept ok last night and tum wise quiet so far.
Feel stupid earlier saying we eat half sausage bun and half cake. Its what we do in costly Costa's.
I have funny habits when out eating I think. I must be strange. Being honest makes me sound stupid.

Oh dear HVDY not the best start. Hanging baskets dry out so very quickly and I forget them.

Wyllow3 Your sister sounds very caring, and very knowledgeable as well. I agree with SweetpeaSue that GPs don't always look at notes much, perhaps a quick glance.

Doodle I hope your husband feels better today. I'm very overweight but have managed not to gain any whilst on the steroids (last tablet tomorrow) for 13 weeks. I love food and am very much an emotional eater/drinker. Do you get comfort from it too?

SweetpeaSue I didn't know what a pudendal nerve was, so Googled it. That might be what causes your discomfort. You should ask someone and see if something could be done.

My recently-done hanging baskets aren't doing very well - I've just noticed that the plants have been dug over, and a lot of the soil is missing - the squirrels have been planting nuts in there (I buy food for them). Little sods . Just heard thunder. My washing is on the line. Oh well. And I've got Cystitis . Hope ALL BDers manage to have a decent day x

I woke knowing that if I don't take a day out it will be very bad news in mind and body so will do that for body and hope for mind. I really should do more guided relaxations and similar and all the breathing stuff know from yoga, but you have to be relaxed enough to....

My tum has been a bit better since I started very restricted bland diet which I've got used to. Some from sis advice and some from looking at FODMAP advice. It also makes shopping easier, less to ponder about. Tum doesn't really like any meat except for good quality ham but does like salmon eggs and other fish.

Breakfast tinned fruit and sourdough bread - lunch protein plus green veg or carrots plus bread, evening same as lunch maybe with rice. No cakes or biscuits.

Yes Sweetpeasue GP's until they know you don't have time to read up on notes nor look up drug cross effects. and I do like your idea of going private for pain expert, its such a constant in your life. Basically I use holiday or doing things on house type money for the help I get now but its the priority.

Doodle Sorry I realised I didn't comment on your DH not seeming well tonight. I do hope he's ok tomorrow. x

Sorry can't answer individually but judt to say the foods I eat are quite bland.Dont ear any spicy food at all. Hardly any red meat. Braising steak once a week. Mostly white fish with mashed potatoe and green beans and peas. Tuna sandwhich. Eggs soft-boiled. Occ choc biscuit, toast. Baked potato. A bad day would be half sausage bun shared with DH and half a cake shared. Occ beans on toast with poached egg. I can have loose bowelafter days with little fibre as can with more fibre.
Just taken painkiller because of extreme agitation caused by low back pain(came on after that op) think pudendal nerve involved, but strange painful sensation in rectum and low tum.
Dont know why I'm saying this.
Yez Doidle Pain management might have answers. Perhaps should get a private appt with top pain management man who deals with nerves too. Just a thought but I know pudendal nerve branches into nerves that control bowel and bladder.
Its only a thought but I'd like to ask that question if I saw him.
Doodle Its hard to watch what we eat when struggling with worry about partners and life's other worries too. We need to find something that comforts and there's no doubt food and drink have done that for me too.
Nadateturbe I have quite a plain bland diet too. Hope you feel stronger tomorrow.
Wyllow Your sis words make a lot of sense about painkillers. Ive been disappointed with GPs advice at times. They can't really know our situation if we are having to go to different GPs all the time. Most dont read our notes. I didnt get time to ask mine about xray on knee but it wont show meniscus anyway.

Hope all have peaceful night.

