I'm my husband's carer

I am sorry you find yourself in this situation. I looked after my late OH for many years so absolutely understand your situation.

One of the things that I kept in mind is that I had to look after myself in order to look after him.

There are lots of things that you can look at in the long term as regards help with his care; but the immediate priority is to get you seen by a doctor. Chest pains and breathlessness need medical attention.

First of all, do you have family or neighbours who might sit with your OH whilst you see the doctor? If not then talk with your local Age UK (look on google) or speak to social services about where you can look for a temporary sitter. They will likely give you the numbers of local care agencies.

You need to ring your surgery and tell them your symptoms and say that you need an urgent appointment. If they mess you about, speak to 111.

Look after yourself first in this situation.

I'm sorry things are so difficult for you though I don't have a solution. Would it help to call 111 and see if they can advise anything? Otherwise could you call Social Services and see if they could offer any help? Do you have any friends or family who could sit with your husband while you go to the GP or hospital?

If you are told to go to A&E, then ring some agencies straight away and outline your situation.

Apologies - didn't see Luckygirl3's post and she already suggested everything I thought of.

Listen to Luckygirl!

You need to look after yourself.
The expression about putting your own oxygen mask on first comes to mind

We are always here to support you here

Sending love and strength

You could request a home visit, this sounds like a emergency. My surgery still does home visits, as they put it on the phone, for the elderly. Look after yourself.

You need to get a care package, I advise you speak to your GP ASAP.
You have to have some extra help.
I’m assuming you have attendance allowance and carers allowance, this money could be used to give you some respite.

You should be able to have carers for your DH. My in-laws had help with housework and meals for several years to keep them independent and after he died from Covid (contracted in hospital) she was lóked after by her DC until they could no longer cope. She was just beginning to start a care package when she died.
She had been living in her son's flat with him but she were still ellible for care. He wasn't expected to bath her etc.

rafichagran

You could request a home visit, this sounds like a emergency. My surgery still does home visits, as they put it on the phone, for the elderly. Look after yourself.

Yes, ours does too.
We have both had home visits in the last year.
Our GP Practice is brilliant

Please check out your family dynamics first. Do you have family members/close friends who could sit with your husband initially as a one off while you go to doctor? If not, please class you situation as an emergency and don't take no for an answer as one is often fobbed off by medical professionals. When my mother became so difficult to care for with dementia, and my 94 year old father got no sleep and I was up and down with caring for her, we said to a local care home that we were on our knees and just could not go on. The very kind manager gave us priority over another person whose needs were not so great as she was mobile and did not have dementia. You cannot stress enough your needs. All the very best from the bottom of my heart, but please get help in place as you are not getting any younger either.

Have you got a local Volunteer Care group. We have and I used them regularly for lifts to the hospital for chemo 18 months ago. They also do shopping and I believe sitting with a partner while the carer is out of the house such as your situation. And you make a donation to the charity.
It's such a draining scary time. I am also 74 and my husband 80 has severe emphysema. So he was not able to help me at all through my treatment. Before my cancer diagnosis I would have been the one to offer lifts to other people so it is quite an adjustment to ask for help myself. But adjust I have of necessity.
I think our Volunteer Care group advertise on the GP noticeboard.
Hope all goes well. As everyone says you must look after yourself.

As everyone else has already said, ask for help! There is plenty available but if nobody knows you need help they can't give it.

You need to do everything that Lucky recommends and, in the longer term, you should contact Adult Services for a re-assessment of your DH's care needs. If he is not receiving Attendance Allowance, then you should make an immediate application with help from an adviser from Age UK or Citizens' Advice. Is there a Carers' group in your locality? Sharing your issues with others in similar situations would be enormously helpful.

First things first, you need a home visit. The rest must follow including probably a social worker to assist.

You have taken the first step jellybeanjean by reaching out here. Now you must take the next step and do just as luckygirl3 has advised.
You must take care of yourself immediately. It is in your own and your dh's best interest that you do so.
We all care about you so please update when you're able to do so.

jellybean, there's total consensus here so please take the advice offered, initially taking care of yourself immediate needs and then taking steps to relieve the pressure on you going forward. Good luck.

Lucky, knows what she is talking about!

You should claim Attendance Allowance if you don't already but I don't think you would be eligible for Carer's Allowance.

Carer’s Allowance cannot be claimed unless/ until the person being cared for receives a qualifying benefit, in this instance Attendance Allowance would be the likely one.
CA is an overlapping benefit, so someone in receipt of State Pension probably won’t receive any money, but an underlying entitlement is worth registering as there may be other advantages.
In any case, anyone can register with their GP practice as a carer, whether they receive CA or not. There will be a marker put on your records to note the situation. There may be a local carers’ group for support too.
All this is once the immediate needs are sorted, so do ask for urgent help, as Luckygirl and others suggest.

Agreed Cabbie. Though you have to have the person's permission to register as a carer.

So sorry to hear you're having such a hard time JBB. Some excellent, caring advice here, which is heart-warming to see, the most pertinent of which I would suggest is that unless you look after yourself first, you won't be able to look after DH anyway. I see no reason to repeat what Luckygirl in particular has said, but IMO, it's all spot on. Sending virtual hugs in your direction.

Just wanted to add my thoughts please do as all the other posters have suggested ask for help and you look after yourself or else you won’t be able to look after anyone else
If you have family let them help please , if not do contact voluntary organisations they helped me a lot when my mum and dad were in a ( health) pickle

JBJean how are you both today?
Have you made any plans about how to proceed?