Black Dog 17

What a lovely place! Yes, you write that letter. Aw, your poor DH. Age is not for the faint-hearted, is it.

Phew HYDY very tiring indeed. it's so long ago now, I just can't recall it wasn't so often. And good points about not meeting trouble half-way. (easy to say, hard to do). but the Consultant shouldn't just "throw in" things like that!

The earwig advice would have freaked me out too, Scaredycat what you said was lovely, thank you. Waving to another pharmacy survivor.

Well done you two Doodle for getting out, difficult tho it is.

Woke up from nap, and "competent Wyllow" hates herself.

Yes: she is useful, and sometimes necessary. I realise I have at last formed a trust attachment to my counsellor after last session. As I went to sleep my mind searched around for something - anything - to hold onto, and she came in.

I want the inner little Wyllow to grow enough find her own place in the world so I am comfortable with myself.

Thank god (or whatever we conceive gratitude and the best things in human beings) I have enough money to pay for her. Little matters more really than being able to live in the world as our best selves.

(On Taise music - When I learnt to be a yoga teacher I learnt some of the mantras which have a similar form to Taise music. Both have the calming repetition of simple but powerful phrases. I find them soothing sometimes too, like Mere Ram
www.youtube.com/watch?v=r6vpDhgCODA

I think both have their roots far in the past - think plainchant.)

Slieve Donard from our promenade walk.
Lovely memories of walking in the Mournes.

Wylow I was once put on a 2-week pathway, it's to rule out anything nasty (which I didn't have and feel sure you haven't, hopefully). What a day you've had - faffing about re prescription and GP receptionist, but great that you've had the final all-clear about the lipoma. Nice of your friend to give you a lift back. Good news about the car, too.

nadateturbe Good idea to ask for more information. The Consultant is obviously not concerned, which is a good thing. I was told, months after my stroke, that they'd noticed a brain tumour (benign). I panicked and Googled about it, got myself into a state - but I haven't had any symptoms, and the Consultant isn't worried (they'll look again next year), so I don't even think about it. Sometimes, we can imagine the worst, particularly if it's to do with the brain. Try not to worry.

Doodle Is your husband on any medication to help with the peripheral neuropathy? Does he find it numb or painful? It's been nice weather to get out for a while. Did you walk along by the river?

ScaredyCat, SweetpeaSue, Candy, Whiff and all BDers - hope your day has been ok.

DH and I went to see DIL and baby (son was there, working from home). Saw the 2 cats, too . Went for a lovely but expensive lunch at a very smart country pub. Baby is fed "on demand", so drinks a couple of ounces, then sleeps, then wants another ounce 30 minutes later, and is like that all day! No wonder DIL feels so tired.

Doodle going to try consultant first.
It must be really strange for your husband not having normal feeling in the bottom part of your legs, and annoying that a stick doesnt help. Glad you got out, even for a little walk, fresh air is good. Our red flag system not the same. We're not guaranteed to be seen so quickly. My sister, recently diagnosed waited longer. Another question for my MP.
Scaredycat you're right about lockdown. We haven't flown since and now it seems such a big thing to accomplish. Socialising for many hasn't returned to normal.
The vertigo sickness is horrible. First time we had a home visit from GP. That was a Christmas day to remember.
Endurance test describes it well! I wonder why pharmacies are like that now.
Such a nice post to Wyllow3.
We are at the caravan as the sun is due to make an appearance tomorrow again.

Yes Wyllow3 I'll try a letter first. Usually works with consultants.
We had a very windy walk. Both lying down recovering. Great fun being this age! 🙂.
Dinner will wait.

Wyllow3 you're obviously shattered and need a good rest. Impatient receptionist, and chemist problems. Not helpful! But good news about car and lift to endoscopy. You have friends who care. Hopefully tomorrow will be more restful.