Sweetpeasue you are right when I’ve slowed down since DH has been ill but it’s more than that. I thought I’d put in a lot of weight in the cruise and that’s why I wasn’t able to do much, truth is I am very overweight but didn’t put in as much as I thought. Lack of exercise creeps up on you so I’m going to try and do more. DH wasn’t well this morning. He seems ok now but so tired he’s gone to bed. I Hope he’s ok. Blood test today so might know more soon.
Have you tried eating the same food every day for a week or so to see if it helps your bowel. Don’t forget you have your pain management appointment in November too. Something must be done for your pain whatever the cause.
nadateturbe do you read your kindle in bed. Reading always makes me sleepy. Like you, DH was back home for his BT today. We enjoy the cruise because of the good food but this time neither or us was really up for it. We eat so plainly at home. Like you I think, a beige diet, 😊
HVDY yes BT for DH today, I love the Isle of Wight. Used to go there with the boys years ago. Hope you have a good time and enjoy yourselves.
Wyllow good you got in with the GP. If the painkillers cause fluid retention could you not counteract that with diuretics?
So good you have your sister to advise you. Hope you enjoy your visit with her. Try and relax and have a good time.
Funny I can’t even say that word or spell it but it’s exactly what I do. One wrong word in a text or message and I’m into full panic mode. Oh dear somethings wrong. I’ve always been like this. Bane of my life.
Actually I should find giving up caffeine easy. I don’t really enjoy coffee or tea but only drink it to be sociable. Just got into the habit of drinking it. Only have one in the morning and one at night but often only drink half.

Doodle It's sad when you realise you can't do what you used to, not just because of getting older, but because of ill health. . It can be a bit of a shock, and hard to get your head round. I'm sorry.
My aunt loves cruises but knows this year will be different, as her husband isn't very mobile.
I'm sure a return to your regular diet will help your weight concerns very quickly.
Back home briefly on Monday for a repeat blood test.
Sweetpeasue I don't know what foods affect you, but I find my boring bland diet works for me and I've got used to it. Maybe experiment, its worth a try. Also I've never tried it but cbd oil or other cbd products are used by many for pain successfully. Maybe other GNS could help with info.
Just made it out of bed 🙂, you're right Wyllow3 after effects of visit. Isn't it awful how much activity affects us? I'll read your post properly tomorrow. And reply. Glad talking to your sister helped a little. She's a good sister.

The treadmill men did take away my huge monstrosity that had sat there reminding me of what I couldn’t do, and just watched TV.
Today I was pleased that I went for a swim without twigging my back but knew the black dog was chasing me after 2 over busy days.

Remain very unhappy with the telephone chat with doc. At one point he said,

“it might be better if you just came off all the drugs altogether” and then told me to take new painkillers everyday not just as needed - but I found out the painkillers have water retention and bloating side effects, which is one of my constant problems.

So black dog came with huge life is not worth living hit at 4.30pm including not being able to do beloved yoga much atm which has been a lifelong passion but have managed with help of ringing sis to get a bit better, no she says take painkillers as and when! And yes, try and re-schedule the in person GP appointment with the GP who knows you and MH stuff and meds so well. Sis said I had to go and see physio more to get back as sorted as possible (£££sigh) (off to sisters Tuesday next week).

Yes Scaredycat I am going to try and make break with sis go as well as possible for it it does it will give me confidence, and yes

Whiff I think when ready I do need to move not just new start but looking after house and big garden. That big move you made was so courageous.

Sometimes bed is the only place tho, isnt it Nadaturbe? Sounds like you haven't got over yesterdays energy demands…hoping tomorrow is another day with a +

Doodle yes that word “Catastrophising”. The curse of. I hope today’s hospital appointment was helpful, but its sounds like a busy and demanding appointments time coming up. All the best for your weight loss journey. And it is very, very difficult comparing “last time”. Yes re avoiding caffeine but hard to give up. I know I should but my first 2 lattes of the day…I should stop there I know it's the boost caffeine gives when you have to do something.

HVDY it was a good drying day today! Hope aqua-aerobics went well. I can well imagine the fox enjoying the diet you offer.

Well done there in the garden EllieAnne its hard getting the ooompf together to start I know.

Sweetpeasue....just sending lots of love for your daily struggles (hug)

nadateturbe Yes, Foxy is being spoilt. What a shame they (urban foxes) only live 1 - 3 years, on average (they're usually knocked down by traffic). I'm tired today, too. It's very warm here, and due to be hotter tomorrow. Hope you get a decent night's sleep.

