Black Dog 18

Oh Nanny I’m so sorry. I do think about you. You are going through such an awful time. Life sounds very hard for you.
What a shame your son and his friend aren’t more support. They could at least take your dogs for a walk.
Please try what HVDY suggests and phone the Samaritans or another help line.
So glad the woman in the cafe was kind. Sending you a hug and wishing it was more.
Allsorts that is such a sad story. Poor young man. He needs support from his family not condemnation. Hope he can get some help from someone soon.
DH and I have decided to go away for a couple of days to the seaside. Have to dash now as got to pack.
There should be WiFi so will be back later but just in case you don’t hear from me I wanted you to know it just the wi fi.
Take care all back later x

Nanny2507 I was brief in my reply last night as I had a 'phone call. Do keep posting on here, we all care. I'm sorry your son isn't able to comfort you. If you can, keep going out, to cafes, parks, libraries, etc., in order to chat with other people.

Nanny2507 I'm so v sorry for your terrible grief made worse by your isolation. I remember how much all your animals meant to you. It must be extremely hard when youre in such a disabling place, as you say, to keep on looking after them. At the same time, I hope they can still comfort you and you have your beloved cats with you. Just wanted to say I'm thinking of you and hoping you can have a peaceful night.

Someone in my family, I won’t say who, has completely ostracised her son since he was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder. She says it’s mind over matter, He has unfortunately because of the mother lost his father and sister, they have taken moms side. He has no help from the medical profession whatsoever, once 18, medical profession just leave them to their own devices.

Much love to all

Nanny- after reading your post I just wanted to send you caring thoughts . I,m glad you encountered some kindness at the cafe today. Although you feel you want to be alone I think you need to talk to someone who can help you deal with your grief. We are all here to listen and help if we can. Take carexx
SweetPeaSue- hope the appointment tomorrow will prove helpful and do think carefully about the ADs - I would say the same as Doodle.
Wyllow- hope the car gets sorted quickly so you can spread your wings again.
HVDY- I use a green SPF 50 sun cream which tones down redness as I have slight rosacea.
Goodnight allxxx

Wyllow3 It's vital to have someone you can trust like that. The 2 Counsellors I tried (one F2F, the other over the 'phone) weren't any good for me - the first kept cancelling appointments, once without telling me, so I turned up to find she wasn't there. The 2nd confused me with 1 or more other clients). I use a green primer under foundation. Hope you're enjoying some wine. I had chocolate as well

SweetpeaSue I hope you get on well at the Urology appointment tomorrow. Hope you sleep ok tonight.

Nanny2507 "I have no interest in anything. I really want everyone to leave me alone but yet get upset because i,m alone" That is so typical of depression. You've got Reactive depression, due to the grief you're going through. Samaritans 116 123, a free number, 24/7, or Cruse Bereavement counselling services are helpful, empathetic and understanding. 0808 808 1677, certain times (now open tomorrow). Please talk to someone.

You poor love, nanny. all so very hard just to pass each day missing DH so much and understandably not wanting as well as. practically struggling with self-care.

Glad you found kindness with they lovely lady in the cafe. Needed, that everyday caring, and so sorry your DS and friend cat step up and comfort or help xxx

Hi Sweetpeasue so hoping tomorrow afternoon is helpful, will be in if you can report.

So glad you found your way here Doodle hate "changeovers"

Not good really at all physically or mentally - hanging out online chats as ever with something on TV.

Tomorrow car is going to be taken hopefully to get sorted at last so I can go on little trips out again, (garage collects) gardener comes which coincides with counsellor Zoom but she is such a nice person she can get on with it. But nice after gardener all tidy.

hi all. hope you are all well. Well my life is hell. hell on earth. 4 months today (day wise) since losing DH. i am lost in the depths of grief. I have no interest in anything. I really want everyone to leave me alone but yet get upset because i,m alone. You couldn't make it up. im living on junk food as I just cant cook for myself as it reminds me so much of DH. Everything I see, do, think reminds me of him. Today I went to a cafe and I just couldnt stop the tears. But then a lovely lady came to make sure I was ok and I really appreciated that. I,m struggling in daily life as i,m very disabled and I cant walk far (and lots more things) I have dogs to try and get out and an incredibly self centered son and his lazy friend living with me. No friends or family in the area. i,m just so lost.

