Black Dog 18

Didnt think Id make my appt at midday but got there though was so doped up and cried most of way through it, but was good to talk to someone. We managed a short drive to a nice coffee shop, and yesNadateturbe had a nice cake.
DH not fit to drive back so I drove back, he looked awful. Sister came at 5-00 for an hr so was good to see her after so long. Not been able to go for lunches with her all yr.
Son driving back from Scotland after rig stint and called me asking me to look on doorstep. Flowers and chocs inside! Been there all afternoon. So lovely of him.
Just seen DHs foot after sis left and even more swollen now. Absolutely not right that it was not seen when he told GP over phone on Monday. I'm taking him to out of hrs minor injury clinic at walkin small hospital tomorrow. Really worried about it. Like HVDY and Doodle I need to talk to Dr as DH doesn't always give the full picture.
Sorry youre not feeling well EllieAnne Hoping it wont be anything too serious and youre feeling a bit better tomorrow.
Wyllow Doesnt matter how little you can write. We all are wishing you better. You can get there. Hugs amd love.

Wishing everyone a peaceful night. X

Hello everyone. Have had a busy week which has kept me out of the house but I’m not feeling good. I’ve got a bad cold . Wondered if it was Covid but tested negative although I know it’s not always reliable. Sorry you are all having difficult days.

Doodle- I,m so,sorry you are feeling worried and upset and hope that whatever happened yesterday is on the way to being resolved. How quickly a worry can escalate in our minds and almost become all consuming.
I think God is always listening but often leaves us to sort ourselves out. My Sister and I both ‘talk’ to Him a lot and it helps.
Like you I was so afraid of flying I didn’t do it for years- not claustrophobia but sheer terror of crashing. Eventually the Dr gave me Lorazepam which enabled me to do it again - just 1 pill 1 hour before the flight. You were so brave to deal with the claustrophobia which must have been awful. But one day I just thought that’s enough pills and I can just sit there - scared old me.
Hope Dr is pleased with DH leg.
Dear Doodle hope your worries soon pass and you feel brighter- you are the glue that holds us all together.
Candy- thank you for your kind thoughts re my DiL.
Of course you miss your Son and you are not hopeless it is such a difficult thing to deal with- it took me many years to accept not having my Son close by . Now I am happy that he is happy where he is and enjoying his life. FT has made a massive difference.
Hope the increase in ADs will help you- good idea to take it slowly.
Nadateturbe- as I said to Doodle I took one Lorazepam an hour before flying and it helped so much. It does wipe you out a bit but then so does the fear and imagination !!
A good example of things working out - with your head injury story. God works in mysterious ways. Glad all was ok for you.
Hope DH appt goes well.
SweetPeaSue- Can’t let today go by without sending you Birthday Wishes. I know how difficult things are for you right now but it’s still your special day. Hope maybe you had a little cake and coffee.
Hope your appt went well this morning and you were able to say what you wanted.
The lack of F2F at your surgery is appalling- your DH needs his ankle physically looked at.
Take care and hope there are some bright moments in your day.
HVDY- you and DH having another busy day- a clear out always makes you feel better doesn’t it.
Yes our numbers have increased but it’s good knowing that in some small way it is helping us all to cope knowing we are not alone. Also those that just read or post occasionally- there is room for everyone.
Wyllow- always so pleased to see a post from you no matter how small- just need to know you are there.

