So worried I’m turning into a recluse (MH issues)

I remember reading a story online about a lady who suffered from agoraphobia.

She took up running. At first, she could only run from her front door to the footpath in front of her house. Every day she ran a few steps further until she could run to the end of the road. After a year or so, she managed to run a few miles away from home.

Is this something you can do?

Thank you for posting your current position. You have the worst part behind you, you have a future now to build and you are doing it with trepidation which is natural. Go easy on yourself and just set a couple of small goals each day. It is good that you daughter pops in on you and friends come occasionally. These are all positives. I am sure if you recorded them in a 'Good Things Diary' you would see how each day brings its little pleasures. Believe me, I too am feeling like you at the moment and there are very few people I want to mix with apart from a select few from the inner circle. I can only imagine this has something to do with a ring of protection while we feel vulnerable. For the summer months while you still have light evenings, could you take yourself out for half an hour with your dog to a nice walk near you? As the nights draw in perhaps you could take a break about 3ish before it gets dark and make this your 'time out' if you are able to work within a certain time frame? I do believe that tiny but certain is very rewarding and your future will become yours again in the months to come. As for where you live now, perhaps in a few weeks/months you can start to look for somewhere else more suitable to your outlook once you know exactly what you need to make you feel whole again. I can only wish you luck on your journey. My journey is one of trying to fight depression where I have to force myself to meet people and do things or else I would be a total hermit, which is also not good. Balance, good things in your life and you start to feel yourself again.

I would suggest dog related activities. Either volunteering in a dog setting or joining a dog walking group or discovering something else that’s related. You can do this.

Going out with your dog in the evening would be a good start. Smile and say hello to people. In time you may get to know them and have a chat.
On your morning walk could you stop at a cafe and have a coffee?
Just getting used to being out and around people first will help you to feel more comfortable about going out alone in the evenings.

The house you may move to sounds much more suitable

You are only 51 and I would not want to be too far away from public transport. You may not feel able to hop on a bus now but it would be good to have the service close by because there will come a time when you can no longer walk everywhere. Please remember to have GP, dentist, optician etc fairly close by.

Perhaps go to a pub with one of your family and if they have a quiz night that may be another time to go and meet people.

It is very difficult for you at present but hopefully there can be small changes made.

I have similar tendencies but have been a member of a gym for some years which is also quite sociable. Not very demanding socially - little chats in changing rooms on everyday stuff. also I know the staff and they know me and that contact too.

Bluebelle is right of course but its slow slow make progress and be kind to yourself that it is slow.

You don't mention what you are doing with current counsellor. If CBT hasn't worked for you it may be that a good supportive counsellor who supports you to take these baby steps week by week may be for the best.

Ceejayjay this is a learned behaviour to make you feel safe so the only way out of this labyrinth is to feel the fear and do it anyway (as they say)
I can see you ve had lots of counselling but until you are ready to achieve a different way of life it won’t change I m afraid
Are you on medication? if not, that should be a definite option to look into?
Do you have a friend or relative you totally trust who could see you through a little programme of movement That can be as simple as walking to the garden gate or one telegraph pole up from the house or making yourself say good morning to someone on your dog walk and do that for two weeks every day then you add something else maybe a little harder and do that every day until it becomes a habit and feels ok, maybe not comfortable, but ok
Then you can move to another little step forward and all these small steps will eventually add up …remember a big strong oak tree starts from a little acorn

You have said it all in your last sentence it’s been my normal for a lot of years only one person can change this and you know who that is don’t you 👍🏼

I think in the short term you might consider looking at courses and groups run via Zoom. Ie Open Uni, U3A, courses and lectures run by art institutions.

People contact but less demanding.

If you get on well with Daughter and Grandad and would see them thats a plus.

If you are not on meds for OCD that might make a difference. Looking at the list of them I note many are antidepressants too which might help.

Hope the counselling helps. Small steps, good luck.

It’s been my normal for a lot of years & I’ve had such a lot of counselling. 1-1 Cbt & ERT and recently started some new counselling xx

The house I put offer in on is in a bigger village than I’m in now but instead of being central it’s last street before the fields allowing me to get out with my dog much more often sorry I’ve not explained myself too well. Closer to my Daughter & Grandad too xx

Sorry you’re last post didn’t show up as I posted
So you are having counselling Try someone different if it’s not working there are different types of counselling and some suit some more than others and maybe you do need medication ….this isn’t normal

I’m 51 I have ocd & agrophobia xx

It sounds like you are bordering acrophobia and that needs mental health help either as medication or one to one
Has this happen for a reason you mention two years ago was it to do with Covid ?
I wouldn’t consider moving to a quieter location that will impact even more and keep you more trapped in yourself As you are still working I m guessing your not very old (well compared to many of us)
I live alone and rarely go out at night but I m happy I m busy in the daytime and don’t worry about lack of night activities but then I am probably much older than you
Please see you GP for help it’s no life being afraid of your shadow

No I don’t want to continue like that at all hence the fear.

It’s something I’ve lived with since childhood. Yes I’m avoiding people. I’m having counselling but it’s something I’ve not been able to conquer in many rounds of therapy xx

sorry, think i assumed it was more of a social shyness problem.
have you sought help from GP ?
presumably you were living with someone, as you are recently divorced.
don't know how old you are, but as we age we are more likely to need to access services, get out, or have people come in to assist.
so would be best to start practising, in little steps.
have you always had this aversion ,
is it a kind of extreme self-consciousness.
or some fear of something to do with other people.

so are you deliberately avoiding people ?
and if so, do you want to continue like that.

Thankyou welbeck. The only place I can get out to is the great outdoors, early before streets are busy. Not been in a shop, pub or similar for years. Not been inside work for 2.5 years xx

would it be wise to be in a quieter location, sounds more isolating.
there are more activities available in a city or town.
do you want to be more sociable.
what about quiz nights at a pub, gets you out but for an activity, might chat a bit while there.
or some kind of volunteering, soup kitchen run.
if you are doing an activity it's less attention on you as a person who has nothing else to do.
you can be kind of anonymous in the activity.