I see you all got here before me 😊
Whiff so sorry about your level of pain. Hope you get something sorted soon.
I found some small round pads on Amazon that you can put in the freezer or microwave to heat up. They are slightly larger than hand size. Not sure if they’d help you or not.
Wyllow sorry your weren’t well enough to go to Quakers but at least you can connect with zoom. Are you feeling any better yet?
Hope you have a good relationship with your counsellor and it helps having that contact.
HVdY we are very lucky with our DHs. Like you I trust mine completely. So nice that your two sons spend time together with their families.
Yes I know what you mean about hair and make up. I love days like that. I just hope no one rings the doorbell 😲
Scaredycat I wonder if we are all very susceptible to analysing ourselves because we are not confident or because we care too much. Only those who really care worry about upsetting others,
How nice you had a meet up with your DGD. Lovely she lives close enough and you obviously get on well.
Sweetpeasue of course the choice is yours but please think carefully about refusing ADs. I have had them in the past and I know they have helped me. Sometimes you don’t see it for a while then one day you realise you feel better.
It’s certainly worth trying them. Hope you feel better soon.

I just posted a long message (number 1000) on the old thread so instead of typing it again I’ll copy it here

HVDY how hard life must be for your nephew and his wife. People are expected to cope most of the time on their own. Respite care is good but help at home is needed too.
Wyllow your DGD sounds as though she is a loved and cared for child. Your son and his wife must find it hard to hold down jobs as well as looking after their family.
I doubt if the surgery would put Oromorph on repeat
Wyllow they usually have to monitor those drugs more carefully. DH has some they won’t put in repeat either.
Pharmacy would deliver if we were unable to get there but as we can we are expected to collect. They know me and DH by sight now. They store meds alphabetically which means ours are always on the top shelf requiring a ladder to reach them. I have suggested in the past them move us down below. We are in most weeks.
It’s easier to care for others when we’re retired than when trying to hold down a job I think. So many demands on our time. Now if DH has a problem sleeping at night we just sleep later the following day. Wouldn’t have been so easy when he was at work.
Thank you for starting the new thread. Wouldn’t want anyone to get lost. Good idea to post a link.
Sweetpeasue my sons cook too. I think the younger generation is more sharing responsibilities. Now wives often work to then they share housework and childcare.
Tell the receptionist when you speak to her that you have a hospital appointment in the afternoon and ask if the GP can phone in the morning. They should be able to cope with that surely. Hope the appointment with the urologist goes well. Is this the one you like or the other one?
Good your psychiatrist phone call has been brought forward. Hope they can prescribe some meds that help you.
I have just realised you’re all on Saturday and I’m on Sunday so I’m going in search of Wyllows new thread.
Take care all and find your way safely to the new thread.

Whiff Oh no Whiff. So sorry. Really hope the pain eases up soon. You have to put up with so much.
Glad you have come in and told us. Sending 💐x

Took till. 12 for pain to ease up sufficiently to go with DH to Hobbycraft. He wanted something there. I began to feel fine and said to DH I dont think I will need ADs and feeling like a fraud. On way back home it was like a fog rolling in. By time we were home my brain felt like everything was tangled and cant think properly. Such tiredness and feeling so alone like lost in space.
Urologist tomorrow afternoon and will tell him of bladder pain like full of poison.
Wyllow So glad your counsellor really cares. My last one really did and I miss her like crazy. Thanks for starting BD 18.
HVDY I now can have naked face sometimes with DH but I never did before he retired. I look so pale and ill without a bit of colour.
Scaredycat I'm afraid of our receptionists partly because I'm afraid of losing my temper as I dont feel I will be able to contain myself, which isnt like me at all. Glad you managed a walk-doesnt matter how fast your pace is.

Bladder pain being troublesome so not much today but thinking of everyone and hoping all have peace. X

Will be sipping at 7 HVDY ah, I see, re the Rosacea - yes, I'd be undoubtedly popping on base layer after the moisturiser as part of routine

Took me a long time to trust her HVDY to really break down/confide. Bit scary, but I have come to believe something that experience in the MH system has shown me -
some really CARE - you feel it and thats whats needed right now for me someone to walk with me.

Wyllow3 I wear make-up as I've got Rosacea, so always look flushed, and the warmer I get, the worse it gets. Sons are used to seeing me like it, but their partners aren't. I'm glad you get on well with your Counsellor. It must make all the difference, to be able to be able to confide in her. I'm on the wine , stuff it

I do understand that "day out" HVDY.Tho I don't wear make up faffing with hair is always part of feeling "presentable". And that you feel fine about that is indeed the closeness - being accepted by someone "whatever!" It does feel better when things are neat on the domestic front, doesn't it.

Yes, tum stuff.
I've just woken in the pits but tomorrow is my counsellor (day change) and a current fairly new coping strategy is as I trust her more now is to bring her into the very scared emptiness and picture her as "there" as an ally, I have to have "someone", an "other" to me.