Doodle- I think you are right that lockdown has been responsible for so many fears and insecurities that were not there before.
Poor DH - peripheral neuropathy is really painful isn’t it. Something else he seems to deal with in his calm way.
Yes my DH was on the Fast Track earlier this year for a persistant cough. It seemed very efficient.
Ditto Lemon Drizzle!!!
SweetPeaSue- yes you do have to put spiders out of your mind when in a sleeping bag! When I was going camping as a Girl Guide my Nan told me that I had to put cotton wool in my ears to keep earwigs out!!! I was petrified.
Your knitting is lovely- small clothes are so sweet.
Nobody will judge you - be yourself and as Doodle says you,ve been messed around enough- it’s time to try and stick to your guns for what you want. You can do it. Here comes a hug.
Nadaturbe- I have arthritis in my neck too and it can make you lightheaded especially trying to look upwards.
One Xmas day I woke up with vertigo like your DH- even opening my eyes made me vomit! Glad he,s not had it again.
Wyllow- glad you were successful with your appointment and now you can have the sedation if you want thanks to your kind Quaker friend.
Great news about the car too- the hills are beckoning I bet.
Pharmacy visits are like an endurance test aren’t they, we had another one today😩😩
Pleased that the Alien has completely gone- must have been a relief.
There will come a time I think ,when you feel more up to it , a new home would give you the peace and enjoyment you so need and want in your own place. No nasty hurtful memories around each corner.
“ The tiny person inside” really touched me and so describes how you are feeling. But todays busy day you have shown how brave, independent and well liked she is .
HVDY- hope you have had a lovely day with your DiL.
Love to all and those not mentioned

Sweetpeasue those little outfits are lovely. What a nice thing to do for someone.
No one has the right to judge others about anything. What’s the saying, unless you walk in others shoes…. Try not to be concerned about what the MH team think. They must come across all situations and the point of them is to try and help people surely.
HVDY DH not keen on co codamol either but the alternative is tramadol which has much the same effect. Yes his balance is because his nerves don’t connect from his knees to his feet so as we balance on our feet he’s never quite sure what his are doing. Just been for a walk. It’s dry for once so made the most of it. Didn’t go far but it was good to get out.
Wyllow yes he did have sedation and a painkilling spray in his throat. There was a young lad there who didn’t. He just had the spray. He seemed to be ok.
Pleased your Quaker friend has offered to come with you. That’s really positive and nice. Good news about the car too. Bet you can’t wait to get it sorted out.
I hope ‘competent Wyllow’ can have a rest tomorrow and concentrate on the plusses today.
nadateturbe your red flag system must be the same I would think. Your poor DH. Mine doesn’t get sick with vertigo he just can’t balance.
I think you’re right. Most people don’t have exciting days. Apart from the short walk I’m going to wash my hair and that’s as exciting as it gets.
Hope you get that appointment with the GP soon.

btw, nadateturbe yes so very frustrating when you raise afterwards the really important questions you needed to ask. I hope you can find a way soon of getting the answers. Will an email to the consultants secretary be helpful? Request a 10 min call back? Very hard to get, I know.

(In England the 2 week pathway is the cancer pathway, a guarantee that you will be seen/tested within 2 weeks. thats the pathway I'm on, which is upsetting, except my sis says the MRI I had on small bowel should have covered it and I've recently had in Feb an ultrasound - but thats what the GP chose as things were acute).

Like nearly everyone here, I'm well fed up with everything medical!!!

Phew what a day. Day needed badly to rest but… had to do a round tour of GP to drop specimens off, (hadn’t been able to label them, que receptionist heaving negative sigh) drive up to get the last look on limpoma (all well 🙂) drive across town to chemist (where they had lost a prescription and took 40 mins to find it). Good bits: while this going on Quaker friend offered me a lift back from endoscopy which means I can opt for sedation… good bit number 2 it looks like my car will be finally sorted next Mon/Tuesday so allows me to go for little bits of country air…
But v down inside all too far much tho. I need ways of having days off at home without shadow of ex round the house and just feeling life has given up on me. Had to use ‘competent Wyllow personality’ all day, it’s a strain, when inside there is a tiny person who just wants looking after…

I've never heard of the 2 week endoscopy thing. We just have red flag, which isn't guaranteed to be less than 2 weeks. It's good they are doing it quickly Wyllow3. I had something that wasn't full sedation (?) but you don't feel anything. But you will be fine.
I'll have a listen to Mendelssohn, thanks.

Doodle vertigo can be awful. My husband couldn't move without vomiting the one time he had it. Your husband has a lot to cope with. I think the pandemic definitely has affected us.
I'm going to complain to my MP about the car park situation. In NI we are getting little done at the minute. A disgrace.
I am loving the Taize piece. Makes me very emotional for some reason.

