Forgetfulness

My Mum and Dad were always fit and active.
They belonged to the Ramblers Association and went on a walking holiday to New Zealand for their Golden Wedding.
Dad was still towing his caravan when he was in his 80s.
Even now at 92 he doesn't use a walking stick.
He made us all a cup of tea yesterday and often washes up.
We took him to see Oppenheimer last weekend and he understood and followed the plot for the full three hours.

Parky you say yourself you've both noticed some changes to your husband's capabilities and he himself is worried.
Please don't ignore these warning signs because they will still be there, worrying you both.
Please let the professionals assess the situation and advise you both accordingly.

Bluebelle people with vascular dementia are often aware that something is wrong and can get depressed.

My Dad was certainly aware, and agitated, and said, "I just want to know what's going on inside my head."
Once he had an official diagnosis, with support available as and when he's needed it, he's been much happier.

Aveline it's a fantastic set-up. My friend's two aunties shared an apartment there and I visited them, so I knew what was offered.
I wanted Mum and Dad to move in when she had Alzheimer's but they refused, as they did any other form of support, and they both struggled as a result.

My mother has been given medication but it was a bit late before we had all the tests done.

I am starting to have problems, I think, and as there are at least 2 generations before me who have had Alzheimers, I am going to get tested once I have ascertained that it is not stress from all that is going on in my life at the moment causing the problem. I think the earlier they catch it, the more we can put in place to help slow things down.

That's very brave of you icanhandthemback. My Nannan and probably 2 or 3 of her siblings had dementia. Then the first 4 of my Nannans children had dementia of one kind or another, one with early onset. Now my Mum probably has it, Nans fifth child (as I mentioned above). My sister has had a genetic test which said she hadn't inherited the dementia. Not sure how reliable the test was though. As most of my cousins are much older than us, I guess we'll see if dementia creeps into our generation.

Like everyone else on here I cannot reiterate enough how important it is to have a memory check to rule out any other illnesses apart from Dementia. You will live to regret it. Get your POA in place now why you still can Parky if not already done so

Parky please do take the appointment what I said was to comfort you a bit while you were waiting for the appointment I didn’t mean for you not to go I feel really bad now.

There are different types of dementia, different causes and different outcomes please get a test for your husband if it’s ok you can then forget about it cant you ?

Thank you for featuring this topic. I have looked up the chart suggested and feel very much reassured. Forgetting names has become a little more frequent but when I do forget I say to myself,just stay calm and it will come to you in a few minutes. As soon as I stop feeling anxious the name appears.
I fit into the category of normal ageing and that is such a relief. I find both myself and my husband looking at each other sometimes with that worried look when a word is forgotten and thinking is this the beginning of the end. But now I realise that it is just normal ageing. What a relief.....

I hesitate to relate this, but getting a diagnosis isn't always a positive thing.
My childhood friend, now dead, became very eccentric and went for a test, we thought it a good idea so that she could get early treatment. But after a positive result of vascular dementia she was told she must wait until she became worse before she could be referred for treatment.
She just gave up!
Her DH pushed and pushed for treatment buy was only offered carers twice a week
She said her life was over, she stopped cleaning and cooking and working in her beloved garden, she just sat in her chair and stared out of the window.
No-one could help her - we tried everything we could think of. We asked and asked for treatment and in the end we were told we'd 'left it too late'!
We were gobsmacked.
Eventually she stopped eating, and died.
FOR HER it was a big mistake getting that diagnosis. Be careful how you handle this.

I went to the GP with my OH who is having memory problems today. Mainly because it has been a nightmare so far even getting a GP appointment for him. He has trouble with phones and computers and our GP appointments are all online. He came back from his initial appointment with the GP last week unsure about what had been agreed about next steps. It turns out he was meant to have blood tests and a referral to a memory clinic. The nurse we saw today was pretty useless - she failed to collect all the samples of blood, despite trying to draw it from both arms, so she just altered the blood test form. Have the feeling this could all be really tricky. I will have to check on his behalf with the GP when the results come back on Thursday that he really has been referred to the memory clinic now. Anyone know what the waiting lists are like for this service? OH gets very anxious about all this, and I’d like to be able to reassure him, or at least set some expectations.

POW1 I imagine the waiting times will vary in different areas of the country.

What I would urge you to do, if you haven't already, is to set up the two Power of Attorneys for your husband: financial plus health and welfare.
You can do this online. It needs to be done while your husband can still be considered capable of agreeing.
It gives you the authority to speak to people on his behalf.

