Black Dog 19

Doodle Please don't feel you have to reply to us all. You must look after yourself. Hope your DH is getting better.

We used to include the eldest girl - take her out with the girls, buy her birthday and Xmas presents, up until May this year - never got a thank you from her or Mum. She's the way she is because of home life. Our 2 are with Son1, and saying they don't want to go home after school today. He's going to keep them this w/e, at least. The mother has been like this for at least 13 years, which is why he left her (why he chose to have children with her I'll never know but I'm glad he had his lovely girls). The police were often called by neighbours. She calls all 3 "f**king bitches", says she hates them, smashes their things up (including a Mother's Day gift made of glass). She did all this the other night and threw something at the 9 year old, which cut and bruised her foot badly. She does all this when she's had a drink - but often without, too.

Doodle I hope it was a small distraction for you to type out BD posts and didn't use your much needed energy. So pleased/relieved you DH seems better today. You are kind to think of us. Please look after yourself and get plenty of rest tonight. X
Night Wyllow Thankyou for popping in. X

Read and caught up, sending supportive thoughts: still cant "speak out", bests all BD's xx

Dear all. Today at the hospital I spent ages reading back through the thread and wrote a long post. Trouble is I typed it in notes on my phone and I can’t transfer it to my iPad to put copy it to GN. Bear with me I will get one of my sons to help me tomorrow.
In the mean time I’m thinking of you all and especially HVDYs granddaughters and their sibling. The older girl might take after her mum but at 15 if she’s lived with this for years it’s not surprising she may seem a lost cause. Thank goodness your DGDs have their dad and you in their lives. Sounds like the older child has no one in her corner. Hitting the children is awful no excuse for that. I hope SS step in and support them all.
DH much better today. I think we may be getting somewhere at last. Your kind thoughts and prayers are much appreciated.
Hope to post more tomorrow.
I pray for a pain free peaceful night for you all.x

HVDY I so sorry about your GDs circumstances. You must be so worried about them and your son it's no wonder you can't sleep. I remember the eldest girl being so disturbed and running away. They must feel very insecure. Thank goodness your son is a stable influence and yourself too.
V good news about your SIL and the new home. I agree about the 3dy antibiotic course. I believe it's too short with most UTIs.
Nadateturbe I think we all encourage each other dont we. Thankyou for your kind words. I think we all get frustrated and drained when we are faced with pain on a daily basis.
Thankyou Whiff I know you suffer so much.

I' m so sorry to single out certain ones tonight, I'm so tired so just thankyou for everyone's words.
Doodle So wish your DH is continuing to improve and you are managing to look after yourself too.
Wyllow Thinking of you as always.

Love to all BDs and those not mentioned. X

nadateturbe She isn't an alcoholic, she's mentally not normal. She goes from one extreme to the other - smashing things, hitting the girls, to then taking them to McDonald's the next day. The eldest lives with the mum, was thrown out last night, and stayed with a friend. My son hasn't lived with her and his girls for 8 years, as she (mum) was violent, drunk etc with him. Her awful behaviour isn't new. I haven't got a shred of sympathy for her - and she'll lose those children, I hope.

Sorry, no energy left, just answered an important email.
Catch up tomorrow Whiff and Scaredycat.
Doodle thinking of you and your dear husband. I hope you are ok and your husband is a little better. Good advice from Whiff.
Thinking too of EllieAnne, Allsorts, Fishwife, Anne701951, Nanny, Hymnbook and any others reading. Wishing you all a peaceful night.x

HVDY so sad about your GC and their mother. I have a lot of experience of alcoholism and while I feel very sorry for the mother, the girls need someone to love them properly in a stable home. Maybe if the father gets custody this will give the mother the incentive to overcome her addiction. So sad aboutthe eldest girl too. Who does she live with?.
Your day centre visit sounded very interesting today, apart from the tarantula. A welcome break. Another tasty lunch too. My husband would enjoy that.
Your SiL's new home sounds like a good move.

Candy I know absolutely nothing about your problems apart from doing too much, getting exhausted but not being able to slow down. I wonder if a yoga or mindfulness class might help you learn to relax. I find mindfulness very useful.

HVDY just saw your update.