Sweetpeasue you won't be judged. I wouldn't waste time worrying about it. I'm pretty sure our 'normal' day would sound very boring! And not very active. Most people don't have exciting days most of the time. The little knitted jackets and hats are lovely. We'll done, after such a long break, quite an achievement.
I like Rachmaninoff 2nd too.
I love music, music can really affect how we feel.
I haven't tried Baroque...yet.

HVDY I think I will ask my GP to make an appointment so I can find out more. The neurologist just said the blood flow isn't what it should be. How could I not have asked for more information? I had a list of questions to ask him. Left that one out🙄. I also have arthritis in my neck, which was good to know. I worried about neck and head pain, thinking it was from the head injury.
Best of luck this afternoon Wyllow3.
The sun is shining here too. I hope you all get to enjoy it a little.
Hello Whiff, EllieAnne Candy and others xxx

Sweetpeasue the knitting is lovely!

Well I did wake and fret a lot about the endoscopy it had stored itself up for the night. But maybe it was concerns about actually getting though to actually get an appointment after 2 hours trying yesterday afternoon - I did after 40 mins first thing.

But I hear you Doodle about your DH and his endoscopy. (did he choose sedation? - I'd rather not as it means finding someone to come with and take home etc).

Poor MrD being a wobbly walker must come hard.

Its actually sunny for a while: having had a busy day yesterday will take it easy - got a check up on the lump op to get signed off I had done privately, this afternoon, but its a bit bumpy I want to check they got it all.

For all BD's - best days possible .

Doodle I don't like Co-Codamol, they cause constipation - one thing I've never had, so don't want. Your husband's balance is likely to be connected to his neuropathy, is it? Poor man. Are you up to anything nice today?

SweetpeaSue Hope your knee is less problematic today. It's wise to wait for the Psychiatrist's opinion about ADs. I hope you get it sorted soon. Those little knitted jackets and hats are beautiful. Really lovely.

Wyllow3, ScaredyCat, Whiff, EllieAnne and all BDers - hope your day goes well.

Love to all x

nadateturbe You must have been annoyed at being late because of the car park business. I hadn't heard of hyperintensities, so Googled it. If it can't be changed, there's no point in worrying, but to just look out for any symptoms of anything different, I suppose.

Oh my, the Rachmaninoff 2nd really does it for me - he shouts! Those thumping chords at the beginning... It was one of my Dad's faves so know it from young.
Such passion.

Are you familiar by any chance with Mendelssohn Violin Concerto - that is so passionate too and has a soulful Andante
www.youtube.com/watch?v=YpCfYynt9cM&t=184s

WyllowYes I find Baroque comforting too.
Other times Rachmaninoff 2nd concerto speaks volumes to me about overwhelming emotion.

(Back in tomorrow properly but thank you too. I bought the whole album with Nada te turbe on and it has Oh Lord hear my prayer. As a Quaker I'm not conventional in my beliefs - and when I'm too ill living in the warmth of the Light of Compassion has little meaning at that point - but a lot of us are very fond of Taise because of the peaceful qualities. Its one of my lists I have on to help me in the night.

I'm also particularly fond of Baroque music generally and a lot of Taise is very evocative of it.

*Sweetpeasue I see it like a river that flows, but sometimes one cannot possibly feel it and the best thing is to just find any music that "speaks" your feelings x)

https://www.gransnet.com/uploads/talk/202308/medium-204368-img-20230802-200134.jpg https://www.gransnet.com/uploads/talk/202308/medium-760311-img-20230802-195335.jpg

Was asked earlier to post pics of knitting. Haven't knit for 40 yrs so only basic stuff as couldn't concentrate on anything else. Anyway this is what was asked, and managed 2 jkts with little hats thrown in.

Thankyou Doodle. I find it so hard but want to believe.

Beautiful Doodle thank you.

Doodle You crept in behind me this time. Oh how much ' Lockdown took out of us all'. Yes it's true. In my own case, if DH was allowed in my appts it could have been different. I'll never know, but I think it might have been harder for consultants to try and gaslight me. Then again, DH would have probably believed them too.
I'm the same with creepy crawlies, a terrible wimp. Did camp once with cousins and was constantly wide eyed for any possibility of spiders.
Yes see what youre saying. Will keep appt next week with them. I dont like the idea of going through our days, and I say 'ours' because they are now DH at home. We dont have exciting full days. I'm afraid of judgement and I'm too old to be judged by young, albeit qualified, professionals about my life.
Sorry l'm bit scared about it all.
Anyway so glad your DH has been ok today.
Take care. X

www.youtube.com/watch?v=f51n-yb11dY
This is my favorite Taize pièce.