Thanks for your kind thoughts. Another day when I can’t settle at anything. I hate worrying. Been the bane of my life but just can’t switch it off.
Wyllow I do hope you’re having some help and someone who you can talk to. x
Candy I’ve had a few major stresses over the years and I just worry until they resolve themselves somehow. I’ve always been an anxious person. Cant brush things off like some others can.
My claustrophobia has improved considerably. I had a CBT course which I didn’t think helped at the time but what it did do was make me realise I was the only one who could fix this. There wasn’t a magic cure. Life has been much easier for us both now I can go in trains and lifts (well most of them anyway)
Hope the increase in medication will improve your mood without any side effects.
nadateturbe yes you are probably right. Something happens that just triggers the feelings. Nothing I can do about it but pray so that’s what I do. DH isn’t feeling great today as he’s in quite a lot of pain with his leg but at least the nurse has checked it an changed the dressing. We have another appointment next week.
Hope your DH is ok.
Thank you for your prayers.
HVDY thank you for your kind thoughts. Hope your DH can get the car fixed. It’s such a nuisance when they let you down
Sweetpeasue yes that’s exactly what it is. I know I shouldn’t worry but can’t help it. .
Does your surgery accept pictures? I sent one to mine about DHs leg. I do think you should try the surgery again about your DHs leg. Tell them it’s more swollen. They should see him,
Did you mean it’s your birthday today. Many happy returns 💕. I know when you’re down even a birthday can’t lift the spirits but hope you feel able to have a small celebration.
Hope the appointment went well.

Good afternoon HVDY. Good to have a husband who can fix cars.
And good for you doing some clearing. I must do that. End of summer is a good time for it.
You're right about numbers on BD. There's quite a lot, but I'm glad no one minds others joining. It's been so helpful to me in lots of ways.
Sweetpeasue I know you don't feel wonderful but another birthday to celebrate is still good. I hope you manage to mark it in some little way. I think it's terrible that there are so few f2f appointments. I would be complaining loudly.

I rang our surgery today at 1.40 and my husband is being seen today f2f. I feel so fortunate.

Hope everyone is OK.xx

Doodle I'm really sorry that anxiety and worryinge is causing you such a problem right now. It seems to escalate fairly quickly when we get concerned about something or care for someone having a difficult time. Its really difficult to put a lid on it. Hope you het some help about your DHs leg today at surgery. I wish my surgery would do more F2F appts as I'm worried aboht my DH too. His ankle is more swollen amidst all his other pain and no one has 'seen' it.
You have such caring words for others and thankyou for your words to me yesterday. Unseen pain goes unnoticed by others unless its extreme in which case we're not likely to be in public.
Birthday today though not meaning anything. Bad pain this morning so taken painlillers and now trying to rally to dress feeling doped up. Still hurts to stand but have to leave in an hr for pschology appt. So worried ablut DH.

Thankyou everyone and so hope you all have a decent day.Excuse spelling mistakes but can't rectify. Take care all. X

Doodle I'm sorry you're not good at the moment. Whatever your problems/upsets, I hope they can be resolved soon. You always give such excellent advice to everyone on here. I'm not a believer, but I do wish you well. Take care x

Wyllow3 I hope your days are getting a bit easier. Best wishes x

It's a bright day here. DH has gone to Son2's to fix something electrical, in my car - he's bought a diagnostic tool to try to find out what's wrong with his, and then, hopefully, he might be able to fix it himself. I'm sorting out stuff for the charity shop.

Hope ALL BDers manage to have a decent day - there are so many of us on here now, it's hard to remember everyone's name. x

Doodle I will try your advice about flying. Thank you. Claustrophobia would be worse, I think.
Candy good evening. Gosh a huge bruise after blood test. Must have been painful.
It's amazing how you get the strength to cope with things. Hope it's not too long until the increased ADS help. Goodnight to you too and all on BD. Hope it's a peaceful one.xx

Doodle sorry you're in such a bad place tonight. You've been coping so well. Perhaps all the worry about health issues have caught up with you. And you're probably worrying about the pain in your husbands leg. And now something else today. Just overload. And hard to understand why sometimes. But we haven't been promised an easy life in this imperfect world. That's what the sermon said today that I was listening to. I don't completely understand but I do believe and have to wait for everything to become clear. I remember having terrible pain after my head injury and had been worried for 3 weeks about not having been given a scan. I prayed for the pain to go, but it didn't so I had to go to hospital. First thing they did was a scan. Which was clear. Without the pain I would never have had it, and it eased my mind so much.
It's true about invisible pain. Broken leg you get sympathy and understanding. Something that you cant see, not do much, and sometimes not even believed, or thought to be exaggerating. Very frustrating.
I hope you get some answers to your husbands pain tomorrow. And I hope scan results are OK.
I will pray that you have a peaceful night and that your anxiety eases. x