Sorry, I'm catching up a bit from Tuesday.
Sweetpeasue You're not weak at all . There are times when I sit crying alone (don't want to depress my husband) fed up with having so little life. And the way you and others keep going in spite of all your problems really inspires me and motivates me and gives me courage. I think of you with admiration, others too. Never as weak, but as very strong people.
I hope today is a bit better than yesterday for you. Like others, I wish more would be done for you.
HVDY glad you had a lovely day with your little gd. In spite of feeling ill you did so much to entertain her. Sometimes when you're enjoying yourself it helps you forget the pain for a while. I hope the antibiotics help, although I do think 3 days is very short, I've always been given 5-7 days.
I'm sorry about the trouble at your son's house. I'm sure the worry about your GDs ruined your sleep. I hope your son has got it sorted a bit. No wonder you don't feel like going to the centre. I hope you managed ok.

We've got a town centre about a mile away - Aldi, Asda, Lidl and Sainsbury's, as well as cafes, bars, pubs, restaurants, leisure centre, GP surgeries, everything we need. Nottingham city centre is about 9 miles away, but we don't go.

ScaredyCat The girls are 12 and 9 (their sister - different dad - is 15, attempted suicide (was in hospital for a week), and rang away for 3 days recently. She's a lost cause, sadly, as she's now very much like the mother. Her dad dismissed her a few months ago. I held the snakes, rabbit and a Chameleon, but not the spider (I would have done but happened to be out of the room and missed it).

News about SIL - it looks as though she'll be going to a permanent care home, which my brother looked at today. It's got an Activities Coordinator, 2 resident dogs, hair and nail salon, and has a much better CQC rating than the place she's in at the moment. I hope she'll move soon and that it will be good for her.

HVDY- our poor town is like so many others - so many closed down shops and it so sad. So for ‘serious’ shopping we go to a large shopping centre that is very easy to get to.
Your Son has tried his best to keep things on a good basis with his ex but it sounds like she has serious problems that are impacting badly on his girls. Their safety and happiness are paramount so I can understand him considering custody. I can’t remember how old the girls are but as they get older they need guidance and stability- what a sad thing for them all.
Your day centre visit sounds brilliant. I love reptiles but I would not be able to touch the spider - did you? What a nice meal you had too - I,m glad you enjoyed it.

ScaredyCat Do you shop locally, or do you got to a city centre? I haven't been "into town" for years (apart from the occasional time for family birthdays). Son1 has been telling the schools and S.Services about what happened with their (drunk) mother last night. It's happened several times before. He's always tried very hard to maintain a civil relationship with her, but he's now thinking of seeking custody of his 2 girls.

I went to the day centre, and it was very interesting - someone from an animal rescue place brought some animals for us to see and hold - rabbit, Tarantula, various lizards, snakes, that kind of thing. The only one I wasn't interested in was a tortoise. Apart from going to the loo 13 times (!), it was a good day. Honey and mustard chicken with potatoes & veg, then berry crumble and custard. Someone did a talk and slideshow of all the different birds and animals he saw when he went to Costa Rica recently.

How's everyone else's day been?

HVDY- Your little GD sounds a delight to see after- what a shame you didn’t feel so well when she was there. I bet her chubby little chops always cheer you up.
Hope the tablets do the trick for you UTI - it’s awful how we,ve come to dread the weekend if we,re not well.
What a worry for you with your Son1 girls. It must have been so upsetting for them and all of you. Hope he’s getting the help he needs today.
I,m sure your friend wouldn’t mind if you can’t take him today- your health should come first. You really are the most kind and generous person to all in your life.
Hope your DH soon gets his scan.
SweetPeaSue- sorry you had another day of pain- this can’t go on. Hope today is better for youx
Doodle- you and your DH are the only people who matter right now. As long as we just know you,re ok- we care so much about you both.
Glad to hear of a slight improvement and hope it continues today. Take care of yourself - rest when you can and make sure you eat too.xx
Candy- I understand what you mean about being afraid to stop being busy - sometimes that feeling is overwhelming . But being afraid of what might happen spoils such a lot. Sometimes you just need to take a little time out to do the things you enjoy or even just do nothing!
Your problems are important- we all have different ones but none are more important than others.
Hope today you can manage some quiet moments.
Whiff- such sensible advice for Doodle- we all care so much for her don’t we.
Glad your surgery is so on the ball and clued up as to your needs.
The year I started AF I did the same as you and was drinking too much water. The combination of that and one of the meds diluted my electrolytes nearly down to zero and I had 4 days in ITU having almost gone into a coma. All I wanted to eat when I got home was Crisps because of the salt!!
You are so brave about your pain- so many years you have battled on. Much better though to go to your classes and enjoy the company and learning- it’s a different kind of medicine isn’t it.
Wyllow- so glad to see you posts every day- my thoughts are with you.