And, in the meantime, please get registered with your gp as your husband's carer. This allows you to talk to his gp without your husband being present. Your husband's gp should have a form to fill in which your husband will have to sign giving consent.

Dementia is a devastating diagnosis for anyone. Especially the partner of that person.
For us, it wasn’t so much a loss of memory, but change in personality. It did take me quite a long time to get Dh to go the the doctor , we actually went for something else and I asked if he could be tested. Someone came to the house, I think a dementia nurse, and she did the test. Then he was sent to the memory clinic.
But the sooner you get tested the better. The drugs for Alzheimer’s slows the symptoms down.
Please don’t put it off, even if it’s only for peace of mind.

Hate to say it Parky but the remote control thing and mobile forgetfulness is how my husband started 4-5 years ago …..he has mixed vascular dementia AND Alzheimers….the first brought on by his stroke 27 years ago at 50……the Alzheimers is about 3 years in! I had my third stroke 2 years ago and carried on caring for him at home until I could no longer cope ! He’s now in full time care ….get your husband to see the doctor ….he’ll send him for a memory assessment and you’ll know diagnosis. He’ll have scan as well.

….my husband only had to wait 2-3 weeks for memory assessment …and that was in tail end of Covid. Doctor gave me verdict there and then . Of course there was never any doubt as he couldn’t remember how many sisters he had and his home address. Or drawer a clock face with numbers and put specified time in the clock …. all so sad as I sat and watched him show the doc/nurse /care home worker how far downhill he’d gone . Mementine helps.!

It’s not always a loss of some memory to watch out for.
The was a wonderful piece on Radio 4 yesterday. They spoke about how people’s walking can change.
This took me back to when I first noticed my brother in laws change of walking. That was about 5 years before this awful disease took him.
I’m in close contact with 3 people at different stages of the disease. One of them is the happiest I’ve ever known him. He was generally a bit of a grump but now he smiles all the time.
Of course I know this will change 😥

Yes, I've noticed my Mum's walk change to a shuffle with her back leant forward a bit. She says she has trouble getting her brain to tell her legs what to do.
Can I get this Radio 4 programme on BBC Sounds?

PoppyFloer
I think it was on The Food Programme. The programme was mainly about feeding the brain.
The walking/ shuffling doesn’t necessarily come from a physical problem. Research has shown that it’s most probably visual.
An example would be, flooring going from carpet to hard floor, a rug on a carpet, the pattern on these surfaces. Even a very small up/ down step can cause hesitation.

MerylStreep thank you for letting us know the programme.
My mother-in-law has trouble with different floor surfaces but in her case it's due to macular degeneration.
We have to talk her through any changes coming up, eg "the floor tiles are changing from light grey to dark grey but it's all the same level."

Thanks MerylStreep and V3ra for your advice.

Update on DH. He has had extensive blood tests - all normal so nothing physically wrong. Has been referred for a brain scan with an appointment at the memory clinic in the pipeline. Think the scan appointment will arrive before the one for the memory clinic. GP said a wait of 6 to 12 months!!!! We can't wait that long , will have the scan ,then if necessary will ask to be referred to private hospital and will pay for the assessment. DH is increasingly forgetful, does' nt always follow our conversations. If I pick up on a point I made the previous day he has no recollection of the initial conversation! Other than that he thinks he is ok - but having been married for 49 years I know he is not ok!!! Massive worry , taking a day at a time . Sometimes he is really on the ball - very difficult to understand. However I instinctively feel we are in for a rough ride!!
I am very worried, because I love him , thanks for reading.

Parky. Did your husband ever get tested?
My Mum had alzheimers but knew herself right from the start things weren’t right. She took herself off to the GP without telling me and he asked her a couple of very basic questions, not a proper test and said she was fine, to go home and stop worrying.

She told me some time later she had seen him and said “I don’t care what he says, I know my brain is not working properly.” I monitored her for several months and knew she was correct.

Her handwriting deteriorated dreadfully, she confused the TV control with the phone and handset for reclining chair. She forgot how to use her microwave. She made me deal with money for her in shops, went to bed earlier and earlier etc.

I arranged for her to have a full memory test which took over an hour and when she was told she had Alzheimers she was actually relieved and said “I knew my poor brain wasn’t working right”.

Mum agreed to go on medication to slow the disease down and I really believe it did because her decline was very gradual thank goodness.

Please keep us posted.

Quick update. No my DH has not had an appointment. We will just wait until anything else happens. He is still OK with most things, but really needs easier phone as still can't manage smart phone after 2 years! Can't see how diagnosis would help