Evening all
Scaredycat I’m sorry about your DiL. I’m sure she will appreciate having a supportive family and I hope everything goes well for her. You cope so well not seeing your son for such long periods. I’m hopeless at it.
Nadaterturbe hope your pain after blood test has eased. Yes, it’s funny how some nurses are better than others. I had a massive bruise last time.
HVDY hope all sorted with car now. What a pain for your DH. Hope all goes well for the trial move for your DiL.
Doodle sorry for your worries and bad day. Worries do affect us don’t they? I find that I struggle even with minor stresses god knows how I’d cope with something major. I really hope it all works out for you and you feel better soon. I’m claustrophobic too, not nice. Hope all goes well for your DH tomorrow.
Sweetpeasue hope you are still pain free. Don’t worry what others on here think. We know all you’ve been through and you are doing well. Good you are trying to let go of what’s happened, it will benefit you I’m sure.
Wyllow good you’re still popping in, it’s good to hear from you. Sending ❤️.

I’ve increased the AD’s but I’m doing it slowly so hopefully that will give me a bit of a lift. It’s a waiting game as I’m sure you will all understand. Sending love to all and those not personally mentioned. Night all, hope you all have a restful night xx

Th very bests dear BD's. Not at all good today just cant find it in my heart th share xx

Not a good day today. Been ok for sometime but back in the anxiety and worry phase again. Just when I think things ok it hits. How are ll of you?
sweetpeasue you need to ignore whoever might read this thread and be critical. As long as your identity is secret then you need to concentrate on those who care not anyone who doesn’t have compassion for you. Being in constant pain is not fun. DH s leg is causing him spasms of pain. It looks fine, it’s healing, nothing should be wrong but it really hurts. Pain that isn’t visible from the outside like a broken leg or injury of some kind people fins it had to empathise. If they can see a cause for the pain they understand but when it’s internal and not visible then sometimes they think it’s not as bad as it is. Those who suffer from or have knowledge of that not visible source of pain know only too well how much harm it can do.
Wyllow I firmly believe you are grieving and that is why you are so low. We are here, just hang onto that thought. Some like Scaredycat and Whiff know only to well what grief is like. Others like me can only imagine. I have my own problems at the moment. I have worries and am upset but you have so much to deal with without any real support. Please don’t give up hope. It’s all we have.
Allsorts you are kind to think of other. You obviously have your own reasons for sadness and anxiety. Thank you for posting. If we can help at all we are here.
HvDY your poor DH that was a long day for him. Hope you get the car fixed soon. Was it aqua aerobics today?
Scaredycat must be so hard for you not to see your son for such a long time. I may have an inkling of what your DIL is doing and that would make her a brave lady. I Hope thé choice she has made had a positive outcome for her health and well-being. I will hold her in my prayers.
So nice to hear you say how much you care for your stepson. Many times we read of problems with step relations but itS good to hear you get on well.
nadateturbe sorry your BT was painful. DH has many some leave no mark others leave huge blood bruises under the skin.
I used to be scared of flying from claustrophobia. Not the same as fear of flying for crashes etc. I managed to overcome the claustrophobia by working out something that made me accept the situation. I Hope you can do thé same with your anxiety.
I need the pills because they discovered the bone density problem aftEr my broken wrist.
I am not in a good place tonight due to something that happened today so I am praying hard. Like you I have faith but it is never an easy option is it. Some people think that having faith means you never worry but that is not the case. I’m just hoping God helps. I know he hears but sometimes it hard. You are right. The good times make it worthwhile.
DH had an MRI today. He has had a few and doesn’t worry about them. He is not claustrophobic like me. He is a very good patient. His leg is still very painful. I’m glad we’re going to the surgery tomorrow as I want it checked out. I’m not sure it should hurt like this.
Take care all. Sending hugs xx

I think that's a good idea HVDY. I took a 2mg diazepam before an MRI and it calmed me.
I washed winter jackets today, it's cooling down here. And tried to buy clothes. Bought one top and pj's. Can't find anything I like. DH in bed. Keeps getting tired fits since Covid. (Or good excuse for a lazy day 😁)
Hope everyone is having a good day. I have felt a little better recently shh!
Hello Wyllow3.x

nadateturbe No wonder you're so looking forward to seeing your son - it's been a long time. Could you take some very mild sedative (even an antihistamine-type thing) before you fly?