Did lots of Xmas shopping yesterday with DH- can’t believe how tired it made me. It’s hard mentally to get used to the fact that this is how it is now - but I,m so lucky to be able to do it.
Must take some of my own advice and rest today!!

Hope everyone has as good a DH as possible- EllieAnne,Nadateturbe,Allsorts, Fishwife,Anne701951,Nanny and anyone I have forgotten and those who just read have as good a day as possible

Thank you, SweetpeaSue. I felt really unwell yesterday, but wouldn't ever cancel looking after baby unless I had something contagious, of course. We had a lovely day with her. I really hope today will be better for you. It must all drive you mad and make you feel so low.

Doodle I'm glad your husband is showing some signs of improvement. Your priority is him, but please make sure you're looking after yourself as well. We all want your husband to get better, and we all want you to take care of yourself too.

nadateturbe Hope you had a good rest last night.

Candy6 It sounds as though you often overdo things. Make time to rest and relax when you can.

Whiff Thank you. I've had UTIs before, and felt quite ill with them at times. I'm on Nitrofurantoin this time, but only for 3 days. In the past, 3 days of tablets has never been enough and I've had to ask for another course. I hope this won't be the same, because of course, the weekend is coming up and the surgery will be closed.

I've been up since 5.30, had a horrible night. Worried about Son1's 2 girls - a lot happened at their home last night and he ended up fetching them at 10.30 and taking them back to his place. He's ringing S. Services and the schools today.

I don't feel like going to the day centre but I give a lift to a man there and don't want to let him down. Hope ALL BDers manage to have a decent day x

Doodle your priority is your husband and looking after yourself. Everyone here cares about eachother therefore as long as you just let us know you are ok like Wyllow does . Just a sentence is enough. I hope you are looking after yourself as it's to easy not to and you must eat healthy food. You need to keep your strength up plus you are still recovering yourself. I know you won't feel like cooking but could someone in your family batch cook you a healthy stew which can be spilt into portions just to be reheated. It's to easy to go without or just eat a bowl of cereal or piece of toast. Keep hydrated especially if you are spending hours at the hospital because they are so hot you need the extra fluids. I know sleeping may be hard no matter how exhausted you are but try and nap when you can .

Hopefully you will see an improvement each day in your darling husband and it will help you healthwise.

HVDY glad you will be on the right antibiotics for your UTI as they can easier turn into a kidney infection. I had a few years back 8 months of recurring UTIs and kidney infections. Had 16 courses of antibiotics. As with me nothing is simple as dip tests never showed an infection only blood tests . But I always knew when I had one . Saw an urologist the appointment took a year to come through after the last UTI but it would have been flagged as urgent if I had another one. The urologist thought I just had an infection that took a long time to go. And internal and ultra sound on a full bladder and empty showed my bladder and kidneys where find. Had UTI earlier in the year but just phoned GP and told the receptionist I had one and asked for antibiotics which my GP prescribed and sent to the pharmacy for me. That's the great thing about my surgery they know what I am talking about and let me have the treatment I need.

Cultures done on me found only 2 antibiotics work for me and it has to be 5-7 day course.

I did a very silly thing when I had so many I upped me fluid intact from 8-10 drinks a day to 12-14 . After bloods my GP told me to stick to 8-10 drinks as I had diluted my sodium levels and folic acid levels to much. Had to have 3 month course of folic acid tablets. So since then I have folic acid tablet everyday and put salt in my stews and soups when cooking them .