Doodle How's your day been? Was it your husband's hospital appointment?

SweetpeaSue When the Urologist told me to cut out all caffeine (including chocolate), alcohol and citrus fruits, including fruit juices, I had to do it for 3 months. It might not make any difference, but it's worth a go, isn't it? DH and I are going to Isle of Wight next week, Mon - Fri, so we'll perhaps see baby next weekend. I've bought another 5 outfits, from Matalan, today . Pink, of course .

How has everyone else been today? x

EllieAnne I know you do so much for your son and DIL Tidying house, washing while they are at work. You must get tired too with doing everything in your own home as well as gardening. You did so well doing that long walk the other day. I hope you might be able to see your friend soon and feel more like a chat. It's awful having to put on a face all the time.
Nadateturbe I feel awful explaining about the pain. I feel I need to try and find the right words for explaining to Drs as its difficult to describe. I don't thing GPs know what to do tbh. I hope its been good weather where you are today and you've recovered a bit from your exhaustion.
Doodle I thought you might find a difference to previous holidays. I understand you may not be as fit yourself now. My DH is not going on the walks we used to do without me. Bowels churning and loose this morning and a sort of period-like ache all day but went for walk on beach late this afternoon. Spoilt by my knee pain. Walked about 10 mins then knee felt was going to give. Restricted movement inside knee. Had meniscus prob 5yr ago but since stopped HRT both knees terrible. Anyway I tried. I can see how when one of you has restricted mobility it affects the other too. At least I can see it with us anyway. I did try going without caffeine and much else (acidic foods) for nearly 4 weeks but didn't make any difference. Though I did have the occasional glass wine. I should prob give it another try. I dont actually need a wee as often as I did but just go to ease bladder pain which is why I go more frequently though have no 'urgency' as in 'I can hold it'.
My bowel doesn't seem to respond in a certain way with certain foods as it used to. Can't fathom it really. I think some nerves must be the cause. So you will both be back to medical appts again after weekend. I hope someone will be able to help your DH. Hes so many conditions to deal with.
HVDY Looks like your fox likes human food rather than 'fox food'.
Hope your aqua aerobics was good. So hot here today. I've only drank de'caff since doing that Interstitial Cystitis diet but should try doing without again for a while but I honestly dont think it will make much difference for me. I'm def going to stop the glass of wine 'and occ 2) to see if it helps. Will you be seeing baby again next week?
Wyllow Hope you have been ok today. I understand how difficult it is to get an appt with GP who can deal with everything.

I am losing any hope I had that anything is going to be done about my pain as it seems GPs have exhausted options. Still have Urologist follow up appt in 5 weeks. He thinks bladder pain could be what he called a bladder element of the Chronic Pelvic Pain (CPP) or Primarily Bladder Pain. If it's nerve damage scared I'll have to live with it for life. Have had low period - like pain most of day with churning bowel. Really concerned about L knee. Its so bad today and didnt get chance at Drs appt to remind him about that. Oh dear, I'm sorry.

Hope Whiff Candy and anyone not mentioned on BD are ok today.

You've spoilt that fox HVDY. 😁
I think Doodle you are right and diet can make such a difference. My DD is trying to give up coffee, she's finding it hard. I think gradually is the way to go.
Feel rotten today, couldn't sleep with storm. Added to tiredness from visiting sister. Kindle coming in useful.
Ah well...Tomorrow is another day....
Hope you're managing better than I Wyllow3.
EllieAnne a friend used to volunteer at a local dog shelter as a walker. I hope you find something.
Hello everyone else. Wishing you all a peaceful evening.

HVDY I think I may try giving up caffeine. Not today though I need to keep awake. 😊

Ellie Anne pets aren’t for everyone and you have explained your circumstances well. They certainly can be expensive I know. Your garden sounds like it’s one of your favourite places. Glad you’ve got one to potter about in. Hope your weekend is ok.