ScaredyCat, I can't imagine not seeing mine for all that time. Are you able to visit your son?

I realised I'd said Son1 in my last post. It was Son2 I meant.

How's everyone been today? x

Good afternoon everyone.
Got blood tests done today and it was actually painful. Why are some nurses better at it than others?

Wyllow3 Sweetpeasue hope you are ok.
Scaredy-cat Isn’t it funny how we are all different. I love winter clothes, boots and woolly hats and scarves. However you have just reminded me of missing art
classes in winter because the room was too cold. And my hands go blue easily, poor circulation. I hope the winter is mild and kind to you. And short!.
You must have been so happy to see your son after such a long time. They’re always our children, aren’t they? I hope it’s not so long until the next time. Do you visit? I’m hoping to visit my daughter on the South coast in December, but I’m terrified of flying, which spoils it a bit.
Psoriasis aren’t sore, not itchy either surprisingly, just horrible looking.
I too will include your DiL in my prayers. And your son, because it’s hard for him too.
Doodle that was a very helpful post to Sweetpeasue. It’s true that mental pain can be worse in some ways, as it’s more difficult to “fix”.. It’s good that your husband is seeing the doctor, as he is still in pain.
Do you need the pills because of the injury or did they discover a bone problem because of it?(iIykwim)
HVDY you and your husband are great parents. That was welcome news for you about the DiL and children staying for a trial run! Fingers crossed.
Allsorts I didn’t realise you are in pain most days. But you are completely right. Life can be bad, miserable, painful at times but we wouldn’t give it up, because the good times make it worthwhile. It’s important to have hope.

Hope today is kind to everyone on BD. xx

Nadateturbe- Ah I bet you can’t wait to give your son a great big hug. This Feb I saw my son who lives abroad for the first time in 3 years(except for Face Times) due to Covid etc. As you say it is overwhelming but wonderful to hold them again however old they are!!
Yes our DiL has made a very courageous decision don’t think there will be much waiting.
I hate the Winter and Winter clothes and dread being all bundled up but I feel the cold terribly and have to go out looking like a Michelin Man!! I understand how you feel though - is psoriasis painful?
Doodle- such good advice for SweetPeaSue- very kind and sensible.
Yes DiL has made a huge decision and thank you for including her in your prayers. It is hard for my Stepson and family- love them to bits.
Hope Friday goes well for DH.
SweetPeaSue- please try not to worry about others not always kind opinions - it’s hard for some people to put themselves in others shoes. You are a very much loved person.
Allsorts- you are right - life is sweet - not always easy and so often heartbreaking but those good days when they come are wonderful.
HVDY- that was a long ‘pop out for something’ !! Your DH. Must have been worn out- hope he actually got the puzzle books and cake!!
Hope the trial run goes well for your Son and his little family-it would be so good if it could eventually become permanent.
Wyllow- hope today is kinder to youxx

Take care all

Hope all BDers had a decent sleep. DH got home at 10.15 last night - the breakdown truck that was sent wasn't able to tow him because his car's automatic (?), so he had to wait for another one. That errand to buy puzzle books and cake turned out to be a 3 hour event . He's going to Son1's later, to put up some flat-pack furniture - DIL, her daughter and the baby are staying there for a couple of nights - as a trial run for them moving in at some stage.

Hope ALL BDers manage to have a decent day today x

It's dreadful coping with the pain, physically and emotionally that so many of you do, but life is sweet despite it all even if at times it seems it isn't. Every so often I get really down, shout sonethjbsomethibg there's no answers too. Most days I'm in pain but not to the extent many of you are, but then one day for no reason I feel fine.
Hope you all gave a better day today than yesterday.