Sweetpeasue being in constant pain is draining and it takes over your life. I hate it when pain stops me doing what I want . But no matter how much pain I am in I still go to my sit fit class and craft group. As they are very important to me and I always feel better going. Because I have been in pain since a young child it's just become part of me . But to have pain thrust on you that lasts for years is far worse. Pain killers can only do so much . I remember our McMillan nurse saying the only dose that would stop my husband's pain would be a dose that would kill him.

Pain is physically and mentally exhausting. It annoys the hell out of me. Especially as somethings I could do with ease last year I can no longer do or do with a struggle. Bugs the hell out of me. You probably feel the same.

Candy no one's pain physical or mental is worse than anyone else's as it's unique to you. And how it makes you feel and impacts on your life. We are all different and how we cope is different. But here I have found support, understanding and most important of all friendship here even though when I first wrote it was trivial compared to what others are going through. But I was welcomed .

This is a safe place to be and inspiring how others cope .

Ellie Anne I wish you had a happy home life. I understand why you can't leave and get a home of your own unfortunately but it's what you really need. You need a new happy life. And feel sure your health would improve if you could.

Sorry couldn't write to everyone but I read your posts everyday . And I know I have said it before but all of you show how strong you are ever if you feel you aren't but I can see it as you battle on no matter what life throws at you.

Night night all BD's xx

Hello all, not been in for a while, been exhausted. My busy life as usual. I feel I must do something to help myself soon but I feel I’m in a vicious circle. When my MH was really bad I just had to keep really busy all the time to distract myself and I just can’t get out of it. I suppose I’m afraid to in case it all comes back. My problems though are nothing compared to what some of you are going through and I will get it sorted at some point I know. I’ve read and caught up and wishing you all well. Special thoughts to Doodle. I hope your DH is still getting all the care he needs - it’s always a bit more sketchy at weekends from my experience. Special thoughts to you ❤️. Love to Wyllow and to Sweetpeasue - I’m sorry your pain can’t seem to get sorted. I wish there was something I could suggest, I really do. Thinking too of Ellie Anne and your home situation. Again, I wish there was something helpful I could suggest. Love to everyone else of course and hoping everyone has the best night possible. Had a short rest today but done in now. Night night all xx

Just a short post as I have been out tonight. Have read your posts HVDY and Sweetpeasue and will talk tomorrow.
This thread is so helpful and encouraging for me. I am really grateful.

Doodle Just wanted to reiterate what Sweetpeasue said. For now you must think of yourself and your husband. No one would want you to do anything else. Just let us know how you are. I am so glad your husband is a little bitç better today. Take care of yourself, love xx

Doodle Please dont think that way-you need to be with your husband and to look after yourself in mind and body, you must be exhausted.
We just want your DH to get well and to come home. I'm so glad to hear he's a little better and more comfortable. Wishing you a good night's rest and a peaceful sleep. Love. X

Dear BD I feel I’m neglecting you all but I’m so tired when I get home I don’t have the energy to post much. That doesn’t mean I’m not thinking about you.
A better day for DH today. Not so much pain and more lucid. Heart working better too.
Take care all and be back soon x

HVDY So pleased youve had a nice day with your little baby GD. Sure she loved her toys and she sounds very contented after the walk bless her.
Thank goodness you now have antibiotics. Hope its not been too painful for you, UTIs absolutely cripple me. I'm sorry your DH has another thing to deal with. I hope it won't be too long for his scan.
Doodle Thinking of you and hoping your DH has made some progress. As always, do take care of yourself as much as you can. x

Another bad day painwise and feeling very emotional and tired so I'd be best coming in tomorrow.
So hoping all are ok and youve all had a reasonable day. Love to all.

How has everyone been today? Especially Doodle , Wyllow3 and Sweetpea

Bbay arrived at 9, we played with her (I bought her a lot of new toys recently), fed and changed her, took her out for a walk, and she's nicely asleep (DIL will be here very soon to collect her).

GP rang me - the culture thing of the urine sample has come back, so now they know what UTI bacteria I've got, they can prescribe the correct antibiotic (I'm allergic to Penicillin), so DH will collect that shortly.

Hope everyone is ok. x