You keep on walking Scaredeycat however slow - and glad you got out for that coffee with DGD. Glad she is close by. 😊

On the self analysis of things said -

my sister who is well says yes she does that

but she doesn't then castigate herself and pull herself down and the self hater doesn't then appear!!!

Wyllow- thank you for BD18!

Your DGD sounds like a very loveable character. Yes as she gets older and bigger it will be more difficult for the whole family to deal with physically. It seems so wrong that such deserving children and their families have to fight so hard for everything. I thing the way that you do help them is by doing your best to see after your health and mental well being. You are always there for them with love and support and if you are managing that is one less worry for them.
Glad you felt up to a swim and shop yesterday.
That’s enough cleaning and washing for one day!! Time to do something nice for yourself.
SweetPeaSue- your surgery seem to specialise in being awkward and uncooperative- for the receptionists to be so intimidating for you is unacceptable.
Glad you got out for coffee- yes you are still here and once again demonstrating you are a fighter. Hope the rest of your Sunday is comfortable for you.
Doodle- I too belong to the self analysis gang- always worrying whether I have annoyed or upset people- even sometimes after posting here!
It is amazing how many characteristics we all here share in the way we feel and behave isn’t it.
We got soaked yesterday walking - thought we,d dodge it but didn’t. My shoes were still wet this morning.
Went for coffee and walk with DGD this morning ( dry shoes)- it was sunny but the wind was so cold. I don’t walk fast enough to keep warm any more😩 never mind at least still walking.
Hope you and DH have done something nice today.
Whiff- sorry you are in such pain- hope the meds are managing to keep it bearable. Hope you get the referral soon.
HVDY- how nice to have a surprise meet up with DiL and baby.
She,s going to be a coffee and cake girl in a few years!!
She must look so cute now- nothing so sweet as those first smiles.
What a difficult time your nephew has had - I,m glad they have some help .
Enjoy your naked face day- your DH sounds lovely.!!!

Candy,EllieAnne, Nadateturbe , Allsorts and all who post and read Take carex

Doodle Like you, my husband is my very best friend. I trust him 100%, can depend on him for anything. I hope he thinks the same about me.

SweetpeaSue I'm glad you've got the appointment to discuss ADs brought forward. I think ADs will help you. I hope your other appointments go well, too.

Wyllow3 Cleaning and washing are enough for today. That's about the same as I've done. Is it your tum that's playing up?

Whiff Oh, that's awful for you. I hope your pain eases a bit and allows you to relax.

EllieAnne, ScaredyCat, Candy6, and others - hope you're all ok today.

Both sons, their GFs, and their children are all out together today, at the riverside festival (Nottingham). We were invited to join them, but fancied a day at home - I like to have a couple of days a week without make-up and faffing about with my hair, and only DH sees my naked face x

How to be kind to ourselves and accepting of restrictions and difficulties but keep Love and compassion alive in the ones own world - and in a wider world, that isnt a kind place many times atm -there's the struggle.

Quakers kind: did just over and hours cleaning and washing, and that was enough for one day! Gives me an idea of how long can be on my feet for realistically.

Oh Whiff - poor you, thats really bad! You cope so well with so much. Hugs: I just hope for you it eases in a few days with max meds, but well done to you for asking for referral to the pain clinic.

Morning all. Back later: am going to attend Quakers by Zoom, as TMI matters "down there" are tying me to home currently having had a v bad night

Wyllow glad to see BD continuing. It's wanted as much as ever. In a lot of pain the last 4 days have asked GP for referral to pain clinic the pain has never been this bad and for so long. I am in constant pain and have been all my life but I tolerate the pain with pain killers. When I have what I call a flare. Just take extra one of my pain killers. But having to take extra of both sorts of painkillers I am on. Which I haven't had to do before. I know it will settle back to the level I tolerate then back to my normal dose of pain killers. My electric heating pad helps when I have it on. But I can't wear it 🤣🤣.

Any way glad everyone still has this thread . Take care all. 🌹

Or copy and paste, * Sweetpeasue*

Not a problem people can follow the link above. You were post 1000!
Glad to hear of the 2 week appointment, you might choose to discuss all your meds as in functioning together, and get a letter for GP. Expect the OT will.be a woman?

Night night all.

Oh dear. Just losted on BD 17 as Wyllow post wasnt there before I posted. Not sure if its possible to transfer to here.

this follows last page in BD17
www.gransnet.com/forums/health/1324804-Black-Dog-17?pg=40