Doodle I appreciate your words tonight of not worrying about others reading my posts. I do believe that we on BD are so supportive of each other and feel assured we are all friends. I know I'm too concerned about what others think of me though have always been that way, I don't know why and that's the truth. Xx

Dear Wyllow Come in whenever you're able. No matter how few words. We care. Sleep well. x

Good night dear BD’s, I have followed our days but unable to relate much, it matters so much to be able to come in. Take care all xx

HVDY thank you. DH’s leg seems to be healing well but the pain isn’t getting any better. He’s on a lot of pain killers now compared to normal and it’s making him so sleepy. I’m glad we’re going to the surgery Friday so we can see what they think.
Ooh a proud gran moment taking out the new baby. Lovely 😊
She sounds a happy little soul.
Your poor legs. I’m glad your car passed its MOT. Shame about your DH Hope he gets home soon.

Sweetpeasue another month of ADs to see if they help if not then perhaps a change. Not every drug suits us all. Hopefully by the end of the month you will know if they’ve been of benefit or not and can move on to something else if needed.
Firstly, I’m aware that others read the posts here but if they’re not going to be supportive of those who post then discount them. We all know what this thread is about and you should feel comfortable writing what you want about how you feel. There will be no criticism from us on this thread we are all here for you. No one else matters. Just concentrate on those who care for you. I was pleased to hear you are trying to put aside thoughts of Doctors mistakes. Not because you don’t have any rights to those thoughts but at the moment I don’t think they are helping you. Try to concentrate on your mental stability and leave the anger and frustration till you’re feeling stronger in yourself. I Hope thé good day continues.
Hope your DH gets a diagnosis soon and something that’s helps relieve the pain.
nadateturbe your thoughts mirror my own. How has your day been? You are right not to worry about the housework in the heat. Feeling fatigued is bad enough but working in the heat will make you feel more so. How nice your son is coming for a visit.
Whiff useful information. I have been given some tablets to take since I broke my wrist. I had a bone scan and it showed I needed medication for my bones.
How you cope with all your pain I don’t know but your acceptance seems to make sense although it can’t be easy.
I agree when you love someone it hurts to see them suffering especially if you can’t do anything to help. Mental health suffering can be more debilitating than physical and more difficult to understand how to help.
I think you’ll find we all think you’re quite amazing too.
HVDY hope you had a lovely time with the baby. I bet you’re worn out now.
Scaredycat it sounds as though your DIL is in for a tough time and has had to make some serious decisions. I will pray that her procedure is successful and hope for a good outcome for her. So good she has a lot of support. You must be worried about your son too.
Dear Wyllow we miss you so much and worry about your struggles. Know that we are here for you. Take care x

HVDY your poor legs, I hope the weather cools down where you are soon.
I just hate when cars break down. Such a hassle. I'm sure your husband is fed up and will be glad to get home.
Not a good end to what seems a lovely day. I can just picture you walking round pushing your little GD in the pram I had a big smile on my face reading about it.

Scaredycat It's not easy having to face a big operation. It's good your DiL has plenty of supportive people close. I hope she doesn't have too long to wait, thinking about it.
I haven't seen my son for two and a half years. It feels strange seeing him after such a long time. Feel a little nervous.
Sweetpeasue theres nothing wrong with how you sound, just say what you want to, but don't worry about posting if you're not up to it.
Glad you have no pain today. (Thinking about the "shh" in your post, are you superstitious about saying things? I am.)
It sounds like a positive day. You both made the effort to get out regardless of pain, you've done some knitting and you've worked at controlling your thoughts. All good. I hope you're having a good evening.

It's raining and cold here today. Soon be jeans and sweatshirt weather, which I look forward to.🙂 I have hadcpsoriasis on my lower legs this summer, so ugly and annoying. Cant wear short trousers or dresses. Small problem however.
Thinking of you Wyllow3. Sending love and hugs.x
Wishing all on BD a peaceful night.xx