Wyllow My back problem (couldnt sit for more than 5/10 mins, even in public) started with a few dys after op. Went to private back specialist, did scans, and there were 2 completely squashed disks at bottom of spine. Thanks for info about meds.

Your ex just sounds more and more of a v dangerous manipulative person. I can hear how you need to convey the the drastic measures he went to, to control things. We all believe you and I'm so sorry for what youve been through.
You have been brave to leave and see things for what they were.
Nadateturbe Pleased the consultant gave you plenty of time. I'm not sure what many of the medical words mean when referring to the brain. Hyperintensities - no Id have to google too. When DH had suspected stroke they found no damage though said thete was something that could be better, though also said it wasnt unusual to see it in older people. Cant remember the words used.
My family hugs too and we are fine with that. I just feel a bit uncomfortable when a friend, who is quite distant does it.
Hope you sleep well tonight.

Wyllow I think the 2 week fast forward path is used quite often to rule out cancer and see what else is going on. DH had a 2 week endoscopy too also thinking possible ulcer.
nadateturbe glad you made your appointment on time. The circle dance sounds a lovely memory to have.

Ellie Anne I hope you haven’t hurt yourself too much after that fall. It can take a few days for the bruises to come out. I’m another that isn’t particularly touchy feely. Never had a massage and don’t want one either.
nadateturbe that’s amazing. Fancy having a friend all that time. Lovely you still meet up. DH has a balance issue. It’s hard to describe but he gets tangled up with walking sticks so doesn’t like them.
Yes I like people watching too. I can usually judge what the weather is like by watching the people out of the patio doors.
Hospital car parks are awful aren’t they, Hope you got to your appointment on time.
Scaredycat sorry I missed your post yesterday. It wasn’t there when I started writing. Yes we really don’t miss the midnight lounge walks at all.
Pleased to hear your GGS is doing so well, must be a big relief. I bet you love listening to their news.
I’ve never been camping. Too scared of creepy crawlies.
It’s hard to look back at what we were able to do last year and realise it’s too much now. I wonder how much lockdown took out of us all.
HVDY yes DH is better today thanks. No he won’t use a walking stick as he says he is more likely to trip over with it than without. He has little nerve connection with is feet and often has trouble just standing up without overbalancing.
Have you asked your GP for more effective pain killers. DH gets pains in his legs from peripheral neuropathy and has co cocodamol. That seems to help him.
Have a lovely time with your GD tomorrow and the two fat foxies tonight. 🤣
Good idea to check out first some treatments the Consultant might suggest when you see him. Hope the secretary does get some action for you.
Having the baby overnight. That will be lovely.
Wyllow if you don’t cry much then a good session can get rid of some tension. Good you had a long session with the GP gastro and having endoscopy. Hopefully that will clarify if there’s anything that might be causing the problem and help with medication choices.
I have a favorite Taise song. O Lord hear my Prayer. I love it and sing it in my mind sometimes as I’m going to sleep.
Candy that’s a good idea to try and alter you working to fit in better with your childcare requirements and to be able to work from home one day too. Hope they agree.
DH suffers from vertigo too but I think the dizziness is more a side effect of his medication. Vertigo is not a nice thing to suffer from is it.
Hope the mammogram went ok. I don’t get called anymore.
Whiff what an awful time your mum had. Must have been hard for her to go through all that treatment.
Good job you’re getting checked regularly. Not pleasant though is it?
Sweetpeasue please don’t cancel any appointments. Although they might not help there is always the possibility they could. Also if you refuse one they might take that as a reason to say you’ve refused help. Don’t agree to things you’re not happy with and put your point of view across. You’ve been messed about too much. If they need a psychiatrist to prescribe the right meds for you then push them to do something about it soon. With all meds there can be a period of getting used to them. Normally a couple of weeks or more. Dr might be able to give you something for the nausea if they cause that.
Hope Aunt has happy birthday. Bet she loved the cake.
Lemon drizzle is one of my favourites.
Had coffee friend this afternoon and nice catch up.
Sleep peacefully all.